[PSA] Boundaries [revised]

[คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Communication is important for all relationships to succeed.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are the lines and limits you create between yourself and other people. They allow you to define what is acceptable and healthy for you in your relationships. The boundaries you communicate and maintain can protect you both physically and psychologically. They can also safeguard your time and material possessions. 

Why are boundaries important? If you don’t set reasonable boundaries, some people will walk all over you. They’ll make demands on your time, energy, and other resources, leaving you depleted and overwhelmed. Some people will disregard and dismiss you emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually—often without even realizing they’re doing it. After all, they may have no idea their actions are distressing you if you’ve never told them!

Boundary types & Examples 

Time boundaries: are limits we set around how we spend our time. This is a big one, and something that's especially difficult for many of us. “This is my time for therapy, so please don't message me or schedule anything.” “It's OK if you visit, but you'll need to leave before dinner so I can have time with my family.” 

Physical boundaries: refer to personal space and physical touch. Healthy physical boundaries include an awareness of what's appropriate, and what's not, in various settings and types of relationships (hug, shake hands, or kiss?). 

Intellectual boundaries: are your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. These boundaries have two aspects. One is being free to express a point of view about anything and being respected. The other is to know which topics are appropriate or not in a specific situation and/or with certain people. 

Financial boundaries: are limitations around your income, bank account, credit cards, and other areas surrounding money.

Setting Boundaries: 

Step 1. Be as clear and as straightforward as possible. Do not raise your voice. 

Step 2. State your need or request directly in terms of what you’d like, rather than what you don’t want or like. 

Step 3. Accept any discomfort that arises as a result, whether it’s guilt, shame, or remorse. 

The third step is common for people with poor boundaries, codependency issues, or are people pleasers. 

Why are boundaries in relationships important? Healthy relationship boundaries are essential because they promote balance, respect, and physical and emotional well-being. When we set and maintain boundaries in a relationship, the other person has a clear understanding of how they should interact with us. This helps us feel safe, respected, and cared for—because of this, we show up better for that relationship. 

What to do if boundaries are broken? 

• Stay calm: Reacting emotionally can escalate the situation.  

• Avoid blaming: Focus on how the behavior impacted you, not on attacking the person's character.  

• Be assertive: Clearly state your needs without being aggressive or passive.  

• Self-reflect: Examine if your boundaries were clearly communicated and if you need to adjust them based on the situation. 

 

Original op, for the sake of ongoing discussion:

Spoiler

If you're a sub/little: 

You have the right to set boundaries and have those boundaries be respected. 

Any dom who doesn't understand or listen to your boundaries once explained, isn't really a dom. 

They're a red flag. 

Please, keep yourself safe if you're looking for a caregiver.

🌈 🌧 🦄 🖍 🦕 🐑 🌦 🚀 🚩

If you're a dom: 

Being a dom isn't about total control in your relationship. It's about controlling what the sub/little allows you to control. When your potential partner sets boundaries, follow them. Your boundaries are important as well, so communicate them. 

Also, stop using porn as a reference for how relationships are supposed to work. It's inaccurate at best, dangerously objectifying at worst. 

~ 

Am I loud enough for the people in the back??

Sources for updated version:

Spoiler

 

https://laconciergepsychologist.com/blog/what-are-boundaries/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/boundaries

https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/boundaries-in-relationships/#:~:text=Time boundaries are limits we,have time with my family.”

https://www.csueastbay.edu/shcs/files/docs/hf---types-of-interpersonal-boundaries.pdf

https://innertalkcoach.com/setting-boundaries-a-guide-to-establishing-healthy-relationships/

https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/boundaries-in-relationships/

https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/creating-boundaries-in-romantic-relationships/#:~:text=Financial boundaries are limitations around,and other areas surrounding money.

https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

https://www.google.com/search?q=what+to+do+if+boundaries+are+broken&oq=what+to+do+if+boundaries+are+broken&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIICAEQABgWGB4yCAgCEAAYFhgeMg0IAxAAGIYDGIAEGIoFMg0IBBAAGIYDGIAEGIoFMgoIBRAAGIAEGKIEMgoIBhAAGIAEGKIE0gEJMTQ2MzBqMGo0qAICsAIB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

 

 

 

Edited 11 hours ago by คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ

[Liamo]

A Dom who does not respect boundaries is a bully, not a real Dom. 

