Submissiveness

[SweetMarie]

I want to ask about submissiveness. I'm a switch, and I've had to take on the role of being big in so many of my relationships, especially because of partners not being emotionally mature. How can I transition into being more submissive and little (provided it's safe for me to do so) so that I can explore more of myself and relax more? I have trust issues, and often need to be authoritative and keep things together at work. I really want to be more receptive though and experience more nurturing and giving in my relationships. Any suggestions on effective ways to ease into this and how to do this when not in a relationship too? (I am very used to initiating and keeping things going, but it's not working for me anymore). I'm not really asking about how to achieve it in relationship (I know communication is key), I want to develop more submissiveness and receptivity (as a personality trait, say) and then interact from there.

 

(I am pretty new to DDlg. I have been involved with other littles before, but am wondering a bit about the chased rather than chase aspect- amongst other things!)

 

*For clarification- I'm not asking how to be more littlle. I'm making a distinction, but am open to what people have to say!

[little squidly]

What a great question, I'm very curious to see what answers people can come up with! I can sort of relate, despite being a little I'm not inherently submissive whatsoever and have a ton of trouble with authority (Daddy). Sometimes I really don't agree with what he has to say or some of our rules are rather tedious for me but regardless, he's my Daddy and I have to trust that he does the right thing in my best interest...

 

In a relationship, personally, I think it's easier to develop the submissiveness if you have someone to train you. Daddy and I aren't currently training right now (we're waiting until we move in together) so I'm a total brat tbh but when that day comes he'll be training and grooming me to be his slave. I think through operant conditioning (rewards and punishment) there can be some genuine behavior modification, even for the unruly littles like us!

[SweetMarie]

Hi little squidly! Thanks so much for your response and your curiosity I hope that others will respond, too.

 

 

Perhaps other ways of asking my question could be-

 

*What helps you feel submissive?

 

*Do you have certain activities or behaviours that help bring you into this mindset (even if you're alone)?

 

*Any suggestions on cultivating submissiveness, and particular resources you like?

 

*Do you identify as a feminist, or have to fulfill certain roles at work and find that being submissive at home helps you relax and express more of yourself? Maybe you can tell me some of your experiences with this

 

 

By no means does anyone need to answer all these questions! Just any feedback would be helpful. Thank you!

[Guest Northie]

I did not quite get what being submissive has to do with being receptive and nurturing? I'm sorry but I also don't get why you want to be something you have to train yourself to be? It just sounds a little artificial to me and I don't get it. If you want, I would like to hear your view on this :>?

 

The thing is that I would not want any rules etc because I feel I know what's best for me and nobody else can tell me what things are right and good for me. Of course I want people's advice but that's a different thing. I feel poweful when I make my own decisions . This is why I feel I don't really get some things about the ddlg dynamic because I am a little and not submissive in that sense.

[little squidly]

@Northie, for me, having my Dom train me is a challenge which I thoroughly enjoy. I like having my limits pushed and widening my comfort zone. I like that I can trust my dom to make decisions for me in my best interest. It brings us closer together.

 

And SweetMarie, I def identify as a feminist and have

more of an authoritative personality everywhere but in my Daddy's presence lol. He knows that I keep that (somewhat bitchy), uptight, dominant facade around everyone else but when I get around him I melt into mush however, I do struggle with getting into my sub space sometimes as well, and I always tell him that he has to let me know in advance when he wants me to be extremely obedient and subservient. It takes some getting used to but having rules and just putting his needs above my own has helped me be more submissive. I hope this helps!

[SweetMarie]

Northie, perhaps your comment about rules is directed to little squidly?

 

It is alright if you are not submissive. You do not have to be submissive in order to be a little. However, I am a switch. Which for me actually means that I have both big and little, dominant and submissive. I feel that this makes me a more whole person, as I don't feel I need to be any one particular way. I go with how I feel. However I am feeling out of balance so would like to embrace parts of myself that don't often get the chance to be expressed. It would be liberating for me, less stressful than having to wear a mask or play a certain role all the time because I don't always want to be big or dominant. I am looking for encouragement and supportive ideas to help further my self growth. You start to lose the natural approach to something when you can't practice it.

 

Please peruse the site. It might help answer some of your questions. There are different terms and concepts, people identify in different ways. And really, having a sense of identity is a good thing, as is having a sense of curiosity towards it and possible growth/fullness.

[SweetMarie]

*I think the following words do apply well to the DDlg dynamic (as do the synonyms, which I haven't included):

 

Receptive

Adjective:

able or willing to receive something, especially signals or stimuli.

willing to consider or accept new suggestions and ideas.

 

Nurture

Verb:

care for and encourage the growth or development of.

 

noun:

the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development of someone or something.

 

upbringing, education, and environment, contrasted with inborn characteristics as an influence on or determinant of personality

 

*I've included the definition and synonyms for submission. Some of these words may not sound positive, but I suppose that's where choice and perspective come into it.

 

submission

Noun:

The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

synonyms: yielding, capitulation, acceptance, consent, compliance

 

WRESTLING

an act of surrendering to a hold by one's opponent.

plural noun: submissions

synonyms: surrender, capitulation, resignation, defeat

 

archaic

humility; meekness.

"servile flattery and submission"

synonyms: compliance, submissiveness, acquiescence, passivity, obedience, docility, deference, subservience, servility, subjection

 

*I see a link between being receptive and submissive- you are being open and allowing someone else to lead. You are willing to learn, to receive stimulation and input from others. A certain amount of humility is often necessary in good relationships, too.

 

*I also believe that give and take is important in all relationships, even D/S ones, so to both give and receive nurturing is important to me. Also, As I am so used to giving nurturing, I would like to become a little more adept at receiving it!

[SweetMarie]

(Sorry mods, I know this is me having 3 posts in a row, but I would like to respond to little squidly).

 

Thank you little squidly for your response to my question! I have people that I tend to feel more submissive around too, and that I want to please. I can relate to your description of turning to mush, LOL. I can be very loyal and giving and just want to love and support the people I am close to as best I can. Little/submissive me can be kinda vulnerable around people I like because I open up and lower my guard, but I can see the childlike nature in both the vulnerability and opening the floodgates of love. Thanks again for your advice, I'll keep it in mind

[SweetMarie]

Bump!