Fighting with Daddy.

[redruffle41]

Ok all, I want everyone's thoughts and input. I'm new to DDlg. And bdsm and Dom/sub.  I don't have a daddy currently but I've had a few sweet daddy relationships in the past. I'm figuring out something about myself the last couple of weeks and I sat down today and really spent some time with myself and here's what I came up with:

I have to admit there's something really grating about having a DaddyDom. Like, there's this uncomfortable feeling when I think about him. When I like someone and really respect their dominance I tend to also get really prickly and scornful towards them. I think it's a defense mechanism. Lol, it's like on the playground when I was a kid I would chase the boy I liked and push him. 

If there was ever a dominant guy that was a good fit for me I would crave their regard and approval. And if I didn't get that I would flip into this "raccoon trapped in a trash bag" mode.  Honestly, I would want to fight and fight and hate and crave and want my daddy all at once. Phew! 

They key is this: I believe I do eventually need to submit but I want to fight too. I want to fight and debate and laugh and scorn this potential daddy. I want to make him angry. I crave that so much. I want to make him lose his shitty better than thou coolness. I want to be on top. Or do I? Because as soon as I win that battle I feel like the biggest loss. As soon as I win I will instantly stop. I want to win the fight but I want to completely lose it at the same time. And when I lose I want my Daddy to be so sweet and gentle and in charge and probably seriously give me a punishment. Lol, honestly if anyone knows that scene from Avatar where Jake Sully has to chose his flyer animal because that creature will try to kill him. That's me. I want to fight with someone for my submission. But I don't want to be diminished, hurt, bruised or bleeding afterward. I want to fly.

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Honestly? I think you're a Brat Little. And there's nothing wrong with this. You're going to have to be upfront about this with potential partners though, as a lot of Daddies don't like or can't handle this sort of behavior.

[redruffle41]

8 minutes ago, .คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

Honestly? I think you're a Brat Little. And there's nothing wrong with this. You're going to have to be upfront about this with potential partners though, as a lot of Daddies don't like or can't handle this sort of behavior.

Makes sense.....I definitely need a guy who can go at least a few rounds......not sure if it's healthy or not though. Ideally with a forever daddy figure I would only really need to have it out with him once. Just once to really get it out of my system.....I don't want to be less than I am just by submitting quietly....I could do that. But I seem to have a few different parts of myself in this dynamic. And this is one of them for sure

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

It's really only unhealthy, if it's causing you and your partner emotional distress or physical abuse, imho.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to submit, let alone quietly. That's why dom Littles are a thing.

 

[WizardofOSS]

@redruffle41 Just a different point of view here, psychologically. I think it's a sign of a healthy self-esteem and confidence that you'd want to fight before 'submitting'. I don't think you're a 'brat' if you want to have a throw down just once. Brat's often find a thrill to do this behavior over and over, but what you described sounds more like a "test". To me, I think you want your potential Daddy to be worth submitting to. You want to ensure that you're potential Daddy has what it takes to be worthy of you're fiery spirit, confidence and independence. You are obviously intelligent, self-made and struggled to get where you are, so you're potential Daddy has to be 'worthy' in your mind. You did describe yourself as Sapoisexual, maybe there's something to that. There is also historical precedent for 'fighting a potential mate'....

Khutulun, Granddaughter of Gengis Khan, was rumored to wrestle potential suitors, and collecting their horses when they lose. She would only submit to one that bested her in combat.

Lagertha, a female Viking warrior (Yes, the show "Vikings" is based on real characters by Saxo, 12th Century) fought and led the shield maidens before submitting to Ragnar Lothbrook after he was set upon by a Bear and Hound she had guarding her home, killing the Bear and choked the hound to death. He won her hand.

I'm sure there's many more, but my stupid search engine just isn't finding what I need during "Women's History Month". Ugh!

Of course, in Star Trek, we all know that the first step in Klingon mating rituals is to strike your potential mate to test their resolve and strength. Maybe you're part Klingon?  LOL!! 🤔

What do you believe in your heart? That's all that's important.  

[redruffle41]

40 minutes ago, WizardofOSS said:

@redruffle41 Just a different point of view here, psychologically. I think it's a sign of a healthy self-esteem and confidence that you'd want to fight before 'submitting'. I don't think you're a 'brat' if you want to have a throw down just once. Brat's often find a thrill to do this behavior over and over, but what you described sounds more like a "test". To me, I think you want your potential Daddy to be worth submitting to. You want to ensure that you're potential Daddy has what it takes to be worthy of you're fiery spirit, confidence and independence. You are obviously intelligent, self-made and struggled to get where you are, so you're potential Daddy has to be 'worthy' in your mind. You did describe yourself as Sapoisexual, maybe there's something to that. There is also historical precedent for 'fighting a potential mate'....

Khutulun, Granddaughter of Gengis Khan, was rumored to wrestle potential suitors, and collecting their horses when they lose. She would only submit to one that bested her in combat.

Lagertha, a female Viking warrior (Yes, the show "Vikings" is based on real characters by Saxo, 12th Century) fought and led the shield maidens before submitting to Ragnar Lothbrook after he was set upon by a Bear and Hound she had guarding her home, killing the Bear and choked the hound to death. He won her hand.

I'm sure there's many more, but my stupid search engine just isn't finding what I need during "Women's History Month". Ugh!

Of course, in Star Trek, we all know that the first step in Klingon mating rituals is to strike your potential mate to test their resolve and strength. Maybe you're part Klingon?  LOL!! 🤔

What do you believe in your heart? That's all that's important.  

Thanks @WizardofOSS!! This made me so happy. Yes, this is exactly that for me!

[BrassyBabyGirl]

On 3/19/2025 at 8:59 AM, redruffle41 said:

. That's me. I want to fight with someone for my submission. But I don't want to be diminished, hurt, bruised or bleeding afterward. I want to fly.

Omg that's me also. Like, let it be known my submission is a prize, and also a direct result of the fact you can handle me. Not with screaming or being aloof or cold, but because you know me, my heart and how to melt it. I know sometimes with me, just the thought of authority makes me want to rebel and at the sammmmeee time I want to be ummm, reigned in. Something that helps me when it's not cutesie bratting or relative to the situation. ....like I just feel it brewing is agreed upon CNC playtime. You are not alone lol. 

[PrincessPeachy95x]

I understand what you’re saying and although I don’t think it’s the same, I know personally I crave firm boundaries, rules and structure, and although I like my person to be sweet, caring and affectionate, I like them to be strict and hold me accountable to our rules ect, if I have someone that won’t provide that strictness or stick to a rule or punishment, I notice this makes me feel more bratty, which is why I generally emphasise this with people. I need structure for a multitude of reasons but I actually really enjoy being well behaved and if I have strict rules and structure this helps me stay in that state, but yeah, be soft and deviate from holding me to a standard and I become a chaos gremlin 🤭