I need to know if I can recover or forgive myself

[Imsolost]

So we have been Ddlg for about 6 months. Talking about moving in together. I was visiting her for a few nights before I went on a business trip. I decided to stay one extra night. Now wishing I wouldn't have. I'm 22m she is 24. We were drinking. I had a little more then I should have. I am also T1 diabetic. She was sipping on a drink. I was encouraging her to have some more. So this is what I remember. I was giving her a maintenance spanking before I left. I remember having some sex and the last thing I remember is me going to Check my blood sugar cause I knew it was low. It was 30. It was dark. She was upset briefly showed me a bruise and went to bed. She was clearly upset in the morning. She later sent a pic of what I had done to her. She had a pretty big bruise. I had a "blackout". I do not remember ANYTHING except what I mentioned. Yes. I will take blame. It happened. I did it. She says she doesn't think she will ever trust me again. I am distraught. I would never do that to ANYONE. And even if she does forgive me. I don't think I can forgive myself. I don't even remember it. I really think it had something to do with my blood sugar level but she just says I'm using it as an excuse. I had a 32 hour drive by myself to think about this. My depression is through the floor. Even if she forgives me I don't think I will be able to forgive myself. I don't see a way out at this point ): I am tearing myself apart inside. I just want her back. Right now. I don't understand why I would even have a motive unless I was stuck in character and something weird. I don't know and I don't remember. If anyone can help or was in a similar situation I need your help. I haven't eaten for two days. That about where I'm at. I just need opinions and different views. I'm stuck in a tiny little box.

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

Explain to her that alcohol turns into sugar in the blood system, as a diabetic it can effect you a lot more and honestly this is something you can get past so long as she can understand how it works. I do recommend you stop drinking. Not so much a stickler, but it's not good for you and the little might appreciate the sacrifice and be willing to forgive you. You need to keep your health up. It's important you stay alive, you can make up for mistakes, but really she should have done something that would have made you stop. This is also an example of why you shouldn't do any kind of scene while under the influence and why safe words should be mandatory in sexual relationships.

[Nice_Daddy]

My first piece of advice for you and everyone else is to never have impact play while under the influence.  It is just to easy to hurt someone, as you have found out.  Hopefully this will help others avoid this mistake also.

 

Secondly remember that we are all human and prone to mistakes.  Time can heal a lot of wounds and you can regain someone's trust with hard work and effort.  Take baby steps.  Keep open and honest communication open with her.

 

Practice your safe words.  An easy set is RED ... meaning stop everything NOW.   YELLOW which she would say if you were getting close to her limits.  And GREEN to let you know that the current level is fine, keep going, and maybe test a little rougher.

 

You can get thru this.  Don't think about your feelings ... focus on hers.  Push to make her happy and to get her to feel safe again.  Make her your priority.  This will get you out of your own thoughts and keep you from drowning in them and will also show her how much you truly care about her.

 

I wish you both all the luck in the world.

[Imsolost]

I have already made the decision to stop drinking. However I have not been good at focusing on her. She told me yesterday it's all about me and I'm acting like the victim. I realized that. But putting me in a car for that long was torture. I over think things. But I realize I need to focus on her feelings. I drove all the way back last night. She is letting me stay with her she just doesn't want to be touched. She said she was actually scared of me. That absolutely killed me to hear.

[Komorebi]

I have already made the decision to stop drinking. However I have not been good at focusing on her. She told me yesterday it's all about me and I'm acting like the victim. I realized that. But putting me in a car for that long was torture. I over think things. But I realize I need to focus on her feelings. I drove all the way back last night. She is letting me stay with her she just doesn't want to be touched. She said she was actually scared of me. That absolutely killed me to hear.

" I have not been good at focusing on her. She told me yesterday it's all about me and I'm acting like the victim." there is the problem right there. This might sound harsh but your feelings are irrelevant, You are the one that screwed up and frightened her. It is her pain and her feelings that matter here and nothing else.

 

admit that you where wrong to have drunk as much as you did and that regardless of how intoxicated you where it was wrong to (insert everything you did wrong) and that you will never drink again, than ask her how you can make things right. 

[littlelili]

My first piece of advice for you and everyone else is to never have impact play while under the influence.  It is just to easy to hurt someone, as you have found out.  Hopefully this will help others avoid this mistake also.

 

Secondly remember that we are all human and prone to mistakes.  Time can heal a lot of wounds and you can regain someone's trust with hard work and effort.  Take baby steps.  Keep open and honest communication open with her.

 

Practice your safe words.  An easy set is RED ... meaning stop everything NOW.   YELLOW which she would say if you were getting close to her limits.  And GREEN to let you know that the current level is fine, keep going, and maybe test a little rougher.

 

You can get thru this.  Don't think about your feelings ... focus on hers.  Push to make her happy and to get her to feel safe again.  Make her your priority.  This will get you out of your own thoughts and keep you from drowning in them and will also show her how much you truly care about her.

 

I wish you both all the luck in the world.

This is actually good good advice. I agree with nice daddy.

Give your best!!! try to mend things and don't expect this to resolve quickly. 

hugs.

[Harley_Quinn]

My daddy is diabetic and he blacks out when his sugar is lower than 40. I'm sure she'll understand if you explain to her what happened

[Trixie]

communication, forgiveness, and a willingness to move forward.... Sounds like a plan.