New to the ddlg community.

[CutiePie]

Hi, um I'm new to this community. My boyfriend introduced it to me few months ago. We kinda argue a lot recently because I don't know what I'm doing and always question his word and don't listen. I don't mean to, I'm just naturally a person who questions everything I guess and tries to understand as much as I can. But I just can't seem to do this right. I want to be the best little and submissive to my daddy and make him happy and proud. He gave me this website because I asked for him to give me something that would help me. He told me to ask other littles (and daddies if they want to help) how do I best serve my dominant, I don't know what I'm doing and it's beginning to upset my dom and how do I just shut up and Listen? He told me that he's going to have to make me listen and not question is word the hard way by breaking me. I've lost my privilege of calling him daddy just now, so I have to call him sir.

 

So basically what I'm asking is, can anyone please, please help me? I want to be good at pleasing my daddy and listen! And how to be little. I'm so clueless and is making both my daddy and I very upset :-(.

 

P.s. sorry for any spelling mistakes

[Guest Naturalselectionissexy]

It sounds like he wants you to be something you're not plain and simple. Quite frankly trying to change someone is completely pointless and will just end badly. 

 

Sounds like he is the one that needs to make some concessions and realize you are a unique individual... 

[lilvioletcub]

you are doing the right thing, he however is being an idiot and not being a good boyfriend or daddy.

 

1.  You don't just "shut up and listen" you ask questions, you learn about him and about yourself you learn about SSC or RACK you learn how to comminicate what you like and what you don't.  YOU set the limits for yourself becuse if you don't have limits how can you tell him NO when you need to? Also never say No but rather use a safe word like red light

 

ex. Boyfriend tried to see how I like breath play one time I kne right away even though he was barly touching me that it was not for me at all I told him as such and he moved his hand no repremand no questions I was uncomfertable and he fixed the situation.

 

Ex. Something we were doing was destressing me so I used my safe word of red light again he didn't get mad and understood

 

2. There is no right or wrong way to be a submissive or a little. It is eaither a part of you or it isn't. Case and point are you a fallower or a leader more? which comes more naturally?

 

Ex. I need routine I need " I do this on this day" it helps me focus and keeps me going I freak or panic or even forget things if I don't have a set day to day guide I've always been like this and it showed even before being a little

 

3. "He told me that he's going to have to make me listen and not question is word the hard way by breaking me. I've lost my privilege of calling him daddy just now, so I have to call him sir." Okay this guy is just being a controlling A hole this is not how it works in the slightest.
You need to ask questions, you need to coummincate with him if he tries to "break you" of that then HE IS THE ISSUE not you.

Take DD/lg out of it and would you allow this from a normal Vinalla relationship?

I hope no becuse this kind of controling behavor and wanting to break you sounds like an abuseive jerk who needs to chill and learn how to respect women as there own people

[Cas-the-kitten]

Dom/sub relationships are not about Doms getting all of the power. It's the opposite actually. The sub has all of the power in a dom/sub relationship. You set the boundaries and the limits. And within those lines, you're daddy can make rues abiding to yours. Dom/sub is suppose to be consensual and all parties should be completely informed. He sounds like a toxic person and I personally would advise you to leave the relationship.

[Guest starrflower]

So I am new too and doing a lot of reading and he does not sound like a genuine Daddy.  He is abusive.  I just find it funny that he sent you here. I honestly hope you break free from this guy

[Little Mouse]

  On 1/14/2016 at 3:11 AM, lilvioletcub said:

you are doing the right thing, he however is being an idiot and not being a good boyfriend or daddy.

 

1.  You don't just "shut up and listen" you ask questions, you learn about him and about yourself you learn about SSC or RACK you learn how to comminicate what you like and what you don't.  YOU set the limits for yourself becuse if you don't have limits how can you tell him NO when you need to? Also never say No but rather use a safe word like red light

 

ex. Boyfriend tried to see how I like breath play one time I kne right away even though he was barly touching me that it was not for me at all I told him as such and he moved his hand no repremand no questions I was uncomfertable and he fixed the situation.

 

Ex. Something we were doing was destressing me so I used my safe word of red light again he didn't get mad and understood

 

2. There is no right or wrong way to be a submissive or a little. It is eaither a part of you or it isn't. Case and point are you a fallower or a leader more? which comes more naturally?

 

Ex. I need routine I need " I do this on this day" it helps me focus and keeps me going I freak or panic or even forget things if I don't have a set day to day guide I've always been like this and it showed even before being a little

 

3. "He told me that he's going to have to make me listen and not question is word the hard way by breaking me. I've lost my privilege of calling him daddy just now, so I have to call him sir." Okay this guy is just being a controlling A hole this is not how it works in the slightest.

You need to ask questions, you need to coummincate with him if he tries to "break you" of that then HE IS THE ISSUE not you.

Take DD/lg out of it and would you allow this from a normal Vinalla relationship?

I hope no becuse this kind of controling behavor and wanting to break you sounds like an abuseive jerk who needs to chill and learn how to respect women as there own people

 

 

 

I understand exactly what u r trying to explain, because this was me also... me and daddy didnt know this existed until trying to spice up our lives and not just sex.. a friend shared about ddlg and when I read it, I just knew, this is me...

 

U have to just know, u cant change and be a little or even a daddy, both just come natural...

[Guest Nate]

I agree with some of the above posts... It's not about controlling and domineering... It has to be something you want to do. He's the issue here. He needs to learn how to best serve you, in my opinion. He's the clueless one

[SylviDoll]

Another important part of a ddlg relationship is nurturing and protecting. I think your boyfriend is so obsessed with control that he's totally overlooking that. A daddy should be patient while you learn the ropes, not harsh. If you are looking for a daddy or CG, I don't think this guy is the one for you. You might want to show him this thread while y'all discuss things.

