Need Help Being Dominant

[daddyslade]

Hi, my name is erick, i am 18 and live in ca. last year, i met my girlfriend and she told me she was into DDlg, and we've done research ever since. We just now recently dove into trying the whole DDlg thing and its been going great. the only problem is, we both have to admit I am not very good at being a dominant. I am very nurturing, kind, and sweet and funny she says but I have a problem with letting her do whatever she wants and never punishing her. She also says I am just not bossy enough, which she kinda likes. We keep a journal with her rules in it and rewards and punishments and also, her coloring and just little notes from me. She has rules. But I have a problem sticking to it when it comes to punishing her. I guess I have the daddy part down but not the dominant part, if that makes sense. I need help and tips on how to be more dominant with her. She has told me I can be dominant and it won't ruin our relationship and why she likes dominance, but I just don't know. I love the idea of DDlg, but can I just not do it? I was wondering if anyone could send me a request and message me and we could talk more about this. I really need all the help I can get. She tells me I am a wonderful daddy and I know she means it but I just feel like I could really improve and make her a happier, better little. 

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

I have to be honest here. Nobody can be made into a dominant. You either are one, or you are not. If it is an effort and feels forced, then I don't see it as any kind of positive thing.

Maybe you are simply not wholly compatible.

Many couples are purely daddy/little girl without the dom part, and thats fine for them, but if she wants something from you that you simply don't have, it will only lead to resentment and bitterness on either or both sides.

Thats just my opinion. You cannot force yourself or others to be what you/they are not.

[Guest buddhagirl]

I am not a care giver, dominant or Daddy, but I have to agree with MyDaddyMyWorld. In my experience (I'm 47, so have a little bit) people have natural tendencies and they will win out in the long run. You might be able to play dominant sometimes, but it will not be your underlying way of being--which is what she is saying she wants. Now, she could decide to accept you for who you are and take you being dominant as you can, but you may never be what she says she's looking for in this department. My Daddy is just naturally dominant and is unhappy when he isn't allowed to be so. 

 

The same is true of being submissive. One can try or act submissive for their partner to make them happy, but they can't BECOME truly submissive if their mind/personality/whatever makes us who we are isn't truly a submissive. 

 

If you know who you are isn't really dominant in the way she wants, be honest with her and tell her what you can offer--love, Daddying, rules, etc., and she can decide if it's enough. You both deserve to get what you want and to be loved for who you truly are.

[Gerdom]

I think the question is, why you are not dominant or consistently concerning punishments?

Don't you enjoy to "punish" you girl in general or are you afraid of hurting her?

[Guest D@ddyDom]

There some unanswered questions here. Are you living the lifestyle 24/7? Are you afraid of being too harsh and pushing her away? Do you fear losing her?

 

You have already done a lot of great work by doing research, creating a journal, noting rewards and punishments.

 

While this form of a relationship is not a father/daughter scenario. I think it is important to think about what will happen when you actually have children. Are you going to be a push over? If you set a bed time for them and don't follow through they may begin to lose respect and take advantage of your kindness. I am not saying that this will happen between you and her because the DDlg is a subset of your relationship. However, being in the mindset of a father-like figure it might help you become a more dominant individual as it relates to providing discipline to her.

 

Rules are set to guide, teach, and protect your little one. She has requested structure with a set of guidelines. It is your duty to ensure they are followed; if/when the rules are broken the consequences will be put into action. You discipline and dominate because you love and care for her.

 

I understand what the other posts have said "you either have it or you don't". But maybe.....the dominant side is there and you just don't realize it yet because you are still young and need time to grow. It is very possible that there is just one small aspect that is holding you back. Once you figure it out then the whole package of being a Daddy will be available to her.

 

I believe you can make it happen. You can add me as a friend and we can discuss it more. I would love to see you both succeed because it is the most amazing style of relationship.

[LolitaDaddy]

You don't have to be naturally dominant, but be grateful you are naturing, kind & funny... stay that way. I think for most men, it is more difficult to learn to be a gentle daddy than to learn dominance.

Natural dominance would be ideal for what she wants, but to a large extent you can learn dominance as a skill set, & as techniques you can improve up on. This may be even better in some sense, controlled, not anger prone. Punishments in real life is where parents often learn to do things they have to, not because they want to, especially with punishments.

[daddyslade]

I have to be honest here. Nobody can be made into a dominant. You either are one, or you are not. If it is an effort and feels forced, then I don't see it as any kind of positive thing.

Maybe you are simply not wholly compatible.

Many couples are purely daddy/little girl without the dom part, and thats fine for them, but if she wants something from you that you simply don't have, it will only lead to resentment and bitterness on either or both sides.

Thats just my opinion. You cannot force yourself or others to be what you/they are not.

She isn't forcing me to do anything. I have expressed interest and asked for help. You all are assuming way too much. Nothing is forced. And if it was, I wouldn't be with her. I found this really rude. My little has never forced me to do anything and it was really not necessary to assume that. I just wanted some tips on bringing out my dominant side. But I can see I won't be getting that here.

[daddyslade]

I think the question is, why you are not dominant or consistently concerning punishments?

Don't you enjoy to "punish" you girl in general or are you afraid of hurting her?

Yes I am afraid to hurt her. I can be dominant during sex but I wanna be dominant (in a different sense) other times as well, if that makes sense.

