I just need a friend

[MommyDom41]

Hello to all you beautiful people out there! How have you all been lately? Please tell me you all are taking care of yourselves?

Tonight was a rough night, lately I keep having really bad dreams, and I'm honestly not sure why? Maybe it's from all the stress from prior days ago and it's finally catching up to me. Or maybe it's just missing my brother, I can't really say. 

At night I find myself sitting up in bed, rather than sleeping just watching the clock or TV, usually I will watch the night sky and day dream (but is it really day dreaming if it's at night?)

I keep telling myself I need sleep, I know the ramifications if I dont sleep, but the fear of having intense nightmares weighs out the rational part of my mind. 

So I keep telling myself, just close your eyes for a few hours and so I do, then I get trapped in a nightmare I can't escape.  Waking up desperately to be saved from the darkness that clouds me. 

I just could really use a friend right now, someone who can say Anna it's okay. You're fine, it's funny how sometimes hearing the words you are fine can actually make you realize that you are. 

I don't mean to unravel my life on people, I just want the nightmares to stop. I believe when the stress of everything calms down then I will be able to breathe again. 

And then I feel bad, like how dare I bring up this problem to anyone. I should just understand what's going on and move on. 

But I can't, I so desperately just want one friend. Someone I can connect with and tell me it's okay. 

I truly am so sorry for bringing this on you all, I adore each and everyone of you. 

Thank you for listening to me, I wish I could tell you all how amazing each and everyone of you are. All of you are perfect and wonderful in my eyes. 

My favorite thing to do now is read the unread news articles as I call them. It puts a smile on my face to see new comers and to see people searching for their forever. 

I am so immensely proud of all of you, your stories have touched my heart. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your family. And I know that one day everyone on here will find their fairy tale ending, after all how could you not? When all of you are perfect, beautiful, wonderful, there is no doubt your happily ever after is on its way.

I am sorry for bothering you all with my rant, but thank you for listening to me. 

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are so worthy of being loved 💖💝💓

 

 

[-Soul-]

Oh MD, I am sorry these Nightmares are reoccurring, I know at times we can feel lost, that these dreams reinforce this idea that things will never improve but I’m here to tell you they will! It may not seem it at first, but it will be okay. You are not these bad dreams, you are greater than them! Please go easy on yourself in the morning, have plenty water (sounds silly but if I’m hydrated I feel more awake) and if you need anything imma message away, even if it’s just to listen 

 

we all love you, we all see you and you are cared for!

[MommyDom41]

@-Soul- thank you Sunshine, and thank you for checking on me. 

Your words have touched my heart, thank you for showing me I'm not alone. It's hard being a Mommy and having bad dreams because we are supposed to chase the bad dreams away. But who will chase ours away?

Thank you so much for your care and support ❤️ it means more to me then you will ever know 

 

[SweetLittleDreamer]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so stressed at the moment and I’m sorry that I don’t have the right words to make it better. 
But it will be ok, you will be fine and when all is said and done and you kicked this footnote in the otherwise amazing story of your life in the arse you will be a stronger and wiser person for it!
Remember, there is no rainbows with out rain… so get out there and have a dance party, and then marvel in the rainbow that follows.  

[MommyDom41]

@SweetLittleDreamer thank you sweetheart, and don't worry about it Sunshine. It just means a lot to me, to have someone that cares. So thank you for your beautiful words ❣️ 

[megili]

megili is soo sorryy that you have those bad dreams again mommydom, megili will try to cast a spell so they dissapear, off you gooo 😊

It´s totally okay for having these moments too, even mommys and daddys are human too, it gives us littles a chance to comfort you too, giving something back, loveee and sayin it´s okk mommy, daddy, we are here for you too 😊

megili thinks that water is a good idea how soulyy suggested, then you might get a clear head again and getting it out of your system. It´s at least something megili helps when she has a headache after she wakes up, it happens every now and then, gotta stay hydrated

loving anna, you can open up as much as you want, it´s not a burden, especially not from you who gave us all soo much love already and good feelings , it´s natural to return it, that´s how family works after all.

thankyyy for sharing your weak moments too, we can be all strong when we hold all together😊

[Dangerously_Well]

Oh, Anna, sweetheart, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and it's completely understandable that you're struggling with nightmares, stress, and loneliness. It takes courage to share what you're going through, and I want you to know that you're not a bother at all. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to express them.

