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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted

Why do you have to react quickly when it floods?

 

 

 

 

It's an emergent Sea!!

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Posted

My neighbor shingled my roof for free. He said it was on the house..~

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Posted

My wife sat next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked me what was on tv . I said I don’t know it’s pretty dusty

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Posted

People are making apocalypse jokes , like there no tomorrow!

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Posted

Whe you think about it Lance Armstrong was a drug peddler 

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Posted

I really don't like vacuuming.... it really sucks!

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Posted

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house???

Because the ghosts bring all the boos

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Posted

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder that’s my stepladder . I never knew my real ladder 

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Posted

What’s the sea lions favorite subject in school? Art art art 

  • Like 1
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Posted

If cocaine was legal and we could get it out of vending machines. I would be called insta-grams

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Posted
8 hours ago, beanbean said:

If cocaine was legal and we could get it out of vending machines. I would be called insta-grams

And they'd cost a dime per bag, right??

Posted

Hey Dad? Why is my sister called Teresa?

Because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.

That makes sense! Thanks Dad!!

No problem Alan!

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Posted

Dad, How do Stars die?

 

Drugs usually.

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Posted

Hey Dad? How do you feel about abortions?

Ask your sister.

But, I don't have a si... oh!

Posted
13 minutes ago, WizardofOSS said:

And they'd cost a dime per bag, right??

Lol yep

  • Thumbs up 1
Posted
2 minutes ago, WizardofOSS said:

Hey Dad? How do you feel about abortions?

Ask your sister.

But, I don't have a si... oh!

Ouch

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Posted

(NSFW)

What separates Bad Jokes from Dad Jokes?

 

 

Spoiler

Condoms!

 

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Posted

Did you know that Trees poop?

 

 

 

Yeah, where do you think "#2" Pencils come from??

 

Toilet Paper Forest GIF by NRDC

 

  • Like 1
Posted

I don't always tell Dad Jokes.

 

 

However, when I do he laughs!

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Posted

Dad? I can't sleep.

Why not princess?

Because there's a monster under my bed!

Oh, don't worry, it won't harm you.

Oh good, because I drank the whole can!

fox lol GIF by Animation Domination High-Def

  • Haha 1
Posted

Dad, I'm cold!!

Well, go stand in the corner then!

Why? I didn't do nothing wrong?

No, it'll warm you up because it's 90 degrees there.

 

Listen In The Corner GIF by sillynub

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Posted

1. I built of model of Mt. Everest. My friend asked, "Is it to scale?".. "No, it's to look at"

2. My little sister swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When I asked how she was, the nurse said "No change yet"

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Posted

1. My password for sites like these is always "coconut". I've always been told, pick something hard to crack..~

2. Why are rugby fields measured with meters instead of yards? Because rugby is played with absolute units..~

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Posted

What were two duck physicists discussing about?   Quarks

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Posted

What do you call a fish who wears a tuxedo? Sofishticated

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