Daddy's with depression. Need advice!!

[Guest pearlpizza22]

Hi friends... I'm really in a bad situation right now. Or at least it feels like it. 

So, I started dating my daddy knowing he had some depression issues. I understood, considering I had a little minor depression issue a year before we started talking. 

Basically, the depression is just taking over him. If you add that with a few other mental problems, (ASD, ADD, etc.), it's really hard to cope.

He was in the mental hospital 2 weeks because he tried to kill himself about a month and a half ago.

I keep telling myself he's going to get better, but even with the changes of medicine, he's just getting worse. I've researched multiple ideas on alternative medicines, but the doctors keep switching his around, so he has no time to try it.

Basically, my problem is that I'm constantly worrying, and obsessing over his health. It's starting to take a toll on me. I have this problem where I have way too much empathy.

I feel everything. 

This makes it so much harder to stop caring.

Last night we talked about a break. It would help him, but leave me really sad. I'd feel abandoned again, and he'd feel less stressed and probably never date me again.

He also said that he's not as interested in our relationship as he used to be. He's not interested in anything like he used to be.

I had to go for the night and told him I loved him.

He didn't say it back.

I've heard so many stories of littles with depression, and their caretakers helping them through it by, well, taking care of them. But how am I supposed to do it? I'm very dependent on him, and he can't have anyone depend on him in this state. 

I'm giving all the love I possibly can, and with no return of affection it hurts badly.

It's all taking a toll on my health and our relationship. I don't want to leave him, i'm scared of breaks, I just want him to get better.

Someone please give me some advice, or encouragement, or something. This is my cry for help.

[Guest MontBlanc]

Hi Pearl,

 

 

My thoughts are in BOLD

 

"Last night we talked about a break. It would help him, (my emphasis added) but leave me really sad. I'd feel abandoned again, and he'd feel less stressed and probably never date me again."  

 If you both really think it would help him, perhaps a little self sacrafice would be the way to go.  To be perfectly honest it sounds like you could do with the break as well.  One does not have to be in a relationship to care

 

"He also said that he's not as interested in our relationship as he used to be. He's not interested in anything like he used to be.

I had to go for the night and told him I loved him.

He didn't say it back."  

This very well could be the black dog (depression) that is talking.  You should consider this before taking it to heart (easier said than done).

 

've heard so many stories of littles with depression, and their caretakers helping them through it by, well, taking care of them. But how am I supposed to do it? I'm very dependent on him, and he can't have anyone depend on him in this state.  

 Very good observation.  No Daddy is superhuman, they too require comfort and support.  Sometimes a Care Giver may be in such a terrible position that he simply cannot be a 'daddy'.  There is no shame in this, it is being human.   Considering whether you can offer this support , which you are doing, is a very good and noble self reflection. 

 

I'm giving all the love I possibly can, and with no return of affection it hurts badly.

It's all taking a toll on my health and our relationship. I don't want to leave him, i'm scared of breaks, I just want him to get better.  

It is okay to feel scared and have fear of a break.  However scary things are sometimes the right decision.  Even as a little you need to pluck up courage and act accordingly, even if in the short term it hurts.

 

Someone please give me some advice, or encouragement, or something. This is my cry for help.  

 No one hear can understand the situation as much as you, so advice should be taken accordingly. Reading between the lines of your post you have both decided that the best approach is a break, you're just fearful of it.    Having a break does not mean you CANT be friends.  Give him the space he needs, and give yourself the space you need.  No one can expect you to take all the burden.   He has medical attention, he (hopefully) also has as friends and family for support.  You can still support him - even if that support is taking the aforementioned break.

 

If you have your own counsellor or therapist it may be a good idea for you to discuss this with them. 

 

God sped to you both.  I hope you have the courage and foresight to make the right decision for the BOTH of you.  

 

--MontBlanc

Edited May 2, 2016 by MontBlanc

[sushishui]

As someone who's gone through ADD and depression, it took me eight years to get over the depression, and I still have low periods six years after that. During those eight years, I drove countless friends and girlfriends away.

 

I'm sorry to say it, but I think it might be best for both of you if you separated. If he wants, I'm sure he could still use a friend, but even that will probably be hard on you.

[Guest pearlpizza22]

Hi Pearl,

 

 

My thoughts are in BOLD

 

"Last night we talked about a break. It would help him, (my emphasis added) but leave me really sad. I'd feel abandoned again, and he'd feel less stressed and probably never date me again."  

