A Moment of your time. potential TW under spoiler tag.

[MommyDom41]

@SensitiveEeyore thank you, and you are a wonderful person to talk to

My door is always open remember that okay 

[Daddy_Panda]

Hello, Anna! Please do not hold back from being yourself because of this person. That part of your personality seems to be rooted deeply from losing your brother and will forever be a part of who you are. I can see how easily overt kindness can be misconstrued especially in this dynamic, but all that had to be said is to politely ask if you refrain from calling them sunshine if that made them uncomfortable. It is obvious by your posts you are fair & consistent with your southern hospitality and do not mean ill will by it. I would hope to continue to see your positivity through this forum!

You are loved & worthy of being loved🖤

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

So I did a thing. I lurked. I saw. I sipped some tea. And because I saw what I saw, I'd like to state an additional opinion about the overall situation.

*Ahem*

There seems to be two kinds of users here on this site.

User Type 1) Only wants to search for a dynamic partner. Has zero interest in any level of finding friendship by utilizing our community. And may or may not be looking for instant gratification.

User Type 2) Is an active member of the community that enjoys socializing outside of just the personal/friend zone sections.

I, obviously, fall under UT2. However, it seems to me that the user you interacted with is a UT1.

Not saying that there's technically anything wrong with being a UT1, but they're definitely a specific type of *special* in non dynamic social settings.

Basically, I'm telling you to not feel bad about this interaction, because it's literally a them problem. The gods forbid if someone reaches out in a non-sexual/partner-seeking way.

*eye roll*

 

[beanbean]

18 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

So I did a thing. I lurked. I saw. I sipped some tea. And because I saw what I saw, I'd like to state an additional opinion about the overall situation.

*Ahem*

There seems to be two kinds of users here on this site.

User Type 1) Only wants to search for a dynamic partner. Has zero interest in any level of finding friendship by utilizing our community. And may or may not be looking for instant gratification.

User Type 2) Is an active member of the community that enjoys socializing outside of just the personal/friend zone sections.

I, obviously, fall under UT2. However, it seems to me that the user you interacted with is a UT1.

Not saying that there's technically anything wrong with being a UT1, but they're definitely a specific type of *special* in non dynamic social settings.

Basically, I'm telling you to not feel bad about this interaction, because it's literally a them problem. The gods forbid if someone reaches out in a non-sexual/partner-seeking way.

*eye roll*

 

That’s exactly it 

[MommyDom41]

@Daddy_Panda thank you I'm trying not to cry but I'm sobbing right now

Thank you and I don't mean ill ways towards anyone when I say Sunshine

I just can't let anyone know they don't matter because I know my brother left this world feeling so alone..

I just want people to know I care about them and I'm not trying to come off poorly I just carry that on my soul that I let my brother down 

Thank you for your kind words thank you

[MommyDom41]

@.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ you are always so kind in your post 

And I loved your post of lurking it made me giggle 

I do understand and I will try my best to not feel bad 

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

The easiest way to figure out between a UT1 and UT2, is by looking at a user's activity in their profile.

Fewer posts, lots of followers, and having a personal ad posted, are all very typical.

Now you have the knowledge on how to avoid, or at least understand what's going on, should something like this happen again.

Glad to have made you giggle~ ♡

[DLduck]

You’ve done nothing wrong !    Some people just enjoy stirring crap up to make themselves feel superior, and they were totally wrong for treating you that way.

I find your positive words refreshing, always !   You are a beautiful person, inside and out.    Please don't let negative selfish peeps get you down.  Its impossible to make everyone happy.

Please !  You be You,

 

[Triskelion]

@MommyDom41Please do not let the voice of one other dictate anything about who you are.

As all the support above proves, you are a wonderful person and a bright spot in many people's days when they read your messages.
Please don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and stay who you are, I fully back up the positive messages above 👍

[MommyDom41]

@DLduckthank you for your kindness

You really are a great person and always being a smile to my face 

[MommyDom41]

@Triskelion thank you for always being so kind to me and for always looking out for everyone on here. 

Thank you for always being so kind 

[Baby Manda]

Oh Sweet Mommy, please know that your positive energy and use of Sunshine in your posts, plus your Southern hospitality help get me through my days! I look forward to your thoughts daily and enjoy how you embrace everyone with grace and compassion. ❤️ Your intentions are to support everyone on their journey here, which is the very definition of a kind, nurturing mother in a family. I feel supported and encouraged to be me, by you and others here in a way my own family never has and never will, but it is making me a better person. Reading your insights and the way you care for others helps me know that I can keep growing and improving myself.

Please know that when others lash out in anger, it often comes from a place of deep pain within themselves.  Perhaps something triggered that person's fear response or deeply held shame messages.  Seeing your kindness and genuine love for all of us is sometimes difficult for me, too. In my real life family, when my mother showed kindness or love it was to gain an advantage.  We just had to "wait for the other shoe to drop", so to speak. I have worked hard for decades in therapy to accept people at their word, but I am very aware of this ongoing battle in myself. The best thing for me was people to be consistent in their compassion toward me. To continue in their unconditional acceptance, love and positive attitude.  It hurt so much to be near them. I had to take breaks, but when I realized they did not change who they are, I could accept that the world was not what I knew. It was so much better! 

