I don't know how to be a little anymore

[LittleRabbitBunny]

Since a long ago, every time I felt stressed or overwhelmed I set up a cozy space in my bed, gathered my stuffies, put on my favorite childhood movie, and grabbed a coloring book. I didn't know there was a name for this until I randomly came across the ddgl community in the middle of 2023 but I wasn't really interested in getting involved until March of 2024, when I started looking for a Daddy.

I found one in this forum and we took our time to get to know each other before starting our relationship. I won't get too much into details here, but shortly after I started to have a lot of problems in my personal life, I'm really bad at expressing my feelings, and most of the time I prefer to say everything's fine than to talk about my problems/feelings, so it led to miscommunication.

Anyway, the relationship ended three weeks ago, and although I know it was the right decision for both of us, a part of me still feels hurt because at the time I was having a really hard time and it just felt like a weight more on my shoulders. Again, I know it was for the best and I'm not trying to judge my ex Daddy. 

The point here is that I no longer find peace in my little space, I find myself lonely, desperate, and even sadder. It was my first ddlg relationship so before that I was used to being a little by myself but right now it hurts because every time I grab a coloring book I start thinking "I'm going to send this to him..." and of course, I can't, so I end up feeling discouraged. By this I don't mean to say I need a Daddy to feel little, on the contrary, I just want to get used to being a little by myself again. 

I'm currently seeing a therapist, but I don't want to talk about my "little side" with my therapist or anyone in my close circle because they don't know I'm a little, so any advice here is welcome :). 

[sophieR]

Oh hunni... *Sends hugs* I'm so sorry you are going through this. 

I totally understand you are feeling grief over the relationship and that's completely normal. It's great you are seeing a therapist and I get the not telling her about your little side.. I'm just wondering maybe you can just say that you are having issues doing the stuff you enjoyed as it's linked to this relationship. 

I think in time and going through your emotions will help you and you will be able to feel little again, maybe by speaking with people, including littles and having a different experience in the mean time will help, like transform it from you used to share with your daddy to showing it off cos you like what you done and it's for you and you can share and be proud with your peers. I'm sorry, I'm not sure how else to help. Here to chat if you want to vent. 

[Daddycares4u]

Hello Bunny, SophieR has given you some good advice, and I too will offer you a place to vent if you like or need.

[LittleRabbitBunny]

2 hours ago, sophieR said:

Oh hunni... *Sends hugs* I'm so sorry you are going through this. 

I totally understand you are feeling grief over the relationship and that's completely normal. It's great you are seeing a therapist and I get the not telling her about your little side.. I'm just wondering maybe you can just say that you are having issues doing the stuff you enjoyed as it's linked to this relationship. 

I think in time and going through your emotions will help you and you will be able to feel little again, maybe by speaking with people, including littles and having a different experience in the mean time will help, like transform it from you used to share with your daddy to showing it off cos you like what you done and it's for you and you can share and be proud with your peers. I'm sorry, I'm not sure how else to help. Here to chat if you want to vent. 

Tysm Sophie. Yes, I think it's a great idea to say that to my therapist, now I know how to approach the subject without giving details, thanks! I appreciate your advice

[MasterPhotog]

On 1/4/2025 at 8:12 PM, LittleRabbitBunny said:

Since a long ago, every time I felt stressed or overwhelmed I set up a cozy space in my bed, gathered my stuffies, put on my favorite childhood movie, and grabbed a coloring book. I didn't know there was a name for this until I randomly came across the ddgl community in the middle of 2023 but I wasn't really interested in getting involved until March of 2024, when I started looking for a Daddy.

I found one in this forum and we took our time to get to know each other before starting our relationship. I won't get too much into details here, but shortly after I started to have a lot of problems in my personal life, I'm really bad at expressing my feelings, and most of the time I prefer to say everything's fine than to talk about my problems/feelings, so it led to miscommunication.

Anyway, the relationship ended three weeks ago, and although I know it was the right decision for both of us, a part of me still feels hurt because at the time I was having a really hard time and it just felt like a weight more on my shoulders. Again, I know it was for the best and I'm not trying to judge my ex Daddy. 

The point here is that I no longer find peace in my little space, I find myself lonely, desperate, and even sadder. It was my first ddlg relationship so before that I was used to being a little by myself but right now it hurts because every time I grab a coloring book I start thinking "I'm going to send this to him..." and of course, I can't, so I end up feeling discouraged. By this I don't mean to say I need a Daddy to feel little, on the contrary, I just want to get used to being a little by myself again. 

I'm currently seeing a therapist, but I don't want to talk about my "little side" with my therapist or anyone in my close circle because they don't know I'm a little, so any advice here is welcome :). 

@LittleRabbitBunny, In addition to what @sophieR has advised, you may want to consider having a Caregiver with the understanding that it's to help you out temporarily. 

[DaddyABQ]

On 1/4/2025 at 6:12 PM, LittleRabbitBunny said:

The point here is that I no longer find peace in my little space, I find myself lonely, desperate, and even sadder

The first, I'm certain, is always the hardest to get over, but it's also the ending from which you can potentially grow the most. I don't know you at all, and I don't know the specifics of your situation other than what you've shared, but this sounds to me like any other breakup, albeit one with an additional dimension.

I could be one hundred percent wrong (it wouldn't be the first or last time), but I would imagine that, day by day, you'll start to heal and the emotional wound will scab over a bit, and then you will start to be able to be more little again without as much heartache.

