Am I a little? If so, how to be comfortable with it? ♥

[Marta]

For a little bit of context. I stumbled with the bdsm world many years ago, during the early days of discord. I joined a dating/socialising community, and in there, I met people that were into bdsm, and I had the chance to read resources that they left there about bdsm in general. Many things I didn't liked, but ddlg clicked for me, like a lot. It feels weird to say that I first got introduced to ddlg almost like a decade ago and also that I'm new to ddlg. But this is kind of the reason why I'm here. There are feelings that I have that I don't quite understand, or that I don't know how to put into words. There are also feelings I have, and things I like/want that I have a hard time... being ok with it I guess. And lastly and maybe my biggest barrier. Whenever I tried reading about it, tried to understand it, I just felt like I don't belong, that I'm just too different than what the words are saying.

This might end up being quite a wall of text, so I apologize for that in advance. But I thought it would be best to express how I feel, and how I think, in the most clear and straightforward way possible. And maybe, someone can make sense of any of what I'm saying... or that's the hope anyway.

So to start with my first question. Am I a little? I know I'm 9000% submissive, there is no doubt on that. DDlg is also the only category that fits me, that feels right to me. But when I read about it, I just find myself differing in what feels to be the core parts of being a little. The biggest ones being the little space, and age regression. I don't feel like I get into little space, or at least not in the way it's been described to me. And when I feel like I'm in my version of little space, I don't really regress, or I don't feel like I do. I always feel like a little, I always feel.... small. I don't know how else to describe the exact feeling, but that I feel small. My personality by default, and independently of ddlg, is already super weak, it always has been. For me to feel submissive is like a second nature, it's something I feel 24/7, and to specifically feel submissive in that sense of feeling small. That's what makes me wonder whether I'm always on little space. Because I always feel like using a pacifier, I always feel like colouring or doing whatever other activity that.... boosts that feeling of being small. Obviously I don't always engage with it because sometimes I'm simply busy. Maybe I'm working, or I'm in public, or somewhere where it's not appropriate. But in the end, it's not an intermitent feeling that I feel like engaging with it sometimes. It's always there, it's always constant. And when I engage with it, I don't feel like I'm regressing in any way. I keep feeling like me, like the small and little me. There are times where those feelings are stronger in a way, I think. Sometimes something happens that triggers me to feel extra small, to feel extra submissive. That usually lasts for maybe a day or two, which makes me wonder if that's when I get into little space. But because I always feel like I'm in the space, and those periods are just a bit more intense.... in a way it makes me feel like I'm deeper into little space, if that makes sense. I feel smaller, I feel more vulnerable, but just a bit deeper on that feeling than I normally am. And during all of that.... I never feel like I regress. I'm always conscious of myself, of my being, and I don't feel or notice a difference in age in my way of thinking and feeling.
So that's in regard of age regression and little space. It feels to me that that's the core of being a little, and the fact that it feels so different to me, than what the definition tells me, or the experiences that I have seen in other littles. That makes me wonder if I'm a little or something else.

The second question I had, and maybe a portion of it is going to be a bit more superficial, is how to be comfortable with those feelings. As a disclaimer, I understand that not every little is the same, and I can like whatever I want, and still be a little. You don't need to like pink, or pastel colors, or whatever. I get that. I'm just trying to share my feelings as honestly as possible. I feel like there is a big gap between what my brain thinks when I analyse the situation and everything is normal and looks fine, and my feelings that still feel uncomfortable and that I don't belong..... Like, I understand I do belong, I just don't feel like I do. I just wanted to clarify that because I might say I feel like I don't belong because X reason, and I'm the first to understand that's bs, I just don't know how to change my feelings on it.
I'm a goth, I like to wear black and purple, I like to listen to metal. My aesthetic is basically a mix of goth and witchy. I get it that it's fine, that I'm still a little regardless of that. But when I picture myself amongst other littles. I just see a bunch of cute littles and a punk. A cute pacifier? why not put a skull on it instead. A cute sippy cup? Why not add spiders to it. Oh I feel extra small today? let's blast some metal. I really get that it's fine, I get that it doesn't change anything. I just don't know how to feel like I belong, even if I know it.
The second portion goes on a similar line. As an example, it took me the longest time to get myself a cute bat pacifier. And even tho I'm super excited for when it finally arrives, I still feel uncomfortable, and I struggle seeing myself using it. I try to make small steps, and I guess the fact that I bought the pacifier in the first place, and I took the courage to join this community, shows that I was able to do some steps. But it very much feels like an uphill battle. I don't know how much of it is society having conditioned me to see all of this as wrong, as sins an adult shouldn't engage with. But often when I do something I know I like, or someone treats me like a little. Internally I love it, and it feels great. Externally it's just cringe and probably disgusting to admit I do like that.
So that is kind of the question. If I know that's fine, if I know I belong, and I know those feelings are ok.... how do I make my brain translate that for my heart to accept it too?