[beanbean]

On the bright side if they don’t respect your boundaries you know not to waist your time

[Little kaiya]

It's an important message but one that I think is too often communicated in a one sided way. Boundaries should be respected whether some is a little, bottom, sub, Daddy, Top, Dom, or anything else. Boundaries are not one sided and to be set by one person in a relationship or dynamic. It is essential that ALL parties in a relationship or dynamic communicate their boundaries and have them respected.

Too often I see people reminding littles, subs and bottoms that their boundaries are important but leaving out the other side of the equation which is as important.

[คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@Little kaiya

Littles/subs are so much more vulnerable and need this sort of extra support/reminder, imho. Dominants, from what I've seen, typically already understand all of this- However, I'll still make note in my op.

@beanbean

This is very true.

@Liamo

Yup, that's what they are.

 

[Little kaiya]

Just as there Doms that push boundaries so too there are littles and subs that do so. As an example, I can't count the times I've seen littles say, "If you loved me you'd diaper me" or "If you really cared about me you'd be sexual when I'm in littlespace", even after their partner has made it clear those things may be hard limits or boundaries. 

Just because someone is a little doesn't automatically make them more vulnerable. Sadly, I find that stereotype gets reinforced so often that it becomes harmful.

[SoulEater]

People are under the illusion that a dom/sub relationship the Dom is in control, this would be incorrect, it’s the sub. But not just in this situation in any situation if your boundaries are not respected you have every right in my opinion remove yourself from said situation, I’m at an age now if people don’t want to respect me I’ll hold the door open!!

[DaddysMonkey]

*waves* 👋🏼

I see that the OG post had been edited before I got a chance to slide in here - my opinion stands the same regardless. 
 

I have to agree with @Little kaiya on this.

I have VERY pointed views about Littles (regardless of gender) being fuckin coddled and babied in the way that they are forever told that their boundaries are held to a higher standard … it leads to a good chunk of Littles (yes , on this site even) being spoiled tyrants that yell wolf whenever they don’t get their way. A lot of Doms boundaries are turned into “you won’t do what I want though so you’re not a real Daddy”. 

On 2/12/2025 at 2:35 PM, OuO Alexibaaa said:

Littles/subs are so much more vulnerable and need this sort of extra support/reminder, imho. Dominants, from what I've seen, typically already understand all of this- However, I'll still make note in my op.

This in particular is what made me want to reply to this topic. 
 

I refute and refuse to go along with the trope that Littles are more vulnerable. That’s not a Caregiver and Little issue - that’s a mental health and lack of self respect issue. Whenever I see anyone referring to Littles as more vulnerable - I just see it as enabling. I picture myself - and kind of chuckle to be frank. Do I look vulnerable ? I dare someone to try and fuck with me 😂 Just because someone is little - it doesn’t make them some fragile and weak creature that can’t or shouldn’t stand their own ground. Repeatedly enforcing this idea does more harm than good as does the idea that Caregivers are immediately met with a passive aggressive attitude because they haven’t “proven themselves” to someone yet. 
 

I picture myself as a caregiver - especially a man caregiver , and reading that passage of the unedited original post and think to myself , “Who the hell are you ? Who says we all watch porn or just don’t respect boundaries ? What about my friends who have been hurt and manipulated by littles ?” I picture myself as a brand new member here and that being the first post I read , it would rub me the wrong way and make me feel excluded , like a target in this community. If I don’t bend to a littles will - am I going to be outed as a piece of shit even when it’s not true ? What about all the littles that watch porn then expect their partner to be able to perform like the Dom in the porn and belittle them and leave / cheat when they cannot ? 

