How realistic is it to find people in the ddlg community irl?

[daisy_cat]

2024 is almost over!🎊

So much has happened in my life the past year, including discovering that I'm a Little! There's been high and low points for sure, but I always seem especially low this time of year for a few reasons.

To make an incredibly looooong story short, I'm ending another year being incredibly shy, lacking friends, and feeling unaccomplished. So I'm starting to set realistic goals for myself for 2025. 

My biggest goal is making friends this coming year. I want to do stuff together like going out to eat or spending a day in, watching movies and catching up.

Even though I've pushed myself a lot to step out of my comfort zone, I still failed at making genuine connections with people at school or work... I think I just get in my head; worried that people will judge me for my hobbies and interests. I'm not a full-time Little but I definitely have softer interests and hobbies that maybe people my age aren't into. 

For example, I dont drink alcohol at all. Never touched it. Never will. And a lot of my coworkers like to go drinking on the weekends. So that's not really my scene. 🤷‍♀️😅

I'm not very interesting either, so it's difficult to talk to people when they have such interesting things going on in their lives! Like going on trips or getting engaged, buying house, etc. The most interesting thing that happened to me lately is my cat has learned to open doors lol! 

I think I really, really wish I could connect with people who are like me or that at least are accepting of the ddlg lifestyle. I think I hold a lot of myself back when I interact with others. So I've tried looking at local social events in my area but they are very VERY kink-based. For me, ddlg isn't just sexual. It's a state of mind and being too. So I'm reluctant to go to one of these events... especially since I'm so shy in real life. I tried going to one but I ended up chickening-out and crying with a pint of ice cream. (´TωT`)

Sorry I did end up making this post super long lol! I guess what I want to ask is if anyone has had any luck finding people in the community IRL? Not just for sexual stuff but for friendships, advice, connections. How realistic of a dream is it?

[sneaky_ninja_bunny]

Are you in an area that has munches that aee more public?? I'm a huge baby of anxiety when I comes to doing munches, but I'm learning from acquaintances obline, the more public safe munches tend to be easier. My local area has KinkClub that does a bowling meet up once a month to hang out. Despite it being a kinkclub, theyre very respectful about littles being more mindset & less sexual, same with other dynamics. Do you know if there's a group like that for you??

It might be a good idea (depending all the groups you interact with) to see about joining a local group online? I know forums like fet have special groups for littles to make it easier just to do a normal meet up?

It's all about patience! Been a little/middle for 9ish years and it's taken a long while to find people near me who I can be comfortable sharing that side. Most of them I've made in the past year!

[Little kaiya]

My Daddy and I have a number of irl couples friends where one or both of them are into DDlg and we know more folks into DDlg that are more acquaintences than friends. It is very realistic and not a dream at all. 

I actually met my Daddy going to my first furry conference. I almost backed out but took the plunge and we've been together over 7 years now 💖💖

[daisy_cat]

@sneaky_ninja_bunny Thank you so much for your kind words of advice! My local kink community was the first I checked to see if they had any events. There are casual monthly get togethers but I've just been really scared to go on my own. Especially since it's for all dynamics and not specifically for the ddlg community. It's silly— but I'm afraid they will think I'm dumb and boring while they are all cool and sexy haha! 

Thank you for the idea to check the nearest Little community though on Fet! I appreciate that idea!! 

[daisy_cat]

@Little kaiyaThat's sooooo sweet!! 🩷💕

[Andriel_Isilien]

