First time poster- needs help

[Guest DaddyRabbit]

Hi everyone, not the way i wanted to get my first post on the board, but i ran into a problem tonight and i need help. I made some big mistakes, or at least my little percives them as such... she said some things that really hurt me, and i'm sure to her i deserve them, and i might... i'm not looking for absolution but i need advice; so here's the deal.

 

Many months ago i met my little online. We live in the same town but our schedules conflict greately so we generally carry on over texts but we can see each other now and then but not for more than a few hours. So during the early part of the relationship, like in all relationships we discussed likes and dislikes, our familiarty with the lifestyle, fetishes and whatnot. Now she asked me about wearing diapers, and i told her (please no one take offense to this), i thought it was a little strange and i didnt understand and i wasn't sure if i could do it. We laughed and moved on.

 

Well tonight, i had to work late, and i was at my work desk and she sends me a text telling me that im going to hate her. I ask her why and she sends me a picture of her in a diaper. then i asked her why she was trying it on, and she said she just wanted to. She then told me that she wasnt going to ask me to change her or anything but i told her if its what she wanted i would do it for her. She told me i had said no to it in the past, and that I COULDNT change my mind, because it would be lying. I explained to her if she wanted to explore it i was willing to do so because i wanted to support her and anything she wanted to try out.

 

She then flat out called me a liar.

 

That hurt, but not as much as what happend next. I told her i was trying to be a good Daddy and help her explore things.

 

She told me i wasnt a good Daddy and not to talk to her.

 

..that made me cry, instantly. I'm not a crier or overly emotional by nature, and i'm old enough to have PLENTY of battle scars but that was the worst thing i'd ever heard in my life.

 

Needless to say, i spoke to her anyway, and asked her to forgive me and help me understand what i did wrong.. she then told me she was going to bed, and i didnt message her again.

 

so i've resolved myself not to message her until she messages me, IF she messages me...

 

So other than talking to her, after she asked me not to, which i know was super stupid, how else did i mess up? i told her the diaper thing wasnt my thing previously but tonight  I told her i was WILLING to explore it because SHE wanted to... should i have just paid her lip service and not told her that? argh... I don't know, i'm an emotional wreck as i write this, this just happend over the last 20 minutes.... i'm crushed and i know i hurt her because she takes my want to explore and my intial claim about diapers to be a lie now, and that i've completely lied to her and destroyed her trust in me.

 

ok i'm talking in circles now... I'm going to hit post, and see what happens tomorrow...

 

Daddy Rabbit

[Guest Pouty Kitten]

I think she is being extremely irrational about the situation. You were being truthful to her and that you're even willing to try it out for her. I think she wanted to hear that you liked it from the get-go. I don't know..she sounds a little immature to me since she cannot understand that people are able to change their minds/viewpoints- that's how we grow as human beings- It doesn't make us liars. You can try to explain it to her again, but it doesn't seem like she's really hearing you.

[Guest Robin]

I might be totally wrong here, but to me it sounds like she wanted to stop talking to you. But she didn't have it in her to just be up front and honest about that, so she fabricated a reason for it to become your fault. That way you'd be the one responsible, and she wouldn't have to feel bad about it.

 

She put you in a position where no matter what you did, you'd be doing something wrong. She probably would have responded in a similar fashion if you had disapproved of what she sent you. She'd just be doing it from a different angle, where you'd be "putting your own wants before hers."

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

You did literally nothing wrong. Sorry, but no matter how she identifies within this lifestyle, she IS still hopefully an adult. She's the one who ought to at least apologise.

You are just pandering to some very pouty, out of line and unnecessary behaviour on her part.

This is her problem not yours.

[Guest PimkiePoison]

I have to give reason to Robin. She probably wanted to break up but didn't have the courage to do so and she thought about this in order to not feel guilty about living you. I'm sorry because she was a total rude person to you and you did everything in your power to make it right to her. You deserve better.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Yeah I agree too. She sent that pic to get a reaction, and no matter what reaction you gave, she could bitch about it.

