Dear Mommy's and Daddy's...

[Little Kat]

Dear Mommy's and Daddy's, 

 

I look at your posts, and I see what you've typed. I see if you posted a Personal or not. I READ your Profile. Because I want to know what you're like, if you have none of that, it's hard for me to judge if I want to continue to get to know you. I've been screwed in the past - as a sub just normally, and even as a dom. 

 

If you have nothing on your profile that introduces you. That's a turn off. 

 

If you haven't posted some simple discussions. That's a turn off. 

 

If you haven't posted an introduction. That's a turn off. 

 

When you approach me and ask me "Are you looking for a Daddy" or "Are you looking for a Mommy" and insist I kik you? That's a turn off. 

 

I may be a new little and new to exploring this side of me. But I'm no fool. 

 

If you REALLY want a REAL LG/LB/Little and if you're REALLY A Daddy/Mommy/CG Then you'd take the time to make yourself appealing. >.> 

 

Sincerely, 

 

A little that takes shit from no one. <3

Edited April 8, 2016 by Little Kat

[Vatisbabygirl]

I completely agree with Little Kat. That can literally be the most annoying thing ever!! All of it honestly. I try to be an interesting Sub/Little as much as possible to attract friends, and explore this side of me. I dislike when "Daddy's" come to me and try to talk dirty, or ask me for nudes or send me pictures of themselves. I have more respect for myself than to give my body up like that.

[Guest DaddyXavier]

So you're saying if someone doesn't have a profile, they're not a "true" Dom?

 

So, does this apply to the littles who don't have profiles (like, 90% of the littles I run into)?

[Little Kat]

So you're saying if someone doesn't have a profile, they're not a "true" Dom?

 

So, does this apply to the littles who don't have profiles (like, 90% of the littles I run into)?

 

To me, not having a profile and some sort of establishment doesn't make someone dedicated to their role, and yes, I'd say it applies to Littles. This is also my own opinion, doesn't make it fact. You don't have to agree. 

[Komorebi]

So you're saying if someone doesn't have a profile, they're not a "true" Dom?

 

So, does this apply to the littles who don't have profiles (like, 90% of the littles I run into)?

I am not sure how you got any of that from what she said. but if you are can't be bothered to fill out information about yourself or upload a avatar and take no part in the community than you are probably not worth approaching.

[sushishui]

avril lavigneavril lavigne

So you're saying if someone doesn't have a profile, they're not a "true" Dom?

 

So, does this apply to the littles who don't have profiles (like, 90% of the littles I run into)?

Ok, now you're making it into a one of those intolerable high school things, like "You're not a real goth because you listen to Avril Lavigne, not Papa Roach." Don't do that.

 

You're still a Dom even if you don't have a profile. It's just harder for littles to get to know who you are. Basically, if you never say anything about yourself, littles have no way of knowing whether you're a Dom or a predator looking for easy sex. And yes, it's similar for littles -- they're hurting themselves when they don't have a profile -- but very few Doms are worried about littles abusing them.

 

I never posted an introduction thread. I don't like introduction threads. But when I do start looking for a little, I'll post in Personals with all the information that I would have put in an introduction thread, because I want people to be able to get to know me.  I want littles to be able to get some idea of who I am, so they know I'm not just some predator looking for easy sex. It doesn't at all mean that I'm not a real Dom -- just that I'm harder to get to know right now.

 

And I'm ok with that, as I'm not looking right now.

[Guest DaddyXavier]

It was right there in her writing. Relevant points in underline.

 

If you have nothing on your profile that introduces you. That's a turn off. 

 

if you're REALLY A Daddy/Mommy/CG Then you'd take the time to make yourself appealing. >.> 

Edited April 9, 2016 by CaringButStrictDaddyJustin

[sushishui]

Yes, but read it in context. It isn't about what you are -- it's about what Little Kat (or any little) believes that you are.

 

Most decent Doms should understand that littles tend to be innocent and naive, and easily taken advantage of. Therefore most Doms will do their best to show who they really are and put the littles' minds at ease.

 

Doms who don't do that are likely only thinking of themselves and not the littles' comfort. Therefore those littles who have been hurt before will recognize these as signs that the Dom isn't really a Dom, but instead the sort of person who is only looking for a submissive sexual partner, with no regard for how the partner feels.

 

It's like the beta males who come into the BDSM community and start issuing orders to everyone because they desperately want to be seen as a Dom, and they don't understand the difference between BDSM and an abusive relationship.

