New Daddy is overwhelmed with Communication

[steel8803]

Hello there fellow Daddys/Doms,

i met a little Online and we soon got a vibe. She asked me if she can call me daddy and now we basically write every day. I'm not entirely inexperienced with Dom/Sub relationships, but i am new to the DDLG thing.

In the past, my Dom/Sub experience was narrowed to just sexual encounters. I understood there was a limited amount of time where we both play our part, but now im kinda 24/7 in it and since it is just Online via chat, i have no clue how to write with her. She has a pretty tight scheduled day and the time difference in between makes proper communication difficult.

Questions that i ask myself.... should i write often and check in on her through out the day? Should i write good morning messages more often or should she be the part bringing in the "attention"? In a "normal" dating phase you might not give too much effort in order to not overwhelm a person and push her away. In this case i don't know. I'm honestly scared to be too caring and writing too much. It might push her away. Also she is sometimes slipping out of her role, because clearly she is mastering her day. I don't wanna put extra pressure on her in forcing her back into the role.

So as you see, i might overthink things, but i wanna learn and understand. I am willing to take some advice. Maybe someone had a similar situation and can share some experiences.

 

Regards

[SoulEater]

Quite the dilemma, however I would suggest speaking to her and asking her preferences? Lots of people have different preferences, some prefer a long message at the end of the day talking about how their day went and how they feel etc, others prefer short and often communicating, the likes of the example you say, on show your thinking your little first thing etc.. the only person that can tell you the correct answer is them.

 

I hope things continue to flourish for you both and you can move past this 

[beanbean]

I mean I would check on her but tell her she has no pressure to reply right away just work around y’all’s schedules as best you can and yes communicate your feelings on this issue with her and see where you land 

[WizardofOSS]

It's all about setting expectations. Morning/evening comms, or all day....you get to also have a say in the terms. Make it clear when you can play and talk, and don't get overwhelmed. Some Littles can get clingy and want to text you 24/7 if you let them. Unless you want to, it could turn into a problem for your normal life if they overwhelm you.

Also, look into setting up a regular "time block" (2-3 hours) every week that you dedicate to them, so they'll look forward to being in Little Space once a week...like time you both get that you can play/text/ videochat without distractions of the real world. Make it something special to look forward to and that should ease up on the daily need to communicate. Be firm, fair and consistent. Later you could open that little space time block, or create another for other littles to interact with you and each other in a group video call, like a playdate! Zoom can be great for this. Fun!!

Good luck!!

[Kittyara207]

Communication!   I agree with all of these people.  Come out and talk about it.  If you want things to work out and feel comfortable and maybe more than just online perhaps in time communication is vital.  I love good morning texts and good night texts even tho my Daddy is up before me usually, he also goes to bed a bit before me cause he's up before me.    There is also setting up a time for communication like a phone call maybe?  Setting up what you hope to get out of this arrangement and what they want out of this.  Are you both looking for a forever?  An in person or just online?  Messages throughout the day do not have to be for sub or little her it could just be connecting and letting her know how you feel.  Make her and you feel safe and secure in the relationship.  And it seems like right now its still in the getting to know each other's preferences.  I wish you both all the luck in what happens in the future.

And yes Littles and CG's can be clingy if you let them.  They can get and attached relatively easily.   But Wizard has it right setting up times and such might be helpful.  If you feel communicating the amount you want would be too much and its the way you are best to find out before too late.  Maybe they feel similar but is afraid to ask for more for reasons.  Some people have made me feel like I am too much or not enough and by asking for more or less is being bad or controlling.  They don't want you to think of them in a negative way, then it can become a spiral.  Like not enough they might feel like they are not as important to you or they are second to someone/thing else and cause them to shut down.  Or too much could scare them away as well.

How to fix it be honest.  Honesty and communication.  Luvs

[steel8803]

To answer some questions... we both instantly caught a vibe and we talk about meeting in person and maybe transforming this in a real relationship, maybe even a forever thing. At least i could imagine. She is much younger than me, i cant say if this a phase for her or not. 

The amount of messages is kinda equal i would say. Sometimes i have to make a move to keep her in convo. At the same time i understand that she has a full schedule. Like literally from morning till evening. I don't pressure her in answering. 

I like the idea to set up a weekly "event" where we both can look forward to. A video call would be the preferred method.

I agree with you guys, i should talk to her and both of us need to set some expectations out of this. 

 

[SoulEater]

You got this buddy, we believe in you  

[Liamo]

I wish I could help you, but I am not the right person to ask. I have a tendency to always communicate too much. I do have a friend who lives 14 times zones east from me. We have difficulties communicating due to that extreme time difference. Maybe you could establish a specific time you communicate each day, to lower the pressure on both of you. And see how it goes.

 

Good luck.

[ohyeahmetoo]

Communicating with each other is indisputably a key aspect of any successful relationship.  Any.  The story of the relationship I have with my long distance little is like this.  We met, here, on this forum. She reached out to me. We exchanged daily messages on the forum for a time until she suggested we switch to Telegram. I agreed and we now use that medium many times a day to chat and check in, both as bigs and in littlespace, about whatever needs discussion.  We each let the other know when we won't be available and when we will. We are located on opposite sides of the world. When she's going to bed I am at work and when I am getting into bed she is working. Each of our jobs let us communicate during those times and I am able to read to her or invent stories to help her sleep and she can be with me when I drift off. We are each quite happy with the way things work for us!