So confused, who am I?

[Guest Northie]

I think I should start this by saying I don’t really know what will come of this text. I’d also want anybody who reads this to know that it was very hard for me to write this and I by no means intend to or want to offend anybody!

 

I stumbled upon ddlg some time ago, it got my attention and I started my research. I think why ddlg got my attention is because some descriptions felt so much what I feel and then again other parts didn’t. I have always felt I’m somehow different, which sounds like a cliché thing to say since I think that’s probably how almost everybody feels like . When I was a teenager I got told so many times I’m too childish and silly etc. I’m in early 20s now. I think my nature is something that attracts certain type of people in good and bad. I come across ( this what I've been told many times) as very innocent, childish” (I don’t like this word, thus the “” ), goofy and silly. My friends (thank god they are so lovely) have grown to become very protective of me and they almost “guard” me. They are always there ready to "save" me from any bad that might happen, which feels very lovely to me. And oh, I'm a woman, maybe I should mention that. I also believe in unrational things like magic and I see no reason why there can't be werewolves or vamprie out there . I always say if something is very fluffy and cute that it is too much for my little heart to handle because it truly feels so, dunno if this holds any importance but anyway .

 

After this research I started to look my room differently and I noticed these things, for example I love stuffed animals, I have them on my bed and on my shelves. 2 of my oldest teddy bears  sleep next to me and if they get lost, I panic. My curtains are from childrens’ section (they have cartoon animals on them ) . I’m very playful, I love animals, especially furry ones. I’m almost 5´9 tall and for this reason when we were teenagers some of my new friends back then used to come to me for protection or safety, which always make me very uneasy and distressed. I wanted be the little one, to be protected and taken care of. Now when I'm in my 20s my friends are always the ones who help me, guide me, tell me how things are done (if we make food for example). I am never the one who guides them. I feel like I follow and they know better . The aspect that has made me wonder that I could not “belong to this community” is that some things don’t seem appealing  to me at all, for example punishments, discipline, set rules, making up some age range for me (my age is what it is now, early 20s but this is the way I act  all the time when I am in my 20s).

 

I have felt often that I should be/act in a different way but that's so difficult because this is who I am and this way of being comes naturally to me. I loved it so much when this young man took care of me. He told me how adorable I was when I explained him the plot of Disney movies I liked. I looked up to him and thought he was the greatest, safest protective creature on Earth and things went very wrong eventually. I used to love it when he held my hand and I felt safe, protected and so tiny.

 

I am so sorry this explanation became this long .To sum up, I’m quite confused what this all I’ve written here means. I’m not too hung up on labels but I think labels can also make you sometimes understand yourself and others a little bit better.

 

Have a nice time of the day wherever you are and I truly hope somebody reads this looooooong text and is able to help me on this journey to find myself .

[Guest Elencha]

No worries, Northie. I kinda felt like that at first too. At least to some extent. I don't have a "little age" And this isn't a "scene" for me, and I've got a relatively limited interest in BDSM of any kind. For me, this is simply who I am. There is no requirement that you desire certain things in order to fit in here. Any relationship is going to be determined by you and whoever you're with, so if you don't dig rules, don't have any, it's okay. If you don't want punishments, don't have any of those either. Doesn't make you any less a little.

 

Fell free to friend me if you want to talk further, I think we might have quite a bit in common. When I first came here, I was initially like, "there's a name for people like me??" Then I read a bit more and was like, "ooo-kaaay, maybe not so much..." Then I started to kinda get to know more of community here and realized, "Oh, okay, everybody is just kinda doin' their thing and supporting each other as best they know how. I dig that!" 

 

Seriously, girl, don't feel pressed to fit a mold. U.B.U.

 

 

Ninja'd  What Tori said...

Edited March 23, 2016 by Elencha

[Guest Northie]

Hi PrincessTori and Elencha. Thank you very much for your replies ! I will for sure have an open mind!

 

Elencha, what you wrote feels very similar to how I feel . I don't have little space. I can't seperate the so-called adult side and little side in myself, I think I (just like everybody) act differently in different situation. I don't know, maybe I understood this wrongly but I couldn't say that now I'm in little space and now I'm not.

[Guest Elencha]

Exactly. That's me, too. I don't have littlespace, per se, because I don't have big space, either, I just have me-space. Me reacting to whatever. It might be a squee, it might be a raised eyebrow. Anybody's guess which. I am batting around the term "organic little" to describe this phenomenon. For some it is apparently helpful to refer to times when they are specifically doing kid stuff or thinking like a kid as little space, (I think I have that right, correct me if not and accept my apologies), but not having such distinction doesn't make you less a little.