Drama from being in a relationship with a big age gap...add a ddlg dynamic

[Guest PrincessCrown]

So I have been on and off with a DD who is older than me. Our problem has been dealing with personal family issues over the age gap between us. More for me than him, I have surprised my family by being with him because they don't agree with the huge age difference between us. I feel like, our situation has gotten even more complicated. For a time we were together with everyone knowing but then split up due to major uncertainty. I was doing my best to try and move on from him, as I don't have much experience dating other people let alone specifically DD's... but of course now that we have seen each other with everyone thinking we aren't even contacting one another --I have gotten into a very difficult situation.

 

For me, my family doesn't understand that I will most likely continue being with those older than me because I can have fruitful conversations with them than I can with my own generation. My family doesn't realize that they would have no problem with him if he was only younger...I would have the freedom to date him and figure things out on my own without their input.. More so, I am a young woman who can rationally make these decisions for myself and personally does not feel or see a problem with dating whomever I would like to date, especially the DD of my choice. Just adding in my needs for a DDLG type dynamic, makes this more of importance to think over. 

 

I feel like we haven't been given enough time to figure out if we would work out or not, or at least see if we can compromise on things like most people have the freedom to do. It's a hard situation for me because my heart has no clear answer nor my head, and when we work well together we create really sweet memories for me to hold that I know fit some of both of our needs. I just am not sure if we are worth fighting for again or if I should just drop it completely and never know for myself just for the sake of not losing family members over a man. Anyways, any comforting advise or suggestions with dealing with this would help. I guess I just feel who better to vent to than the community itself! I haven't gotten too deep into explaining the ddlg dynamic I have with him, firstly because we still have yet to see how bonded we actually could be in that way and because anyone apart of that dynamic knows it only makes this situation even more of a challenge for those involved. Idk...there it is 

[PeachyPantsu]

I think family is more important than a relationship-- however your family would love you no matter your choices in life. If you really like being with this man then I think you should take a chance. You'll feel satisfied with yourself at the end of the day because you gained experience and you'll know you've given it your best shot even if it doesn't work out. And if it does, EVEN BETTER! If you're kind of at a young adult age, I can understand your parents worrying. It's hard to adjust from your child being a teenager to an adult. Mine had terrible issues with it. You just have to remind them that you're an adult now and hold your ground. And if that's not the case, then you should still hold your ground if you want this. Parents always think they know what's best for you but sometimes they do that so much they tend to suffocate you. You have to live life and experience things on your own. I hope this helped sort of. I think I ended up rambling..

[Guest PrincessCrown]

Thank you for your input. It means the world to me.

[Guest BugBug]

Out of interest what was the age gap?

[Johnny Hammersticks]

[Guest algernon]

Out of interest what was the age gap?

I am interested in this as well. The size of that gap can make a big difference, and those differences are more pronounced the younger you are.

 

While you're an adult and can do what you want, I do suggest spending some more time with people closer to your age (at least depending on the size of that aforementioned gap). I'm not one to tell you you can't be an experienced and wise 18-year-old, but there is still much to be learned about the world - and even yourself. If you feel you connect better with someone who seems more mature or seasoned, seek out those among your peer group who share those qualities (and don't be so narcissistic as to think you're the only one ). When you've had some more time in the "real world" to learn and grow, not only will your relationships be better and you'll know more of what you do and don't want, but that age gap won't be so big anymore (unless you move on to great-grandpas).

 

You're free to make your own decisions, but it doesn't hurt to take your time and broaden your mind first.

[Guest PrincessCrown]

Out of interest what was the age gap?

I'm sorry I am not comfortable mentioning the gap, as I would like to keep it out of the eyes of those who might judge.

[Guest PrincessCrown]

I am interested in this as well. The size of that gap can make a big difference, and those differences are more pronounced the younger you are.

 

While you're an adult and can do what you want, I do suggest spending some more time with people closer to your age (at least depending on the size of that aforementioned gap). I'm not one to tell you you can't be an experienced and wise 18-year-old, but there is still much to be learned about the world - and even yourself. If you feel you connect better with someone who seems more mature or seasoned, seek out those among your peer group who share those qualities (and don't be so narcissistic as to think you're the only one ). When you've had some more time in the "real world" to learn and grow, not only will your relationships be better and you'll know more of what you do and don't want, but that age gap won't be so big anymore (unless you move on to great-grandpas).

 

You're free to make your own decisions, but it doesn't hurt to take your time and broaden your mind first.

Thank you for sharing your opinion. But I feel like the advise of dating people my age disregards my needs and the point that sometimes you don't get to choose who you gain feelings for. I don't mind what looks or age are when I am interested in someone, but dealing with the struggles with others the relationship brings is a little hard to deal with. I think what keeps me from being completely strong in my stance for him is that there have been times where he hasn't stepped up to the plate more for me and shown my family that. 

