Very bratty little--ideas?

[calsdaddybear]

My little (19f) and I (20m) have been getting deeper into DDLG since a year ago. We have been dating four years, so our relationship hasn't been based solely on DDLG for our entire time together.

I'll put it simply; My little grew up with boys, all older than her (ended up playing football at the high school and college level) that were extremely rough physically. Consequently, she is a very, VERY rough fighter. And in little space, when she isn't being a cute little angel, she is being a very violent brat (excessive name calling, hitting, kicking, etc.). I'm bigger than her, and am in decent shape, but she fights back far too hard for me to easily punish her. Whenever I get rougher with her in order to spank her, it gets extremely dicey on me hurting her. Basically, she'll instigate something either verbally or physically, I'll retaliate, it will escalate, and it always ends when I am about to have her in a position where I am actually able to punish her, but she often ends up in a position painful to her, she says stop, etc.  

I probably explained it pretty shittily. Regardless, it is EXTREMELY frustrating to not be able to physically punish her for physical offenses.
So, I'm asking for advice on both getting her to accept physical punishment, and asking for advice on nonphysical punishment. 

I love her and the lifestyle has been both interesting and rewarding. The problem simply is that I am a rather busy and stressed person, so I can't really take the added stress of not being able to reach some sort of equilibrium with her, on top of everything else. 

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

If physical punishment doesn't work for her, you can assign her to write lines, corner time, have privileges taken away, etc. You can sit down and ask her if these would be okay for her since she doesn't respond well to physical punishment.

[Bart]

What pouty says Or (with thanks to Melly for the awesome idea), let her push a little coin against the wall with her nose for a while

[Guest Unrequited]

And if she doesn't stay in her corner, duct tape her to the seat until she remembers who's the boss.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

I agree with whats been said about using non physical punishments. I think that might work!

 

Good luck!

[Guest littlebitty]

Sorry you mention you find this stressful and you dont have time for this behaviour, has this behaviour always been present aside from ddlg?

To be honest I dont consider this just bratty I consider this a straight up lack of respect. Whether you are into it rough play or whatever you sound like you are at the end of your tether and its a deeper issue then accepting punishments.

 

If your sub or little physically fights you and shows that lack of understanding the guidence and rules you haven in place why are you bothering? Ok bratty behaviour is one thing but it seems too many people get away with terrible behaviour such as this under the name of being a so called brat.

 

Obviously you love her and dont want to end this but you need to work out really is this what you want and is she willing to listen and accept you do not like this behaviour. If she is willing to change then discuss alternative punsihments but ultimatley It is whether you have the energy to continue. Is she even aware how this is affecting you?

 

 

Have you talked this through at all? Is she aware it is a problem and how it makes you feel?

[LittleDoveBlue]

 

If your sub or little physically fights you and shows that lack of understanding the guidence and rules you haven in place why are you bothering? Ok bratty behaviour is one thing but it seems too many people get away with terrible behaviour such as this under the name of being a so called brat.

 

 

Have you talked this through at all? Is she aware it is a problem and how it makes you feel?

For some people, this is how they express bratty behavior, and it works for them to be so physical. I know a good friend who sometimes is like this, bc the punishments fit in with their play preferences. But their doms expect and are completely happy with this. And I think the main issue here is that if OP is uncomfortable with the extent of how far it gets, and for her safety after things escalate, then they need to bring it up. Bring up the fact that you both often get to the point that she has to call things off. And let her know that whether or not you mind her being phosical, you dont like how violent things get, and has far she takes it.

 

Its important to communicate, rather than just trying to maneuver her behavior in a different direction. Discuss with her your concerns, and I'm sure she'll take your feelings on the matter into account the next time she's bring a brat.

[DaddyJsPrincess]

It sounds to me like physical punishments are not the answer here. Possibly lectures or corner time. Not knowing the full situation, though, it is a little hard to say. But a non-physical punishment would make more sense to me. If that's truly an expression of her little space, it could take a lot of time and training to work that out of her.

 

Make sure she knows what you're feeling and how stressful it is for you. If she is supposed to be submitting to you, then she really should make an effort to control herself.

