You are not alone

[MommyDom41]

Hello all you beautiful and wonderful people on here! How are all of you doing? 

Today I wanted to come on here and share my story with you all. As you all might know my brother took his own life 4 years ago. 

Now I am not going to open up to you all for pity but simply to let you all know I understand what it means to be going through a battle. 

4 years ago I received a phone call from my mother telling me to come to her house. I found my mother on the porch basically screaming on the phone. I pulled up as the same time the cops were leaving. 

My mother screamed and was making no sense, I finally got her calmed down enough to hear her tell me my brother took his own life. 

I remember helping my mother up and having her lay down on the couch. I picked up the phone and began calling people, I had to call his daughter, our dad, our grandparents, our cousins and everyone of our family members as well as friends and tell them my brother had kill himself.

I had to hear each and everyone of them scream begging me to stop lying. Each call was the same, and it slowly made me break inside.

i don't remember much about the funeral but I remember standing up and giving a speech. I'm sure it wasn't great but I muddled through it. We didn't bury him he wanted to be cremated so that's we did. 

And I thought that was that, the years went by I didn't think anything of it. I just simply said yes my brother is gone. Why did I need to make a mountain out of a mole hill.  

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I started to feel down. Night terrors began creeping in my mind hearing my family's screams began to plague my mind at night. So I started staying up later, then I didn't want to sleep anymore, because if I didn't sleep then I didn't dream problem solved.

Then I didn't want to eat that much anymore, because eating made my stomach hurt so I was like okay I'm fine, protein shake instead of meals.

Then I noticed I was starting to withdrawal from my friends and family members. I was like hmm it's probably because I am tired. Why else would I stop talking to others?

Then I began to get really tired, so something had to be wrong physically because why else would I be so tired?

Life began to slowly spiral down and I realized I wasn't okay. I started having really bad pain attacks and I couldn't see my way out of anything. So I still played it off, I'm fine nothing is wrong with me, that was my thought everyday, even though deep down I knew I wasn't okay. 

Then I was going to the doctors and they diagnosed me with MS, okay that was a set back but in my head that explained everything. I mean it had to right? That's why I was so tired, my stomach was hurting all the time and the night terrors. I chalked it all up to MS I mean what else could it be right?

Then recently I went to the doctors again, we talked for a long time  she began asking me a series of questions. Ones you would ask a patient if you were worried about their mental health. And she told me I was clinically depressed. I was pissed, there was no way. No! I laughed and told her you are wasting my time I'm not depressed. 

She of course set me up an appointment for therapy which I was very angry about going too. But I knew I had to go, so I finally just agreed what else could I say? I understand why I have to go I wasn't happy about it though lol

She kept asking me if I was okay? And I said of course then she asked me something I have never had anyone ask me before. She said Anna, promise me that you aren't going to do anything.

I was stunned, am I really that depressed? Fears swarmed my head and I felt broken. Finding my voice I whispered no then I told her louder no. 

But as I drove home I felt so broken so alone and I felt utterly devastated. I felt alone and shattered, was this my life? Was this what I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life? For the first time in my life I was afraid, afraid that I was so lost would never find my way home again. 

I have been talking to some amazing friends lately and they have been slowly helping me see I'm not to far gone and I will see the light again. 

So I know this isn't the end of my story, even as the darkness swarms me I know I am going to be okay. Sometimes we get lost on this journey in life, sometimes we lose our way but that's okay because there is Always a yellow brick road that will lead us home. 

I wanted to share my story because I wanted you all to know you aren't alone. It's okay to be broken, it's okay to not be okay and it's okay to be in therapy. Life happens, and sometimes bad things happen but that doesn't mean we should give up. 

We are brave, we are strong, we are beautiful and we will be whole again one day. 

So if you feel like you are alone in the dark, going through something know one understands or feel as if no one will ever see you. I just wanted to say, you aren't alone anymore, I will hold your hand while you are sitting in the dark, I will listen to you so you don't feel alone anymore and I do see you. 

No matter where you are, no matter if you are a Dom, a little, a sub, a slave or whatever you feel comfortable with, I see you, I hear you, I value you and I absolutely adore you!

Thank you for listening to my story, until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 💖💞

 

 

[Baby Manda]

Thank you for these words. They bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. Thank you for encouragement through darkness.  You are an inspiration!

[LittleLuci]

thank you for sharing, you have such a kind soul, even through your hardships you're posting so that you can help others who may be going through similar situations or feelings ❤️ 

[-Soul-]

Miss Anna, thank you for sharing this and you’re 100% right, many people are battling struggles that we may never see, so I think we should all be treating each other with kindness! No one on this forum is truly alone, we are like a big family and I got them! If anyone needs an ear or just to be reassured that they are valued then reach out. Until we speak again Miss Anna you too are loved, valued, seen! Thank you

[megili]

ohh, mommy anna, megili is feelin really sorry, with your brother and depression.

You are such a strong person, really, to go to all these hardships and still standing, still having a smile, and more importantly, still encouraging others with your kindness and sweetness, it really is astonishing what you all do for us and for yourself.

megili is also happy and very proud, to hear that after hearing about depression that you don´t give up and even accepting the help with therapy.
Unfortunately, in megilis life there were numerous occasions were beloved ones in her familiy, knew they have mental issues and still refused to accept therapy or even thinking that the doctor is their enemy and such. megili is really happy, that you accept your situation and bracing forward to it, for a lot of people it would help to have a little bit of your strengh too.

thankyyy, for sharin this with us like soulyy said already, but also thankyy for being such a great example for all of us.
And megili totally agrees with soulyy, we are a big family, no one is alone, we support and love each other.

Mommy anna, you are loved by everone here and worthy of being loved. You always make us smile and feel so much better.  thankyyy

Edited Thursday at 08:26 AM by megili

[Dangerously_Well]

Oh, Anna, your story is so powerful and moving. It takes immense courage to share such a raw and vulnerable account of your journey. Thank you for being so open and honest with us.

I am so sorry for the pain you've endured, both from the loss of your brother and the struggles you've faced with your health and mental well-being. It's completely understandable that you're feeling broken and lost.

I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone. Many people experience similar struggles, and it's important to acknowledge the pain and allow yourself to feel it.

It's incredibly brave of you to have sought help and to be going to therapy. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to recognize when you need support.

Your journey of self-discovery and your determination to find your way back to wholeness are inspiring. It's true that life can knock us down, but your words remind us that we have the power to rise again.

Your offer to hold hands in the dark, to listen, and to see others is a beautiful and compassionate gesture. It's clear you have a big heart and a deep capacity for empathy.

Thank you for sharing your story and for reminding us that we are not alone, that we can find our way back, and that we are worthy of love and support. You are strong, you are brave, and you are seen.

If you ever need a listening ear, a virtual hand to hold, or just someone to be there, please don't hesitate to reach out. We're here for you. 💖💞

[beanbean]

This is true best reason to be kind ,you don’t know what’s going on with people

[MommyDom41]

All of you thank you, your kind words touched my heart in ways you will never know.

It's easy to get lost in the storm we are facing, to just see the raging sea. It's so easy to focus on all the bad and not be able to see any good. 

That's why it's so important to be kind, when someone is snappy or sharp with you, before you get defensive remember they might be going through a storm and are too afraid to show it. Please be kind to one another and remember we are a community to help each other up not to pull one another down. 

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved ❤️ 

[Dragonprincess20]

I needed this at the moment 

[LeftyGuitar]

1 hour ago, Dragonprincess20 said:

I needed this at the moment 

DragonPrincess is such a cool name.