It's heartbreaking to hear about the bad dreams and the way they're disrupting your sleep. It's so relatable to feel trapped in those nightmares and to wake up desperately seeking comfort. It's also completely natural to miss your brother and wonder if that's contributing to your unrest.

It's okay to feel conflicted about wanting to sleep but fearing the nightmares. It's a difficult cycle to break. And it's also okay to want comfort and reassurance. Sometimes, just hearing those simple words, "It's okay. You're fine," can be incredibly powerful.

You're not "unraveling your life" by sharing your feelings. That's what a community is for – to offer support and understanding. It's okay to reach out when you're struggling.

It's also completely understandable to want a friend, someone to connect with and find comfort in. Loneliness is a heavy burden to carry.

Please, never feel bad for sharing your experiences. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to express them. It's wonderful that you find comfort in reading the forum and seeing new members and people finding connections. It shows a kind and generous heart.

Your words about being proud of everyone and believing in their happily ever after are so beautiful and encouraging. It's clear you have a big heart and a lot of compassion for others.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are not a bother, and you are not alone. If you ever need to talk, vent, or just need a listening ear, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Remember, Anna, you matter, you are loved, and you are worthy of being loved. 💖💝💓

[DLduck]

So sorry to hear youre having a rough time.  Ive been there, so I know what its like.   But, its perfectly fine to share with your friends here.  I wish i was there to give you a big hug, and help you feel better.    Im a good listener, and have never minded when a friend needed to vent. Just expressing things that bother you can be very helpful, and a real friend will always be ok with that.   I truly hope you feel better soon and are able to sleep thru the nite.  Im happy to talk anytime you need, if that will help.  No hidden adgenda, just a friendly shoulder. Hugs to you 😊

[beanbean]

I am sorry of all the stress and such and hopefully it’s getting better , but my door is always open if you need to talk

[MommyDom41]

@megili You are such a joy to have on here Sunshine, thank you for all your beautiful words and for your compassion. 

[PigtailPrincess]

@MommyDom41 I am sure you have plenty of company now friend but as someone who has had the nightmares for 20+ years please feel free to reach out if they get too much and I hope you feel much better soon.

[MommyDom41]

@Dangerously_Well thank you for always being so supportive and making everyone feel welcomed as well as loved.

My nightmares do come at me in waves and sometimes I can't see past them. 

Thank you for making me feel a little less alone.

[MommyDom41]

@DLduck you are so kind and so sweet thank you for always being here for me. And thank you for always putting a smile on my face.

Nightmares are horrible and sometimes I just wish to stay up all night, so I don't have to have relive the memories 

 

[MommyDom41]

@PigtailPrincess thank you for allowing me to contact you and for being my friend Sunshine 

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

I understand at least half of your frustration. I have nightmares too, but at least I know why. All of my nightmares focus on trauma.

I hope you're getting enough sleep when you do finally get to bed. Sleep is important, even if it's problematic.

[Baby Manda]

5 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

I understand at least half of your frustration. I have nightmares too, but at least I know why. All of my nightmares focus on trauma.

I hope you're getting enough sleep when you do finally get to bed. Sleep is important, even if it's problematic.

Nightmares are the worst. I haven't even had any dreams I remember in a really long time then this week the nightmares started again! I bought a new journal and I'm starting to draw or write my thoughts before bed. Hopefully it works.  My other option is to increase therapy again. Some trauma never goes away, but we can learn a new normal, find a way to use our pain to help others. It helped me minimize my long-term effects and heal. 

[MommyDom41]

@Baby Girl Miss Amanda you are one of the sweetest people on here. Thank you for you beautiful and wonderful suggestions. You always bring a smile to my face 😊 

[Baby Manda]

7 hours ago, MommyDom41 said:

Hello to all you beautiful people out there! How have you all been lately? Please tell me you all are taking care of yourselves?

