A shoulder to lean on

[MommyDom41]

Lately I have been feeling under the weather and hopefully my doctor can help cure me in that aspect of my life. But I have also been wondering if I'm even a good Mommy Dom?

I seem to question myself on that these days, I wonder am I even a Dom at all? I'm not strict, I hate giving punishments and I see no sense in being mean to someone I care about.

I know I am a Soft Submissive Mommy Dom, but it brings my question to am I a Dom at all? 

I love being a Mommy, I want a little who I can shower with affection, spoil with my love, can handle my clinginess and is willing to put up with my hyperactive rambunctious self.

I love ABDL lifestyle, but I'm not sure about the BDSM part. So where does that leave me? And would someone really want a Mommy who is not really a Dom?

It scares me to think I will never find my special little one. So in a way something most be wrong with me, or maybe I'm not who I thought I was from the beginning. Which even makes me sadder.

I would love to find a true Dom mentor, male or female to talk to that could help me understand where I stand. Help guide me because it's heartbreaking to feel lost when you don't know where to begin. 

So many littles want a strict Dom, and it's not me. I'm not strict, I'm not mean and I just want someone to shower with love, adoration and show them how much they mean to me.

I don't know if I could ever date a sub, I doubt they could handle a Mommy who isn't into punishments. 

And littles need rules, which I can do, I just don't know how to be firm when they break them. 

I wonder is this role right for me? Am I doomed to be in a vanilla relationship where I have to follow societies rules and I can't have a little one who I can dress up and cuddle with at night.

I'm sorry for my rambling, I just could really use a friend and I could really use guidance from someone who has been in this lifestyle for a while. 

Sorry for my little rant, but thank you for listening I just couldn't stand another lonely night with these thoughts swarming in my head.

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 💘 💖💓💝💞

[WizardofOSS]

Awww...we hear you. I am currently exploring taming a Brat which is tough, and it has made me realize several things:

1) Rules are good if they are for their own good and mutually agreed to. In the short time I've known her, we've settled on a routine of self-improvement and regular consequences - some good, some bad. Enforcing them does nothing for me (asexual), but it provides much needed comfort for her. We've gotten closer 'because' I enforce the rules, and she knows I will not bend...for her benefit.

2) Breaking them is something they will sometimes do, to see what you'll do, sometimes not their fault. Are you a person of your word?

3) Enforcing them with a range of previously agreed punishments is part of the dynamic, and sometimes, they get joy at seeing if you'll enforce rules. It's part of being a Dom. Breaking them sometimes is part of being a little.

4) Always follow through on the consequences, even if it pains you to do so. Not following your own rules makes them pointless and easy to break again or even the other rules. It diminishes your authority as their caretaker.

5) You have to be firm, fair and consistent. Don't bend or budge without good reason. The rules and consequences are there to reinforce behavior for their own good. Remember, they can always give a safe word or say "NO" (outside being a brat), and their willingness to go along with it means they desire the consequences once in a while, maybe to experience the thrill, maybe to sense being 'bad'. We're all adults and know what our limits and desires are. You're not forcing anything.

I think you are a soft-dom, like me and aren't inherently strict, but it's pretty common. However, as much as it pains me, discipline or consequences is just part of maintaining structure, improving life goals or even part of the "experience" of being a little with memories of breaking the rules for their rl parents. If it's intentional, see it as their desire to be corrected. You do them a dis-service not providing the experience they desire.

You don't have to be mean to be strict, just be a person of your word, establish boundaries and be fair. Littles will play within the space you set for them. It's ok.  

Edited March 5 by WizardofOSS

[MommyDom41]

@WizardofOSS thank you for your encouraging words. I truly hope you and your little through everything. Your guidance is much appreciated and I am a Soft dom. And as for the correction part, if I'm doing them a dis-service then should I not be a Dom at all? 

[WizardofOSS]

Hmm...that is a personal question. Off the top of my head, I have a few questions....

Do you enjoy facilitating space and activities for littles to play and be free to be themselves?

Do you enjoy giving them love, comfort, hearing their problems and kissing their boo-boos?

Do you desire to help them improve and grow as littles or even as Bigs too?

Do you want to help them anyway you can?

If you answered "Yes", you're a Dom in my opinion.

 

Now....you could be feeling like a sub at times too....

Do you want to let someone else make the decisions, even once in a while?

Do you want to be free once in a while to just "Be"?

Do you desire someone's shoulder to cry on, tell your problems to and trust they will be there for you because they are there for you.

Do you believe you can still control through service and submissiveness? (Not all subs, but some - like the Mom who says in a "Big Fat Greek Wedding" - He may be the head, but I am the neck and I turn the head....Great example of controlling from sub space...love it!!)

You may desire to experience some sub space too? It's ok. I've found that people often change or even evolve their dynamics as time goes on. It's OK.

As I often say, it's Ok not to be Ok.

So...maybe you are both? It's really up to you what you want to experience. Labels are just generalities anyway.  

