Dragon_Kitty Posted November 16, 2024 Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 8:55 PM, PigtailPrincess said: Yess! And here is always my confusion. The person talked to me, DMed me, waited long enough to get contact social media, and then once they have it the effort is done and one word answers? Like why tell me you wanna connect and be deep if you really don't? I just am looking at a little more honesty even if it's hard. No body likes to tell someone that they are uncomfy or the person is doing something but I've no one mentions they probably don't know. Yeah the nosy thing can be hard. I always tell folks when we start talking that they are welcome to ask things (within reason. If we are beong friends and they ask we what underwear I wear I probably won't be responding 🤣) then if something comes up I am not ready for i just say. Expand I know right?!?! Dang waste of time a lot of the time, unfortunately. I have that same philosophy IRL. "If you don't tell me, I can't fix/change it", kind of thing. I usually just tell people that I'm an open book and feel free to ask me anything, within reason (i.e. no sex stuff and no nudes, etc. etc. until we get to a point where we can reestablish some rules ya know?) , but I reserve the right to refuse to answer certain questions, as well, and if I refuse I give reasons why. I suppose that is being generous for strangers but I really DO want to make friends and have long term relationships ya know? But all in all it sounds like we have a few similar philosophies lol. 2
PigtailPrincess Posted November 16, 2024 Author Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 9:21 PM, Dragon_Kitty said: I know right?!?! Dang waste of time a lot of the time, unfortunately. I have that same philosophy IRL. "If you don't tell me, I can't fix/change it", kind of thing. I usually just tell people that I'm an open book and feel free to ask me anything, within reason (i.e. no sex stuff and no nudes, etc. etc. until we get to a point where we can reestablish some rules ya know?) , but I reserve the right to refuse to answer certain questions, as well, and if I refuse I give reasons why. I suppose that is being generous for strangers but I really DO want to make friends and have long term relationships ya know? But all in all it sounds like we have a few similar philosophies lol. Expand Lol yesss sorry for my old lady range haha. I really am generally not grumpy I just get excited talking to folks and then when they drop off it is dissapoiintimg. But today is a new day and anything can happen!! We absolutely do seem to have very similar mindsets!!!
Josey Wales Posted November 16, 2024 Report Posted November 16, 2024 I think it all comes down to having common interests and wanting to makes yourself available but making good friends is hard especially online Finding a person to connect with in the dynamic is more than likely ten times as hard Discussions like this is good because all of you have expressed something about yourself and all have been very thoughtful in your responses and ideas. That’s my two cents 😎 2
PigtailPrincess Posted November 16, 2024 Author Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 9:50 PM, Josey Wales said: I think it all comes down to having common interests and wanting to makes yourself available but making good friends is hard especially online Finding a person to connect with in the dynamic is more than likely ten times as hard Discussions like this is good because all of you have expressed something about yourself and all have been very thoughtful in your responses and ideas. That’s my two cents 😎 Expand I agree. True compatibility is really really hard add in that folks are doing it long distance and it is a but complicated
OuO Alexibaaa Posted November 16, 2024 Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 8:46 PM, PigtailPrincess said: Yeah I do love a good decoration 🤣🤣 Goodbye wpuld be nice. I mean casual conversations whatever but if folks were obviously onto something and they just end it but don't say? Not cool Expand This is my *goodbye* 👋 for this particular topic. I feel like I don't have anything else I'd like to say. I'll still be around the forums though, so hopefully, we'll talk again! 💜 Do you see how easy that was?? x'D
Gambit Posted November 16, 2024 Report Posted November 16, 2024 as someone with very stark autism i feel like when people realize i'm like, clinically weird they get disinterested. but i don't really blame them, some people just aren't ready for a certified yapper lol. but i think everyone here has a good standpoint on it, relationships, platonic or not, go both ways, and carrying the entire friendship is just so terrible, because it's like, damn, it feels like they just do not care at all what i have to say lol. i have had a lot of people ghost me over the years, and sure, i may never know why they dropped off, but at the same time, it's better to just "water under the bridge" this type of stuff for me, or i just get so wrapped up in it, i am a little neurotic and i've had to train my brain to stop focusing on stuff that's just negative and causes a spiral. really, ill respond to anybody if they put forth the effort to get to know me! but some people just aren't compatible... some people think i can be standoffish in real life, but it's really just that i have a hard time emoting lol. i've gotten better at it over the years but it is a little crazy that some people lost all their social skills during lockdown... i mean, like, so many people are just mean and inconsiderate now! it's like people got on rude parts of the internet and just thought that was how you talk to people. 😭 1
PigtailPrincess Posted November 16, 2024 Author Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 10:26 PM, OuO Alexibaaa said: This is my *goodbye* 👋 for this particular topic. I feel like I don't have anything else I'd like to say. I'll still be around the forums though, so hopefully, we'll talk again! 💜 Do you see how easy that was?? x'D Expand Lol best of luck, however I do belive public replies on a post don't require a goodbye hahahaah this was more aimed at folks who have agreed to conversate.