[lilvioletcub]

Replace little with partner and you'll see you did nothing wrong.

Take the dynamic out of it and think back over the situation

I agree with everyone here, for one she was not acting like a muture adult, she broke up with you and fought with you over text for no reason on your part she just wanted to end it but instead of acting like her age (which I'll assume here is late 20's -40's given your own age) she came up with reasoning only a teenager or 14 year old would think okay to do.

 

You did nothing wrong, you did everything right. SHE is in the wrong here SHE is the one who is not acting adult about breaking up with you.

She wanted to start a fight is what it is.

 

She is not worth your tears or your time you can do much better.

here read these

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/6511-reality-vs-fantasy/

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/6413-littles-and-responsibility/

[Guest DaddyRabbit]

wow, thank you all so much for your responses and insight. sometimes it takes someone from the outside to look at your situation to get a better grasp on it.

 

we have a bit of an age gap, i'm in my mid 30's ,shes in her mid 20's, so its almost about 10 years and i know that's an issue since we have differing levels of maturity.

 

So this morning i wake up and she's sent me a picture, that was titled "Trying to apologize for my extreme overreactions when i get upset is like this:" and has Lilo from Lilo and stitch, and a subtitle of her apologizing for doing some things. then she sent me a text: "I'm sorry Daddy..."

 

i didn't know how to respond to her. Part of me wanted to accept her apology and pull her back into my arms (so to speak) and forgive her... but most of me was unsure as to what to do and i have a feeling this will happen again with other issues that may come up and they'll be this extreme.

[lilvioletcub]

wow, thank you all so much for your responses and insight. sometimes it takes someone from the outside to look at your situation to get a better grasp on it.

 

we have a bit of an age gap, i'm in my mid 30's ,shes in her mid 20's, so its almost about 10 years and i know that's an issue since we have differing levels of maturity.

 

So this morning i wake up and she's sent me a picture, that was titled "Trying to apologize for my extreme overreactions when i get upset is like this:" and has Lilo from Lilo and stitch, and a subtitle of her apologizing for doing some things. then she sent me a text: "I'm sorry Daddy..."

 

i didn't know how to respond to her. Part of me wanted to accept her apology and pull her back into my arms (so to speak) and forgive her... but most of me was unsure as to what to do and i have a feeling this will happen again with other issues that may come up and they'll be this extreme.

 

I'm 25, a 10 year age gap in a relationship shouldn't make her act like this much of a brat. Again she is an adult. if you take "little" and "daddy" out of it your partner basically treated you like trash and not for play (some littles act bratty as part of play)

 

What you should do is sit down with her out of little space and talk like adults comminication is key take the dynamic out of it and ask her as her mid 20's adult self why she did this and if this is how she treats her relationships

 

always listen to your gut who knows she may of done this in other relationships

[Guest PimkiePoison]

wow, thank you all so much for your responses and insight. sometimes it takes someone from the outside to look at your situation to get a better grasp on it.

 

we have a bit of an age gap, i'm in my mid 30's ,shes in her mid 20's, so its almost about 10 years and i know that's an issue since we have differing levels of maturity.

 

So this morning i wake up and she's sent me a picture, that was titled "Trying to apologize for my extreme overreactions when i get upset is like this:" and has Lilo from Lilo and stitch, and a subtitle of her apologizing for doing some things. then she sent me a text: "I'm sorry Daddy..."

 

i didn't know how to respond to her. Part of me wanted to accept her apology and pull her back into my arms (so to speak) and forgive her... but most of me was unsure as to what to do and i have a feeling this will happen again with other issues that may come up and they'll be this extreme.

You know, sometimes a sorry is not enough. She really acted like a bitch and if she thinks that just by texting you she'll be forgiven, she has in her mind the idea that she could do anything mean or hurtful to you because at the end you will always be there for her. NUH-UH. 

You are a better person and you deserve respect and this girl is giving you none. So like lilvioletclub said, sit down with her OUT OF SCENE and let her understand that you won't be there for her shit. 

