Confused

[A&Ω]

I am new to this lifestyle and am perplexed. I am a strong dominate type but my definition of how I nurture and lead is to bring her up to also cherish her in a way that she can feel great about herself.

 

From my research and interactions on forums is that there is some usually deep seeded psychological problems. While I accept her with her intricacies, I'm a bit put off by the plethora of insecurities.

 

I've read about rules and different kinks. I'm more than fine with exploration and adventure. I've read about bathroom restraint and that boggles my mind. I'm not judging. I'm trying to find my way.

 

I have been talking with someone in a forum on the Web and when we got to discussing a strong man, it seems she wants to be dominated in every manner. My definition of a strong man is to provide strength to others but also help them dicover and nurture the strength within.

 

I am really attracted to the DDlg and the roles but I'm finding it hard to break a person down. I don't want my significant other to stay down, but be comfortable in herself where she is a strong woman but likes to be in the role. It actually hurts me (because is see my daughter in some of these girls) to see such insecurities.

 

I am looking for a strong, submissive woman. A woman that is sure in herself yet will trust in her man to lead the family (relationship) and enjoy the role of submissive partner. Submission to me is earned through trust. A strong man is a man who leads and makes leaders of those he leads. A strong man never has to lay hands on his woman. She respect him for his pure intentions and his compassion.

 

Is there a genre for this? I'm trying to find my way.

 

Thank you.

Edited May 14, 2016 by A&Ω

[Gregisthedaddy]

I am new to this lifestyle and am perplexed. I am a strong dominate type but my definition of how I nurture and lead is to bring her up to also cherish her in a way that she can feel great about herself.

 

From my research and interactions on forums is that there is some usually deep seeded psychological problems. While I accept her with her intricacies, I'm a bit put off by the plethora of insecurities.

 

I've read about rules and different kinks. I'm more than fine with exploration and adventure. I've read about bathroom restraint and that boggles my mind. I'm not judging. I'm trying to find my way.

 

I have been talking with someone in a forum on the Web and when we got to discussing a strong man, it seems she wants to be dominated in every manner. My definition of a strong man is to provide strength to others but also help them dicover and nurture the strength within.

 

I am really attracted to the DDlg and the roles but I'm finding it hard to break a person down. I don't want my significant other to stay down, but be comfortable in herself where she is a strong woman but likes to be in the role. It actually hurts me (because is see my daughter in some of these girls) to see such insecurities.

 

I am looking for a strong, submissive woman. A woman that is sure in herself yet will trust in her man to lead the family (relationship) and enjoy the role of submissive partner. Submission to me is earned through trust. A strong man is a man who leads and makes leaders of those he leads. A strong man never has to lay hands on his woman. She respect him for his pure intentions and his compassion.

 

Is there a genre for this? I'm trying to find my way.

 

Thank you.

You will have a long search haha. There are a plethora of kinks and preferences men and women have. DDLG is more of an umbrella term, I've met a ton of women that said what they thought I wanted to hear. Just be careful. Think of DDLG as being straight. Just because your'e straight doesn't mean you'll click with every straight girl. 

 

I'm not into bathroom control either. To each his own.

[StarEyed]

What you're describing to me sound more like a "Taken in Hand" sort of relationship or a "50s lifestyle". Maybe you could incorporate DD/lg with the taken in hand ideals. Nothing says you can't. I wish you lots of luck =) 

[A&Ω]

Taken in hand? 50s lifestyle? I'll investigate.

 

Thank you.

[Guest MontBlanc]

I can relate so much to this OP.  I have been here a few weeks and have had a very similar experience.  To the point that I am not sure if 'DDLG' is right for me - but i think it is a broad church - and I am sure there are people who are after what you are offering on here.  Every one has insecurities but the idea of feeding off someone else's insecurities to fulfill a 'DD' fantasy is incredibly off putting and perhaps not healthy for the one who has the insecurities.  I am of the belief that people need to face their challenge/insecurities with support NOT rely on another to completely offload their problems - it just does not work like that.