[CutiePie]

Thank you for all replying!! I think they way I may have described it that he doesn't care. He does, he really loves me. I want this and when I said he wants to 'break' me, I didn't literally mean that, he just wants me to stop over thinking everything and just let myself go. He does want the best for me. And trust me I'd know if it was an abusive relationship. My mum went through it all with my dad and I will NEVER let anyone do that to me. They way I described all of this was kinda poorly because I was half asleep, it was 3am, so I probably should have waited till today. You have all given me great advice, and have really cleared up a lot of things for me. I will be sure to show him this and we will work it out.

 

I do do a lot of little things and feel more myself when I do. I've just never been given the opportunity to fully express this. When I said he wants me to stop questioning everything, it's not about the questions I have about ddlg. If I do he will help me the best he can describe it to me and help me through it. But it's when I question his word. It's the stupid silly things. He say something cute and I'd ask why or like I don't know a good example but it's thing like that.

 

You all have given me a lot of advice I really needed to har to help me sort this out. He has given me rules, but I'm not so good at following them. I've never really had to follow a set of rules. It's just a case if him helping me get into a routine and be the best I can. That all he wants for me.

 

So thank you again! If anyone has any other advice for me about anything I should know about ddlg, I would really appreciate it!!! :-)

[Guest littlemissragamuffin]

So what if you ask a lot of questions? Sometimes people just ask questions. Sometimes it's just part of someones personality. Curiosity is a personality trait. I ask A Lot of questions, and I do mean a lot. I'm the kind of person that asks what makes water wet, then when someone answers me I'll ask why. Why do I do this? I don't know, it's just who I am. Random questions tend to happen. I've tried my whole life not to ask a million and one questions but I can't. It's just part of my personality. Plus how am I suppose to learn if I don't ask? I warned Mister Master that I ask a lot of random questions and not to feel bad if he can't answer them. Half the time I'm just randomly asking and not actually asking him to explain, that I've just always had a bad habbit of questioning everything.

 

(You did kinda make your boyfriend sound kinda mean and not good. I don't know, I'm not there. Sometimes people cover, sometimes people lie to themselves, maybe you really are happy and good. But just because someones parents where in an abusive relationship doesn't mean they won't be or see it happening to them. When you grow up in a life sometimes you don't see things because "I'm never going to let that happen to me")

[Princess-P]

Its perfectly fine to ask questions, that's how we learn. All the experience with something doesn't mean you know it all. That goes for everything. Work, school, life, and everything in between. Its natural to question something when its asked if you or your told to do it and you don't understand, and if you don't ask then you can't do it to the best if your ability.

 

When your Daddy gave you rules were they ones you both sat down as adults and discussed? Rules are great, don't get me wrong, but you have to both want the same outcome from them, or they just won't work.

 

I don't agree with him telling you that you can't call him Daddy, if this is normally what he goes by then telling you that you can't is an emotional punishment. Those are far too harsh in my opinion.

 

All you can do is talk to him, as adults, make sure your rules are consentual and that he understands that changing your nature is not what a Dom or Daddy does. They are a support, your guide to changes you want to make in yourself. Yes they dish out punishments to keep you on track, but the punishment should fit the crime and shouldn't make you feel less than what you are or make you doubt if your being "good enough".

 

Just talk it out, that's the main thing. Adults solve problems through communication.. And that DOES mean questions. And, not saying this is the case but just a word of advice, don't let yourself think that because you can recognize an abusive relationship from the outside means you can from the inside. There's a reason that abuse follows a pattern in most cases. If you just assume it can't happen to you you will be less likely to spot it if it does.

[lilvioletcub]

  On 1/14/2016 at 5:55 PM, CutiePie said:

Thank you for all replying!! I think they way I may have described it that he doesn't care. He does, he really loves me. I want this and when I said he wants to 'break' me, I didn't literally mean that, he just wants me to stop over thinking everything and just let myself go. He does want the best for me. And trust me I'd know if it was an abusive relationship. My mum went through it all with my dad and I will NEVER let anyone do that to me. They way I described all of this was kinda poorly because I was half asleep, it was 3am, so I probably should have waited till today. You have all given me great advice, and have really cleared up a lot of things for me. I will be sure to show him this and we will work it out.

 

I do do a lot of little things and feel more myself when I do. I've just never been given the opportunity to fully express this. When I said he wants me to stop questioning everything, it's not about the questions I have about ddlg. If I do he will help me the best he can describe it to me and help me through it. But it's when I question his word. It's the stupid silly things. He say something cute and I'd ask why or like I don't know a good example but it's thing like that.

 

You all have given me a lot of advice I really needed to har to help me sort this out. He has given me rules, but I'm not so good at following them. I've never really had to follow a set of rules. It's just a case if him helping me get into a routine and be the best I can. That all he wants for me.

 

So thank you again! If anyone has any other advice for me about anything I should know about ddlg, I would really appreciate it!!! :-)

". He has given me rules, but I'm not so good at following them. I've never really had to follow a set of rules."

 

Really? never?

School, work, home, I'm sure you had rules to fallow there and yet this is diffrent how?

In school you had deadlines for homework and projects, you had to stay in line when waiting for lunch or what have you, do what the teacher asks of you yes? and same with a job or house work and yet you claim to never have fallowed a set guide of rules?

 

Are these rules HIS making or did you both sit down as adults and figure out how you want to grow as a person and what rules would help that?

 

". But it's when I question his word. It's the stupid silly things. He say something cute and I'd ask why or like I don't know a good example but it's thing like that."

 

This sounds more like an inscurity thing rather then being a brat or disobaying the rules, as a caring and supportive boyfriend he should reconize it as such and not make you feel worse for it. that rings some bell's that something might be amiss here....