 

She can do 2 thingas:

- understand what she is losing, and be a better partner

- tell you that "this is not what i signed up for" and walk away..

 

and what she does will make you understand what she really feels about you. 

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

I agree she acted like a bitch. An immature, childish one. She's playing games with you. Way too much drama. But of course that's up to you.

[Guest DaddyRabbit]

Needing to talk is something we DEFINITELY need to do, this incident really put a bad taste in my mouth and I'm still just so upset! I definitely do NOT want the drama, i had plenty in high school and my early 20's, and i'm well past that point.

 

 

So let me ask this, have any of you littles or Bigs have an area you wanted to explore that the other was originally against, then decided to give a try anyway, like in this situation? and if so, how did that go?

[Guest PimkiePoison]

Needing to talk is something we DEFINITELY need to do, this incident really put a bad taste in my mouth and I'm still just so upset! I definitely do NOT want the drama, i had plenty in high school and my early 20's, and i'm well past that point.

 

 

So let me ask this, have any of you littles or Bigs have an area you wanted to explore that the other was originally against, then decided to give a try anyway, like in this situation? and if so, how did that go?

Well just today daddy made my try something i wasn't so thrilled to do kinda scary too... but I gave it a try because i mean, i didn't know if it was for me, but when I told him it wasn't my cup of tea he was pretty cool about it. He thanked me for trying too.  

 

But yet again in your case I don't think that's the problem. The problem was the way she reacted. You did nothing wrong.

[lilvioletcub]

Needing to talk is something we DEFINITELY need to do, this incident really put a bad taste in my mouth and I'm still just so upset! I definitely do NOT want the drama, i had plenty in high school and my early 20's, and i'm well past that point.

 

 

So let me ask this, have any of you littles or Bigs have an area you wanted to explore that the other was originally against, then decided to give a try anyway, like in this situation? and if so, how did that go?

'm Echoing Pimikeposion here, Daddy tried breath play with me even though I've known that wasn't my cup of tea he lightly tried it but as soon as I said no to that he stopped no questions asked

 

And again that is not the issue you are in. I'm going to talk about what you said here "I definitely do NOT want the drama, i had plenty in high school and my early 20's, and i'm well past that point." Yes I can see and understand that but you said she is in her mid 20's as a 25 year old I can tell you for fact that drama and 20 somethings are like cheese and wine its unescapable that when dating a 20 something you WILL have drama to some degree (I for example got into fights with my Daddy over online users I didn't even know and bothered him about it for 2 years of our 3 year relationship) point is while you are well over it she is still going thought those 20 something pitfalls

 

You have a choice to akwnolage this will involve drama, this will involve a show and possibly a drawn out fight. That you accept she is a 20 something and not near the level of muturity you are and you love her none the less.

Hold her to her actions, make sure it was a one time fluke, ask her if she has treated her friends, family, ex lovers in this manner outside the dynamic then ask what makes you diffrent enough that you deserve such unneeded drama she is giving you.

 

I think your asking us the wrong type of question instead of asking "So let me ask this, have any of you littles or Bigs have an area you wanted to explore that the other was originally against, then decided to give a try anyway, like in this situation? and if so, how did that go?"

You should be asking "Have any of you been in a situation in which your partner got upset with you and fought ith you for no reason but then wanted to get back together with you"?

 

becuse that is the situation. She played with your feelings then came back wanting you again

[Princess-P]

I'm not sure that being in her mid 20s really has anything to do with maturity level, some people just don't grow up. Ever. Personally myself I've been very mature (when I'm not being little lol) since long before I was an adult. How we act and behave in relationships is all on us not our ages or age gaps.

 

There's been many instances in my past relationship (with a Daddy 13 years older than me BTW) where one or the other wanted to try something new, if it wasn't established as a hard limit we tried it. It either worked or it didn't but the other was always willing to try.

 

Communication is always key, its not easy if one person is unwilling or unable to be adult about a matter. Her "your gonna hate me" text is way off, never ever should one partner feel the other will HATE them, and if she believed it was a hard limit for you why push it in that way? Or at all? Sounds like a test of what she can get away with.