Tonight was a rough night, lately I keep having really bad dreams, and I'm honestly not sure why? Maybe it's from all the stress from prior days ago and it's finally catching up to me. Or maybe it's just missing my brother, I can't really say. 

At night I find myself sitting up in bed, rather than sleeping just watching the clock or TV, usually I will watch the night sky and day dream (but is it really day dreaming if it's at night?)

I keep telling myself I need sleep, I know the ramifications if I dont sleep, but the fear of having intense nightmares weighs out the rational part of my mind. 

So I keep telling myself, just close your eyes for a few hours and so I do, then I get trapped in a nightmare I can't escape.  Waking up desperately to be saved from the darkness that clouds me. 

I just could really use a friend right now, someone who can say Anna it's okay. You're fine, it's funny how sometimes hearing the words you are fine can actually make you realize that you are. 

I don't mean to unravel my life on people, I just want the nightmares to stop. I believe when the stress of everything calms down then I will be able to breathe again. 

And then I feel bad, like how dare I bring up this problem to anyone. I should just understand what's going on and move on. 

But I can't, I so desperately just want one friend. Someone I can connect with and tell me it's okay. 

I truly am so sorry for bringing this on you all, I adore each and everyone of you. 

Thank you for listening to me, I wish I could tell you all how amazing each and everyone of you are. All of you are perfect and wonderful in my eyes. 

My favorite thing to do now is read the unread news articles as I call them. It puts a smile on my face to see new comers and to see people searching for their forever. 

I am so immensely proud of all of you, your stories have touched my heart. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your family. And I know that one day everyone on here will find their fairy tale ending, after all how could you not? When all of you are perfect, beautiful, wonderful, there is no doubt your happily ever after is on its way.

I am sorry for bothering you all with my rant, but thank you for listening to me. 

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are so worthy of being loved 💖💝💓

 

 

This is a lot to be going through. I'm so sorry you are struggling. I'm putting my friend hat on a minute. 

Your fears are so valid and sharing them helps. It is ok to ask for help when you need it. I frequently struggle at night with falling asleep and weird dreams. Feel free to reach out and if I'm up, I'll respond. 

I have an idea that has helped me, but no worries if you don't try it, or don't like it. I have a sleep routine I follow whenever possible. I do some yoga/stretching about an hour before bedtime for 10 - 15 minutes (I have joint/muscle issues and work on my feet all day), then I have a small snack, some hot decaffeinated tea with my meds (anxiety,  pain, allergy stuff), then I brush teeth, change and get into bed. I color (if my hands allow) and listen to an audio book. The book right now is part of the Dune series. I like long books in series with detailed plots at bedtime. I try to listen and focus on the story, instead of my pain, my responsibilities, or mindless ramblings in my head. I try to hit my "sleep window" too. It's a time when my body and brain are both ready to go to sleep. It took a long time to find, but it's amazing when I hit it regularly! I feel so much better able to focus! My sleep window is 8:30 - 10:00 pm. If I'm up past midnight or 1 am, chances are high I'll have nightmares, not sleep long or really struggle to "turn off my brain".  Unfortunately I am awake late a lot. I am a parent irl and I'm in grad school, so I do what I can. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers (if that's ok). 

[MommyDom41]

Thank you, and absolutely I am a big believer in prayer.

And I believe from the stress of what's going on, to my brother's death anniversary coming up it's a lot to take in. 

The memories of what happened that day and how I had to step up, to call everyone about his death still takes a toll on my soul. I had to call everyone, his child, my parents everyone. So it's a lot, and I keep telling myself just forget about it and it will go away. 

But it never does. Thank you all for me allowing me to reach out to you all. It's just a lot and I need to learn that it's okay to not be okay. 

Sorry my sweet Sunshines for not being very helpful today 

[Baby Manda]

It's never easy to be responsible for big things. It is ok to not be ok. Please don't try to forget the pain.  I believe you were strong for everyone that day and the days after. That you were a rock for them. That because you stepped up, they were able to grieve. Now it's your turn to grieve and let go of the pain you carry. Not to forget,  but to celebrate your ability to cope with adversity.  To mourn the loss of your brother, mourn the pain you went through each time you called a loved one to share the terrible news and to know that you were able to bring comfort in the end. Now is time to find comfort for your weary soul in letting go of the sadness so you can now celebrate your brother's life. Think about happy memories of good times with your brother. Maybe do something to honor him, like visit somewhere he liked to be or look at pictures you have of him. Remember him intentionally and cry on purpose.  (Crazy right, but it works!) 

