New & Hesitant?

[Guest thelittlestcorgi]

Hi there! I'm Riley, and as you can expect, I'm new here...and new to this whole scene, really. I'm also mildly confused.

 

This gets kind of long winded because I'm rubbish with words, and it has some questions. I hope that is okay. ;_; I was originally going to put this in introductions but it got too long and I felt I would skip intros for now because I'm not even sure if I belong here yet.

 

So I guess I never really "grew up," so to speak. I still actively play with toys, collect stuffed animals, watch cartoons of all different age demographics, talk in ways that people who don't know me perceive as very peculiar and not age-appropriate, spend a worrying amount of time in the toy aisle (and feel embarrassed the ENTIRE time...) etc. I've lost count of my little pony toys and decorations and plates and cups and other nonsense that I own. I'm mildly ashamed of the several stuffies, kids toys, and sippy cups in my stupid amazon wishlist... I'll stop here. If I listed everything childish about me, I'd be here for hours. So I won't continue just to save you the long-winded nightmare that is my internal age. All I know is these moments of childlike mindset have been consistently called littlespace in my searches. So I've more or less figured that part out - I just need to solve a problem before I'm actually comfortable settling into this community.

 

My problem is that my "dynamic" is a little weird compared to what I usually see. It seems most people want caregivers, want to relinquish a pretty significant amount of control to these caregivers, have chores and rules, etc. And then there's me, being a liiiittle bit off from the norm here, I guess.

 

I kind of want a caregiver, but in less of a kink and BDSM/power sense and more of a... slightly realistic sense? However I'm pretty okay not having one, too. I'm not really all that submissive and I'm quite the stinker. I'm very defiant of authority, too much to be a very good sub (but maybe just the right amount to be "realistically" childish?) I'm not a jerk in what I've come to know as "littlespace," but I sure can be difficult if prodded. Kinda whiny sometimes. I wouldn't do well with many rules, or someone having very obvious control over me. I'd like there to be a nice bit of leniency so I don't feel uncomfortable. I'd be okay with some chores and some minor no-nos and some self-care must-dos. I just don't want to be bossed around too much, for personal reasons. I just like being childish, cute, and being cared for a little, I guess mostly I would wish for a figure that offers guidance and care more than authority. Someone who puts the "care" AND the "giver" in caregiver. 

 

However, despite this lack of submission, I'm also not crazy dominant either. I don't want to be all that demanding. The idea of being a caregiver still appeals to me sometimes, despite this. I heard some things about switches in this dynamic which sounds like it would suit me. I love to care for others, guide them, etc now and then. I get considered the "mom/dad" figure in my friend circle. In terms of sexual things, I'm okay with them. I find it pretty appealing, in fact. I can easily see myself playing either role in a kinky setting from time to time, but definitely less often than in a nonsexual way because sexual things aren't insanely common with me in the first place.

 

I'm just very confused and hesitant to join CGL/DDLG communities because I'm not sure if I'm in the right place or not. I'm not sure if I'm considered a valid little/switch/etc. I'm always scared because I keep hearing people saying "You're not a little, you're just childish, which is okay but don't call it being a little" in response to people who are in a similar situation, and I don't want to waste everyone's time and be in the wrong community if that's really all I am. I feel a pull to this but I tend to get the wrong idea about what things are about a lot, and...as you can guess that's causing a little anxiety within me.

 

I'm just not sure if this is where I belong yet, I guess?

[Guest Mr TwitchPool]

Thank you for sharing,  It was a big read.

 

All relationships and dynamics are different,  you can have a CG who doesnt give rules etc.  it all depends on that person and their really is someone for everyone.  Stay possitive and read through the forums and ask any questions you may have.

You can also be in touch with your inner child and be more middle than little.  and yes you can be a switch but I do believe when you follow this path you will find more and more of what you do like and you may change your ideals.  

 

Welcome and have fun

[sushishui]

I'd say ignore those people who say you're not a little. Some people come to this from BDSM and expect it to be like the BDSM they'd already experienced, but it doesn't have to be all slave and Master. I'm sure you can find a Caregiver who wants the same thing you do.

[Guest thelittlestcorgi]

Twitch:

 

Thank you so much! I know it was quite the read, I go into a lot of detail because finding shortcuts with ideal words is such a chore to me, haha! I'm just glad I'm not totally in the wrong community here because I'm always so worried about not being welcome if I'm deviating from the standard case too much. One of the things that lured me into this was the flexibility of it all. There doesn't seem to be a set constant way to be, it's pretty open and everyone seems to just have their own thing going on, just with some common themes. Much less scary to me!

 

Sushishui:

 

This was a relief to read. I've been metaphorically pulling my hair out trying to figure out if I'm in the right place or not but I feel more and more comfortable with every person I talk to and become a little less anxious. I even realize new aspects of myself as I poke around and learn about this. Thank you so much for responding! I'm sure I'll settle in and calm down about my worries very soon, especially if cool people like you and Twitch are around!