PigtailPrincess Posted November 16, 2024 Author Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 10:28 PM, Gambit said: as someone with very stark autism i feel like when people realize i'm like, clinically weird they get disinterested. but i don't really blame them, some people just aren't ready for a certified yapper lol. but i think everyone here has a good standpoint on it, relationships, platonic or not, go both ways, and carrying the entire friendship is just so terrible, because it's like, damn, it feels like they just do not care at all what i have to say lol. i have had a lot of people ghost me over the years, and sure, i may never know why they dropped off, but at the same time, it's better to just "water under the bridge" this type of stuff for me, or i just get so wrapped up in it, i am a little neurotic and i've had to train my brain to stop focusing on stuff that's just negative and causes a spiral. really, ill respond to anybody if they put forth the effort to get to know me! but some people just aren't compatible... some people think i can be standoffish in real life, but it's really just that i have a hard time emoting lol. i've gotten better at it over the years but it is a little crazy that some people lost all their social skills during lockdown... i mean, like, so many people are just mean and inconsiderate now! it's like people got on rude parts of the internet and just thought that was how you talk to people. 😭 Expand These are very good points. And this was 100% conversational and not meant to call anyone out. I had just noticed that the way people interact today versus 10 years ago is different. I think it's just a very different place and I do believe at the end of the day people are doing the best they can with what's given
Gambit Posted November 16, 2024 Report Posted November 16, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 11:05 PM, PigtailPrincess said: These are very good points. And this was 100% conversational and not meant to call anyone out. I had just noticed that the way people interact today versus 10 years ago is different. I think it's just a very different place and I do believe at the end of the day people are doing the best they can with what's given Expand oh no worries, i'm not calling anyone out either!!! i just mean that like, all around people don't talk like they used to at all, you're so right... especially people my age and younger, some people just lost their marbles along the way lol. everyone ive talked to here via the forum has been nice! 1
PigtailPrincess Posted November 17, 2024 Author Report Posted November 17, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 11:08 PM, Gambit said: oh no worries, i'm not calling anyone out either!!! i just mean that like, all around people don't talk like they used to at all, you're so right... especially people my age and younger, some people just lost their marbles along the way lol. everyone ive talked to here via the forum has been nice! Expand Oh I knew you wernt you seem lovely I just didn't want people thinking I was being agressive rather than just curious lol. No people don't form community the way they used to and for someone like me with social anxiety online is often all we have other than one or two people. Now I have to go see if I can find your age hahaahah 🤣🤣🤣
Gambit Posted November 17, 2024 Report Posted November 17, 2024 On 11/17/2024 at 12:03 AM, PigtailPrincess said: Oh I knew you wernt you seem lovely I just didn't want people thinking I was being agressive rather than just curious lol. No people don't form community the way they used to and for someone like me with social anxiety online is often all we have other than one or two people. Now I have to go see if I can find your age hahaahah 🤣🤣🤣 Expand i'm 25 😂 b ut yeah, i agree. i remember when forums were more of a thing and that the community there was just SO much better than social media like twitter, reddit, tiktok... a lot of "algorithms" encourage negativity for clicks and it's just so rotten, because i remember forums where people just talked because they wanted to talk... no "discourse" and bad faith arguments (except for the occasional rotten apple...) but maybe i just remember the middle of early internet because i was on there from an early age on kids forums and game sites where you could actually have monitored spaces for kids, unlike places like Roblox today that are just privacy lawsuits waiting to happen. and nowadays everyones on the same social media regardless of age!! there's no "adult" spaces anymore except for moderated forums! but that aside, it really is crazy that so much of the internet i grew up with is just... dead. it's all about what gets clicks, and i think that's a big contributing factor to the fact people are just so mean today. 2
Josey Wales Posted November 17, 2024 Report Posted November 17, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 10:18 PM, PigtailPrincess said: I agree. True compatibility is really really hard add in that folks are doing it long distance and it is a but complicated Expand Then again one never knows a surprise might be just around the corner 😎
PigtailPrincess Posted November 17, 2024 Author Report Posted November 17, 2024 On 11/17/2024 at 12:16 AM, Gambit said: i'm 25 😂 b ut yeah, i agree. i remember when forums were more of a thing and that the community there was just SO much better than social media like twitter, reddit, tiktok... a lot of "algorithms" encourage negativity for clicks and it's just so rotten, because i remember forums where people just talked because they wanted to talk... no "discourse" and bad faith arguments (except for the occasional rotten apple...) but maybe i just remember the middle of early internet because i was on there from an early age on kids forums and game sites where you could actually have monitored spaces for kids, unlike places like Roblox today that are just privacy lawsuits waiting to happen. and nowadays everyones on the same social media regardless of age!! there's no "adult" spaces anymore except for moderated forums! but that aside, it really is crazy that so much of the internet i grew up with is just... dead. it's all about what gets clicks, and i think that's a big contributing factor to the fact people are just so mean today. Expand But I have alot of faith that there are still amazing folks out there and that maybe places like forums that encourage conversation are on the upswing. Until then we will all keep eachother company!!! 1 2