My grandma (Granny as I grew up later GG to my kids) was the single greatest influence in my life and losing her was so hard. I lost her within 6 months of my youngest being born while in the midst of severe post partum depression and living in extreme domestic violence.  When I was finally able to process my feelings, I thought the grief would never end, but I started to remember the good things. I started to rejoice over all the blessings she gave me, the memories,  the experiences,  the lessons (not all happy🫣) and it got easier. Eventually I was able to remember without tears and sadness. I can be happy I had time with her and even though it was difficult to go through the funeral in that life situation,  it made me a better person. I'm thankful for it. I'm thankful for her. 

I will pray for you as you have "big feelings". There is a plan to prosper you and not harm you. For hope and a future.

🫂hugs friend

[MommyDom41]

Thank you, it's so hard to actually deal with so many emotions at once. I'm usually very calm, hyper yes and rambunctious as all get out but I can control my emotions.

This is taking me by storm, it's like I can't get a hold of my feelings. And I am not sure because of him taking his own life that is triggering it or if I am just drained. 

Either way, the storms are rolling in my mind, the questions of could I have stopped him and worse why didn't I notice the signs? 

I tell myself these things happen but how do you deal with the outcome? How do you move on? 

If it were an accident I could blame it on what happened, or even an illness i could say it was too soon but he's in a better place. But what about this? What do I say? How do you heal a broken heart? 

Again I'm so sorry for laying this on you all, I'm just a little overwhelmed. Thank you all for being my friends and family 

[MasterPhotog]

10 hours ago, MommyDom41 said:

Hello to all you beautiful people out there! How have you all been lately? Please tell me you all are taking care of yourselves?

Tonight was a rough night, lately I keep having really bad dreams, and I'm honestly not sure why? Maybe it's from all the stress from prior days ago and it's finally catching up to me. Or maybe it's just missing my brother, I can't really say. 

At night I find myself sitting up in bed, rather than sleeping just watching the clock or TV, usually I will watch the night sky and day dream (but is it really day dreaming if it's at night?)

I keep telling myself I need sleep, I know the ramifications if I dont sleep, but the fear of having intense nightmares weighs out the rational part of my mind. 

So I keep telling myself, just close your eyes for a few hours and so I do, then I get trapped in a nightmare I can't escape.  Waking up desperately to be saved from the darkness that clouds me. 

I just could really use a friend right now, someone who can say Anna it's okay. You're fine, it's funny how sometimes hearing the words you are fine can actually make you realize that you are. 

I don't mean to unravel my life on people, I just want the nightmares to stop. I believe when the stress of everything calms down then I will be able to breathe again. 

And then I feel bad, like how dare I bring up this problem to anyone. I should just understand what's going on and move on. 

But I can't, I so desperately just want one friend. Someone I can connect with and tell me it's okay. 

I truly am so sorry for bringing this on you all, I adore each and everyone of you. 

Thank you for listening to me, I wish I could tell you all how amazing each and everyone of you are. All of you are perfect and wonderful in my eyes. 

My favorite thing to do now is read the unread news articles as I call them. It puts a smile on my face to see new comers and to see people searching for their forever. 

I am so immensely proud of all of you, your stories have touched my heart. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your family. And I know that one day everyone on here will find their fairy tale ending, after all how could you not? When all of you are perfect, beautiful, wonderful, there is no doubt your happily ever after is on its way.

I am sorry for bothering you all with my rant, but thank you for listening to me. 

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are so worthy of being loved 💖💝💓

 

 

@MommyDom41 Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Please don't worry about expressing how you feel—we all go through tough times, and it's okay to reach out when you're feeling low. We're here for you, and you're not alone in this. Your feelings are valid, and seeking comfort and support when you need it is completely okay.

It’s also heartwarming to see such wonderful advice from everyone, their kindness and support truly stand out.