[-Soul-]

I’m a great believer of you can be whatever you want to be in this life! The word Dom can be subcategorised into many different things, just because you prefer to be a soft Dom doesn’t make you less of a Dom! As with the whole dynamic everything is evolving and changing, what someone doesn’t class as Dom today may be classed as Dom tomorrow… think of it almost as a fluid, it will mold it away into any nook and cranny until it’s ended up at it’s final destination, that’s what life’s about, enjoying the river ride! I have many thoughts on the subject but unfortunately no way to articulate them into words to show any sense! Just please take care of yourself and go easy on my friend! She’s still ill and then docs better help her  

[MommyDom41]

@SoulEater thank you for taking up for me, your always so kind to me. And thank you for helping me in this journey I'm on

[-Soul-]

@MommyDom41 always  that’s what friends do!

[beanbean]

6 hours ago, MommyDom41 said:

Lately I have been feeling under the weather and hopefully my doctor can help cure me in that aspect of my life. But I have also been wondering if I'm even a good Mommy Dom?

I seem to question myself on that these days, I wonder am I even a Dom at all? I'm not strict, I hate giving punishments and I see no sense in being mean to someone I care about.

I know I am a Soft Submissive Mommy Dom, but it brings my question to am I a Dom at all? 

I love being a Mommy, I want a little who I can shower with affection, spoil with my love, can handle my clinginess and is willing to put up with my hyperactive rambunctious self.

I love ABDL lifestyle, but I'm not sure about the BDSM part. So where does that leave me? And would someone really want a Mommy who is not really a Dom?

It scares me to think I will never find my special little one. So in a way something most be wrong with me, or maybe I'm not who I thought I was from the beginning. Which even makes me sadder.

I would love to find a true Dom mentor, male or female to talk to that could help me understand where I stand. Help guide me because it's heartbreaking to feel lost when you don't know where to begin. 

So many littles want a strict Dom, and it's not me. I'm not strict, I'm not mean and I just want someone to shower with love, adoration and show them how much they mean to me.

I don't know if I could ever date a sub, I doubt they could handle a Mommy who isn't into punishments. 

And littles need rules, which I can do, I just don't know how to be firm when they break them. 

I wonder is this role right for me? Am I doomed to be in a vanilla relationship where I have to follow societies rules and I can't have a little one who I can dress up and cuddle with at night.

I'm sorry for my rambling, I just could really use a friend and I could really use guidance from someone who has been in this lifestyle for a while. 

Sorry for my little rant, but thank you for listening I just couldn't stand another lonely night with these thoughts swarming in my head.

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 💘 💖💓💝💞

There is no really right way to do it just be you you seem to be great at what you do!

[MommyDom41]

@beanbean thank you, you are always so sweet,.it means a lot to me 💖 

[beanbean]

8 minutes ago, MommyDom41 said:

@beanbean thank you, you are always so sweet,.it means a lot to me 💖 

Your welcome just remember your great 

[MommyDom41]

@beanbean thank you so much for your positivity. You are so amazing and you lift so many up. Thank you for all you do ❤️ 

[beanbean]

11 minutes ago, MommyDom41 said:

@beanbean thank you so much for your positivity. You are so amazing and you lift so many up. Thank you for all you do ❤️ 

I try to be positive as I can at least here . But your are super positive and inspire me

[MommyDom41]

@beanbean you are so uplifting, never doubt your worth. And you have it wrong, you inspire me by your love, adoration and caring nature.

Until we meet again remember you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved 💕❣️

[Triskelion]

@MommyDom41

Most have been said already, what I wanted to say by WizardofOSS and Souleater

I hope you will recover soon and feel better again.

As for the Dom part, I consider myself too as a soft Dom and recognize much of what you describe, I am not that strict, being mean is certainly no intention in whatever way (being strict and mean are different things ), rather I have not to resort to punishments either. Does this make me less Dom?
Heck no, who determines if it is good enough or not? In the end, it is the dynamics that determine it in my opinion. If they work, why doubt? They are just titles and to my knowledge they are not regulated

You love being a Mommy, then be a Mommy! Forget about the titles, make it work as you want it to work. And I am sure there are littles that will love your style.
I am 100% sure your special little one is out there somewhere, it may take a bit to find them, but they are out there.

As for the mentorship, keep talking here, there are plenty of good people willing to share advice and will give you opinions from all kind of ways.

Littles need rules, but depending on the little, sometimes just telling them that you'd rather not be strict and set the rules to help them go a long way. A lot of littles want you to be proud and happy with them, not all littles are into punishment. But you will need to find a little that fits your style and for that communication is key so both know what to expect from the start.

From what I read from you, the Mommy role is certainly one befitting you, please do not doubt that. You will find your way and the perfect little that fits it.

And like you say yourself "you matter, you are loved and you are worthy of being loved", I couldn't say it any better 

Edited March 6 by Triskelion