Question about LDRs

[Guest Bam Bam]

First off I would like to say I don't mind doing a LDR as long as we are both committed to the relationship. One of my biggest concerns is that one of the people in the relationship aren't being faithful. I'm a generous person when it comes to life, and I'm afraid that I might be getting used by somebody. How can I tell if my partner isn't catfishing me?

[kissingkitten]

Thats a hard question. Be sides communicating up front that you want and expect fidelity the only other thing i can suggest is to go slow. People who aren't serious will probably not be patient enough to take time to build a solid trusting relationship. Being a daddy isn't like being an easily replacable boyfriend. Its not just hormones and sexy stuff. In my limited Dd/lg experience there is a bond that must be built before you know solidly inside yourself that that person is "yours". Even then, for me as a girl, i still get doubts and ask for assurance. People who aren't being honest are sometimes vague and evasive. This probably applies to not just LDR but i hope it helps.

[Guest Bam Bam]

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I should start by just trusting people more and letting them know what i want from the relationship.

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

General avoidance of video and or voice call is a huge red flag, especially if you know they have a smart phone. Get to know a person before deciding to go into an LDR just to make sure they aren't fake. Ldrs require a lot of trust and communication.

[Guest Bam Bam]

Thanks for the feedback, I've only had one LDR and she ended up cheating on me. It's life but it turned me away from being in LDR. 

[Princess-P]

Its extremely easy to manipulate people, especially at a distance, which is unfortunant for actual caring people who get taken advantage of. If you don't care at all about the person your doing it to its even easier. I know because this is how I made enough money to pay for university with out a single loan and had a car and an off campus apartment. I bartended and night after night same guys kept shoving money at me because I'd say just The right thing to keep them coming back, meanwhile I never once gave them what they were expecting. While this plays on sex rather than feelings its still manipulative. Do I feel guilty? No. Why? Because I didn't care. Also I was young but honestly if you think you can buy your way into someone's pants you kinda deserve it.

 

Its not always easy to tell when your being manipulated however, especially if your not face to face. A few things I would do is change the subject a lot so that it would seem like they are getting a lot out of me but really it was very minimal information about a lot of topics. I also never gave out my cell phone number, claiming to have no "minutes". I'd do a lot of agreeing with them, ego boosts, and flirting. Even if it was something so simple as remembering their favorite sports team I'd turn the game on when I saw them come in and make a big deal out of it, meanwhile I didn't even remember their name.

 

If someone is playing on your feelings however they may give you multiple sob stories. Maybe they talk about how hard things are for them. Maybe they disappear for periods of time and then claim that they were too upset over something to be online. If you try to really think about how much you know about them and it doesn't measure up to much/ is just superficial things... Or if its all negative things in their life then that's a red flag. Also no cam/ voice chats is also a red flag, pictures are easily stolen.

 

Take things slowly in long distance, usually someone looking to take advantage of you won't stick around for the getting to know you process, or will try to speed things up by using nicknames, telling you they feel so comfortable with you without getting to know you, or that they feel such a strong connection... But its been like 3 days. And sex... Let's not forget that. While feelings are great, both men and women will try to use sex to manipulate. So if its only been a day or two and your getting nudes or the subject changes to sex when you try to question them, or maybe they are using you for sexy time and say things like "if you cared you would" then your probably getting used.

 

Oh another thing to watch for is if they question you a lot. Like if you miss a call and they question you about it or accuse you of things... Guilty minds always snap at tiny things like that.

[Guest Bam Bam]

Thanks for the awesome feed back Princess-P.