I’m sure we all understand what you’re saying here - boundaries are important. Respect them. It’s pretty simple - but in my humble opinion - it can get really sticky when it’s laid out like this is. I don’t have many little friends for a reason - a large amount that I have met have been some of the nastiest , most manipulative and unhealthy people I’ve come across. I’ve also met some caregivers who shouldn’t be allowed to grace anyone’s presence let alone a littles. They are both equal in my opinion. Too often littles are met with a softness and niceness when they are just as guilty of poor behavior … caregivers are met with angst and a demand for them to “do better”. It’s very biased - and even tho I usually am the odd man out on these types of posts …  *shrug* I don’t really care. People come into this community as newbies and see this kind of stuff and it just makes me wonder - how many opinions are based on being sucked into posts where it boosts one side but beats down the other instead of their opinions being individually based on their interactions with sole human beings. I’m so tired of people being lumped into groups and seemingly pinned against each other. Not that this was your intention posting this - I’m just rambling at this point because I believe it ties into one another. 
 

I could go on and on about this - but my happy ass needs to go get ready for work and out of this bathtub. 
 

Hopefully as always - I wish to provide thought provoking conversation and hope to find balance in this community at some point where things like this can be calmly debated and discussed without one side being pinned against the other. 
 

Monkey out losers 🐒

[karan]

As a daddy, I kind of agree and disagree with this post I agree that boundaries are important, however if it is not in the well being of my little one I would try to talk to them about it. I agree, STOP USING porn as a reference. I also say that Daddy/Mommy/Little relationship is not just about sex, if you are in this just for the sex then you are not in a dynamic that is related to this space. If you are a daddy/mommy and you force your little one for things that are related to sex then think again you aren't in that space and need to rethink about what you actually want, I am going to emphasize this space is NOT just for sex. That being said, little ones also need to obey boundaries but it is always healthy to talk about these things. Communication should always strongly be encouraged.

[Guest littlprincess]

3 minutes ago, karan said:

As a daddy, I kind of agree and disagree with this post I agree that boundaries are important, however if it is not in the well being of my little one I would try to talk to them about it. I agree, STOP USING porn as a reference. I also say that Daddy/Mommy/Little relationship is not just about sex, if you are in this just for the sex then you are not in a dynamic that is related to this space. If you are a daddy/mommy and you force your little one for things that are related to sex then think again you aren't in that space and need to rethink about what you actually want, I am going to emphasize this space is NOT just for sex. That being said, little ones also need to obey boundaries but it is always healthy to talk about these things. Communication should always strongly be encouraged.

I don't really understand how a little's limit would not be in the well being for them? limits always come from ways to protect ourselves with what works best for us and makes us feel safe. I don't think I'd be okay for someone on the exterior to judge or question our limits based on their interpretation of whether that is good or not in their eyes...😥

[karan]

2 minutes ago, littlprincess said:

I don't really understand how a little's limit would not be in the well being for them? limits always come from ways to protect ourselves with what works best for us and makes us feel safe. I don't think I'd be okay for someone on the exterior to judge or question our limits based on their interpretation of whether that is good or not in their eyes...😥

Absolutely and I agree with you. However, for example I was talking to a little one somewhere else (not my little one) and I asked them what boundaries do you have for your daddy. Her response was **TW** "I am severely depressed but don't want my daddy to talk about it". While I see this as a boundary, I do not see being silent about this is in the well being of the little one. Now I know this is personal and is different in every dynamic but personally if I had a little one that had this boundary I would ask them to talk to me and if they still say no then I would not bring it up again. I would not want something to happen to my little one just because they placed a boundary that stops me from talking about their depression. On the other hand if a little one told me their boundary is "not being diapered" or being asked to eat at specific times (these are just examples), then I would respect that. But again this is personally me and my opinions.