 

I have an open mind - but there are many aspects of the lifestyle that i have learnt on here that has my head scratching too.    This post was a breath of fresh air for me!!!  

Edited May 14, 2016 by MontBlanc

[A&Ω]

I can relate so much to this OP. I have been here a few weeks and have had a very similar experience. To the point that I am not sure if 'DDLG' is right for me - but i think it is a broad church - and I am sure there are people who are after what you are offering on here. Every one has insecurities but the idea of feeding off someone else's insecurities to fulfill a 'DD' fantasy is incredibly off putting and perhaps not healthy for the one who has the insecurities. I am of the belief that people need to face their challenge/insecurities with support NOT rely on another to completely offload their problems - it just does not work like that.

 

I have an open mind - but there are many aspects of the lifestyle that i have learnt on here that has my head scratching too. This post was a breath of fresh air for me!!!

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I started to read more about taken in hand and 50s lifestyle but haven't a vibrant community as of yet. I'll let you know Monte Blanc. Ps I have 3 of them. Best. Writing. Utensils. Ever.

 

Edit:I'll busted out on my dcd. (Double comma deals)

Edited May 14, 2016 by A&Ω

[LolitasDaddy]

It's seems to me that you are getting hung up on labels, and trying to fit a set of rules. The beauty of this lifestyle is it can be, and incorporate anything you wish. My advice is to keep an open mind, and try a lot of stuff. There is nothing about the lifestyle that says the girl needs to be "stay down". There are plenty of caregivers who absolutely want their littles to grow, and become more comfortable with who they are.

[Guest Little Sweetie]

I feel similarly.  I have been reading different things on the forums and thought maybe I don't belong here either.  But, I think there are many variations within this type of lifestyle.  I would prefer what you say, a Daddy who builds me up and gives me confidence.   I think we all come with insecurities, but working through insecurities and overcoming them is always my goal in personal development.  For me, I would like a nurturing Daddy to love and please, who will encourage me, guide me and help me make decisions when I can't, who will help get me through the adult and scary things in life.  And in intimate moments, he would guide me and teach me.  I guess my version of DDLG is pretty vanilla, although I do like spankings occasionally and little girl things, like pullups and sucking my thumb sometimes.  I like the idea of cuddling with my Daddy and putting my head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat.  I'm thinking that there is a range of what people like here on this website and it's a matter of finding somebody who would be a good match. 

[A&Ω]

I feel similarly. I have been reading different things on the forums and thought maybe I don't belong here either. But, I think there are many variations within this type of lifestyle. I would prefer what you say, a Daddy who builds me up and gives me confidence. I think we all come with insecurities, but working through insecurities and overcoming them is always my goal in personal development. For me, I would like a nurturing Daddy to love and please, who will encourage me, guide me and help me make decisions when I can't, who will help get me through the adult and scary things in life. And in intimate moments, he would guide me and teach me. I guess my version of DDLG is pretty vanilla, although I do like spankings occasionally and little girl things, like pullups and sucking my thumb sometimes. I like the idea of cuddling with my Daddy and putting my head on his chest and hearing his heartbeat. I'm thinking that there is a range of what people like here on this website and it's a matter of finding somebody who would be a good match.

I don't mind the kink at all. It's fun. It's the broken little girl syndrome I have the problem with. If you're a strong woman with little tendencies, I can support that.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Deep caring, constant positive reenforcement and showing interest in the important thing go a long way. Something as simple as a healthy eating rule shows you care. Always asking if she had her fruits and veggies, every single day, and all day mean alot. im using that as an example because its what works for me and my little, but yours is different.

 

Whatever is important to her, the type of care that makes her feel loved,and is best for her, you should know, and always be attentive to. As time goes on, sticking by the important, caring issues, should build alot of trust and closeness, and if she is a broken girl, deep caring can repair that.