I found lots of people in the community through munches in my area. Those are open in public with BDSM in mind, but nothing is done; just meet like-minded people and network. Most of them are ABDL but I still vibe being a little. There are a few that share the same interests as I do like crafts, video games, watching shows. Even though I'm asexual, there are several hangouts I am able to feel comfortable and safe in. Some of them like be actively sexual with play parties but that's not the ONLY hobby or activity to do in the community. Sometimes, it can be a simple casual hangout with people who are kink friendly. I know their roles from the get-go, but I like to see them outside of that. Being a fellow little isn't a guarantee that we're meant to be friends. There are some that I don't get along with because our interests and energies are simply different; just like with any vanilla person. Taking that approach helps me because I have always felt I'm boring with kink. I'm very private and it's impossible for me jump into a scene or roleplay with acquaintances. I also had to do some self-work on accepting myself in order to stop trying to conform into being something that I'm not in order to "fit in". I have attended a few private events but that was after months and months of going to public outings like seeing a movie with this group, hanging out at a park, a bday party, and the like. I was able to regress amongst them at last because I then knew/saw that those who were attending have been vetted with long standing integrity. Quite often, parties will have a designated room further back for the kink roleplaying and the front room is to chill with a movie and crafting. There's even an extra space for anyone that gets overwhelmed needing peace and quiet to calm down. I don't drink alcohol either and that has never been an issue because people don't push when I say, "no thanks".

 

Going alone is scary! I only felt brave enough to attend AgePlay munches because that felt more open with little activities to do such as coloring books, crafts, card games, drawing with sidewalk chalk, I even brough bubbles to blow. At least there we had something to occupy ourselves rather than relying on small talk. In that setting I was brought back to being a kid at recess where others invite you sit with them, share snacks, play a game, or something. I remember at my first munch I saw a lady wearing a poofy princess-like dress and I thought to myself, "AAAHHHHHH, be my friend plz!!" 😆 Turns out we like A LOT of the same things and she's about my age too! This AgePlay group that does munches also has a Discord server and that helped me a lot to find people making arrangements to get together for a potluck or to just share comments about life. And it's not "I'm getting engaged or buying a house" topics of life. We talk about our stuffies, our pets, silly memes, or the latest releases about Bluey.

 

p.s. I'd love to hear more about your cat that can open doors. 😄 

[kuuchan]

Woah, i see myself relating to a lot in this post! I too am quite a newbie little (recently had my littlespace anniversary so to speak haha 😆) And i too am super shy and introverted, and struggle a lot with connecting with people... 

I'm not american and live in quite a small country, and have also thought about this same question... It would be really cool and sweet to hang out with someone irl who is also in littlespace waah 🥺 (like a playdate!? 😊)

All i can tell you is good luck out there! Don't give up! ✨ A lot of gaining friends is to be brave and honest, and to put yourself out there (I know this cus i've had to push myself out of my comfort zone in this area)

[kryssi01]

I feel the same way. Due to my disability I am practically homebound and unable to get out. I don't have a daddy and would love to find like-minded littles and to hang out with in a non sexual way. There are no kink clubs in my area or meet ups. So I am lost on how to find friends. Even as a big I dont have many friends around and I have lived here 15 years. 

[daisy_cat]

@Andriel_Isilien

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! Hearing your success and hardworking makes me feel hopeful that I can make friends too in my community! 

I'm sad though that there isn't a local Ageplay group specifically in my area that I can potentially meet with but I have made it a goal to see about going to one of the newbie kink munches! I'm super nervous but I'm trying to remain positive and I'm practicing talking points so I'm not a shy mess 😆

My cat is super smart, so she's learned to push the door handle down with her paws to enter rooms! I'm simultaneously impressed and disheartened since that means i can say goodbye to privacy unless I lock my doors lol! 

[daisy_cat]

@kuuchan

Thank youuuuu!!! 🥺🥰🩷

I wish you so much luck and happiness meeting people too in your community!!

[daisy_cat]

@kryssi01

Struggling with a disability while being Little must be so difficult! I can only imagine. I'm lucky to only have mental health issues but live in a bigger city. 

I wish you lots of happiness and luck with finding friends in your community and your dream Daddy!! You deserve it!💕🩷

[Andriel_Isilien]

@daisy_cat You can do it! I hope you know you aren't alone as we are cheering for yah 💟

[sophieR]

Firstly you are not boring.. no one here is, everyone has lots of different experiences and that's what makes it interesting. 

