Conflict after littlespace? (Possibly NSFW)

[LadyPuff]

Forgive me if this has been posted before. I've been unable to find anything on this topic.


I'm not quite sure of how I'm going to explain this. My apologies if this is poorly written.

I don't have the most experience with being in littlespace. I've known about dd/lg, and I know I am a little. My last "relationship'' Is another story, but you could find background information helpful. He was more of a playfriend, but a dominant. He refused to commit to me, though would constantly make me submit to him nearly full-time. At this time I had known about dd/lg slightly for a while, but decided to learn as much as I could. After I'd accidentally sent a dd/lg related picture to him on accident, he questioned me about what a "Daddy" was. Through my explaining he gathered that if I were to have a Daddy, he would be one I would completely devote everything to. He attempted to order me into calling him Daddy. At first I refused, knowing he wouldn't be good for me. Not at that time.
I told him, I would call him Daddy if he would commit to me like a Daddy should. He wouldn't, only to give me a talk about how he wanted to be with me. He continued to coax me into calling him Daddy overtime, and I very constantly wouldn't. Slowly bit by bit I gave in. By then I'd began calling him Daddy full-time.
With that, came littlespace. I would often slip into little space, fighting it the whole time. Trying to stop myself from being little. It did nothing but give me self-conflict. When I was little with this person, he completely disregarded it. Ignored me, and sometimes did things that typically damages littlespace. Almost as if he was unaware that littlespace was a thing. 
Please keep in mind that I deal with mental illnesses, and this person was the only person I had at the time to give me any kind of assistance. Friendly or loving affection. I was so driven to grain his praise and feel better knowing I succeeded.

Since that had ended... I haven't entered littlespace. Now I have a real Daddy, A Daddy I love very much. I want my littlespace back badly, but I describe it as being broken. Crushed...actually. I find myself almost completely unable to be little...and it hurts so bad.

I've had one, maybe three times I've been in little space since the stuff above. Once was during playtime with Daddy, and it went well. The other time I am able to remember, I was using my phone to draw pictures on the screen and send to my Daddy now.
However I deal with feeling...odd afterwards. I don't want to quite use the word disgusted...
Looking at the pictures I made in little space and thinking "Really? Seriously? You did that. Isn't it abit pathetic?" and other horrible, negative things about my littlespace.

I want to be little with my Daddy. He deserves so much more than anything I'd ever given to that other person. I want to give him everything, and I know he'd show me just as much love as I'm within little space than out of it.
I feel like I've written this out and lost the point, wasted your time.

I guess my whole point is, Does anyone else experience negative feelings after being in little in regards to it? And any methods to help assist me back into littlespace more? Things I've tried are unhelpful.
 

[Guest Buttons]

I'm so sorry to hear you're having these problems!  

 

I think it sounds like you're experiencing some internalised shame about your littlespace after you've engaged with it? I used to feel like that, too, sometimes. I would think things like "oh my god, I'm 19, why do I want to have baby dolls and colouring books.." So you're definitely not alone with these thoughts. Other people experience similar ones.

 

BUT, it's super important to remember that there is nothing at all wrong with your littlespace! It totally harmless! You're an intelligent, consenting adult, and what you do in your spare time to relax is absolutely nobody else's business. Colouring little pictures is harmless, it doesn't hurt anybody at all. There's even a market growing for adult colouring books! It's enjoyable, it's relaxing, etc. Be more gentle with yourself <3 Maybe think about what you would tell somebody else if they were feeling shame over their littlespace, and direct those thoughts towards yourself. I promise you're not alone - there's a whole community of us here who also engage in littlespace, and we all promise that it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! We can celebrate littlespace altogether!

 

Also! I've located some topics regarding trouble getting into littlespace. I hope they'll be helpful to you! :

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/5885-trouble-getting-into-little-space/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/4050-struggling-with-little-space/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/3215-college-little-having-trouble-getting-into-little-space/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/4291-getting-into-little-space/

 

Best of luck! <3 

[Guest Lovesdaddy1972]

I understand what you mean. At 43 I'm just now embracing being little. My little space is my safe space. I can invite others into it but only if I feel safe to do so. Sounds like your previous Daddy invaded that space and not in a good way even by ignoring that part of you if that makes sense.

 

Be little. It's ok. I promise! Also being little I am finding is one of the very special gifts we can give to our Daddy.

Yesterday I told mine "I am in little space today. I just can't adult!" I spent the day on the couch. Sick. With my Tigger cup, my Tigger blanket, and my pink fuzzy blanket and did nothing all day but nap and text with Daddy. It just felt good! You owe it to yourself to feel good.

 

Maybe make a list of things you enjoy that make you feel little. Then just pick one and enjoy. Have fun! Have Daddy join you in an activity if/when he can. Let him nurture that part of you. Always remember its perfectly ok to be little. If it wasn't we wouldn't all be here.

 

Xoxo

[LadyPuff]

Thank you both, It was helpful in some ways. I'll read those as soon as I can, Buttons. Thank you for finding it for me. I'll try to be more gentle with myself, in how I think. Talking to Daddy more about how I feel when I feel it, should help too.

 

 

Maybe make a list of things you enjoy that make you feel little. Then just pick one and enjoy. Have fun! Have Daddy join you in an activity if/when he can. Let him nurture that part of you. Always remember its perfectly ok to be little. If it wasn't we wouldn't all be here.

That sounds like a good idea, If Daddy wants to, he and I can make that list together very soon. I know he wants to do everything he can in order to help me, and he understands it can be very hard for me to get into things.

[Guest Lovesdaddy1972]

Keep us posted on how it's going! xoxo

[LadyPuff]

Since you want to, I'll try to remember to leave an update here.

Lovesdaddy1972, feel free to send me a friend request, if you wanna check up or whatever ^.^

[Guest Buttons]

Thank you both, It was helpful in some ways. I'll read those as soon as I can, Buttons. Thank you for finding it for me. I'll try to be more gentle with myself, in how I think. Talking to Daddy more about how I feel when I feel it, should help too.

 

Wishing you all the very best of luck! <3