Is Daddy mean?

[littlebabylion]

Daddy and I are new to DDlg, even though it has always kind of been a part of our relationship. B but den things changed a lot. Its not that Daddy is mean to me, its just that sometimes he's not nice...

Daddy never yells at me or physically hurts me, but sometimes He goes do to things without asking if I'm comfortable with it first, and it will be a whole new thing we haven't done before. It makes me sad that He doesn't talk to me about it first... He also doesn't give me rules (even though I have asked Him if we could talk about making rules together), but He still gives me punishments for doing things. But they aren't real punishments because I enjoy them, like spankings :$. He "punishes" me for bad things that should be actually taken care of, like me lying about something (I used to have compulsive lying disorder and sometimes I still have issues with it) or something like that... Which use so confusing for a little because I know it's not good to lie or hurt me (I pinch myself during anxiety attacks), b but Daddy seems to encourage it so it has to be good but it hurts my belly and I'm so confused.

So my question for all of yous is what should I do? How can I help my Daddy be a better one? Is He the one that is right?

[Bart]

Hey lion

 

Nope, your Daddy certainly isn't right.

 

There's a big difference between playful punishments and real punishments. Playful punishments are meant to be teasing, to be enjoyed by both, and to be given for fun. Real punishments are meant to teach you that what you didn't isn't correct, and should not be enjoyed by both parties. Since you don't have any rules, you can't have any real punishments, because there's nothing that you know you cannot do (due to no rules). If your Daddy 'punishes' you like this, he's not doing it right, because, as you said, you enjoy it.

 

To start, I think you should have a good open talk to your Daddy about these punishments, about what you need from him, that you want him to really punish you when you lie, etcetera. See how he responds, try it, and go from there.

[littlebabylion]

Bart

Thank you very much, I will talk to him when he gets home.

[Guest NewYorkDaddy]

He sounds unfit to be your daddy. Perhaps you should take some time to be with yourself and family/close friends and seek some therapy as well.

You have issues and your relationship with daddy is not helping.

[LittleJosh]

NO, he is NOT right!!  several things stand out for me here...

 

1) The most important thing i got from what you said was that he would do things before discussing them with you, reguardless of your comfort level. This is NOT behaviour of a daddy! Its dis-respectful. A daddy cares for his little FIRST! Taking great care to give his little comfort, security, SAFETY, and guiding his little to be the best they can be

 

 

2) he dosent give you rules, YET, punishes you for certain wrong things only. If hes a real daddy, then he will set ALL your guidelines and rules so you have something to follow. Routine and structure are VERY important to a little for them to be comfortable in their little space.

 

3) If he is in ANY way encouraging you to hurt yourself, then my all means, leave there! he does not sound like he has your best interest at heart and for mental, emotional and physical saftey, you would be better off out of there!

 

Learn to love and respect yourself, and then you can demand that others love you the same way! 

 

Please read up on DD/lg rules online. There are several really good posts in the forums here about that

 

Please be safe!!!

[littlebabylion]

I do think I explained this the wrong way. He does not encourage self harm AT ALL. He's extremely sweet and supportive and helps me through everything that goes on, from depression to anxiety to PTSD. I think there's issues on both hands. I'm having difficulty understanding what he is trying to get across because he doesn't understand that we need to talk about this first. I did actually talk to him earlier, and we are going to set punishments and rules together tonight, once we both get our work done (mine for school, his for office). And I do go to therapy, and it is extremely helpful. Daddy actually helps me with my scheduling cuz I have a tendency to forget things haha.. Anyways back on topic, I didn't mean for it to sound like it is an abusive relationship, because it isn't. There had just been miscommunication between us, and now we are going to sort it out. I am still completely open to advice, though. Thank you so much for helping, and please continue to give ideas on how to help with this Lil pickle as I like to say