Question for Mommies with little boys (or really anyone with more experience than I have)

[Guest BittyKitty]

Hi, so I have this friend I met on fetlife, he's into CG/l and is a switch. I am quite new to DD/lg, only been active in the community for about 3 months. I have never had a caregiver, but I identify as a little. Definitely submissive, with a second to only one kind of attitude. Lately, this friend of mine has been acting a little...little, when he talks to me. I asked him about this last night, he apologized and said it's not really intentional, that I just bring out the little boy in him. I've been trying to think rationally about this all day, but I think I'm freaking out just a little bit. Just a tad *hyperventilates*. I really like talking to this guy, he makes me laugh, he gets my jokes, we're both so socially incorrect it borders on criminal, he doesn't ask for nudes and doesn't send dick pics (like seriously how hot is that) He's everything anyone could ever want in a friend. He doesn't have a caregiver and I don't want to just shut down his little side, I'm thinking of meeting him in the middle and try to be a platonic kind of big sister. Less responsibility than a Mommy, right?

 

So my question for you Mommies with little boys, what helps you feel more dominant over your little? Daddy Doms with little girls have the advantage of strength and they know they can easily subdue their littles if needed. My last boyfriend was much bigger than me, I'm 5'3, and whenever I acted up he would either pin me to the ground and tickle me to death, or simply lie on top of me until I calmed down. But I understand that dominance is a lot more than just physical strength, so how do you assert yours? Do you implement more rules? Are your rewards and punishments more creative? I apologize if I may seem clueless (at least I know how to do long division) I genuinely am curious. I always identified as submissive and never had any reason to think in depth about the clockwork of Dominants. I know this was a lot to read, thank you for taking your time to read through it and I appreciate any advice or input you have

Edited April 21, 2016 by BittyKitty

[Guest littlemissbri]

Hi there. I've only just recently become a Mommy but when I'm being his big I'm sweeter but more stern than normal. If he's getting to worked up I tell him so, if he does something cute or funny I make sure he knows I think so, I also scold him on occasion if he says a bad word or is mean. These are just a few little things I do.

Largely it should be based on his needs. My baby boy needs someone more stern most of the time to help keep him from going off the rails with his adhd whereas when I'm little I need someone to protect me from what's scary because of my anxiety. So, I'd say talk to him about his needs as a little.

I'm sure others with more experience can give you more advice.

[Eris]

First, sadly I can't answer your questions of to be more dominant but I want to share my thoughs with you.

You say that you are submissive, that you hypervetilated about the thought to be a mommy. Maybe this is not your way. Yes, you like him and you want to be with him, be the best for him but maybe here is a conflict. Think about it, what is what you want and what you need. Maybe you want to be a mommy/sister for him but this is not what you need and this could be the reason why you are "freaking out".

 

Of course I could be wrong, you know yourself the best, but I wanted to show you a different look on the situation.

[Guest BittyKitty]

Thank you for the input girls, I needed some different perspectives because I felt I might've been too anxious to act reasonably. I talked to him again earlier and he said he didn't want me to feel like I have to do anything extra or be anything more than I am, and that if he weren't comfortable with me he wouldn't have shown his little. I guess that makes sense, of course, silly me. So I feel a lot better and not as pressured, but because I have a hard time entering little space with other people, I would still be assuming responsibility when he's in little space.

 

Eris you're right, I don't want to be a Mommy, it's the expectation to be dominant that terrifies me, I don't want to do anything wrong and I'm really the worst at bossing anyone around. I do have 3 younger brothers though, so maybe I can just treat him like one of them. *shrugs*

Edited April 22, 2016 by BittyKitty

[Guest AmberDoll]

I understand the confusion on how to be dominate to a little boy and being a girl, i'm very petite and my last little was taller then me, but it's not so much about physical strength it's more about mental when he would be in little space he needed someone who could mentally guide him and physically nurture him and sometimes punish but the punishments would be like...for example if he talked down about himself he wouldn't get to watch he's favorite cartoons with mommy or he would be spanked or a stuffie taken away for a small amount of time, it's all about mental and nurturing you can be dom and smaller then your sub it's all about who is able to guide and be a supportive and strong mentally, I hope this helped! 

[Guest algernon]

...it's all about mental and nurturing you can be dom and smaller then your sub it's all about who is able to guide and be a supportive and strong mentally...

I think the nail was hit on the head here. A little doesn't listen to Daddy because Daddy is tall, heavy, or strong. A little listens to Daddy because Daddy is the boss. On occasion some physical force may come along for help with enforcement, depending on how fought people like to get, but that's just reminder of the roles, what the little knows because Daddy has already proven it through the care, guidance, support, instruction, and love that he has given. *That* is what establishes the role and gives credibility to the claim of authority; the physicality is just a tool for reminding that and is as arbitrary a tool as corner time, verbal chastisement, or taking away a favorite toy.

 

Most of us can probably recount from childhood the way our mom could say our full-name in a way that sent shivers up our spine, always knew just how to ground or what to take away to cause maximum regret for misbehavior, or had that look, the face that could in an instant communicate more than any words or corporal punishment exactly how disappointed she was. Even the sweetest and gentlest of mothers seems to just know these things...

 

Because it's all about the role that gives power to those things, and when one provides the care and nurturing and love that only a Mommy can, any tool she uses for discipline has the potential to be just as effective as any spanking from any male caregiver, because after all she has done for you, you listen to Mommy.

 

Feel free to do a little experimenting to find out what tools you like best, and which ones get the best response from him.

Edited May 31, 2016 by algernon