Birthday blues....

[Baby Manda]

Just getting words out....

It's my birthday and I had fun celebrating with my preschoolers and my daughter, but a lot of the other adults in my forgot about my birthday.  My co-workers (outside my classroom), my oldest daughter, my brothers, my Mom's Group tonight, even my mentor forgot my birthday! I know it's not about me (thank you decades of every therapy you can name).... but it still kinda stinks that I was forgotten by the grown-ups! I mean I am little and I feel more like a 2 year old most of the time, but that doesn't make it ok to forget me!

Maybe in a way it's a compliment? The kids thought it was "Wow!" When I told them I was 4 and 5 this year. They have been trying to guess my birthday treats for 2 weeks. (hehehe I told them I was bringing broccoli,  but then brought cupcakes and cookies!) and they've been counting down the days til my birthday! My daughter used her allowance from her dad (my ex-husband) on my present and got me a sweet purple bunny (named Lilac), a weighted puppy (naned Sandy) and my first ever real Care Bear (the box says Good Vibes, but I think Rainbow Cuddles is a better name!) I also ate my favorite foods so supper (shredded chicken on a bun, watermelon,  blackberries,  Caesar salad) with my daughter and our favorite babysitter.  She's the babysitter and my friend.

So I guess I'm not really sad as much hurt that people are so thoughtless. I really appreciate just a kind happy birthday,  before I hold up the box of sugar I brought to remind you.... life is too short to forget people.

I also realize how alone I am in the world. If I didn't have a child to raise, would people even notice if I left? My family doesn't check in regularly. Work would miss a certified teacher (gotta meet licensing requirements)....haven't heard from my mommy in 10 days.... friends are not a thing I have time for.... church would miss me coz I need to volunteer in ministries (multiple) .... maybe I need to change my priorities.... I'm outta balance perhaps...but it's my birthday and I wanna cry coz I was forgotten, but it won't help.... I have my paci and my stuffies, so the next right thing is sleep. 

Maybe it's too much sugar, too much worries and nit enough sleep. 

 

Daniel Tiger " Rest is best, Rest is best."

[LittleBiscut]

Hey Baby Girl! Happy Birthday! So sorry to hear it’s not the day you were hoping for. And your people aren’t remembering your birthday ❤️ it kinda sucks when you get older and no one is thinking of you anymore. I don’t celebrate my birthday than a dinner anymore over the last few years. 
I think everyone wants and should be wished happy birthday by those closest to them!

Sounds like you has a lovely time with your Daughter. Focus on that because time is short and those memories you and she make is a lot more important than a few friends wishing you happy birthday 🎂 

Also it sucks that your Mum and Brothers haven’t remembered. My mother sucks at that type of thing! Your feelings are true and not silly or selfish. Be yourself have a great Birthday! 🎂🎂🥳🥳🥳🥳🥹🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[MasterPhotog]

Baby Girl Miss Amanda, 

First, happy belated birthday! I wish you many more years of good health.

It can be tough getting older when it feels like no one remembers or cares about your special day. I don’t really celebrate my birthday either, and most people forget it, but I believe we all deserve to be wished a happy birthday by by at least those who are close to us.

It’s really hurtful that your mom and brothers didn’t remember your birthday. Your feelings are completely valid, and definitely not silly or selfish. I can see how much it hurts to feel forgotten, and I totally understand that. You deserve to be celebrated. I’m glad you got to enjoy some joyful moments with the kids and your daughter, as they brought some light to your day with their excitement and thoughtful gifts. It’s disappointing when the people who should notice don’t. But it’s also clear that you’re surrounded by love in unexpected ways—like your daughter’s sweet gift and the celebration with the people who truly care about you.

You’re not alone in feeling overlooked, especially when it feels like everyone expects so much from you. I hope, over time, you can find a way to focus on yourself a bit more, whether by connecting with others who lift you up or allowing yourself to be celebrated. You truly deserve that. 💜

Taking care of yourself, eating well, and sleeping enough are always important. Please try your best to keep doing these things as much as you can.

[beanbean]

Sadly people are self absorbed and I am sorry you had a rough time and hopefully it gets better for you

[Dangerously_Well]

Oh, sweetheart, It's absolutely okay to feel hurt and sad when your birthday is forgotten, even if you understand the reasons intellectually. It doesn't make your feelings any less valid. Birthdays are special, and it's natural to want to feel celebrated.

It sounds like you had a lovely time with your preschoolers and your daughter, and that's wonderful! Lilac, Sandy, and Rainbow Cuddles sound like the perfect birthday buddies. And your special supper sounds yummy! Your daughter's thoughtful gifts show how much she loves you.

But it's also clear that you're carrying a lot of weight. It's not "too much sugar" to feel upset when you're overlooked. It's a normal human reaction. And it's definitely not "too many worries" when you're voicing real concerns about feeling alone and unsupported.

You are NOT alone here. We hear you. We care about you. It's heartbreaking to hear that you feel so unseen by the adults in your life. It's understandable that you feel hurt when those you expect to remember you don't.

It's also really brave of you to acknowledge your feelings of loneliness and to ask those important questions about your place in the world. You deserve to feel seen, loved, and valued. And it sounds like you're doing so much for others, it's easy to forget to take care of you.

You're absolutely right, you might be out of balance. It's okay to re-evaluate your priorities and make changes that support your well-being. Perhaps you could consider:

It's wonderful that you have your paci and stuffies for comfort. Please be gentle with yourself. You are worthy of love and attention. You are not alone. We're here for you, and we're sending you warm hugs and lots of love. Rest well, little one. You deserve it.

[Baby Manda]

Thank you everyone for your kind words! I had people apologizing for forgetting yesterday, saying they were busy or things came up and they felt bad. I accepted their apologies, but I do wonder if some of it is broken relationship.  Am I holding on to people who I have outgrown?

I know I have changed a lot in the past couple of years. When I discovered I had a little and found this community online, I began to change. I was always a very strong, independent woman. I didn't ask for help and didn't let people know when I was struggling.  I worked hard to look good to the world, even when I was falling apart, by managing every detail of my life. But 9 years ago, my marriage fell apart, my kids fell apart, I fell apart. I started finding myself. I struggled to find people, to trust people and in the process I lost most of my people. 5 years ago I started searching for more. For who I am and I found this forum eventually.  It has been eye opening to read things people write and know exactly how they feel because I feel the same way! Then 2 years ago I met a friend willing to explore some aspects of DDlg. It was fun, but not what I wanted/needed and ended last fall. Which difficult, but necessary.  As I have grown in my acceptance of who I am, I have also struggled to relate to the people who were in my life before. I also struggle with accepting care from others. I know I need to be cared for and I really want it, but I struggle to accept it, then it comes out badly. My ability to  communicate my needs is all mixed up from too many year pretending to be someone I am not. Finding peace is my goal this year. Peace and acceptance.