You are a light in the darkness to all of us. You help me to believe that people are good in this world. I see who you are in your messages and I know even in your pain, you are strong, beautiful inside and out, and you are a cherished member of our community,  our family.  

[-Soul-]

Well said @Baby Manda! 

[megili]

Ohhh Mommy Anna, please stay who you are, megili really feels sorry for what happened.

People come and go with different shapes of personality and experience. megili would say that really most if not everyone lovess to hear such gentle and kind words, and names you like to give, for your kindness and character we just all adore you. But, there will always be the small percentage of people who doesnt want these things, maybe cuz they went through a rough path and can´t see much joy and happyness outside of a relationship, maybe friends or family weren´t really good to these people only causing trouble and pain. All in all it shouldn´t give them a motif too lash out so heavily, just a simple noo please don´t do it would be enough, without any lecturing of how bad its that you do it. It´s your personalitiy and everyone should be how they are, thats how true beauty shines through, by bein true to themselfs.

For little megili and lots of others, your kind words and approach are the rays of light we need for takin on our challenges in daily life. Please stay how you are, you are perfect and we the Big familie we are, truly lovveee havin you here, a lot of people could take somethin even a little bit from you and they would beee much more lovely, that´s how much joy you give to all of us 😊

@.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

That´s really an interestin theory. Actually megili already encountered some User Type 1 persons.
It´s nothin but about them that´s true, but megili did feel strange when the first lines are like can we exchange stuff and such, and yes almost no info about them in the profile thats true.

For megili, she loves bein type 2, havin such a great joy bein in our big family here 😊

[LunaLilac]

I've said it before, and I will say it again. You be you, be unapologetically you, and don't change for anyone.

You are ne of the kindest and sweetest people I've met, and your posts do nothing but bring people together in this cold uncaring world. If someone doesn't like what you've said that's on them, and while they have every right  to tell you if they do or don't like being called something, they have zero right to try to bring you down because of it. The fact they try to talk down about the community too, feels like they're likely someone very hurt, just looking to lash out and spread that pain around, but you do not deserve it.

It's hard, but do not try to take it personally, if they really are just a hurt person anyone and everyone could have potentially been on the receiving end of their ire. But the best thing you can do for now, I think, is to understand that it's not you they were mad at, and try your best to move on and continue to be the wonderful person you are.

I may not have known you for a long time, but the only thing you've done is make the world a better  place by being yourself.

[MommyDom41]

@Baby Manda you are one of the most kindest people I have met. You never meet a stranger and you are so full of happiness it is so wonderful to know you.

Thank your kindness and for your support

Everyone on here appreciates you and we are all so proud of you

[MommyDom41]

@megili you are such a sweet person 

I am so lucky to have you in my life

Thank you for being in my corner and for caring about me, you have no idea how much your words mean to me ❤️ 

[MommyDom41]

@LunaLilac thank you for always sticking up for me

Anyone who meets you can see what a kind amazing person you are 

Never change 

[shadowrider]

 As stated, everyone has the right to request not being called XYZ. And I know you would respect any such request. They do not however have the right to lash out at someone after that request has been made and honored. Just avoid them and put the incident behind you. I personally like putting things like this behind me so they can watch my bum as I happily walk away 😉 . 

 When I joined I was quickly informed that my southern manners needed to be left at the door when logging in, something about not calling an admin ma'am when responding ooops. But I grew up calling everyone sir or ma'am and everyone calls kids babyboy or babygirl where I live. It was a hard habit to break when entering the lifestyle. 

 But in your case of using sunshine I have received no reports nor have I ever noticed you "targeting" any specific group. You use it with everyone equally, unlike the ones I have to address which target only single littles. Which is why I have seen no reason in asking you to refrain from using the non petname version of the word. 

 I won't bash anyone for not feeling the family aspect of our community. I do however feel sad for them that they are not open to letting themselves be a part of it for whatever reasons.

As for UT1 and UT2 I will choose a single UT2 over a thousand UT1s any day. I'm not here for instant anything as I prefer a connection with anyone I associate with on any level. 

 Take a deep breath and exhale all that negativity because it isn't a part of who you are and has no hold on you. We are all called to be a light to others and if someone wants to stay in the dark that is their choice. We move on and keep being a beacon for those that are seeking brighter days. 

 

[Kittyara207]

As far as I'm concerned, everybody matters in their own way.  Everybody is needed to make this community strong.  In this community we've always been a be yourself don't try to change for other people.   With people are ut1 or ut2 we should always push people to be themselves and if we're not ourselves how can we even attempt to connect with others? Whether it's just to make friends or potential more.   

And I do see this as a family slightly dysfunctional at times but what family is completely functional?!   With this many people and one small area of course there's going to be people that take things differently than the way the are stated.  