[Guest PrincessCrown]

I feel your pain, Princess Crown. Im in a relationship with my little with a huge age gap between us. We connect so incredibly well, but at times it has caused some problems for both of us. We are so dedicated to each other,within our relationship we are incredibly alike and secure, but on the outside, to others and the way they percieve us as a couple, sometimes gets to me. Me personally, im a pretty strong confident person who dosent much care what others think, i follow my heart, and always have. On the other hand, i have to admit it does bug me when others place judgement on us as a couple.

 

While this causes a slight level of insecurity on my end, the love i have for her far outweighs that and i will stand by her side as long as she wants me. Cos she truly is my Baby Pwincess.

 

I dont know if this helps you or anyone, but thanks for starting this thread for those of us in similar situations a place to vent.

Thank you so much for replying. I understand the bonding is what helps keep you guys intact, and the outside viewpoints of the relationship are so often uncalled for. But if it's worth the love then any sacrifice is necessary I feel. It's only I believe my problem here is I have recognized that I am not in love with him yet, and to  not help, we haven't had the time to discover each other completely to find out if a relationship would be worth going for again when family weighs in with there opinions. It makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells at times. Anyways, wish you guys the best

[LoralieHaze]

I think what keeps me from being completely strong in my stance for him is that there have been times where he hasn't stepped up to the plate more for me and shown my family that. 

 

I don't know you so I can't fairly judge whether or not you can or can't handle being in a relationship with a large age gap. Like you, I prefer older men (my first daddy was almost 40 years older than me) and I know a lot of people will judge and side-eye me because of that but like I've said before on here, your own happiness is more important than other people's opinions of your choices. I'm not going to force myself to be interested in guys my own age just so that people will accept me.

 

I'm sure you know this already but it bears repeating that not every older man is someone who would be a good daddy, or even a good person. Also, just because someone is older, that doesn't automatically make them wiser.

 

From what you've told us, I'm less concerned about your preparedness than I am about this guy you've been seeing. It worries me that you said he hasn't stepped up to the plate for you. Could you give examples, or is that too personal? I totally believe that age gap relationships can and do work but I'm questioning whether this particular guy is worthy of your efforts. For example, why have you two been seeing each other on and off? If it's because of your own doubts, that means one of two things to me: either you're not confident enough in your feelings for him to let things progress more, or your gut is telling to to end it. If it's the former, then I suggest you keep trying. If its the latter, you need to listen to your instincts because they're usually right. If you keep breaking up and getting back together because of something he's doing, that's a bad sign as well and could mean that he sees this more as a game, or as a experiment to be with someone much younger.

 

You can PM me if you want to talk more in depth about this. I won't judge you. I know you get enough of that from other people.

[Guest BugBug]

Thats ok if you dont want to share the info publically. I just cant really help without facts.

I have hardly every dated my own age. And thats kind of the point of ddlg isnt it...that one person is the authoritive older daddy and one the little.

I do understand its hard to get on with your own peer group for some people. But it does make me question a few things if you dont feel you can actually tell people who are in the lifestyle what the age gap is because no one would on here would probably judge and so what if they do.

Im not sure the in and outs of your situation and clearly your guarded about it and maybe theres a good reason but if you want to ask someone whos been in the lifestyle sometime and had age gap relationships get in touch.

[Guest PrincessCrown]

Thats ok if you dont want to share the info publically. I just cant really help without facts.

I have hardly every dated my own age. And thats kind of the point of ddlg isnt it...that one person is the authoritive older daddy and one the little.

I do understand its hard to get on with your own peer group for some people. But it does make me question a few things if you dont feel you can actually tell people who are in the lifestyle what the age gap is because no one would on here would probably judge and so what if they do.

Im not sure the in and outs of your situation and clearly your guarded about it and maybe theres a good reason but if you want to ask someone whos been in the lifestyle sometime and had age gap relationships get in touch.

I don't mind telling privately. I more so mind sharing here where people can comment inappropriately because no-matter what community we are talking about--there are those people. I am very thankful for the opinions here though.

[Guest PrincessCrown]

I don't know you so I can't fairly judge whether or not you can or can't handle being in a relationship with a large age gap. Like you, I prefer older men (my first daddy was almost 40 years older than me) and I know a lot of people will judge and side-eye me because of that but like I've said before on here, your own happiness is more important than other people's opinions of your choices. I'm not going to force myself to be interested in guys my own age just so that people will accept me.

 

I'm sure you know this already but it bears repeating that not every older man is someone who would be a good daddy, or even a good person. Also, just because someone is older, that doesn't automatically make them wiser.