I know it can be hard but I think you can totally make friends, both online here and also in real life (it's both real but ya knows what I mean) for lots of people with disabilities or can't be open in actual world, having friends here is amazing. I think you are super brave and amazing for just making this post and you have been so upbeat with everything that's been said so you are an amazing and positive person. 🩷

I would say think of things you want to do and try this year instead of goals such as making friends, think more about joining a club or meeting up. I just don't want you to set yourself up with something and be hard on yourself. Like partners, not every person is the right fit. 

A couple of years ago I started making lists of what I want to experience instead of goal setting and I find myself better in a sense. Your journey is your own so there is no comparisons. 

And like andriel mentioned her own anxiety; you got to think that maybe littles are also going through stuff so it's not you. @Andriel_Isilien so glad you were able to attend and get involved. 😊 

Love hearing about your super smart cat! 😊👍

[daisy_cat]

@sophieR

I'm so unbelievably touched by your words. They have seriously made my month. 🩷💕🩷

Thank you for the advice about expectations. Making lists for experiences I want sounds so much nicer than just goal-setting. I'll definitely be doing that this year instead! I can be hard on myself when I don't meet a goal; like I was being hard on myself this year for not having real friendships. 

You're comment was just so so so sweet and kind and well thought-out. I wish you the best 2025 with happiness and peace. 

 

[LittleFliss]

Hello! At the beginning of this year, I had barely left my house in 12 years and certainly didn’t have any real life friends. I’ve always known I was Little but didn’t know about munches. I have social and generalised anxiety so it took me a couple of months to work up to going (I would get the bus but not get off at the start, then walk to the pub but not go in, then I would go in but leave straight away etc) until I finally walked in! I chose a local small one which has approx 15 people on a busy week and has multiple Littles (which I didn’t know in advance). 
 

It’s been an amazing journey for me 💗 I’ve made friends with different kinks/dynamics as well as those that are DDLG leaning. From the munches, I have also attended local Little events. With my anxiety I’m still struggling to engage with Littles in person at events but I follow up with messaging on FetLife after and I’ve swapped phone numbers with a couple so we can arrange meet ups before future events. 
 

It really is worth looking at your local community and if there are local Little events as well. I’m still very anxious and as a result I can’t talk, but it’s getting easier the more I do it 💗 

Edited December 27, 2024 by LittleFliss

[daisy_cat]

@LittleFliss

Thank you for sharing your experiences. ☺️🩷

It is so encouraging to hear a fellow shy person have success! 

[Little_Ghoul]

Hey there! First off, let me say that even thinking about going to a meet-up is a huge deal—it takes so much courage to even consider stepping out of your comfort zone. You’re incredibly brave for that, and I hope you give yourself some credit for how far you’ve already come.

And who says you’re not interesting? Probably people who don’t share your amazing interests, and that’s their loss! The right people—the ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are—are out there. It might take time, but you’ll find your group, I know it.

Have you checked out FetLife? I know that website can be a bit overwhelming at first, but there are many groups on there just for littles that focus on building friendships and community. A lot of them organize low-key, little-specific meet-ups or munches, and the odds of finding one near you are pretty good!

You’re doing great, truly. Just keep taking those small steps, and be kind to yourself along the way. You’ve got this! 💜

[SoftHeartHardKinks]

You mentioned not being sure if the kink community is the right place through which to find others for social activites, which is understandable, however, in my experience (here in the EU) getting involved with the kink community is exactly the way to find other people for non-sexual stuff, too.

The problem with the lifestyle is that you have to compartmentalize it from actual children, so you have to make it 18+, which in return drives it into "adult" environments. In those sexual and non-sexual topics or themes could be on display next to one another but that doesn't mean it has to be all the former. Munches are an excellent choice to find (and safely get to know) people who are familiar with the lifestyle, the local offerings, happenings and might also be looking for the same thing as you. It's a networking event in broad daylight, in a wholesome social manner. Not every munch is well organized or in the hands of people who are good at engaging newcomers but if you go there a few times you get to know at least a few people and then networking effects kick in and they know someone who knows someone who can help you find what you want.

