Tired of being fetishized

[Kurai-hime]

First off, far be it from me to kink-shame. That's not what I'm doing. 

 

Since I'm a petite 18 year old female, I get a lot of 'attention' on relationship-ish websites, fetish-centered or no. Most of these are from men considerably older than me who aren't as interested in getting to know me... as they are in getting something out of me.

 

They don't see me as an actual person, but simply as a "barely legal" girl. A way to fulfill their fantasies. There's zero regard for how I may feel or what I may be comfortable with. 

 

I know all men aren't like this... but there's so many of them who are... It just makes me incredibly wary of men overall.

 

I don't know... has anyone else had to deal with something like this?

[fawnlily]

I'm very tired of being sexualized as a woman, in general, age aside. That's why I keep leaving the kink community for long periods of time - it's hard to know who has honest intentions, and I can't take it. I feel a lot safer in this community though, and I'm not going back to some of the others.

[Dr Spankee]

I know you're probably not looking from input from men, but I just want to say that I am very sorry you are treated this way.  The kind of men that you are talking about give men that are nice and respectful (Like myself, I like to believe) a difficult time trying to meet someone that they truly are interested in.

 

 I'd like to say, "oh it's just you, no one else has this problem". But I can guarantee you it happens to all young girls and older women too.  If I want to talk to someone like yourself, I have to tread very lightly, because they have become so bombarded with the kind of behavior you describe, they are very defensive and rightfully so.

 

Little girls seem to be heavily represented by the 18 to 28 year olds, so older daddies like myself are often view as creepy when they try to talk with someone in that age range. I know some ARE creepy, maybe a lot.  But, not everyone.

 

Again, I'm sorry for your experience and I hear it far too often.  (You too, Fawnlily).. I am so sorry.  

[LolitaNikita]

Interestingly enough, I just made a post about oversexualization and how when I'm in 'little' space, it's even more damaging to be treated this way, as a woman and little.

 

I have concluded that it's a society issue that likely all of us deal with and feel, and I personally have contributed to my own treatment by feeling I had to behave sexually or be sexually appealing to men or that it was an expression of my 'sexuality' to be overly and, for myself personally, exhibitionary with photos/modeling/etc. In the end, none of those things made me feel better and only fed into feeling completely objectified, especially in the kink-related community, sadly.

 

I feel you, I really do.

[cheshirekitten]

I know exactly how you feel.. I got this a lot when I was 18/19 and even now that im 26 i get men into there 40-70s that act this way to me.. Whether its a barely legal fetish or some self esteem boost of sleeping with a girl much younger, theres just some men that dont think about the things they say and unfortunately it can leave females feeling weary about all the men that come to talk to them. I get it a lot of fetlife every week..its why i dont usually check it but a handful of times a month.

[NerdyDaddy]

I'll admit that I was this kinda guy before I got on tumblr and here. A true fuckboy who didn't really care about getting to know a woman and that's probably why I never really have had a girlfriend (and because I'm a 5'5 Asian haha)
Now that I've realized how diesrespectful I've been towards, not only women but homosexual and transgendered people as well, I feel disgusted by being a man and myself!.
I hope that all of you women/girls will find a man who actually sees you as human beings and not just sexobjects.
Sorry about my bad english...

 

[A Cuddly Dom]

[Dr Spankee]

I seriously don't know what is wrong with a lot of men out there. Its not just in the kink community, either. Its a full blown epidemic of inappropriate behavior. Its sad, really........

 

But, the good guys are out there. Please don't lose hope. There is a man out there for you who will love, respect, protect, and treasure you for all that you are, and everything that makes you unique.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I agree wholeheartedly with Cuddly Dom.  It's some sort of social media epidemic.  People are becoming rude and insensitive and know that the anonymity of social media, forums and the like will allow them to say whatever they want.  But, there are good people as evidenced by the majority of members on this site that I have interacted with.  Not all, but most.  So just be cautious and  try not to lose all faith in men.

 

[ashwee]

I know how you feel.. I've had to deal with my fair share of this too, but I usually try my best to just ignore anything negative whenever possible. 

[Guest sightsoblind]

I think the largest issue rests with the fact that young men are never taught how to PROPERLY get to know women. We're all so aquward and at odds with our hormones at a young age and the adage "nice guys finish last" Has pushed alot of men into a persona of I have to be a dick. It's what they want. And some men never get out of it. I'm 32 and look like I'm 18 with a few grey hairs. It was really bad when I was 18 and looked 12 with boobs. Add to that I sound like a chipmunk. (unknown caller: Can I speak to your mommy. Me: Sure bitch call HER house I pay the mortgage here.) My go to rebuttal used to go something like this. Him: Hey baby what's your name. Me: Jailbait now fukoff.

There is only one way to handle this. Well only one constructive way. Keep Calm and Carry On. The original round of Feminists accepted that with freedom came the danger of things like this. If you are aware of the possibilty be careful your photos don't give away locations (i.e. Don't pose in front of local landmarks like High Schools Collages and signs for things that aren't common) And ignore anyone that doesn't treat you as human. You have a right as a human and as a Sub to simply not acknowlege people who don't treat you as an equal partner in life.

Also in online communites if they fail to respect your communites become aquainted with the TOS and how to report Violators. Engagement is what they want. Many of the men you are dealilng with don't do so because of your fit into their fantisies but simply because you are young enough you haven't learned how to shut them the fuck down. As a little I understand Tantrums are not the way to get the attention I want. If I resort to it I will get nothing. I literally get the cold shoulder. He will not address me he will not acknowelge me and he will not respond to the things I do. This is a pretty quick way to get me to stop and try a more acceptable approach.

People no matter their gender or asshole level are basicly all the same. They want your attention good or bad and they don't care how they get it. They are probobly aware they have a one in a Zillion chance with you. But it's that one that makes them try. Any thing you give them even informing them you will report them if they carry on is their foot in the door. Don't warn just report. It's like filtering spam from your inbox. Weeks 1 to 10 your flagging hundreds of Nigerian Princes and Penis Enlargements. By week 20 your jsut like WTF is this? OMG is it spam *flag* Back to important things.

 

So in TL;DR Ignore them, all they want is your attention, Report them, Save others from this fate. Shake it off. Because Just think while you've been getting down and out about the liars and the dirty, dirty cheats of the world, You could've been getting down to this sick beat.

https://youtu.be/m0A3Ph4dRrk