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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted

Q: What did the Zombie mom tell her kid to get them to eat their food?

 

 

 

 

A: Eat your food! There are people in America with no Brains at all!

idiocracy GIF

Spoiler

Who else thinks Idiocracy was prophecy? I love that movie! LOL!!!

 

  • giggling 1
Posted

Q: Why do Chickens lay eggs?

 

 

 

 

A: Because if the dropped them they would break!!

Spoiler

egg GIF by Chris Timmons

 

Posted

How did the hamburger introduce his wife ! Meat Patty!

  • ROFL 1
  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

The best part of having a parasite?? You don’t have to suffer alone. The worst part ? Always having to be a host

  • Like 1
  • ROFL 1
Posted

did you hear about the two radios that got married??the reception was fantastic 

  • ROFL 1
Posted

My wife took the kids to the library too get some where’s Waldo books ,when she got home she complained that she couldn’t find them , I was like isn’t that the point 

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Posted

Which piece of furniture is overly concerned about getting pregnant? A pullout couch

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  • Eye Roll 1
Posted

Why do bananas wear sun screen .. because the peel easily 

  • 100 percent yes 1
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Posted

What did the merchant say after a good trade?

 

 

 

 

Good Buy!!

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Posted

Why was the fly so nervous at the fruit market?

 

 

 

He was on a Date!

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Posted

Why did the Buccaneer wear his hat halfway down his head?

 

 

 

Because of his privateers!

Posted

What do you call a man on a diet?

 

 

 

Les

Posted

What do you call a paraplegic swimmer?

 

 

 

Bob

  • Mind Blown 1
Posted (edited)

What did the tired dragon make for dinner?

 

 

 

Flamin' Yawn.

 

 

Animated GIF

Edited by WizardofOSS
  • Candy corn 1
Posted

What do you call people who fall in love with Satyrs?

 

 

 

Pan-sexuals.

 

animation hercules GIF by Disney

Posted

Me and my wife watched four movies back to back last night.    Thankfully , I was the one facing the tv

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Posted

What do you call a cafeteria located at the backside of a building?   Bacteria 

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Posted

If you get arrested they take your picture , there framing everyone 

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Posted

1. How do you cut an ocean in half?            You use a sea-saw..~

2. Sundays are pretty sad, but the day before is a sadder-day..~

  • Like 1
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Posted
3 hours ago, Ashleyoop said:

1. How do you cut an ocean in half?            You use a sea-saw..~

2. Sundays are pretty sad, but the day before is a sadder-day..~

Good stuff , good stuff 

Posted

How tall are baby cows?

 

 

 

About calf height.

  • Like 1
Posted

What's a Henway?

 

 

 

 

Oh, about 3 or 4 pounds!

Posted

Which Greek Goddess is exactly 3.37 feet tall?

 

 

 

 

 

Demeter.

  • giggling 2
Posted

What's the difference between a Dwarf and a Midget?

 

 

 

 

Very little

  • giggling 1

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