[princess gremlin]

In my experience, brats usually act out and wrestle in order to receive punishment, in a playful way. If I were you, I'd time out and ask her if she actually wants to be physically punished for her behavior or not. Maybe she likes to wrestle and fight just for the fun of it and she'd rather not have it lead to spanking or anything. I'd just ask her what she wants out of it, and maybe non-physical punishments really are the answer. If it turns out that she really wants to be showed who's in charge, punished, and kind of "wrestled into submission" in a way, then you'd have to tell her to wrestle and fight a little bit less so you're not straining yourself and hurting her for real when you play. Good luck!

[JessaBear]

If your stressed tell her you can't put up with the rough fighting and kicking Ask her to stop and tell her if she doesn't she will get punished

Don't be to rough with her either

[SweetMarie]

My first observation reading your post is that things are getting outta hand. So of primary concern is if either of you find the level of physical interaction abusive or threatening.

 

From there I would suggest communication, and a lot of it.

 

You don't mention who is dominant and who is submissive in your relationship, and as a switch myself I don't want to assume. But her behaviour isn't very submissive, so maybe try to find out how she identifies because maybe she is dominant, a switch, or primal. None of this has to mean she isn't a little. She can even be a D/S switch if she doesn't identify as big.

 

Now if she does want to be submissive, there are probably a number of rules, dynamics et cetera to be figured out between the two of you because she really doesn't seem to submit easily. She may need to overcome some of her upbringing to get there. Which probably won't be easy. Maybe she wants a break from the rough and tumble lifestyle of growing up with brothers so she can be more receptive, small, feminine... Whatever. In that case she might need to try to let go a little so that you can dominate her/be loving and gentle to her depending on what she wants (or a combination- lovingly firm!)

 

But I think you really need to know what she wants and how she identifies in order to figure out how to proceed. And maybe she doesn't know. Maybe more research is necessary. (Look up primal if you don't know what it is). You can't necessarily assume she's being a brat. Find out why she is behaving the way she is. Ask questions based on Motive, Identity and Desire.

 

Motive- Why is she acting the way she is? What is she feeling/responding to?

Identity- how does she see herself? Do the roles you each have in the relationship work well? Do they need to be expanded, adjusted...

Desire- What does she want for herself and the relationship? How can she grow and express more of herself? What do you both want for the relationship? (Discuss your needs/wants/limits too)

 

And you might want to discuss S&M too.

(Sorry, I know that's a lot!)

[Big Red]

Seems to be some good advise for communication already so will hit on other areas.

Try leveling the odds to your favor if this is a dynamic you two like to do. Bratty littles should wear a collar and cufflings for good measure. Keep a leash on you and always wear a leather belt. Eye contact and a firm deep voice when you have her contained before punishment is key as she needs to see and understand why she is being punished. And don't forget the aftercare.

 

Dont ever punish a little far to late for something they did unless you are just finding out about it now. It will seem to them less of a punishment and more like resentment.

 

This punishment you seem to explain is very hands on so try mixing it up with various spanking toys, The favorite is a leather flogger, a bit expensive but very rewarding but requires them to be bounded most times(hence the collar/cufflings). Do NOT spank/hit/whip the lower sides of the back where the kidneys are located, even if this is light, excessive hitting can cause kidney problems.

 

Humiliation is a psychological punishment you can also use that will hurt her ego rather than body. Soup in the mouth, corner time, writing what she did wrong several times(in crayon) pacifier(or paci gag if you can get one), diapered for bed. These are alternative forms of punishment if you want to avoid spanking but be sure you know what mental state she is in and the conditioning is right for such.

 

 

Overall bratty littles can be rather fun to deal with but the stronger ones needs accessories on to help widen the difference between the daddy and little. Have fun though ^.-

[Nathlana Kittensoul]

I definitely would mirror most of the other responses.

 

If you don't like this behavior, if you really really want it to stop, then don't respond to it physically.

 

 

As soon as she starts getting physically violent stand up and step back from her. Tell her you are not going to play with her if she can't behave herself and that she should take a moment to think about what that means to her. Then leave the room, come back in 5 minutes.