Vetting daddies… and attachment.

[PrincessSub]

So, i met someone here that i thought was so similar and aligned and i think i upset him, i read a message while i was working but my hands were in gloves bottling for 4 hours straight and when i came back i was so excited to chat and he had deleted the chat and blocked me and we didn’t chat for long- but there was just a cool energy. And it’s silly, maybe, to be sad, but i don’t really understand why he just deleted the chat. And i think he blocked me here because i can’t message him now. 
 

obviously it wasn’t okay for him to just bail without telling me, but what do you do to sort of vet people and how do you prevent yourself from attaching prematurely before you’ve done that?

thanks in advance. Trying to navigate this space being such a private person is a bit difficult, because i don’t want to go straight into a dynamic. I need time… 😔

[SensitiveEeyore]

I wish I had advice I could give but similar to you I am a private person given my past. I feel like vetting is so hard. I don't know about you but I can get attached easily and then when ghosted it is hard to accept it again and I am left to wonder what I did that time. 

Just wanted you to know your definitely not alone and many of us littles struggle as do CG's too I'm sure. 

[PrincessSub]

14 minutes ago, SensitiveEeyore said:

I wish I had advice I could give but similar to you I am a private person given my past. I feel like vetting is so hard. I don't know about you but I can get attached easily and then when ghosted it is hard to accept it again and I am left to wonder what I did that time. 

Just wanted you to know your definitely not alone and many of us littles struggle as do CG's too I'm sure. 

I guess it’s good to know I’m not alone. Sad our little hearts are so Velcro tho 😔

[DaddyABQ]

28 minutes ago, PrincessSub said:

So, i met someone here that i thought was so similar and aligned and i think i upset him, i read a message while i was working but my hands were in gloves bottling for 4 hours straight and when i came back i was so excited to chat and he had deleted the chat and blocked me and we didn’t chat for long- but there was just a cool energy. And it’s silly, maybe, to be sad, but i don’t really understand why he just deleted the chat. And i think he blocked me here because i can’t message him now. 

I'm very sorry that happened to you, but perhaps it was good that it happened now as opposed to much later on. If someone doesn't have the patience to wait a reasonable amount of time for a reply to a message, then it suggests to me they may not be able to be patient in a lot of other areas in a relationship. Any time I've had someone vanish after a short time, regardless of the potential I saw, I try to remind myself that--while I can do wishcasting about what could have been with anyone I interact with--the important thing is the reality that is created by my actions and theirs.

[PrincessSub]

3 minutes ago, DaddyABQ said:

I'm very sorry that happened to you, but perhaps it was good that it happened now as opposed to much later on. If someone doesn't have the patience to wait a reasonable amount of time for a reply to a message, then it suggests to me they may not be able to be patient in a lot of other areas in a relationship. Any time I've had someone vanish after a short time, regardless of the potential I saw, I try to remind myself that--while I can do wishcasting about what could have been with anyone I interact with--the important thing is the reality that is created by my actions and theirs.

Thank you. That is very true and very good advice. It’s tough when you’re very hyper vigilant and don’t like to upset people to wonder what you did. Appreciate this perspective. 

[DaddyABQ]

6 minutes ago, PrincessSub said:

Thank you. That is very true and very good advice. It’s tough when you’re very hyper vigilant and don’t like to upset people to wonder what you did. Appreciate this perspective. 

As one who considers myself in recovery from an Avoidant Personality Disorder, I fully understand that struggle, and I know it's hard. Kudos to you and keep up the good work!

[BigMeat]

@PrincessSub 

First of all, this was very sad for me to read. I am a Daddy myself and I feel your pain. I am sorry that you have had this negative experience.

There’s so much that goes into this topic. I truly feel like everything happens for a reason. I would honestly like to tell you that it is better this happened now, instead of later, although that may be hard to understand. As I have learned over the years, some people are simply put in our lives to teach us a lesson. I’m not saying you deserved this in any way, because you did not. What I’m saying is, perhaps going slowly into a situation with someone would be good. I can completely understand the desire to meet someone that you can be close to, especially for a little. I can also understand getting attached easily. 

