Argument with daddy dom

[PrincessM_13]

I’m not sure where to begin. Every couple of months my long distance daddy dom and I have an argument or discussion (we never yell at each other) about punishments and also telling me what to do. To simply put it I don’t like. Not in a bratty way, but it causes me some distress to be punished and him telling me what to do for example “put your plug in” I don’t like that since to me that’s a sexual object in my eyes and most time I’m not in the mood. We’ve tried talking things out and not doing punishments, him telling me ahead of time what’s going to happen, naughty points to schedule punishments,  but I just still feel distress with punishments. Yesterday we had this conversation again about me not liking punishments and he suggested talking things out but also set some guidelines: no lying down, no being in bed unless I’m sitting up in bed, and no walking away to do things (I have family obligations sometimes and we talk it’s usually at the evening and sometimes I have those family obligations to do that are quick and then I come back to the argument). It really bothered me that he said no walking away because it’s not like I leave the conversation or even want to, I have family obligations that he knows about. It bothers me that he also told me that he thinks I can’t do this. It makes me feel like I can’t. I don’t want to breakup with him, but all the punishments and him telling me what to do in certain situations I don’t like and it makes me think that maybe being in a DDLG relationship isn’t for me even though I’ve wanted a relationship like it in some aspects and want a partner to call daddy. Are there any littles and subs like me that can’t handle punishments? What do you all do instead of punishments in your relationship? 
 

updated: we talked a little and he agreed to talking things out from now on and no punishments. I’ll talk to him more about this later since I’m at work and he is too. Thank you everyone for the advice. I really appreciate it. 

Edited March 1 by PrincessM_13

[Dangerously_Well]

Oh, sweetheart, gentle hugs. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling distressed and confused. It takes a lot of courage to share these feelings, and we're here to listen with compassion.

It's clear you care deeply for your daddy dom, and you've put a lot of effort into finding solutions. The fact that you've tried different approaches shows your commitment to making the relationship work. However, your feelings of distress are valid, and they shouldn't be dismissed.

It's especially concerning that the "plug" example causes you distress. Your body and your comfort are paramount. If something feels sexual when you're not in the mood, it's absolutely okay to say no. Consent is crucial, and it's essential that your daddy dom respects your boundaries.

The guidelines he set during your discussions, particularly the "no walking away" rule, seem rigid and insensitive to your family obligations. It's not about avoiding the conversation; it's about balancing your responsibilities and needs. His statement that he "thinks you can't do this" is also hurtful and undermines your confidence.

It's okay to question whether DDlg is the right fit for you. Your well-being is the priority. If a dynamic consistently causes you distress, it's important to listen to those feelings.

Here are some things to consider:

• Prioritize your comfort: Your feelings are valid, and you have the right to say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable.
• Re-evaluate the dynamic: Consider whether the power imbalance and expectations in your relationship are truly aligned with your needs and desires.
• Open communication: If you choose to continue the relationship, have a very open and honest conversation about your boundaries and needs. Emphasize that your comfort and consent are non-negotiable.
• Seek outside support: Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. They can also help you navigate difficult conversations with your partner.
• Self-care: Take time for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. You deserve to feel safe and supported.
• Reflect: it is okay to take some time to reflect on what you truly want and need in a relationship.

It's understandable that you don't want to break up, but sometimes, prioritizing your well-being means making difficult decisions. You deserve a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and loved.

Remember, you're not alone. We're here to support you through this. Please be kind to yourself and prioritize your well-being. gentle comforting hugs

[Triskelion]

Hi PrincessM,

That seems like a tough situation for you and I am glad you felt confident enough to share it.

Your feelings about punishments are understandable, especially if those punishments go against your limits or are not in line with what you agreed upon.
This guideline about “no walking away” feels too restrictive, in my opinion, certainly in a long-distance relationship. The partners can't see what is happening and act on that. 
Family obligations should proceed, as they sometimes need immediate attention. Besides that it doesn't sound fair to me that he seems to doubt you or make you feel trapped.

The tips Dangerously_Well posted above are quite well and I have not much to add to them, but underline that communication is key and both you and your Daddy should set expectations correctly. Not only about the punishments, but about anything. A relationship is a two-way street and a DDlg relationship is no different in that.

I hope you will do well and be able to sort this out. 
 

[PapaMax]

I've never done "punishments" like that, where they are basically routine by the sounds of it, or are you regularly acting out in order to get disciplined? If you're not then, why is a "punishment" required?

I always prefer positive reinforcement anyway, like "you were really good this week so we can go to the toy store". Don't let him convince you this is "normal", the not being able to lie down in bed or leave the phone because of RL is in my opinion a bit weird, but whatever works for the BOTH of you, anyone who says "you're doing it wrong" is an ass, frankly, there's no right or wrong way to do DDLG.

What rewards does he give you for good behavior?

 

 

[PrincessM_13]

6 minutes ago, PapaMax said:

I've never done "punishments" like that, where they are basically routine by the sounds of it, or are you regularly acting out in order to get disciplined? If you're not then, why is a "punishment" required?

I always prefer positive reinforcement anyway, like "you were really good this week so we can go to the toy store". Don't let him convince you this is "normal", the not being able to lie down in bed or leave the phone because of RL is in my opinion a bit weird, but whatever works for the BOTH of you, anyone who says "you're doing it wrong" is an ass, frankly, there's no right or wrong way to do DDLG.

What rewards does he give you for good behavior?

 

 

From his and my standards: I rarely act out. Just now we implemented good girl points and naughty points. I have a few naughty points that he wanted to use yesterday but I wasn’t feeling well since I was hungover and punishments just don’t sit right with me. My good girl points he said I could use so I have his attention even if he’s busy (I always have his attention, but if he’s busy and I use a good girl point to say color with him, he’ll drop what he’s doing and color with me).

[beanbean]

I have heard of littlest that’s distressed them over punishments. Finding solutions that is okay with both of you seems hard and elusive. But you need to sit and discuss and find a solution that helps you because the problem will only fester and get worse

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

I would run. Sounds like he's a bully, not a dom. It might be hard, but an SO not taking my boundaries seriously, would anger me.

I don't do punishments at all. And they're not a requirement for a DDLG relationship. Him saying otherwise and trying to make you feel bad about it, is just flat out wrong.