[Guest littlprincess]

10 minutes ago, karan said:

Absolutely and I agree with you. However, for example I was talking to a little one somewhere else (not my little one) and I asked them what boundaries do you have for your daddy. Her response was **TW** "I am severely depressed but don't want my daddy to talk about it". While I see this as a boundary, I do not see being silent about this is in the well being of the little one. Now I know this is personal and is different in every dynamic but personally if I had a little one that had this boundary I would ask them to talk to me and if they still say no then I would not bring it up again. I would not want something to happen to my little one just because they placed a boundary that stops me from talking about their depression. On the other hand if a little one told me their boundary is "not being diapered" or being asked to eat at specific times (these are just examples), then I would respect that. But again this is personally me and my opinions.

oh, that's a good point actually. Thanks for explaining further and using examples, it is totally true that if part of the dynamic is taking care of the little (even though it should be both ways) the right thing would be to talk about those certain mental health issues the little might be going through with honesty 

[karan]

3 minutes ago, littlprincess said:

oh, that's a good point actually. Thanks for explaining further and using examples, it is totally true that if part of the dynamic is taking care of the little (even though it should be both ways) the right thing would be to talk about those certain mental health issues the little might be going through with honesty 

Absolutely, you are welcome :). 

[คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Okay, so I guess I've accidentally opened up Pandora's Box with this.

And while I'm entitled to my opinions regarding vulnerability within DDLG, so is everyone else.

However, I do believe my personal opinions are detracting from what my actual message is, with potential to rub folks the wrong way. Which is not my intent.

I would like to humbly ask for others to help me reword the op. A nonspecific way in regards to doms/littles, but still getting the overall main point of boundaries across.

I imagine you're wondering why I don't just reword it myself without asking for assistance. The reasons are because I'm neurodivergent and have difficulties with communication, packed together with a lack of time irl.

So, any help would be appreciated, but not necessary. If nobody helps me with this, it will be awhile before I'm able to fully overhall my op to a more opinionless version.

Thank you for your understanding and time.

[Little kaiya]

I don't think you need to reword the original post honestly. I think it opened up an important conversation that is allowing for different opinions to be shared and discussed. It may not have been your original intent but I think it is still a valuable outcome so long as people communicate openly and respectfully.

[beanbean]

33 minutes ago, OuO Alexibaaa said:

Okay, so I guess I've accidentally opened up Pandora's Box with this.

And while I'm entitled to my opinions regarding vulnerability within DDLG, so is everyone else.

However, I do believe my personal opinions are detracting from what my actual message is, with potential to rub folks the wrong way. Which is not my intent.

I would like to humbly ask for others to help me reword the op. A nonspecific way in regards to doms/littles, but still getting the overall main point of boundaries across.

I imagine you're wondering why I don't just reword it myself without asking for assistance. The reasons are because I'm neurodivergent and have difficulties with communication, packed together with a lack of time irl.

So, any help would be appreciated, but not necessary. If nobody helps me with this, it will be awhile before I'm able to fully overhall my op to a more opinionless version.

Thank you for your understanding and time.

You don’t have reword it you having a opinion and is discussing it’s how the forum works 

[LittleBiscut]

Just wanted to add this is a huge kettle of fish! 🐠 🐠🐠🤔🤔 So much to say and discuss here and everyone’s thoughts are heard and appreciated! 

Mine hmmm? Personally I am a Little/Dom/Princess and it’s important for me to have control of the dynamic but also have a Dom. But also respect the Doms/Daddy’s needs too. What I think to it’s both sides have boundaries and things they aren’t okay with and if either side isn’t respecting that please talk with them and give them a chance to correct it? If they don’t well it’s probably best to get out of there fast 💨 but it’s up to you! dynamics have hiccups communication is important.🥹🥹🤗🤗

Thankyou for reading 🥰☺️☺️🥹

 

Edited February 15 by LittleBiscut

[Princess snuggles]

I’m a little bit late to the conversation. 

However, wanted to share my opinion. I’m a Little/brat/sub and while not all littles are brats, lots of littles are, and I’ve noticed lots of brats and littles pushing limits and boundaries or don’t discussing their dom/CGs limits or boundaries. This is just as harmful in my opinion as dom/CGs pushing sub/little/brats limits. We all have limits that need respecting and discussing. I think that’s also why making sure all parties in a dynamic know safe words apply for both of them, yes, safe words aren’t just for subs/littles but both parties. This is why discussions and open honest communication is necessary for a successful healthy dynamic. So for that reason I agree with @Little kaiya and @DaddysMonkey

However, what I’m gathering is that the post was meant to empower people to know that their boundaries and limits are equally important and need to be respected. Which is an important message so @OuO Alexibaaa thank you for trying to remind people of that point.

