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Daddy 'Dad' Jokes


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Guest MontBlanc
Posted

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with a breast implant?

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One's a crusty bus stop but the other is a busty crustacean 

 

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**apologies to those who have heard this one in chat already.

  • Like 1
Guest weeniehutjr
Posted

Where did Nepolian keep his armies?

 

In his sleevies

  • Like 1
Guest weeniehutjr
Posted

How do you get a dog to stop barking in the front seat?

Put him in the back seat.

  • Like 1
Guest MontBlanc
Posted

What's ET short for?

Because he's only got little legs.

  • Like 1
Guest weeniehutjr
Posted

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the batmobile?

 

"Get in the batmobile."

  • Like 1
Guest weeniehutjr
Posted

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?

 

"We are both lawyers"

  • Like 1
Posted

"I judge people based on their reading level."

 

 

 

"That makes me a literacist"

 

xD

  • Like 3
Guest MontBlanc
Posted (edited)

I have a good joke about pizzas.  But it is a little cheesy. 

 

Edited by MontBlanc
  • Like 2
Guest weeniehutjr
Posted
A good one in person is to say "Alright I have this awesome knock-knock joke but in order for it to work you have to start it off" and once they say "knock-knock!" You say "Who's there?" And just stand in the most awkward silence.
  • Like 4
Guest LavanderRabbit
Posted (edited)

Daddy did not appreciate me reading these jokes to him. I feel like I'm more like Sans now because I laughed.

 

How can you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

 

A frog says "Ribbit, Ribbit"

 

A horny toad says "Rub it, Rub it"

Edited by LavanderRabbit
  • Like 2
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest MontBlanc
Posted

http://cdn.slowrobot.com/4142016182384.jpg

  • Like 3
  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

What time do you go to the dentist?

 

Tooth hurt-y

  • Like 2
Guest RedDragon
Posted

How did the hot dog feel after he won the race?

 

Like a weener!!

  • Like 2
Posted

I hope I don't trip over a piecost today

"What's a piecost?"

About £1.20 darling.

  • Like 1
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest StainedBlack
Posted

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

 

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Posted

When I see the word polish I read it as polish but its polish and not polish

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

did you ever hear about Ghandi? He was considered a pretty super guy, even though his feet were calloused from walking barefoot and he was fragile from fasting. He was a yogi, the indian word for a mystic, and as such he had to consume sacred herbs that gave him very bad breath.

 

So he was a ..............................................

 

Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexxed by Halitosis......to have him as your daddydom would really be atrocious! 

Edited by BeardyDaddy
  • Like 1
Guest Lullaby Moon
Posted (edited)
KILL THESE POSTS AND ALL THESE DAD JOKES I AM DONE WITH LIFE AND DONE WITH THE GREAT GODS OF HUMOUR K I L L M E Edited by sweetlilweiwei
Guest Purple_Panda
Posted

Such a bunch of dorks, I love it <3

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