Sending you all the healing vibes!

[LittleRabbitBunny]

On 1/5/2025 at 10:22 PM, DaddyABQ said:

The first, I'm certain, is always the hardest to get over, but it's also the ending from which you can potentially grow the most. I don't know you at all, and I don't know the specifics of your situation other than what you've shared, but this sounds to me like any other breakup, albeit one with an additional dimension.

I could be one hundred percent wrong (it wouldn't be the first or last time), but I would imagine that, day by day, you'll start to heal and the emotional wound will scab over a bit, and then you will start to be able to be more little again without as much heartache.

Sending you all the healing vibes!

Yes, I also thought it was harder because it was the first, haha, normally I don't find it so hard to detach myself from people. But you're right, day by day I find it easier to deal with this situation and the simple fact of having written it here takes a little weight off my shoulders. Thank you

[DaddyABQ]

1 hour ago, LittleRabbitBunny said:

Yes, I also thought it was harder because it was the first, haha, normally I don't find it so hard to detach myself from people. But you're right, day by day I find it easier to deal with this situation and the simple fact of having written it here takes a little weight off my shoulders. Thank you

It is my absolute pleasure, @LittleRabbitBunny. That's what community is all about.

[Middlespace Brat]

I'm so sorry you're going through this! But trust me, it will definitely heal over time. Talking with others or having a totally platonic temporary cg may be a very good idea! I have a teensy bit of advice myself, in the meantime. 

Try a new littlespace method. It sounds weird, but you need to break your routine. Brains naturally seek patterns, so if you're doing the pattern of bed/stuffies/movies/ coloring, your brain will link it to the ex Daddy. Not saying you have to give this pattern up forever! But you might benefit from temporarily testing out new littlespace activities. 
 

You can try moving locations, like the couch, the park, or the library in a study room. Try watching movies from the past few years instead of from your childhood, or watch a tv show or kid's documentary instead. Get a new coloring book, print off new pages, try a new marker/crayon/pencil, or try a coloring book for a different age (like one for tiny babies or one for adults). Or totally and utterly change it by going to the aquarium, learning dance routines, playing a sport, gaming, scrapbooking, whatever! 
 
They say when you go through some sort of loss you shouldn't do the things that typically bring you comfort day-to-day because then you associate it with the more sad stuff. This switch up would only be until you feel confident in yourself again and can go back to your favorite routine without worrying about ex-Daddy anxiety/sads. 

I wish you the best of luck!!

[LittleRabbitBunny]

On 1/7/2025 at 8:10 PM, Middlespace Brat said:

I'm so sorry you're going through this! But trust me, it will definitely heal over time. Talking with others or having a totally platonic temporary cg may be a very good idea! I have a teensy bit of advice myself, in the meantime. 

Try a new littlespace method. It sounds weird, but you need to break your routine. Brains naturally seek patterns, so if you're doing the pattern of bed/stuffies/movies/ coloring, your brain will link it to the ex Daddy. Not saying you have to give this pattern up forever! But you might benefit from temporarily testing out new littlespace activities. 
 

You can try moving locations, like the couch, the park, or the library in a study room. Try watching movies from the past few years instead of from your childhood, or watch a tv show or kid's documentary instead. Get a new coloring book, print off new pages, try a new marker/crayon/pencil, or try a coloring book for a different age (like one for tiny babies or one for adults). Or totally and utterly change it by going to the aquarium, learning dance routines, playing a sport, gaming, scrapbooking, whatever! 
 
They say when you go through some sort of loss you shouldn't do the things that typically bring you comfort day-to-day because then you associate it with the more sad stuff. This switch up would only be until you feel confident in yourself again and can go back to your favorite routine without worrying about ex-Daddy anxiety/sads. 

I wish you the best of luck!!

Tysm, Kat, I appreciate your advice

[WhiteMountain]

Hey. You have a therapist, which means you acknowledged needing help and that's the first step to find improvements.

You are in a situation where you need a specific type of support and understanding that can't be found easily. This is the best place to find such care and you'll get all the proper support in due time.

Indulge yourself in your passions in the mean time. When time is required to heal, have fun !

[Liamo]

I would open up to my therapist. Lying to someone you are seeing to get help from is counterproductive. Being a little is NOT a mental disorder. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I understand not divulging to your family and some friends, but a therapist is especially there to help you. Where are you located? Maybe someone here can give you a name of a therapist near you that understand your needs.

[LittleRabbitBunny]

13 hours ago, Liamo said:

I would open up to my therapist. Lying to someone you are seeing to get help from is counterproductive. Being a little is NOT a mental disorder. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I understand not divulging to your family and some friends, but a therapist is especially there to help you. Where are you located? Maybe someone here can give you a name of a therapist near you that understand your needs.

Thank you for caring, this is not my first time going to therapy and the one I'm currently seeing has been my therapist for a few years now. I wasn't lying to her, I was trying not to broach the subject in depth as I went there for a different reason, but I realized it was really disturbing my life now, so I talked about it with her during my last session and it went well:)

[Liamo]

I am glad to hear this. Reading posts here of some of us having therapists I came to a metanoia. I have been a medical care giver for years, and I now teach nursing and medical students, but I think I would love to go back to school to become a licensed counselor. 

BTW, I sent you a follow request.