That is an important message that needs to be considered and stated, because, people regardless of role are vulnerable because we are all people. Just to clarify by vulnerable I mean to both getting into dynamics that can be harmful, unhealthy and cross boundaries or crossing or pushing partners boundaries.

And just to add - calling out harmful behaviour or experiencing harmful behaviour on either side isn’t “a mental health and lack of self respect issue”. It’s about safety, communication, and ensuring everyone’s boundaries are respected, regardless of role. It’s important to remember unless you’re directly part of a dynamic, it’s impossible to know whether boundaries have been respected, so it’s best to approach these discussions with openness and empathy, rather than judgement. 

Edited Tuesday at 02:36 PM by Princess snuggles

[คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

*Ahem*

Just another thanks for everyone's opinions being shared calmly.

This edit is how I *should* have made this thread from the beginning, but I am only a human who can learn from mistakes. 

😅

[karan]

That's what we are here for, for each other ❤️

[DaddysMonkey]

On 2/18/2025 at 6:34 AM, Princess snuggles said:

And just to add - calling out harmful behaviour or experiencing harmful behaviour on either side isn’t “a mental health and lack of self respect issue”. It’s about safety, communication, and ensuring everyone’s boundaries are respected, regardless of role. It’s important to remember unless you’re directly part of a dynamic, it’s impossible to know whether boundaries have been respected, so it’s best to approach these discussions with openness and empathy, rather than judgement. 

For the sake of healthy and open discussion , I thought I would clarify what I actually said and meant. What I did not say is what you posted above. I believe that everyone should call out harmful behavior and that is not what I specify or said is the lack of self respect or mental health issue. What I said was “I refute and refuse to go along with the trope that Littles are more vulnerable. That’s not a Caregiver and Little issue - that’s a mental health and lack of self respect issue. Whenever I see anyone referring to Littles as more vulnerable - I just see it as enabling.” 
 

What I *mean and meant* in saying that - is being coined ‘vulnerable’ and being coddled because of that is the lack of self respect and mental health issue. People are capable of being vulnerable and still laying out boundaries for them. Not everyone may believe that - I do. That’s why we are all here discussing this. I’m just one of those people that does not believe that someone who is in a vulnerable state physically or mentally is automatically weak or unable to stand up for themselves. Are there unique cases of extreme abuse or otherwise that inhibit immediate action ? Of course. But what I am talking about and why I probably sound so harsh for is because of this trope and why I pointed out those littles that do manipulate and abuse others. The entire reason for me replying to this is I do not see this as a little and caregiver issue but an issue based on individuals not respecting boundaries or abusing vulnerable people by manipulating them - regardless of their roles or genders. Me having these opinions is often labeled as judgement by others and it is what it is - just like me having my own opinions everyone else will have theirs and that’s what these discussions are all about. Being able to share these views and opinions and learn from and with each other. I believe I and many others are able to be empathetic but also be objective and dissect a situation for what it is - as it’s laid out to us. 
 

On 2/19/2025 at 1:29 PM, คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ said:

*Ahem*

Just another thanks for everyone's opinions being shared calmly.

This edit is how I *should* have made this thread from the beginning, but I am only a human who can learn from mistakes. 

😅

Honestly , I wouldn’t even call the original post any kind of mistake. Your post lead to what I found to be a really healthy and communicative conversation that is even still ongoing. I appreciate you posting it to begin with - as well as you being engaged in the conversation and even being gracious enough to even edit your post which you obviously didn’t have to do. I think you have shown a lot of patience , character and trust in the community to have a calm discussion that’s been really nice to see I think. 
 

I hope you continue to post thought provoking topics as I believe the community needs more fearless people like yourself who are willing to go along for the ride of the discussion. 

[คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

@DaddysMonkey

Thank you for your kind words!

It's really nice to be made aware that I still haven't fully recovered from staffer trauma.  😅

Joking aside;

I don't plan on going anywhere, so I'm sure I'll start other thoughtful discussions eventually. I've always been interested in hearing other people's opinions, even if I don't always directly respond.