Happy Memory Made me Sad

[Baby Manda]

My first Daddy was a really more a friends with benefits thing, except the benefits was the DDLG.  We met at my second full-time job, his full-time job, and we had a lot in common. We both we're single parents of daughters in high school and our personalities meshed well. We kinda figured out the Daddy/little dynamic together. As I learned more about myself, I realized I needed more from a Daddy than he could give. He figured it out long before I did and waited for me to get there, too. When I did, he was kind and supportive,  but I felt very lost.

Almost immediately I jumped into an online relationship with a Daddy and it was not good. Then I tried spending more time with my little friends, but I really was not coping well and it was not good either. I crashed badly and had a friend step in to be my temporary Mommy. It was good, but as I got stronger, we drifted apart and it ended. I've been a single little again for several weeks, but we really didn't have a daily check-ins for a couple of months. My daily routine,  chores, sleep, and eating have all been off. I've also been struggling with pain from a broken foot that isn't healing and have had multiple visits to a half a dozen specialists in the past 6 weeks. 

All this said, I really need accountability to get my work done, but I haven't had it.  I'm super overwhelmed with needing to clean my house this weekend because I have a housing inspection this week. However, I know  I am capable and determined,  so I started in the kitchen! I worked for 2 hours and got a lot done! Then I went to take off my super wet apron and the ties were knotted in the back!

I suddenly remembered the last time that happened and my first Daddy was visiting. I was home alone (which is rare) so I had made supper for him and invited him over.  I wanted to be good,so I washed dishes when we were finished and we talked. I really struggle with being taken care of and when I went to take my apron off, the ties knotted. He said, "turn around, I'll get it." I said, "it's ok, I can get it." Then out came the Daddy Voice and I did let him help me. Plus I got a gentle spanking and some cuddles.  I really didn't know how to handle all my emotions and I cried,  but he just held me and wiped my tears.

Now cleaning today, when my apron knotted and I remember all the good times with him and my other Caregivers. Sure there's ups and downs,  communication blunders, but I miss the moments where I felt safe, supported, valued, and special. I feel kinda sad seeing my messy house, remembering what was and knowing I'm not ready for more yet. 

Life can be so overwhelming sometimes that I miss the moments that are golden. Today my heart is happy for the good times I've had, but sad for the friends I've lost along the way. 

[redruffle41]

I wish I was a daddy and I could send you the support you need through words. I would tell you that you deserve care and support. You deserve to be loved where you're at instead of from some mysterious acceptable place. You deserve to be loved because you are amazing! 

[Baby Manda]

13 minutes ago, redruffle41 said:

I wish I was a daddy and I could send you the support you need through words. I would tell you that you deserve care and support. You deserve to be loved where you're at instead of from some mysterious acceptable place. You deserve to be loved because you are amazing! 

Thank you dear friend. I'm looking for the truth beyond my feelings today. Sometimes my feelings overwhelm the truth.  I am enough. 

[redruffle41]

1 hour ago, Baby Manda said:

Thank you dear friend. I'm looking for the truth beyond my feelings today. Sometimes my feelings overwhelm the truth.  I am enough. 

That's some sexy stuff right there lady!!! Phew! My hats off to you for that one.

[Baby Manda]

Thank you. Therapy helps a lot!

[beanbean]

Such is life but as long as we learn the lessons it okay to have mixed emotions of or memories 

[MommyDom41]

@Baby Manda I love reading your post on this forum. You show such love and understanding to everyone on here. 

I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it's okay that you will find your fairytale ending. 

What a beautiful memory to share, thank you for sharing that with all of us. You are such an important part of this community. 

You are so brave, so strong and your beauty shines from within you. Im so proud of you and I know everyone on here is as well.

Please don't ever stop being yourself, don't ever let anyone's negativity bring you down. Because you are perfect just the way you are.

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 💗