[StarEyed]

DD/lg is considered a fetish and thus placed in with the BDSM label. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you HAVE to be interested in BDSM or other fetish activities to enjoy the idea of being a Caregiver or a little. And I agree that people (myself included) get so wrapped up in labels. You can be and do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt yourself or others. If you want to have the strong woman who enjoys being dominated in the home and other occasions then that is totally a possibility. I feel like with the right person anything can happen. You really just have to wait for the right person. And I'm not so sure about the "broken little girl syndrome". A lot of people in the CG/l dynamic do come here based off of past abuse. (I'm not saying all littles were abused kids) But how the little deals with those experiences and their maturity about everything is how you get overly insecure and "broken little girls" aka the ones that complain a lot or are overly dramatic. But it is more case by case instead of a blanket idea. And I'm not trying to down people that are overly sensitive to problems. It just means that you need someone patient and someone that is willing to stick it out with you.

 

(lol I'm hoping this comes across how I meant it to... I haven't had much sleep.)

[Guest buddhagirl]

I don't mind the kink at all. It's fun. It's the broken little girl syndrome I have the problem with. If you're a strong woman with little tendencies, I can support that.

What you want does exist. Don't get too caught up on definitions and realize that it can take a long time to find the right person.

 

I am someone more like you describe and here's what I think...

 

I am 47 years old. I have a very successful career. I have a lot of life experience. I'm bad-ass, comfortable in my own skin, clear on who I am and what I want--I'm confident. But I'm also a little girl inside. There is a part of me that's a little fragile and wants to be nurtured and cared for. And I take refuge in submitting to my partner because it lightens my load, feeds my spirit and makes me feel loved. My Daddy is also my husband and all he wants is to take care of me, protect me and make sure I'm the best I can be. He is a good, strong, dominant man and I know that he really does know best for me. I'm bad-ass, but also a little careless and tend to take risks in life. I do get scared sometimes or overwhelmed and Daddy is right here to make sure I get what I need to go out and face another day. 

 

The problem you're facing is that very, very few girls that are 18-22 have the life experience to truly be confident and strong. That's not a criticism of them, that's just not where they're at in life. This forum and this "lifestyle" is FILLED with young girls that are just trying to find their feet in the world. It's hard enough to find a good partner in this world, let alone one in this "lifestyle". Daddy and I met on a vanilla site and fell in love because we are truly compatible--not because of DDlg--we fell into that soon after starting our relationship. He was drawn to me because of my confidence, wisdom, loyalty, maturity in the adult world, and values, and our Daddy/little girl dynamic brings a much deeper intimacy and level of trust to our relationship that we enjoy very much. 

 

Sorry if this is rambly. I'm running out the door for a work trip, but wanted to jot my thoughts down before I left. Good luck to you, Sir!

[LolitaDaddy]

The DD/lg dynamic you describe is ideal & healthy, in the general sense.. but reality is not that simple. Ideally, both the DD & lg are mutually consenting adults with "functioning" relationship dynamics "incorporating" the DD/lg lifestyle.

IMHO, I think there are three general clusters of DD/lg little girls on the forum that are looking for "her daddy, someone to be safe" to be a little with or submissive to:

1) confident lg looking for close in age boyfriend/mate type daddy with DD/lg kink dynamics..

2) a bit insecure lg looking for daddy type for support, encouragement, with room to grow & flex individual freedom, usually into older men..

3) insecure lg maybe with "daddy issues" or history of abuse (broken) or just very young still.. needs gentle soul caregiver for nurturing & TLC for healing or just be..

Correct me if I'm wrong about those.. same can be said of what type of daddy you are.. with realization for whoever you are with, can you adapt for her best interest as lg while keep a healthy adult relationship also?

"In every woman, there's a daddy's little girl with in."

[littlelili]

What you want does exist. Don't get too caught up on definitions and realize that it can take a long time to find the right person.

 

I am someone more like you describe and here's what I think...

