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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted

What do you call a Dad who tells jokes who isn't actually a Dad?

 

 

 

A faux pa

  • giggling 1
Posted

Why do students in Archeology have to be careful?

 

 

 

They could put their new careers in ruins!

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Posted

What do Porcupines, Pigeons, Thomas Jefferson and the Guardians of the Galaxy have in common?

 

 

 

They all have Quills!!

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Posted (edited)

How many kidneys do children have?

 

 

 

 

Four!!! Two Kidneys in the belly and two 'kid knees' on the legs!!  :) 

Art School GIF by College for Creative Studies

Edited by WizardofOSS
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Posted

Where do Bad Rainbows go?

 

 

 

They go to Prism!! They get a light sentence to reflect on their deeds!!

prism GIF

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Posted

Can the unarmed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fight with bare hands?

 

 

 

 

Of course not, they're Turtles and have to fight with Turtle hands!!

We Bare Bears Panda GIF by Cartoon Network

surprised animation GIF

  • giggling 1
Posted

How do Druids get that beautiful Green color into their robes?

 

 

 

 

Using Dyer wolves!

Spoiler

FYI - It was just announced this morning that Dire Wolves have been created from fossil DNA. 3 cubs named Romulus, Remus and Khaleesi. So Cool!!!

 

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Posted (edited)

Why do Ghosts love to go to the Bars?

 

 

 

 

For all the Boooossss!!!

Spoiler

Alternate answer: To meet all the Spirits!  (Both words mean alcoholic drinks)

 

Edited by WizardofOSS
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Posted

Why do Witches wear name tags?

 

 

 

To tell which Witch is which!

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Posted

Why don't people like to go to Vampire weddings?

 

 

 

They suck!!

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Posted

Did you know there are three types of witches? Good witches, Bad Witches and Sand witches; who live by the beach.

 

Sandwich Gordon GIF

🤣

Posted

What do you call a coven of unmarried witches?

 

 

 

Craft Singles!

Spoiler

Craft as in witch'craft'  ;)  

 

Hot Tub Jacuzzi GIF by RTL

 

 

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Posted

The Cheese company Kraft heard about the prior joke and decided to relocate their cheese factory to Israel, in order to increase their public relations with Christians.

Now they call their products from Israel, the "Cheeses of Nazareth"

 

Happy Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official

 

Spoiler

An alternate ending: "the new products are called Jesus' Cheeses!    WWJD - What Would Jesus Devour?"  (Warning: This ending may upset some of faith as it may seem negative toward the personage of Jesus, use respectfully!!)

 

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Posted

Why did the Tavern fire their Halfling Bard from the Farm?

 

 

 

She couldn't keep the Beets!

Posted

Who did the Tavern hire next to play good, consistent music for them?

 

 

 

A Metro-Gnome from the big City!

Posted

How do Game-Masters always stay in good physical shape?

 

 

 

They are always running.

Spoiler

Running - as in D&D Games.

 

Posted

Why shouldn't you take a broken spear into a fight?

 

 

 

It's pointless.

Posted

Where do Evil Warlords usually keep their evil armies?

 

 

 

 

 

In their evil sleevies!!

Mean He-Man GIF

Posted

What do you call an undead chicken?

 

 

 

A Poultrygeist!

200.gif?cid=0a886bc4f8qbx1vblam6y2polkri

Posted

Did you hear about the two peanuts who were mugged walking home last night?

 

 

 

One was a Salted!

Posted

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the beach yesterday?

 

 

 

 

 

They woke her up, and she's ok.

Spoiler

Tired Good Night GIF

 

Posted

What do you give a lemon when it is injured?

 

 

Lemon-aid

  • Thumbs up 1
Posted

Q: What did the Mentos say to the Coca-Cola?

 

 

 

A: Dude! You're over-reacting!!

america exploding GIF

Posted

Hey! You like Chinese Food? Of course you do!

Did you hear about this new diet from China? It's the latest thing!!

Eat any Chinese Food you like, but...

 

 

 

 

Use only one chopstick!!

Guaranteed to work!!

petit pois GIF

Posted

Q: What did the Red Cross donation center do to the crazy Vampire?

 

 

 

A: They gave him a frontal phlebotomy!

Frustrated No Way GIF by VeeFriends

  • Like 1

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