While on my break

[-Soul-]

Hello, Hi, friendly neighbourhood Soul here.

 

What do I know about life?….. Nothing. Absolutely nothing!!
 

Just when I think I’m starting to understand it—starting to get a grip—it throws a curveball that knocks the wind out of me. Right now, that curveball is watching my mum go into palliative care. There’s no timeline, no countdown, just a quiet waiting game where every day is both a gift and a test.

I used to be afraid of death. The unknown, the silence, the finality of it all. But now? I think I’ve made peace with the idea—not with losing her, but with knowing that when the time comes, she won’t be in pain. That’s a different story, though. One I’m not quite ready to unravel yet.

This weekend, though… it hit me. Hard. Emotionally, mentally—it felt like the seams of my reality were pulling apart. Cracks I’ve kept patched for so long started to show, and through them, my mental health, my fears, my anxieties, all started to leak out. It was like my mind was fraying.

But even in that chaos, I found solace. Just outside my harbour, there’s a lighthouse—a voice, a presence, a person—guiding me through the storm. Her words are the anchor that stops me from drifting completely. Her messages stitched me back together, thread by thread. I owe her more than I can say. Thank you @MommyDom41

And then came Sunday. The day of rest, right? Except I must be the devil—because there was no rest for me. (Don't worry, I know I'm not, but I needed that line to work!) A 500-mile drive was waiting for me. All day on the road. But you know what? I welcomed it. The idea of going home, of getting back to what I call my version of normality, brought me peace.

Keeping busy is my silence. My stillness. If I keep moving, my mind can’t catch me. And sometimes, that’s exactly what I need.

So here's my wandering thought, my message to you reading this:

Love your people. Tell your friends you love them. Kiss like it’s the last kiss you’ll give. And above all else—stay safe out there.

I love you all.
– Soul

 

Edited April 6 by -Soul-

[MissAnna]

Soul, you are never alone. You are loved more than you will ever know, especially by me. 

You aren't evil we both know you aren't, and so many people count on you. 

I'm so proud of you and I see you. You are so matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved ❤️ 

[beanbean]

It’s a delicate balance for sure my mom was sick for years and yes the shock was still there when she died, but also she was not suffering anymore and it also made me realize the choices we make when we are younger can definitely affect us later on so our choices now are very important. I am very sorry what your going through tho soul it’s very incredibly difficult 

[Aikko]

Oh, Soul, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Through your pain you are still healing others. Sharing your perspectives, thoughts and musings from this difficult place is helpful to others who may have yet to face such difficulties. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this tumultuous and heart wrenching time. 💜

[PigtailPrincess]

So sorry you are suffering friend. Prayers are with you.