 If you both really think it would help him, perhaps a little self sacrafice would be the way to go.  To be perfectly honest it sounds like you could do with the break as well.  One does not have to be in a relationship to care

 

"He also said that he's not as interested in our relationship as he used to be. He's not interested in anything like he used to be.

I had to go for the night and told him I loved him.

He didn't say it back."  

This very well could be the black dog (depression) that is talking.  You should consider this before taking it to heart (easier said than done).

 

've heard so many stories of littles with depression, and their caretakers helping them through it by, well, taking care of them. But how am I supposed to do it? I'm very dependent on him, and he can't have anyone depend on him in this state.  

 Very good observation.  No Daddy is superhuman, they too require comfort and support.  Sometimes a Care Giver may be in such a terrible position that he simply cannot be a 'daddy'.  There is no shame in this, it is being human.   Considering whether you can offer this support , which you are doing, is a very good and noble self reflection. 

 

I'm giving all the love I possibly can, and with no return of affection it hurts badly.

It's all taking a toll on my health and our relationship. I don't want to leave him, i'm scared of breaks, I just want him to get better.  

It is okay to feel scared and have fear of a break.  However scary things are sometimes the right decision.  Even as a little you need to pluck up courage and act accordingly, even if in the short term it hurts.

 

Someone please give me some advice, or encouragement, or something. This is my cry for help.  

 No one hear can understand the situation as much as you, so advice should be taken accordingly. Reading between the lines of your post you have both decided that the best approach is a break, you're just fearful of it.    Having a break does not mean you CANT be friends.  Give him the space he needs, and give yourself the space you need.  No one can expect you to take all the burden.   He has medical attention, he (hopefully) also has as friends and family for support.  You can still support him - even if that support is taking the aforementioned break.

 

If you have your own counsellor or therapist it may be a good idea for you to discuss this with them. 

 

God sped to you both.  I hope you have the courage and foresight to make the right decision for the BOTH of you.  

 

--MontBlanc

thank you so much. 

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

So I have Depression and other undiagnosed things (I don't trust doctors and I have always despised therapists), and my daddy has depression and sever OCD along with other things. He has also worked in the mental health field for a bit. More often than not, we are both switches. Our general dynamic is DD and lg, but there are days where daddy isn't feeling so well and often times he needs help. He is unmedicated because we found out that the meds just make it worst or turn him into a robot. He despises taking them. So with OCD having not only a mental, but physical effect on him and living in a long distance relationship, I'm not always there to really help and there are days where it's really bad. We have found some alternatives to help him when he is having an Anxiety attack or an episode.

I also have a little brother that is Autistic. Sometimes behavioral patterns are easy to notice and I can tell when he is starting to get upset or over stimulated

 

My Advice:

 

Try to work with him, learn his triggers. Sometimes you might need to be the big and help your Daddy with his issues. It's good to have trust in one another. Talk to him about the medications because sometimes a large cocktail of pills can only cause more issues. Talk to him about possible alternatives and learn ground techniques in order to help calm him. Keep in mind he may get overstimulated in stressful situations as well and sometimes he may need some space. 

[littlelili]

Hi Pearl.

Reading your post, everyone can see how sweet and caring you are. I have not experienced such a thing by myself and as Monty said above, you are the one who knows best the situation, and in the end the one who will make a decision.

If things are hurting you and taking a toll on your health, please consider a little pause in the relationship. This could bring oxygen into it, your daddy would have time to heal and so would you. I know it's frightening, but if depression was the causal factor for him to say he was not as interested as before, then he will come back when he feels better. And things will be awesome!.

 

Us littles become quite dependant on our daddies. But if he is ill at this moment you must be the one who have to take good care of him, even if that means staying or leaving for a while. You are doing it because you want the best for him.

 

I wish you all the best

If you want to talk, being silly or rant or something just tell me. ^^ I'll be glad to be there.

[LittleBodyBigHeart]

I am completely at my wits end! I have little experience with dating boys with depression and even less experience with ddlg relationships. Long story short, my daddy lost his father to cancer almost 2 years ago. About a month ago, Daddy's depression got really bad. Now I don't see him very often, calls and texts are sparse, and he doesn't wanna talk to me about what's going on. This is a complete 180 to how he normally is! My jealousy took control at first, and I assumed he was cheating, as he and I are in a monogamous relationship and he isn't allowed to have another girlfriend/little. Now I think he's loyal, but I dont know what to do! I have no idea how to help him because he's too prideful and independent, and won't talk to me. I feel helpless and like I'm a bad little girl. Please help me. I really love him and don't want him to suffer, especially not all alone.