 

From what you've told us, I'm less concerned about your preparedness than I am about this guy you've been seeing. It worries me that you said he hasn't stepped up to the plate for you. Could you give examples, or is that too personal? I totally believe that age gap relationships can and do work but I'm questioning whether this particular guy is worthy of your efforts. For example, why have you two been seeing each other on and off? If it's because of your own doubts, that means one of two things to me: either you're not confident enough in your feelings for him to let things progress more, or your gut is telling to to end it. If it's the former, then I suggest you keep trying. If its the latter, you need to listen to your instincts because they're usually right. If you keep breaking up and getting back together because of something he's doing, that's a bad sign as well and could mean that he sees this more as a game, or as a experiment to be with someone much younger.

 

You can PM me if you want to talk more in depth about this. I won't judge you. I know you get enough of that from other people.

Besides the age gap, I dont mind sharing at all. I have realized I dont love him, but do have a little bit of feelings for him. I enjoy his company and can recognize how he can be there for me but on a basic level. I guess I really wanted to know what other's in the community thought on this topic, or could give some advise about dating in ddlg when it comes to these kind of opsticles. For those times, in the beginning I feel the age difference might have taken him back a bit because he didn't really think about how his family would re-act or mine. That's one reason why it has been rocky. My family is completely against him, and his cant really do anything but disapprove with it. I felt like because of this--we could not properly grow in our relationship or learn about each-other like we want to and fear getting confident about it...I would explain some of the situations of it, but in least words I will say that it is opinions of family that have really torn us apart, yet we keep getting caught up again. I am doing my best to not get defensive over the whole situation, but at this point in time I am truly exhausted meeting other so called daddies as he is meeting other so called little's when we just kind of fit right now in our lives. The other reason for the on and off is, our schedules were not in tune with each-others which would be completely fine if he wasn't too exhausted to go out and do things with me. We get along greatly, intimately and playfully--yet he doesn't seem to have enough of a drive with everything going on in his life...just seems like I will have to let this one go soon. It only make me sad because no-matter how hard we try or like each-other, it's just not quite all there. I fear the loneliness, and trouble of connecting with someone else keep's him from moving on as well which keeps me from wanting to gain more experience. It just makes me feel like, if we didn't have family get in the way, if we would have had a chance and confidence to grow... but now I cant decide if seeing him again is worth it on the both of us emotionally. I dunno, I feel really bad because I should not have made a topic if the situation had seemed more complicated due to my struggle of wording it all right.

[Guest PrincessCrown]

Thank you guys so much for your comments.

[Guest algernon]

Thank you for sharing your opinion. But I feel like the advise of dating people my age disregards my needs and the point that sometimes you don't get to choose who you gain feelings for. I don't mind what looks or age are when I am interested in someone, but dealing with the struggles with others the relationship brings is a little hard to deal with. I think what keeps me from being completely strong in my stance for him is that there have been times where he hasn't stepped up to the plate more for me and shown my family that.

 

Perhaps I did not explain things very well. Part of the reason to do some more "regular" friendship and relationship stuff right now is because you don't fully know what your needs are right now anyway, (including every difference between a "want" and a "need", and the full list of places and people where you can find what really matters most). Now that's not an insult - we're all are constantly evolving and "learning", for better or worse, until the day we die - there's no one on this forum who has it all figured out.

 

I don't pretend to know you or your life better than you do, but I can speak on universal truths and say that no one "needs" a little or a daddy or even a relationship at all, and additionally that a broader experience allows for more options when it comes to perspective and wisdom that have a way of clarifying and simplifying all the complex issues that serious relationships bring, something for which one can be quite grateful when searching for insights on how to deal with those situations.

 

In any case, I wish you the best. No one or their partner is perfect, but we all deserve someone who proactively puts energy into the relationship.

Edited June 14, 2016 by algernon

[Guest PrincessCrown]

Perhaps I did not explain things very well. Part of the reason to do some more "regular" friendship and relationship stuff right now is because you don't fully know what your needs are right now anyway, (including every difference between a "want" and a "need", and the full list of places and people where you can find what really matters most). Now that's not an insult - we're all are constantly evolving and "learning", for better or worse, until the day we die - there's no one on this forum who has it all figured out.

 

I don't pretend to know you or your life better than you do, but I can speak on universal truths and say that no one "needs" a little or a daddy or even a relationship at all, and additionally that a broader experience allows for more options when it comes to perspective and wisdom that have a way of clarifying and simplifying all the complex issues that serious relationships bring, something for which one can be quite grateful when searching for insights on how to deal with those situations.

 

In any case, I wish you the best. No one or their partner is perfect, but we all deserve someone who proactively outs energy into the relationship.

Thank you for your words. 

[Guest algernon]

Thank you for your words.

 

My pleasure. Let us know how things turn out.