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Big Book of Dad Jokes.


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Posted
4 minutes ago, WizardofOSS said:

I'll bet there's people in the US that just assume that chocolate is nicer somehow because it's "Kinder!"

LOL!!

 

Oh...I miss the OG Kinder Eggs though. Kids here don't know what they're missing!! 🫠

I was actually brought up on these kinder bars long before they hit the international market.
My mother was from Germany, and my Oma used to send them to us in the UK as part of a Christmas parcel from the late 1970's.

Occasionally I still buy some and relive childhood memories every time.

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Posted

What do you call the most famous cow of all time ?LegenDairy

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Posted

I showed my luggage to the lawyer and said I like to sue the airline , the lawyer siad you don’t have much of a case 

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Posted

Why do vultures never check their bags for a flight? They prefer carrion 

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Posted

Ugh, this morning at work is just dragging on.....so...how about some Dragon jokes?

 

 

A Dragon will never explode into flames,

 

But, a Dino Might!!!

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Posted

Why are Dragon stuffies always soft and cuddly?

 

They are not 'scale' models!

 

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Posted

What do you call a dragon without his silver?

 

Dr__on

Spoiler

The "ag" is missing, which is the periodic symbol for 'silver' in Chemistry. It's a bad Science Joke, I know. LOL!!

 

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Posted

Q: What do you call a sleeping Dragon?

 

A: Dragoff!

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Posted

Q: How do Dragon-type Pokemon settle their disputes?

 

A: The let Bagons be Bagons!

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Posted

Have you ever seen a Baby Dragon eat Ice Cream?

 

 

It'll melt your Heart!

Ice Cream Dessert GIF

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Posted

Q: How do you get Dragon milk?

 

 

A: Find a cow with no back legs!

Spoiler

Draggin' milk....get it? LOL!!

 

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Posted

For you Dragonball Z fans....

 

Some people think Frieza was the best character in Dragonball Z...

 

 

but, I think his brother was Cooler! 😎

 

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Posted

I just bought 50 chicks from the farm. They we’re going cheeep

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Posted (edited)

I tried chicken farming once....I bought the chickens and a week later they all died!

The next day, I went back to the store with my receipt and asked for a refund. They asked me if I was caring for them which I said yes. They asked what I think happened and I said I wasn't sure....

Either I planted them too close together or planted them too deep.....

The store refused my refund for some reason. 🤪

Smoke Plants GIF by South Park

 

 

Edited by WizardofOSS
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Posted

Why is dark spelled with a k not a c ? Cause you can’t  c in the dark

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Posted

Thanos went to his urologist. His urologist said congratulations you also have a kidney stone

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Posted
14 hours ago, WizardofOSS said:

What do you call a dragon without his silver?

 

Dr__on

  Hide contents

The "ag" is missing, which is the periodic symbol for 'silver' in Chemistry. It's a bad Science Joke, I know. LOL!!

 

I'm sorry I got the joke right then clicked the reveal, but was confused why it was there at first!🤦‍♀️ I'm a nerd! In the most happy way possible!

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Posted

5 ants rented an apartment with five other ants now there tenants 

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Posted

What is black and white and red all over?

The newspaper

 

Posted
8 hours ago, Baby Manda said:

What is black and white and red all over?

The newspaper

 

Or.....

A sunburned Penguin

A sunburned Zebra

A policeman's car after a shooting (Kinda Dark I know)

Batman eating Ketchup

and.....A Panda in a red bikini

 

There's probably more. Kids come up with all sorts of answers. ;) 

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Posted

Why do Pirates never have to shower before they walk the plank?

 

 

 

Because they always wash up on shore!

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Posted

What's a Pirate's favorite letter?

Arrr......

 

Spoiler

Alternative ending if they guess this joke: R? No, it's the "C"!!

 

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Posted (edited)

You know there are 26 letters in the English Alphabet, but I only know 25 of them!

 

 

 

I don't know why.

 

Spoiler

Back in the 80's, this joke went like this:

You know there are 26 letters in the English Alphabet, but I only know 22 of them....

 

JR got shot and ET went home!

 

Amazing how humor changes with the times!

 

Edited by WizardofOSS
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Posted

Last weekend, I caught a fish so BIG, I had to release it!

 

Before I let it go I took a picture of it with my phone, and now my phone weighs 3 pounds!

 

Spoiler

Another time changed joke - This is an old Red Skelton joke about him taking a picture of a fish so big, his paper picture weighed 3 pounds! No-one develops paper pictures anymore.

 

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Posted

Which actor should you never trust to fart? William Shatner

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