Am I too dependent on my daddy?

[Tia]

So my daddy's aunt is sick and he has to go take care of her until his sister can get moved closer to her. I can't go with him cause I've got to take care of our pets and his family is old fashioned and wouldn't approve of us sleeping together since we're not married so there's not enough space for me either. He's only been gone for a week but I'm already having a lot of issues. I'm scared to go shopping by myself and I have so much trouble sleeping without my daddy cuddling me even though he skypes me until one of us falls asleep. All I do is sit around and try to keep myself busy until he can talk to me. My friend came to visit yesterday and she said that it's not healthy for me to be like this and that I'm too dependent on my daddy. Is she right?

[Guest]

There is nothing wrong with wanting/needing your Caregiver, that is totally natural. You have the right idea, just keep yourself busy. Being separated from someone who has such an important role in your life can be so incredibly difficult. For your own mental health it is a good idea to try and be somewhat independent but don't be too hard on yourself!

[cutie_patootie]

I expect that I'll probably get rained on for saying this but I think you need to hear it.  Your friend is absolutely correct, it is not healthy for you to be so dependant on your Daddy... or on anyone else for that matter.  Keeping yourself busy in a positive manner is a good start but you need to find other interests to keep you busy.  If you don't already have one (or two... or several), now might be an excellent time to develop a new interest or hobby.  It doesn't have to be anything extraordinary, just something that you enjoy to do on your own or with someone else... and that someone else shouldn't necessarily be your Daddy.  In a healthy relationship, both people have their own hobbies and/or interests that don't involve the other person.  Try to be positive and think of this as an opportunity to show a little independence, it will hold you in good stead for any future instances when the two of you are apart for short periods of time.

 

As for sleeping without your Daddy... you might want to consider purchasing a body pillow to cuddle.  It's not a replacement for your Daddy's warm body but it gives you something large to cuddle and may help you sleep better.  Best wishes and sweet dreams for your brief time without your Daddy... 

 

Carly

[Sir Daddy]

point - Yes it is important to be able to take care of yourself, the pets, and the various tasks that need tending to throughout the day.  Keeping in contact via skype, phone, text, and other methods is great to give each other support.  The body pillow for cuddling while you talk to your Daddy is another great idea.  Something else that might help is if there's a piece of clothing of his with his scent you can keep close by that might help you sleep and maybe throughout the day as well.  If he has to go on long trips like this again each of you might want to "scent up" a piece of clothing for each other to trade.

 

point - Those people looking to be "independent" should by NO MEANS be in a relationship.  If they're looking to be independent why do they need anyone else in their life?  ...they will end up not giving the other person the attention they deserve...just the latest thing or toy to come along.  If being dependent on someone is wrong, then there are a LOT of happy mentally ill couples out there (I know a few of them).  Yes there may be times that couples may need a break from each other... as the saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder."  Also perhaps the choice of the word "independence" is a poor choice...because of the definition of that choice.  A better choice is to show "perseverance" in the face of your current adversity.  For it will help you in future adversities.

 

point - Having a hobby is good...keeping busy is good...to a point.  I think people these days are TOO busy and don't fully realize what's going on around them...to the country...to the planet.  To quote Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast.  if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

 

I wish you and your Daddy all the best...to persevere in this and future trials you will face.

[Princess-P]

I think in this cace the terms dependent and independent refer to the ability to function on your own. Its not healthy to be completely dependent on your partner to the point where you can't eat, can't sleep, can't leave the house, can't remember to take care of your health or take medication if they aren't there. That's a dangerous situation.

 

If this is the case then you do need to learn to be independent. Your an adult, I'm assuming with no mental illnesses that prevent you from taking care of yourself. Every person should learn how to be independent and function on their own before being in a serious relationship to avoid dependency.

 

However if your still taking care of yourself but just missing your Daddy a lot then there's nothing wrong with that. Its normal to feel out of sorts when someone who plays a major role in your life isn't around.

 

It sucks but it will get easier, spend some time with your friends or family. Maybe start a super secret surprise project for your Daddy for when he gets home.

[SnowPea]

I think you're reacting completely rationally to the situation. Someone you depend on a lot is far away!

This is short term. It's jarring!

 

Long term wise, if he were gone much longer, would you suffer a lot from that too? Would you still avoid going to the store for 2, 3 weeks? Would you rather scrounge for scraps in the kitchen? I think that's how you can tell if you need to be more independent.

There's nothing wrong with depending on your Daddy.

Just make sure you can depend on yourself when you need to!