Dom Drop

[GlitterUnicorn]

Hi   

 

I'm a little and I recently came across the topic, 'Dom drop'. I've heard a lot about sub drop and the obvious aftercare required but very little on the topic of Doms requiring aftercare.

I was wondering if anyone on the forum has had a Dom drop? What exactly does the Dom go through and what can a little do best in such a situation? Thanks! 

[IkumiKao]

Ive had it and its not fun, Ive experienced both sub and dom drop, in a way each is similar (for me anyway) it was a very emotional taxing period. personally i just needed to be looked after a little and be re assured. i dont know how it would be for other people honestly so cant say much but at the bottom of this post i made there was a link that helps with it a little bit 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/8344-aftercare/

[TurtleTheKittenTamer]

I'm not sure what one is. All I know is that sometimes I feel I need reassurance to know that my little is okay after a play session -- in other words I need reassurance that I've done a good job and that her own aftercare has made her feel safe enough, and if if she's feeling extra little it's harder for me to get a clear answer. Is that a Dom drop?

[sushishui]

I'm with Turtle. The most I've ever experienced is concern that my sub is ok. I once stayed up all night because my sub had fallen asleep during our session (it happens with hypnosis more than BDSM ) and I wanted to make absolutely sure that some of the hypnotic stuff we'd done wouldn't stick when she woke up.

Edited April 25, 2016 by sushishui

[GlitterUnicorn]

Yes that's a dom drop although I think it varies from person to person. I've read somewhere about the Dom needing reassurance that what he did was okay because of what society teaches us, and the conflict in our minds. So basically, as a little all we can do is talk to our Doms and make sure they know everything's okay and that they're safe.

[Guest sirdude77]

DOM drop is basically when a DOM burns out on being a DOM 24/7. Being human, with a job, life's issues, always having to be "up"', it gets to you emotionally, then physically. It's both both mental and physical exhuastion. Usually kicks in after a session, and you ask yourself "what am I doing?"

[GlitterUnicorn]

Thanks for putting it in words, Sirdude Yeah you basically described what my Daddy told me he felt a few times. That and the thought that our relationship is centred around BDSM and BDSM only which obviously wasn't the greatest feeling. For me, he generally becomes a lot softer, sweeter and funnier after a scene. So is that what I can do too as a little? I'm not sure. I'm really confused and there isn't enough about this on the Internet

[Guest sirdude77]

Exactly. It cant always be about BDSM.

[littlelili]

Hello Glitter Unicorn.

I'm not sure if what I'm going to say is ok, because I'm quite new to all of this. I think that if a Daddy/dom experiences a drop, the best thing a little/sub can do is caring for him and reassure everything. If the question in his head is "what am I doing?" I believe that he needs to be cared and reminded that everything he does is fine, has been previously agreed and it's for for the enjoyment of you both. Even if this aftercare means that you have to go out from your little head space, and talk to him in a different way.

I have always believed that daddies carry with a big responsibility and we should remind them that they do a great job, they are our personal heroes, so we have to be there for them when these things happen. If it's not possible for us to properly handle these situations as littles, or if that's what they wouldn't need in such a difficult situation, maybe they need us to shift our minds for a bit to our adult selves. I repeat, I don't know if this breaks some kind of ddlg code that I'm not aware of. Sorry if it does.

[Guest RedDragon]

I experienced Dom drop that lasted for a few days. My girlfriend at the time was new to BDSM and wanted me to push her limits. She cried during a scene and was very emotional. I was so worried that I had inflicted permanent damage (emotional not physical). I immediately stopped the scene and comforted her as much as I could. She still could not stop crying. Little did I know at the time that she had experienced sexual assault at a young age and our play time brought out her feelings of guilt/shame. This lasted for DAYS and really worried me to the point I was very depressed. It was awful. She did reassure me that it wasn't my fault, but I didn't see it that way. Well I guess I still don't see it that way. I feel responsible and it still haunts me:( I take no pleasure in harming someone emotionally. It really REALLY sucks.

[Guest RedDragon]

Btw this was about 8 months into our relationship with many (like every day) scenes leading up to this. Edited May 2, 2016 by RedDragon

[GlitterUnicorn]

Dragon :/ That's so sad to hear. I really do hope you're feeling better it's not your fault! I know how hard it is to believe that but trust me it isn't. There's no one to blame here. But I do hope both of you are dealing better and are going strong! I'm sure you are

[Guest RedDragon]

Dragon :/ That's so sad to hear. I really do hope you're feeling better it's not your fault! I know how hard it is to believe that but trust me it isn't. There's no one to blame here. But I do hope both of you are dealing better and are going strong! I'm sure you are

Thanks;) This was with my ex so no we're not going strong lol. But I appreciate the kind words.

[Big Red]

Unfortunately I experience this quite often if with a little for more then 72 hours :/ I am over-caring and my emotional battery's are low at best so realize I cannot be in a normal relationship for long periods of time without increased anxiety buildup. So I inform anyone I am with (little or not) that I need myself time after a weekend of fun and typically get my own care from gaming/work/raving.

 

I've really tried working on this but communication with the other simply does not work for me so made rules that I am a weekend dom only and cannot do two consistent weekends in a row.

 

My form of aftercare is being alone, this goes for friends and family as well as long vacations are a good way for me to get annoyed by day 4.. The only thing on this planet I can honestly tolerate each and everyday is my cat :x

[LoralieHaze]

I experienced Dom drop that lasted for a few days. My girlfriend at the time was new to BDSM and wanted me to push her limits. She cried during a scene and was very emotional. I was so worried that I had inflicted permanent damage (emotional not physical). I immediately stopped the scene and comforted her as much as I could. She still could not stop crying. Little did I know at the time that she had experienced sexual assault at a young age and our play time brought out her feelings of guilt/shame. This lasted for DAYS and really worried me to the point I was very depressed. It was awful. She did reassure me that it wasn't my fault, but I didn't see it that way. Well I guess I still don't see it that way. I feel responsible and it still haunts me:( I take no pleasure in harming someone emotionally. It really REALLY sucks.

 

I'm so sorry that happened to you and to your ex. This is why communication is so important in BDSM relationships. Sexual assault is by no means an easy topic to bring up but in my opinion it has to be discussed, as do any other negative emotional triggers. It clearly wasn't your fault since you had no idea that she would react that way.

 

(Also, I want to thank GlitterUnicorn for starting this topic as I was wondering about this exact same thing today. )

[Guest algernon]

Unfortunately I experience this quite often if with a little for more then 72 hours :/ I am over-caring and my emotional battery's are low at best so realize I cannot be in a normal relationship for long periods of time without increased anxiety buildup. So I inform anyone I am with (little or not) that I need myself time after a weekend of fun and typically get my own care from gaming/work/raving.

 

I've really tried working on this but communication with the other simply does not work for me so made rules that I am a weekend dom only and cannot do two consistent weekends in a row.

 

My form of aftercare is being alone, this goes for friends and family as well as long vacations are a good way for me to get annoyed by day 4.. The only thing on this planet I can honestly tolerate each and everyday is my cat :x

This also sounds to me like introversion is a factor. The main difference between an introvert and and an extrovert is the introvert is more likely to feel greatly drained by those kinds of activities, needing alone time to recharge, whereas it may even be the opposite for the extrovert, who is more likely to feel the "drop" harder if alone soon after playtime.

 

As said by those before me, communication is key.

Edited May 31, 2016 by algernon