FetLife came up already and while it's not overly popular here in the EU, in comparison to the US, it's still a great way to start networking. Keep in mind that if you find at least 1 other likeminded person you can just create an event with open invitation, which might draw in others, too.

[MasterPhotog]

On 12/21/2024 at 12:29 PM, daisy_cat said:

2024 is almost over!🎊

So much has happened in my life the past year, including discovering that I'm a Little! There's been high and low points for sure, but I always seem especially low this time of year for a few reasons.

To make an incredibly looooong story short, I'm ending another year being incredibly shy, lacking friends, and feeling unaccomplished. So I'm starting to set realistic goals for myself for 2025. 

My biggest goal is making friends this coming year. I want to do stuff together like going out to eat or spending a day in, watching movies and catching up.

Even though I've pushed myself a lot to step out of my comfort zone, I still failed at making genuine connections with people at school or work... I think I just get in my head; worried that people will judge me for my hobbies and interests. I'm not a full-time Little but I definitely have softer interests and hobbies that maybe people my age aren't into. 

For example, I dont drink alcohol at all. Never touched it. Never will. And a lot of my coworkers like to go drinking on the weekends. So that's not really my scene. 🤷‍♀️😅

I'm not very interesting either, so it's difficult to talk to people when they have such interesting things going on in their lives! Like going on trips or getting engaged, buying house, etc. The most interesting thing that happened to me lately is my cat has learned to open doors lol! 

I think I really, really wish I could connect with people who are like me or that at least are accepting of the ddlg lifestyle. I think I hold a lot of myself back when I interact with others. So I've tried looking at local social events in my area but they are very VERY kink-based. For me, ddlg isn't just sexual. It's a state of mind and being too. So I'm reluctant to go to one of these events... especially since I'm so shy in real life. I tried going to one but I ended up chickening-out and crying with a pint of ice cream. (´TωT`)

Sorry I did end up making this post super long lol! I guess what I want to ask is if anyone has had any luck finding people in the community IRL? Not just for sexual stuff but for friendships, advice, connections. How realistic of a dream is it?

@daisy_cat 
Thank you for sharing your feelings openly. Although you already have some great advice, here' s my 2 cents: 

Like you, many people find themselves feeling low this time of the year for one reason or the other. 

You mentioned that your biggest goal is to make friends. To start fresh and build confidence, focus on forming genuine connections rather than trying to impress others. Look for opportunities to engage in activities where shared interests provide natural conversation starters, such as classes, hobby groups, or volunteer programs. Practice active listening, as showing interest in what others share helps them feel appreciated. Set small, manageable goals, like smiling at someone or starting a brief conversation. Most importantly, be kind to yourself and remember that people are often more focused on their own insecurities than on judging you. Over time, these small steps can gradually boost your confidence and lead to meaningful friendships.

Everyone is different and unique. What you might not find interesting about yourself may, in fact, be fascinating to others. Similarly, choosing not to drink alcohol or participate in drinking parties is something to be proud of. I’m sure your coworkers appreciate this about you. My suggestion is to be kind and loving toward yourself. Embracing self-pride will help you greatly.

To address feelings of a lack of accomplishment, try setting realistic, manageable goals and celebrating small wins. Acknowledge your emotions and reframe your perspective. Focus on your progress, practice gratitude, and avoid comparing yourself to others.

Lastly, embrace growth over perfection, be gentle with yourself, and reflect on what truly matters to you. By shifting your mindset and taking purposeful steps, you can turn these feelings into motivation for a more fulfilling journey.

Happy New Year! Congratulations on teaching your cat to open doors!

[Lolitadisney]

Hi!!

 

I feel identified with you. I'm also very shy and I'm not sure if I'd be able to attend a local BDSM event. Although I live in a very small town so there are not any activities to meet minded-like people. 

I don't have so many friends here. However, I'm going to give you a recommendation. 

