Curious

[Guest lily]

Hello

 

I don't know if I am a little. I'm not really interested in the toys and accessories stuff that much, its more the dynamic that intrigues me. I can do without a pacifier/dummy! That doesnt appeal to me. 

 

Can anyone sum up exactly what it is to be a little, how broad is it, is it as unique as people are?!

 

I really am just curious and thought it would help to get some views  

 

x

[Guest lily]

Thank you, thats really helpful

 

I guess I'd only really know what I want if I was with someone and felt comfortable enough to be myself & explore it all.

[Puppy]

The lifestyle and dynamic is how YOU want to define it. There are no set rules and anyone who says "you have to do this" is obviously inexperienced. 

 

You choose what makes and breaks the DDlg lifestyle for you. This also applies to any lifestyle out there, especially within the BDSM sub-genres. You can even go as far as to make up your own dynamic which many do. If you have a partner who is also interested in the lifestyle (or are looking to find one) it's always about setting limits, communication, and coming to a mutual agreement on what is "correct" and what is "incorrect" in regards to your shared lifestyle. 

 

Please feel free to experiment and try out different things. Go at your own pace to shape the perfect lifestyle for you. You want it to be something that you enjoy to the fullest and I think that is the beauty behind any sort of dynamic: it is custom molded to fit your wants and needs, nobody else's.

[Guest Daddy's☆treasure]

What you do in DD/lg and how it's defined is up to you! Like above, it's not a cookie cutter thing so don't think you have to follow any definition online or be like anybody you see or talk to. It's just totally up to what you want and what works for you.

 

The accessories aren't what makes you little... it's who you are. So I wouldn't worry about not wanting to have any of those things. It certainly doesn't make you any less little.

 

You'll soon know all there is to know about your little self, it just takes some time.

 

<3 <3

[Guest lily]

Thank you both

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression that whilst the Daddy Dom has control, its very much based on what the little wants? Its like deep down the little is in control of the situation fully, and in a way handing over power is a letting go in a safe way?! I may have read something about this somewhere. 

 

I think this community could be so easily misinterpreted and misunderstood so I want to make sure I learn as much about it as poss before I'd even consider getting involved with anything/anyone.

[Guest Buttons]

Thank you both

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression that whilst the Daddy Dom has control, its very much based on what the little wants? Its like deep down the little is in control of the situation fully, and in a way handing over power is a letting go in a safe way?! I may have read something about this somewhere. 

 

I think this community could be so easily misinterpreted and misunderstood so I want to make sure I learn as much about it as poss before I'd even consider getting involved with anything/anyone.

 

Hi there! Welcome to the forum!

 

What you said is absolutely true. While we engage in BDSM-related dynamics such as DDlg, at the end of the day we are all grown adults. Everything we do within a DDlg-context must be first negotiated fully and consented to. 

 

So, for example, if you want your partner to have control over what time you go to bed. This should be something that both of you first discuss as adults, as equals, with the DDlg dynamic set aside. Have an open, clear conversation about what you both want. When you come to a compromise/conclusion, then consent can be given and you can fall back into your roles.

 

But it is also super important to have a safeword established, and that both of you respect it! A safeword is a word that either of you can use at any time, even during punishments, that will stop the play altogether - if you are uncomfortable/unsure, just not in the mood, or you want the play to slow down. No matter what you're reasoning or what is happening, you always have the right to safeword. You are an adult, an equal in this relationship <3 

 

We have some super links that I'm gonna show you!

 

Safewords: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/6469-lets-talk-about-safewords/

Limits: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/6491-lets-talk-about-limits/

Aftercare: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/1704-why-aftercare-is-important/

Staying grounded: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/6511-reality-vs-fantasy/

 

Best, best, best of luck! <3

[Guest lily]

Thank you, all very interesting!

 

What worries me is some women may get in to this without doing their homework, without realising THEY are in control, they are adults and theres nothing they have to do (other than what is mutually agreed upon) & even then, I guess thats where the safe words come in. I've seen few posts on here that disturb me a little with regards to vulnerable girls not being treated properly, by guys who are not proper DD & just exploiting them.

 

Honestly, I'm not interested so much in the pain aspect, the punishment. I realise thats a huge draw for many people who get in to this, but I am much more interested in the nurturing aspect, the nice stuff! Which is why I'd never consider other types of d/s relationships, as those all seem to have a heavy emphasis on inflicting pain for pleasure.

The article about aftercare, and the 'subspace' thing concerns me a little as I don't want to do anything potentially traumatic & thus need aftercare. Is that more generalised for BDSM or specific to ddlg?

 

I guess its possible to have the ddlg dynamic even just a little bit, without it being a full on lifestyle. I reckon some people naturally fall in to that without even knowing about DDlg. 

 

Hope this isn't too in-depth! Its all very interesting to me even if i decide its not for me!

 

x

[Guest starrflower]

My interest in this lifestyle is the same as yours and we are a lot alike.  I am drawn to it mainly for the nurturing aspect.  Spankings,  punishments and painful sex are also not for me  so someone once told me that I may be looking for a Gentle Daddy.   It seems to be a very toned down version of d/s.    As I am seeing there are so many varieties of these relationships.  I have learned that not all daddies are doms.    

[Littlebee]

I agree that it is what you make it and everyone is different. My BIG jobs are pharmacy tech, fashion stylist and fashion blogger. When I get home from a particularly stressful day, I enjoy my LITTLE stuff. It helps me clear my mind when I'm in little space. I'm not thinking about any stresses from work. This would be true whether or not I have a daddy. Some people are public with their littleness, some are private. Some have daddies or mommies, some don't. I have a daddy who is very gentle. He loves to take care of me but he doesn't punish me because he knows I'm very hard on myself and doesn't want to add to that. I'd say this lifestyle is very customizable.

[Guest lily]

I'm an arty person so when I get excited over 'childish' things its probably not seen as that odd. If I were doing some suit type job maybe it would be weird for me to get excited over something cute/beautiful. Some people are naturally the type to never be 'adult' in the typical sense right?! I wouldnt need to hide it, as I don't hide it now. I don't have a collection of toys though, I'm a minimalist as that helps me feel more organised, and I dont like having lots of stuff! I do colourful abstract paintings though, I guess thats my way of playing. I'd like to embrace play even more though.

 

Those of you in a relationship, did you meet your partner/daddy through ddlg stuff or did you discover it after being together a while?

[Bisou_Bisou]

Lily, love this thread! Thanks for asking the tough stuff- this noob will just sit back and read along!