[DaddysLolita]

I have to agree with the immaturity. Any relationship evolves, just because you were not really into it prior doesn't mean it can't be explored. Where is it written you can't change your mind? She was either being a brat, looking for a way out, or just being downright disrespectful.

 

That's like saying "I don't understand why people like cheesecake, it looks weird." Then being willing to try it just to be told you can't like it because you were uncertain in the first place.

 

Sorry but if someone told me I couldn't change how I felt about something, I'd walk away. Life's to short to not explore.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think you did anything wrong.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

Topping from the bottom also comes to mind, but a really manipulative and spoilt version of it.

She just sounds like a waste of time and energy. Yawn....byebye, lol.

[Lazarus_1_506]

she fabricated a reason for it to become your fault. That way you'd be the one responsible, and she wouldn't have to feel bad about it.

[Guest DaddyRabbit]

Thank  you everyone for your support, especially to a first timer on this board!

 

So she and I had a long talk about the situation and I made the difficult, but correct, decision to end our realtionship; it just wasnt going to work. All of you made great points that made me think about our realtionship and showed me things i knew were going on but just failed to see. I knew she was trying to manipulate during our conversation, all she did was cry and say "But Daddy.." and i had to tell her REPEATEDLY that we needed to keep ourselves out of our spaces for this conversation and we had to be adults but she kept trying.. 

 

So i'm a mess, angry and sad; angry that it went this way and i didnt see it coming,  and sad because i HAD to say good bye to her, even though part of me wanted to scoop her into my arms, but i had to end what was turning into a very one sided manipulative realtionship, as opposed to be the fun and beautiful relationship it seemed like it was GOING to be.

 

Thank you all...

[lilvioletcub]

Thank  you everyone for your support, especially to a first timer on this board!

 

So she and I had a long talk about the situation and I made the difficult, but correct, decision to end our realtionship; it just wasnt going to work. All of you made great points that made me think about our realtionship and showed me things i knew were going on but just failed to see. I knew she was trying to manipulate during our conversation, all she did was cry and say "But Daddy.." and i had to tell her REPEATEDLY that we needed to keep ourselves out of our spaces for this conversation and we had to be adults but she kept trying.. 

 

So i'm a mess, angry and sad; angry that it went this way and i didnt see it coming,  and sad because i HAD to say good bye to her, even though part of me wanted to scoop her into my arms, but i had to end what was turning into a very one sided manipulative realtionship, as opposed to be the fun and beautiful relationship it seemed like it was GOING to be.

 

Thank you all...

 

Your welcome and thank you for telling us the end result.

I'm sorry you feel bad but I'm happy you did it and happy you left the relationship, you'll find someone better for you

[Guest PimkiePoison]

Thank you everyone for your support, especially to a first timer on this board!

 

So she and I had a long talk about the situation and I made the difficult, but correct, decision to end our realtionship; it just wasnt going to work. All of you made great points that made me think about our realtionship and showed me things i knew were going on but just failed to see. I knew she was trying to manipulate during our conversation, all she did was cry and say "But Daddy.." and i had to tell her REPEATEDLY that we needed to keep ourselves out of our spaces for this conversation and we had to be adults but she kept trying..

 

So i'm a mess, angry and sad; angry that it went this way and i didnt see it coming, and sad because i HAD to say good bye to her, even though part of me wanted to scoop her into my arms, but i had to end what was turning into a very one sided manipulative realtionship, as opposed to be the fun and beautiful relationship it seemed like it was GOING to be.

 

Thank you all...

I'm sorry you had to leave her, but if its better thar way so be it. I really hope you found someone who knows how valuable you are and that appreciates you.

[Princess-P]

Ending a relationship is never easy, even when you know its for the best. But know also that staying in a relationship that doesn't make you feel good is even worse.

 

You did the right thing, and the right little will come along for you. And it may even teach her that acting how she did won't get her what she wants. Hopefully she will grow from that experience as well.