[LolitasDaddy]

She isn't forcing me to do anything. I have expressed interest and asked for help. You all are assuming way too much. ..................... But I can see I won't be getting that here.

seems like you are doing some assuming yourself judging an entire community by a poster or two, don't you think?

 

If you want to be more dominant, do it. If you have rules in place, enforce them. If you are slacking, and not holding up to something you agreed to, you need to do better. Start with consistancy, and work from there. Come up with a list of punishments to go along with the rules. Have a safe word. You won't hurt her unless you are irresponsible.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

She isn't forcing me to do anything. I have expressed interest and asked for help. You all are assuming way too much. Nothing is forced. And if it was, I wouldn't be with her. I found this really rude. My little has never forced me to do anything and it was really not necessary to assume that. I just wanted some tips on bringing out my dominant side. But I can see I won't be getting that here.

I didn't mean she wasforcing you to do anything. I meant she wants you to be something you are not. It's no fault of either of you.

My wording may have been taken wrongly. Not every word should always be taken absolutely literally. The principal of my comment is still relevant.

[Gerdom]

Yes I am afraid to hurt her. I can be dominant during sex but I wanna be dominant (in a different sense) other times as well, if that makes sense.

 

Mhm, I think I can remember this feeling. I would recommend to try things step by step, don't try to much to fast and enjoy the new experiences (you both).

When you want to say, that you want to be dominant in everyday life, this is in my opinion a long term process of character evolution and selfestem.

Hope this makes sense to you

[Guest littlebitty]

I'm going to step away from the previous comments slightly and throw a curveball...and please no one hate me. Your 18? I've never actually met a real life 18 yr old I can hand in heart say is fully dominant. And that's not your fault. I really don't want to go into personal sexual details here, but I don't see how a teenager can be classed as sexually dominant. Simply because you don't have the experience yet. There are of course some people who have sexually dominant side and that is inbuilt. But a true Dom...regardless of your style, tastes and preferences is a learnt experienced person to me. What a lot of people have missed here is mental maturity. A true Dom doesn't just do all the physical primal mind blowing sexual stuff they can spot their prey and get inside your little submissive head before you even have a moment to know what happened. That's what I require from my daddy at all times.

 

My daddy is a grown man. He has come up through the the sexual and life ranks so to speak. He has probably failed and had sexual mishaps (I mean who hasn't) but he has learnt and matured. My daddy and in fact most of my previous masters and daddies have learnt their own style and grown In confidence. But they were boys and teenagers once too. Your time will come.

 

I don't know exactly what she is asking for, you can message me and tell me if you like. But you sound like you are doing a great job having rules In place and maybe you need to think more about why you are unsure how to punish her...or why you don't want to. I suspect it's because you never had to before? Are you on any other sites or have any other more mature daddies or doms you can get some advice from?

I am just brainstorming really so forgive my rambles, maybe you are a softer caregiver and if you really do not want to dominate her you need to explain to her why. Maybe you need to both be a bit more flexible both try to bring in punishments one step at a time. and feedback in aftercare of course.

I really do think you are asking too much for yourself at 18, and that side to you will kick in with more experience and time as you age. Definitely have a conversation with her away from the bedroom and get a feel for what she wants or how she wants to be dominated.

[daddyslade]

Mhm, I think I can remember this feeling. I would recommend to try things step by step, don't try to much to fast and enjoy the new experiences (you both).

When you want to say, that you want to be dominant in everyday life, this is in my opinion a long term process of character evolution and selfestem.

Hope this makes sense to you

It does, thank you so much

[daddyslade]

I'm going to step away from the previous comments slightly and throw a curveball...and please no one hate me. Your 18? I've never actually met a real life 18 yr old I can hand in heart say is fully dominant. And that's not your fault. I really don't want to go into personal sexual details here, but I don't see how a teenager can be classed as sexually dominant. Simply because you don't have the experience yet. There are of course some people who have sexually dominant side and that is inbuilt. But a true Dom...regardless of your style, tastes and preferences is a learnt experienced person to me. What a lot of people have missed here is mental maturity. A true Dom doesn't just do all the physical primal mind blowing sexual stuff they can spot their prey and get inside your little submissive head before you even have a moment to know what happened. That's what I require from my daddy at all times.

 

My daddy is a grown man. He has come up through the the sexual and life ranks so to speak. He has probably failed and had sexual mishaps (I mean who hasn't) but he has learnt and matured. My daddy and in fact most of my previous masters and daddies have learnt their own style and grown In confidence. But they were boys and teenagers once too. Your time will come.

 

I don't know exactly what she is asking for, you can message me and tell me if you like. But you sound like you are doing a great job having rules In place and maybe you need to think more about why you are unsure how to punish her...or why you don't want to. I suspect it's because you never had to before? Are you on any other sites or have any other more mature daddies or doms you can get some advice from?

I am just brainstorming really so forgive my rambles, maybe you are a softer caregiver and if you really do not want to dominate her you need to explain to her why. Maybe you need to both be a bit more flexible both try to bring in punishments one step at a time. and feedback in aftercare of course.

I really do think you are asking too much for yourself at 18, and that side to you will kick in with more experience and time as you age. Definitely have a conversation with her away from the bedroom and get a feel for what she wants or how she wants to be dominated.

Makes sense. Thanks! Really appreciate the advice!