Some months ago, I joined a Circle of Empathy group. It's a type of meeting which is a safe space to share your thoughts, problems because nobody judges you. Actually, we always try to help each other. We do a lot of activities to help us be more confident whenever we meet new people because we are all very shy and it's hard for us to make new friends. Besides, we also play card games, write poems... all the activities have a littlespace vibe although it's a feminist group, not a DDLG one.

The coach is very nice. She likes to cook so she always brings cakes, homemade cookies, herbal teas...etc so we have a snack there. Joining the group is free because it belongs to a NGO. My mates are amazing people, the pity is that most part of them are not from Spain so I can't meet them during the holidays. 

I don't know if there is something similar in your area but I'd try to find something like this.

Recently, I met a minded-like girl because I told the librarian I was feeling alone so she gave me the email of another young girl who was having the same issues to find friends. We met IRL and she's also into DDLG too. 

I mean, don't be afraid to talk to people because the worthy ones will accept you and appreciate you for who you are. 

[annie_]

Hey there! 😊

I totally get that, and I just wanted to say you're definitely not alone in feeling this way. Honestly I’m super introverted and shy too, and I also don't drink at all, which makes it so hard to meet new people in real life. That's actually a big part of why I decided to sign up here—to connect with people who understand me and share similar interests. It feels less intimidating to chat and get to know people online first haha.

I can relate to being nervous about being judged for your hobbies or lifestyle. And I think it’s amazing that you’re true to yourself and know what makes you happy, even if it feels a little different from what others around you are into. Honestly, that makes you more interesting, not less!

Also, your cat learning to open doors is hilarious and so impressive! 😂

[adamfinch]

On 12/21/2024 at 10:29 PM, daisy_cat said:

2024 is almost over!🎊

So much has happened in my life the past year, including discovering that I'm a Little! There's been high and low points for sure, but I always seem especially low this time of year for a few reasons.

To make an incredibly looooong story short, I'm ending another year being incredibly shy, lacking friends, and feeling unaccomplished. So I'm starting to set realistic goals for myself for 2025. 

My biggest goal is making friends this coming year. I want to do stuff together like going out to eat or spending a day in, watching movies and catching up.

Even though I've pushed myself a lot to step out of my comfort zone, I still failed at making genuine connections with people at school or work... I think I just get in my head; worried that people will judge me for my hobbies and interests. I'm not a full-time Little but I definitely have softer interests and hobbies that maybe people my age aren't into. 

For example, I dont drink alcohol at all. Never touched it. Never will. And a lot of my coworkers like to go drinking on the weekends. So that's not really my scene. 🤷‍♀️😅

I'm not very interesting either, so it's difficult to talk to people when they have such interesting things going on in their lives! Like going on trips or getting engaged, buying house, etc. The most interesting thing that happened to me lately is my cat has learned to open doors lol! 

I think I really, really wish I could connect with people who are like me or that at least are accepting of the ddlg lifestyle. I think I hold a lot of myself back when I interact with others. So I've tried looking at local social events in my area but they are very VERY kink-based. For me, ddlg isn't just sexual. It's a state of mind and being too. So I'm reluctant to go to one of these events... especially since I'm so shy in real life. I tried going to one but I ended up chickening-out and crying with a pint of ice cream. (´TωT`)

Sorry I did end up making this post super long lol! I guess what I want to ask is if anyone has had any luck finding people in the community IRL? Not just for sexual stuff but for friendships, advice, connections. How realistic of a dream is it?

Sorry for the late reply. It’s definitely possible to find people in the ddlg community IRL for both friendships and connections. Start by exploring smaller meetups or online spaces that focus on the lifestyle aspect. Take things slow and be patient with yourself. You’ll find people who accept you for who you are. Love this one!

[BiaBangs]

Excellent advice for this site and for life in general.

[Chevy]

I get with what you're saying, my area doesn't have a lot of munches and the closest one I've seen was 4 hours away. I have seen people into ddlg sparingly. Only 2 I've met through normal means and I've talked to a few on chat sites.