I know for a fact, that the right person will come along, sometimes it just takes a lot more patience than we would like to have.😅 The right person, will understand delayed responses when you are working or busy for whatever reason. Littles also have “big” obligations/responsibilities. The right CareGiver will be patient and understanding with you and give you grace, especially within a situation like the one you have described. They will also have your best interest in mind.

Some people, like this guy you were talking with, just turn out to be people that aren’t even worth wasting your time on. Time is something none of us can get back, time is more precious than gold, nothing can buy us more time. Let this be a great opportunity to move forward and continue your search to find the correct CareGiver for you. 
Do not be disheartened and do not get defeated. The right person is out there, just continue to be patient and eventually you will both find each other. When that happens, I am certain you’ll look back on this situation and be very glad that it happened - I say this because I have first hand experience with finding the wrong people before I found the right one.☺️

-Axl // BigMeat

[PrincessSub]

50 minutes ago, DaddyABQ said:

As one who considers myself in recovery from an Avoidant Personality Disorder, I fully understand that struggle, and I know it's hard. Kudos to you and keep up the good work!

I am an actively disorganized attached person so it’s a whole confusing mess. 🙈

[PrincessSub]

33 minutes ago, BigMeat said:

@PrincessSub 

First of all, this was very sad for me to read. I am a Daddy myself and I feel your pain. I am sorry that you have had this negative experience.

There’s so much that goes into this topic. I truly feel like everything happens for a reason. I would honestly like to tell you that it is better this happened now, instead of later, although that may be hard to understand. As I have learned over the years, some people are simply put in our lives to teach us a lesson. I’m not saying you deserved this in any way, because you did not. What I’m saying is, perhaps going slowly into a situation with someone would be good. I can completely understand the desire to meet someone that you can be close to, especially for a little. I can also understand getting attached easily. 

I know for a fact, that the right person will come along, sometimes it just takes a lot more patience than we would like to have.😅 The right person, will understand delayed responses when you are working or busy for whatever reason. Littles also have “big” obligations/responsibilities. The right CareGiver will be patient and understanding with you and give you grace, especially within a situation like the one you have described. They will also have your best interest in mind.

Some people, like this guy you were talking with, just turn out to be people that aren’t even worth wasting your time on. Time is something none of us can get back, time is more precious than gold, nothing can buy us more time. Let this be a great opportunity to move forward and continue your search to find the correct CareGiver for you. 
Do not be disheartened and do not get defeated. The right person is out there, just continue to be patient and eventually you will both find each other. When that happens, I am certain you’ll look back on this situation and be very glad that it happened - I say this because I have first hand experience with finding the wrong people before I found the right one.☺️

-Axl // BigMeat

Thank you. I’m sure it’ll happen in the right timing. Maybe I’m just rushing it because the stage of my life I’m in is so stressful and i am just craving a safe place so badly.  Appreciate the perspective. 

[butimsleeping]

Hey! Recently looking as well. It's tough to not get attached, but I'd say to be more careful with your feelings. Know that a good CG will be very patient with you. I was blocked twice by someone personally - added them back as a friend, thinking they did it accidentally. When I didn't reply for a few hours, they blocked me again. Is this kind of CG really worth your time?

[LittleBiscut]

I am sorry you had to go through that, if you’re starting to see someone, and they ghost you it sucks. But maybe person like that isn’t worth it, I haven’t had good experiences myself lately. I hope you’re okay and can move past this. It’s okay to be sad, but your a wonderful person and deserve to move forward🥹🥹❤️❤️

[PrincessSub]

4 hours ago, butimsleeping said:

Hey! Recently looking as well. It's tough to not get attached, but I'd say to be more careful with your feelings. Know that a good CG will be very patient with you. I was blocked twice by someone personally - added them back as a friend, thinking they did it accidentally. When I didn't reply for a few hours, they blocked me again. Is this kind of CG really worth your time?

For sure! And definitely not worth my time. Thank you. I’m sorry it happened to you as well.