And I really enjoy being called sunshine.  It always makes me smile to see your posts.  Been through quite a bit some of us more than others.  Sometimes we just have to let go of the pain.  Or see somebody to talk about our pain and deeper rooted issues.  

So much is lost in text versus no more human connections.  What they might see might be different than your intentions.  Through text you cannot see people's facial expressions hear their tone.   That is why whenever something bothers me that I have read from a text or a message I tried it take a few hours or a day to think before I speak.  To try to remember to take the time to see things from both sides.  

I personally have never had a family member take their lives that I was old enough to remember.  I have had some close friends that felt like no one was there for them that they were unloved that they had no one to reach out to, even though all of their friends tried it wasn't the right way or the right words.  And sometimes it just wouldn't matter.  It really depends on who else has an influence.  For what the root cause for the destructive mindset.   It's hard to be on either side of that fence.  

Please never stop being yourself that sounds so cliche but it's so true.  If you have to change the way you are to make somebody happy that's just lying to yourself.  And lying to yourself is detrimental to your mental health.  Putting the southern aspects of your personality aside is one thing but changing your positive attitude and greeting to others just for one person.  Pain is pain.  Whoever this individual is I hope they get the help to properly move forward in a positive manner to get to a point of positive mental health. 

Luvs to everyone.  Everyone here is special and very important to someone and I hope to learn so much more of getting myself to a better place mentally.  And so far with a few setbacks here and there this place has helped me so much more.  I can talk about things that are more vanilla and yet also not.  This place is like a warm safe place in a storm of different emotions and situations in life.   

[Dangerously_Well]

The proof is in the thread

You are awesome

You are respected

You are loved

There is no other take away.

[SweetLittleDreamer]

33 minutes ago, shadowrider said:

I grew up calling everyone sir or ma'am

Side stepping the point of this thread for a second… hope you don’t mind…

but @shadowrider it’s so nice to know I’m not the only one that struggles with this! Growing up it was ingrained in me, it’s been such a hard habit to break (at least in this aspect of my life) & I still feel like I’m being insanely rude sometimes when I don’t call people it.
I even check anything I’m sending or posting multiple times  to make sure it hasn’t snuck in.

[Baby Manda]

1 minute ago, SweetLittleDreamer said:

Side stepping the point of this thread for a second… hope you don’t mind…

but @shadowrider it’s so nice to know I’m not the only one that struggles with this! Growing up it was ingrained in me, it’s been such a hard habit to break (at least in this aspect of my life) & I still feel like I’m being insanely rude sometimes when I don’t call people it.
I even check anything I’m sending or posting multiple times  to make sure it hasn’t snuck in.

I was little in a semi southern state and was raised in a very respectful home. These words slip out in my everyday life all the time with a smile on my face. I need to edit my posts regularly,  too! It's not meant to be offensive,  when I regress in my little headspace,  it comes out naturally and way more than I intend... I also tend to call people "sweetheart, dear one, buddy,  friend, love, and hun out of habit from my job! It helps build a sense of endearment and attachment with my students,  but I get in trouble for it because as a teacher, we can only call someone the name on their birth certificate.

[DaddyABQ]

When I read your initial post, @MommyDom41, I was angry for a moment on your behalf. How dare someone tell you that your amazingly positive demeanor is inappropriate! Then I took a deep breath and tried to think about this from the unknown person's perspective, and I still don't think they had the right to tell you off for being who you are. I can certainly be sympathetic to whatever wounds they may have that elicited this response on their part, and I could even find it in my heart to try to treat that person gently, there is still no reason to expect that their demands should apply to your interactions with anyone else. It's my perception that kind of behavior is a little too similar to those of the dominant persuasion who take out their perceived shortcomings on others.

I have a lot more thoughts about actions and reactions, but I feel it's inappropriate for me to blather on without more direct knowledge of this person and what factors may be affecting what are, to me, overreactions to behavior that--while possibly a trigger for them--come from a place of loving innocence from you. It's one thing to ask to not be called something on an individual basis, but it's quite another to try to control one's behavior because of one's own fear.

I'm sorry that happened to you, @MommyDom41, and you can rest assured that, from my perspective at least, you are like a golden ray of sunshine that bathes everyone in loving warmth. Please never stop.

[Littlejewel]

I am so sorry that someone made you feel like you were in the wrong. That must have been very hurtful to you since you try so hard to make people happy. I don’t live in a place where people use generic pet names or southern hospitality, but I’ve always seen you calling people sunshine as an uplifting gesture of friendship. 
 

Obviously people are entitled to their feelings. It’s perfectly okay for them to request you don’t use pet names with them. It’s not okay for that person to hurt you.
 

Obviously I don’t know them and can’t speak on them, but I do know what it’s like to have depression. It can be very hard to hear people say positive things when your brain keeps telling you the opposite. 
 

If that person wants to be angry and keep themselves separate from the community here, that’s up to them. I hope that they can climb out of that hole and see you, and the community as a whole, as a place of love and comfort and support. 
 

I know that you will respect their wishes, but please please keep being yourself. Do not give anyone the power to dull your sparkle. You are a light to so many people. 
 

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to reach out.