How do i know who is really right for a weirdo like me?

[Dragon Child]

Recently i've been looking for a new dom, but i dunno who to really ask or go to. I dont wanna get caught up in something really bad though.. Any advice from a fellow little/sub? Q^Q

[StarEyed]

I feel like there are a few ways to go about finding a Dom or even a Daddy. One way would be to look for a boyfriend first and a Dom/Daddy second. Another way would be to find someone that is already active in a BDSM or a fetish community. Both have pros and cons though. Not all Doms are looking for romantic relationships and you have to respect that. You might find this when going into an established community looking for a Dom. But on the other hand if they are active within a community they can be vouched for. It is a common thing in my local community that people are vetted (most of the time you have to attend 3 munches/public gatherings before being allowed to private events) before being allowed to go to events. My community knows who is good and who is dangerous and spreads that knowledge to other groups within the community. And finding someone that is established can be both a good thing and a bad thing. While they will be experienced you also have to be careful... There are a lot of predators out there. Negotiation and communication are vital to a D/s relationship though. You have to know and understand what the Dominate is asking of you. It isn't bad to ask questions, get information on practices and to negotiate AND re-negotiate terms and practices. Submissives and even littles hold just as much power as Caregivers and Doms.

 

With finding a boyfriend first and a Dom later you run the risk of having someone inexperienced. Which is refreshing in many ways but could also lead to problems. An inexperienced Dominate could use rope improperly or spank you too hard in the wrong area and you'll end up in a bad position. This is another time that communicating is essential. I'm not saying that being inexperience will always lead to disaster but things can go very wrong, very quickly. If you're with someone inexperienced you need to talk about emergency plans (if you're playing with anyone you should talk about emergency plans as well). Make sure you have safety shears nearby and that both of you do research if you need it. Even the most experienced people take refreshers. But this post isn't about being safe while playing... And playing with someone that is also inexperienced can be really fun and experimental. Ultimately though it is up to you. You know yourself best. Ask hard questions and be aware of predators but also have fun. Remember that you're going into a relationship and a partnership with this person. The playing can come later when you're both ready. Just because this person is dominate doesn't mean they don't have a heart. Nurture that first and the rest will come later. Also you're not a weirdo. =)