As I said, it’s completely okay to feel everything you’re feeling right now. You’re not a burden at all. Sometimes, we just need to let it out, and it’s incredibly brave of you to open up to everyone here. You’re not alone, even though it may feel that way at times.

It’s completely understandable that you’re struggling with nightmares given everything you’re going through. Stress, loss, and a heavy heart can take a significant toll on our minds. You’re carrying a lot, and it’s okay to need space and time to process it all. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.

As for the nightmares, I know it’s tough to feel trapped in them, but remember, they don’t define you. They’re not a reflection of who you are or your worth. If you can, try a calming bedtime routine or grounding techniques to ease into sleep—anything that can help calm your mind.

I also want to remind you that you are loved and supported, even on the hardest days. You don’t have to face this alone, and it’s okay to ask for comfort when you need it. You are so deserving of peace, and your feelings matter.

Take it one step at a time. If you ever need someone to talk to, we all are here. You’re not bothering anyone by being vulnerable; you’re showing incredible strength. Hold onto hope, and know that you’re not forgotten.

Lastly, you’re amazing, and we all believe in your strength. You’re not a bother at all, and you matter more than you realize. Take care, and we’re all rooting for you! 

[Baby Manda]

TW: Depression/Suicide 

Depression is a physical illness too. Taking one's own life, though it hurts those left behind, seems like the only solution at the time.  There is nothing you could have done to change the outcome of his choices. He was sick. His brain chemistry and emotions were in desperate need of help, but he hid it from everyone.  Sweet Mommy. Please know you did everything you could to help him. For whatever reason, he was hopeless and this was the only answer that he saw available. 

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. Truly, there are no words that can make it better. I struggled for over a decade with repeated attempts until I found freedom,  but the thoughts still plagued me for years until I fixed my brain chemistry wuth meds and got some really intense therapy strategies in place. I also watched my oldest daughter wrestle this beast through adolescence and my youngest has also begun the battle. Sometimes it is organic (from the brain chemistry/hormones/anatomy), environmental (triggers in life), or sometimes it just happens. It is in my extended family and it is so difficult to experience and to survive. 

If you need a friend to "sit with you in your sadness", I am here. The best thing I learned was to let myself feel. When I'm sad, be sad until I'm not sad anymore. Don't rush it, but don't shut out the world. Talk about my sadness.  Get help and go through it. 

I gotta run for a bit, but I'll check in later, sweet Mommy, dear friend. 

[MasterPhotog]

1 hour ago, MommyDom41 said:

Thank you, it's so hard to actually deal with so many emotions at once. I'm usually very calm, hyper yes and rambunctious as all get out but I can control my emotions.

This is taking me by storm, it's like I can't get a hold of my feelings. And I am not sure because of him taking his own life that is triggering it or if I am just drained. 

Either way, the storms are rolling in my mind, the questions of could I have stopped him and worse why didn't I notice the signs? 

I tell myself these things happen but how do you deal with the outcome? How do you move on? 

If it were an accident I could blame it on what happened, or even an illness i could say it was too soon but he's in a better place. But what about this? What do I say? How do you heal a broken heart? 

Again I'm so sorry for laying this on you all, I'm just a little overwhelmed. Thank you all for being my friends and family 

@MommyDom41 First, I'm so sorry you're going through your loss. Your feelings of sadness are completely valid, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed and uncertain. Grief, especially after something so painful and unexpected, is complicated, and there’s no “right” way to process it. It’s normal to question yourself and wonder if you could have done more, but please try to be kind to yourself. The weight of what you're experiencing isn't something anyone can prepare for, and it takes time to heal.

It’s also important to remember that sometimes we just don’t see the signs, and that’s not a reflection of your care or your love for him. The mind is complex, and emotions can be incredibly hard to read, both for ourselves and for those around us. It’s okay to be uncertain and to not have all the answers right now.

Healing won’t happen overnight, but leaning on your friends and family can provide some comfort in this heavy time. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and when you're ready, know that moving forward doesn't mean forgetting—it just means finding a way to carry the love and the lessons with you.

If you ever need to talk or just need someone to listen, we're all here for you. Take care of yourself as best as you can, and know you don't have to go through this alone.

[xx-Bear-xx]