 

I am 47 years old. I have a very successful career. I have a lot of life experience. I'm bad-ass, comfortable in my own skin, clear on who I am and what I want--I'm confident. But I'm also a little girl inside. There is a part of me that's a little fragile and wants to be nurtured and cared for. And I take refuge in submitting to my partner because it lightens my load, feeds my spirit and makes me feel loved. My Daddy is also my husband and all he wants is to take care of me, protect me and make sure I'm the best I can be. He is a good, strong, dominant man and I know that he really does know best for me. I'm bad-ass, but also a little careless and tend to take risks in life. I do get scared sometimes or overwhelmed and Daddy is right here to make sure I get what I need to go out and face another day.

 

The problem you're facing is that very, very few girls that are 18-22 have the life experience to truly be confident and strong. That's not a criticism of them, that's just not where they're at in life. This forum and this "lifestyle" is FILLED with young girls that are just trying to find their feet in the world. It's hard enough to find a good partner in this world, let alone one in this "lifestyle". Daddy and I met on a vanilla site and fell in love because we are truly compatible--not because of DDlg--we fell into that soon after starting our relationship. He was drawn to me because of my confidence, wisdom, loyalty, maturity in the adult world, and values, and our Daddy/little girl dynamic brings a much deeper intimacy and level of trust to our relationship that we enjoy very much.

 

Sorry if this is rambly. I'm running out the door for a work trip, but wanted to jot my thoughts down before I left. Good luck to you, Sir!

Wow, I feel so identified with you BudhaGirl. You are a truly example!! I understand everyone has problems and stuff, but sometimes I evaluate my life and see things are just fine. I don't really have any broken girl syndrome or obscure past regarding my childhood or family. I just feel sometimes that I feel little and I want to be taken care of. It's so good to read about a confident, kind, woman who had just embraced this dynamic. Many hugs and thank you for lifting my spirit

[Papa_Mamihlapinatapei]

Good post,  I feel like just being caring and loving without anything sexual sounds more appealing to me. I guess its more of just a cg/l  and not really dominate?

I guess I am still figuring it out also.. 

 

Taken in hand? 50s lifestyle  I'll have to check this out..  thx for the tip.

[LuvCurveyBaby]

Thanks to A&Ω for bringing up a great topic for discussion.

 

I've been researching the DDlg expectations as well, trying to see where I would be most comfortable.

All the while I keep reminding myself:

 

"This is new, try to stay open to everything. You never know"

 

Like BudhaGirl had stated an lg can be comfortable in their own life/body but "a little fragile and wants to be nurtured and cared for" and for right now, my leaning is towards to experiential and emotional components more than the physical. Playmate/CareGiver.

 

By nature and profession, I have a lot of patience for the process someone goes through to express their needs.

Afterwards I to strong desire to restore balance, equilibrium and control to myself and those around me.

Pretty sure that is what led me here in the first place

 

That and some profound discussions with people in the Fetish community.

A long time after, it occurred to me that my playful, carefree, always vigilant, protective and sensible side what people who considered themselves "child-like" adored about me - I can play for hours, keep the boundaries and don't mind cleaning up after.

 

Thank you to all the commenters for your invaluable perspective!

[Guest Princessaj]

Any updates on this compelling thread? I would like to know what came out of your soulful search.

[Tankgirl]

I think my husband/Daddy is in the same position as you. Daunted by the sheer amount of info and diversity out there in this lifestyle. He says he doesn't know if he can do this right but definitely likes some aspects of it - and I'm not certain he really feels it is a fit for him because he believes certain things are compulsory, rather than just another personal choice (although I do always call him Daddy in certain situations,which he loves).

Could it be that this concern is quite a common one? I would love to suggest to my Daddy that he come on here and see how many different ways there are of being part of this lifestyle - in fact I almost certainly will, but I need to be sure if he has any interest at all on his own account first. He often tries to wish fulfil for me and I don't want to put pressure on him.

 

I hope you've been finding out what you needed, and best of luck on your voyage of discovery...

[AngeI]

I have so insecurities (besides minor ones I've just grown to accept), nd it's funny because I always thought that DDs DIDN'T like this. Was making me wonder if I was really "little" for being confident and loving myself because I'm simply childish...Being dominated is a nice idea to me but not 24/7. I can stand  up for myself if I really must.