A bit of a wall of text, but it does feel good to speak my mind and feelings. Maybe someone can make any sense of them.
Stay safe and stay witchy ♥

[daddy007]

Being in little space Does not have any general definitions. It varies from person to person. So you are a little in your own way. Welcome to DDLG and all the best

Edited November 26, 2024 by daddy007

[spiritual-seeker]

I enjoyed thoroughly reading your post! No you're not in the wrong. You're a natural little that's all, that's your default mindset and feelings. And you definitely don't have to regress to a certain age to feel that. Embrace your true nature! 😊

You can add me if you want to become friends. All the best!

[LunaLilac]

I think you're focusing a lot on generalisms, the great thing about bdsm, and anything really, is you find your particular version of it that gels best for you. I guess put simply, don't worry about if you match what people make you think something is, just feel it out and be you, and you'll be doing it the right way. Just think of it as the Tapas of lifestyles if that helps.

 

Not every little is a sub, and some littles are in little space all the time, some aren't. Some like pink and blue, some won't. Some are sexual, some aren't. Some will regress because its a coping mechanism, others because it's just something they enjoy, to feel small and soft.

 

As for feeling conscious of yourself when you regress, people don't become different people who lose track of themselves when they regress or they shouldn't, that's a sign they need a mental health professional, just because you regress doesn't make you less of an adult person who has to be responsible for themselves, I'm not sure if that's specifically what you're getting at when you say that but I've seen so many people get caught up in the fantasy of little space and misunderstand the reality of it thinking that someone else takes over for their actions because they read it in a book that romanticizes it.

 

As for feeling comfortable with it, that can be a challenge, I think it takes a great deal of introspection for it, because ultimately, as you've more or less said, you're the only person who feels its not okay, the fact is that this is part of you an you need to come to accept it as you, and love you for who you are. IT helps that you've found this forum which is loke minded people of similar interests, having them in your life will make things a little easier, to listen and help you through things, but it's important to understand that you're the  person who needs to love yourself for who you are, and when that happens accepting this, or any other part of you becomes a little easier. 

[.คℓ𝐞ﾒเᏰααα .ᐟ]

Ramblings from a fellow Goth-adjacent Witch Little:

 

It sounds like you're having a hard time getting over... not just what normal societal standards are, but also the insanely high standards of the Goth subculture.

If you start taking the steps at doing what Gothy Witch kids say they do, which is that they just don't give a fuck about other people's opinions, you're gonna feel so much better!

You don't have to like pink to be smol, just as much as you don't have to wear all black to be Goth, or do evil things to be a Witch.

There are a lot of social media influences in both the Goth and Littlespace subculture, but I feel like most of them fall short at showing their true individuality. Instead, they're basically playing a parasocial character, in an attempt to gain easy income.

So don't let their "rules" tell you you're not a Little Witch. Or that you're doing something wrong. 

Also, Age Regression and Littlespace is different for everybody. You don't need gear to be Little, any more than you need gear to be Goth, or a Witch. So, I suggest not making yourself buy things just to "fit in".

If you do buy stuff, buy it because you actually want it. You'll certainly save a hell of a lot of money that way!

I think I've mentioned everything I'd wanted, but irl has beckoned me again. 😅