 

It's also like the vanilla men who throw a fit when a woman rejects them, not realizing that many women get far too many absurd propositions from complete strangers, and not understanding that while casual sex is a comfortable prospect for many men, it potentially carries nineteen years of responsibility for the women -- especially if the man is a complete stranger and she doesn't know if she can trust him.

 

Basically, if you want to find a little, you should absolutely provide all the information about yourself that you can. It's also nice if littles provide all of that information, but Caregivers are very rarely being put at risk in the relationship to the extent that littles are.

 

I know this is not literally what Little Kat was saying, but I do believe it is the intention behind the words.

[Guest DaddyXavier]

Yes, but read it in context. It isn't about what you are -- it's about what Little Kat (or any little) believes that you are.

 

Most decent Doms should understand that littles tend to be innocent and naive, and easily taken advantage of. Therefore most Doms will do their best to show who they really are and put the littles' minds at ease.

 

Doms who don't do that are likely only thinking of themselves and not the littles' comfort. Therefore those littles who have been hurt before will recognize these as signs that the Dom isn't really a Dom, but instead the sort of person who is only looking for a submissive sexual partner, with no regard for how the partner feels.

 

It's like the beta males who come into the BDSM community and start issuing orders to everyone because they desperately want to be seen as a Dom, and they don't understand the difference between BDSM and an abusive relationship.

 

It's also like the vanilla men who throw a fit when a woman rejects them, not realizing that many women get far too many absurd propositions from complete strangers, and not understanding that while casual sex is a comfortable prospect for many men, it potentially carries nineteen years of responsibility for the women -- especially if the man is a complete stranger and she doesn't know if she can trust him.

 

Basically, if you want to find a little, you should absolutely provide all the information about yourself that you can. It's also nice if littles provide all of that information, but Caregivers are very rarely being put at risk in the relationship to the extent that littles are.

 

I know this is not literally what Little Kat was saying, but I do believe it is the intention behind the words.

 

Lots of things wrong here

 

• Not filling out some huge profile and jumping through hoops doesn't mean I'm "only thinking of myself" nor does it mean I'm "not a true Dom".
• Nothing wrong with only wanting a sex partner, plenty of littles are the same way. Doesn't make him less of a Daddy/Dom or her less of a little/sub.
• Beta male... lol
• Sex for a man can also potentially come with 19 years of responsibility, difference is men don't have any legal "outs" but women have several, and the man can wind up in jail, lose his job, driver's license, etc.
• Here's another huge legal risk for men - underage littles who hide it. I've already encountered 5 of those on this site and I've been here for less than a week.

TL;DR People do not understand the real, legal risks that men face. TL;DR Doms must fit into this narrow box, and any deviation results in "shame on you! Not a true Dom!". AKA BDSM as usual. Carry on.

 

/exits thread

[sushishui]

• Nothing wrong with only wanting a sex partner

No, there absolutely isn't anything wrong with only wanting a sex partner -- provided that you're up front about that. The problem is that most people are looking for something more, so if you're not up front about only wanting sex, the little is going to assume something else, and probably be very hurt when the truth finally does come out.

 

• Sex for a man can also potentially come with 19 years of responsibility, difference is men don't have any legal "outs" but women have several, and the man can wind up in jail, lose his job, driver's license, etc.
• Here's another huge legal risk for men - underage littles who hide it. I've already encountered 5 of those on this site and I've been here for less than a week.

TL;DR People do not understand the real, legal risks that men face. TL;DR Doms must fit into this narrow box, and any deviation results in "shame on you! Not a true Dom!". AKA BDSM as usual. Carry on.

 

/exits thread

Legal risks for men? That's a joke. Yes, child support exists, but it's the woman who has to go through nine months of pregnancy, and who has to experience childbirth -- one of the most painful things that a human being can experience. And there's no guarantee that he even gave her his real name.

 

There is nothing at all to stop a man from disappearing forever, changing his name (if he used his real one) or leaving the country (I hear Canada is nice). There are such things keeping a woman from running away from the responsibility, because the baby will literally be coming out of her body. It's not something she can run away from.

[Guest DaddyXavier]

Legal risks for men? That's a joke. Yes, child support exists, but it's the woman who has to go through nine months of pregnancy, and who has to experience childbirth -- one of the most painful things that a human being can experience. And there's no guarantee that he even gave her his real name.

