Healing or Hurting? D/lg and the Complexities of Past Trauma

[Dangerously_Well]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to open up a discussion about something that I think is really important and often quite complex: the relationship between D/lg dynamics and past trauma.

Many of us come to D/lg for various reasons. For some, it's about exploring power dynamics and consensual role-play. For others, it's a way to tap into feelings of care, vulnerability, and a sense of safety that might have been missing in childhood. But for those of us with a history of trauma – whether it's abuse, neglect, or other difficult experiences – this dynamic can be a double-edged sword.

On one hand, the consistent care, the clear boundaries (when healthy), and the feeling of being protected can be incredibly healing. It can offer a chance to "reclaim a difficult childhood" or finally experience the nurturing we craved.

This is something I've witnessed firsthand. My partner, for example, endured horrific abuse throughout her childhood: physical, sexual, and mental abuse, being raised in a cult, witnessing sacrifices, being trafficked, forced into addiction, and experiencing multiple pregnancies – all before the age of 18. As a result, she developed Dissociative Identity Disorder, with over 300 distinct personalities, many of whom are children. For her, the Caregiver/D/lg role provides a space where these child alters can finally experience joy and care, regardless of the trauma they endured.

However, D/lg can also trigger past trauma. Power imbalances, even consensual ones, can be reminiscent of abusive situations. Certain acts or words might bring up painful memories. The vulnerability inherent in littlespace can feel terrifying if you've been hurt in the past.

So, I'm curious to hear from others:

• If you have a history of trauma, how has D/lg affected your healing journey?
• What precautions do you take to ensure your safety and well-being within the dynamic?
• Are there specific aspects of D/lg that you find particularly helpful or triggering?
• What advice would you offer to someone with trauma who is considering exploring D/lg?

I want this to be a safe and respectful space for sharing. Please be mindful of triggers and avoid judgment. Let's learn from each other and support each other in navigating this complex terrain.

[kryssi01]

If you have a history of trauma, how has D/lg affected your healing journey?

Its allowed me the ability to safely give up control and be the child that I missed out on being. Its also allowed me to grow sexually in a safe consental way. 

 

What precautions do you take to ensure your safety and well-being within the dynamic?

Communication! Between my partner and I. As well as therapy. making sure my partner is aware of my past, known triggers and boundaries. 

 

Are there specific aspects of D/lg that you find particularly helpful or triggering?

triggers - raised voices, humiliation words, I can't do impact play at all.

Helpful- routines, clear expectations, Communication, consistency in consent.

What advice would you offer to someone with trauma who is considering exploring D/lg?

Be honest and open with your needs and triggers

[Warmandfuzzy]

Hey Dangerously_Well, you ask an important question. In the field of Psychology, many believe that a person's emotional age is suspended when they encounter a traumatic event, especially in childhood. This is compounded with repeated trauma. Many neurophysiological changes can occur, sabotaging brain development and interrupting the encoding of memories. 

I am brand new to this world of DD/lg, but have been living a life dealing with the fallout of trauma. With that said, I cannot directly answer your question as I have not been in a DD/lg relationship yet. I have been offered, but I am not rushing into a dynamic of such vulnerability willy nilly, that would be silly 😜 What I can say is that interacting with others on this website has allowed me to access my younger self and embrace the child like part of me and let that part have a stronger presence in my daily life. The world we live in expects responsibility and to behave as adults. Those of us with trauma often don't have a chance to live our childhood with fun and abandonment, free from this shackling responsibility. It is nice to give vent to a side of myself that is more free and can evade the world's expectations for a while. 

At the same time, as someone who would eventually look to be a DD in a relationship, I see it as a chance to embrace the better part of myself. What higher calling is there in life then to love and care for others? Being a DD would allow me to be challenged and grow into more of who I want to be and to earn the trust and love that a lg chooses to extend to me. This would be the exact opposite of the adults that surrounded me in my life who selfishly misused their power to abuse others. I see the DD/lg dynamic as an opportunity for a DD to be better then what came before, to reach for our highest selves and hold out our hand in partnership to a lg to provide them love, care and stability that they were denied in their own childhood. It seems it can be a lovely thing (DD/lg) when done with the right intentions, motives and placing the others interests first. That is what I see. Thanks for the question