 

There is nothing at all to stop a man from disappearing forever, changing his name (if he used his real one) or leaving the country (I hear Canada is nice). There are such things keeping a woman from running away from the responsibility, because the baby will literally be coming out of her body. It's not something she can run away from.

 

Sorry, couldn't let this misinformation stand.

 

First of all, childbirth needn't be extremely painful, let alone "the most painful experience". Actually passing a kidney stone is more painful than childbirth (and something men do more frequently than women BTW). But either way, you're comparing a few hours giving birth to losing your driver's license, your job, and ending up in jail for 6 months +.

 

Second of all, leaving the country, giving fake names, changing his name - while possible - it's so far fetched that in practice, its a tenuous argument at best. Not sure if you've ever changed your name, but it follows you - the government can still find you. It's called Social Security number. Nothing the government does involves names, it's all numbers, which don't change. 

 

Third, a woman has legal abortion and can literally leave her baby at the local firehouse and walk away forever (Safe Haven) and never owe a dime in "support" or face legal repercussions for doing so. A woman can literally abandon her child at designated locations and walk away free and clear. You honestly have no idea what you're talking about in regards to this subject.

 

Anyway. Now that I've corrected that, I'm done and unsubbing from this thread. Peace.

 

[sushishui]

It's called Social Security number. Nothing the government does involves names, it's all numbers, which don't change.

That's not true. Not everybody has a Social Security number. Immigrants, and visitors to the country are good examples. But even today, Social Security is an optional program, and some parents chose to opt out for their children until the child is old enough to choose for themselves. So yes, a good deal of what the government does involves names, not numbers. All the same, I understand where you're coming from, and it does apply to most men.

 

However, it's also extremely easy to make a fake ID -- teenagers do it. So if some unethical man wants to go around giving women a fake name, it is completely within his power, and there's nothing to protect women from it. If the woman never had his real name, even the government won't be able to find him. It's also easy to steal an identity, so even if somehow the woman has his SSN, there's no guarantee that it's the real one.

 

Third, a woman has legal abortion and can literally leave her baby at the local firehouse and walk away forever (Safe Haven) and never owe a dime in "support" or face legal repercussions for doing so. A woman can literally abandon her child at designated locations and walk away free and clear. You honestly have no idea what you're talking about in regards to this subject.

Legally, yes. But just because something is legal doesn't mean it's an option for everyone. I know lots of people who would never in a thousand years even consider getting an abortion or abandoning their child. Growing up in foster care can be horrible, and even if parents didn't want the child to begin with, many would never dream of subjecting their child to that.

 

Anyway, we're getting off-topic. The real point here is that it's easy for littles to end up in a bad relationship because the Caregiver hasn't provided enough information. Therefore, I do believe Little Kat is completely right in asking Caregivers to please provide more information.

Edited April 9, 2016 by sushishui

[Guest]

Justin seems to be upset because he thinks the OP is creating a double standard, but that's not implied anywhere. OP herself has many posts and is an established member of this forum. Both caregivers and littles will benefit from posting on the forum and being involved. It depends what you seek, really, though.

[LoralieHaze]

Dear Mommy's and Daddy's, 

 

I look at your posts, and I see what you've typed. I see if you posted a Personal or not. I READ your Profile. Because I want to know what you're like, if you have none of that, it's hard for me to judge if I want to continue to get to know you. I've been screwed in the past - as a sub just normally, and even as a dom. 

 

If you have nothing on your profile that introduces you. That's a turn off. 

 

If you haven't posted some simple discussions. That's a turn off. 

 

If you haven't posted an introduction. That's a turn off. 

 

When you approach me and ask me "Are you looking for a Daddy" or "Are you looking for a Mommy" and insist I kik you? That's a turn off. 

 

I may be a new little and new to exploring this side of me. But I'm no fool. 

 

If you REALLY want a REAL LG/LB/Little and if you're REALLY A Daddy/Mommy/CG Then you'd take the time to make yourself appealing. >.> 

 

Sincerely, 

 

A little that takes shit from no one. <3

 

[littlelili]

I think everyone is free to express themselves.

While Little Kat is making her point, based in her previous experiences, others can feel that it's an awkward generalization.

There are open and reserved people in any community. As well as true dd/lgs and fakes. That applies for this forum and any other place on the internet. 

 

What matters is to be happy, kind and harm no one