Kali Posted November 17, 2024 Report Posted November 17, 2024 On 11/16/2024 at 7:11 PM, Dragon_Kitty said: On the flip side I am afraid to come off as nosy or afraid that I'll inadvertently ask too personal types of questions. Of course I don't mean to, I am just genuinely trying to get to know people and make friends. I mean, that's why we're on here right? To make friends and meet people? Expand I TOTALLY get this!! *nod nod* I will actually let folks know that I'm extremely inquisitive and like to ask questions (and that I encourage the traits in others). That if it comes off as nosy to please let me know. I'm good with boundaries. I just need to know where they are. 😄 It helps me feel less awkward and fearful of coming off as a crazed stalker and hopeful makes them more comfortable with speaking up if we hit a boundary topic. 1
Dragon_Kitty Posted November 17, 2024 Report Posted November 17, 2024 On 11/17/2024 at 2:42 AM, Kali said: I TOTALLY get this!! *nod nod* I will actually let folks know that I'm extremely inquisitive and like to ask questions (and that I encourage the traits in others). That if it comes off as nosy to please let me know. I'm good with boundaries. I just need to know where they are. 😄 It helps me feel less awkward and fearful of coming off as a crazed stalker and hopeful makes them more comfortable with speaking up if we hit a boundary topic. Expand I love how you worded this 😁. You said it WAY better than I did, not that I was comparing or anything. But it's like you picked what I was TRYING to say out of my head and put out for everyone to read lol. 1
Guest Baby-Life Posted November 18, 2024 Report Posted November 18, 2024 I don't really have much new to add other than an enthusiastic agreement to what you all have said here. I've tried to make online little friends over the years, and even find a caregiver a few times, and yet almost every time I talk to someone (whether I initiated it or they did) I am immediately only getting short responses - one word or a small phrase. How can we make connections if people won't take the time to properly engage in conversation? It can be exhausting being the one to push the conversation forward all the time. It's been lovely the few times I've been able to have good, proper conversations with people. But it does seem to be a bit of a rarity. Gotta find people who vibe like us and stick with them, lol.
PigtailPrincess Posted November 19, 2024 Author Report Posted November 19, 2024 On 11/18/2024 at 12:18 AM, Baby-Life said: I don't really have much new to add other than an enthusiastic agreement to what you all have said here. I've tried to make online little friends over the years, and even find a caregiver a few times, and yet almost every time I talk to someone (whether I initiated it or they did) I am immediately only getting short responses - one word or a small phrase. How can we make connections if people won't take the time to properly engage in conversation? It can be exhausting being the one to push the conversation forward all the time. It's been lovely the few times I've been able to have good, proper conversations with people. But it does seem to be a bit of a rarity. Gotta find people who vibe like us and stick with them, lol. Expand Thats ok!!! Agreeing is also nice, it means alot of us are having the same thpughts and probably feeling validated That was all this was. A thpught provoking topic that might give us all the courage to be deep and vulnerable. Yeah i have gotten to where I try to limit myself with my responses so I am not as disappointed when I get back "Oh that's cool. Whats up?" I just need more i guess. I crave deep communication. Lol yesss. Everyone in this topic can just become rambling pen pals heheehehe
Sammykins Posted November 19, 2024 Report Posted November 19, 2024 I really love this topic! And I agree with what everyone that has posted so far! In a way communication can be hard especially if the other person is giving short answers or one word replies, and I saw someone else mention only responding to one thing that was said rather than everything (huge pet peeve). Words matter and someone taking the time to type out a response or getting to know someone should be respected on both sides. But, personally I answer with the energy given! So if i only get one word responses or slim ones that's what you will get in kind. 1
Jmeurry Posted December 4, 2024 Report Posted December 4, 2024 Hmmm... I don't respond to forum threads without reading every single post first, boy does it suck to be last to a party haha. But that's very much as others have said about leaving big chunks of text in someone's inbox- and I am so guilty of this. It's taken a lot of effort to restrain what I wish to say and calm my excitement. For most of my life, I have been ghosted on social media, not for a lack of politeness, though sometimes due to verbosity... But I've asked many friends to read my chats (SFW, ghosted) and give me feedback only to have no greater awareness after seeking help. I even had a friend hit on me for how authentic and good natured I am over chat after she read what I sent. Society has been maladapting to technology in favour of advertisers and time seeking enterprises for two decades. Dating apps simultaneously destroy the social fabric and isolate people by eroding trust and wasting time... Simultaneously, while modern social media have notifications out the ying yang and are discussed by everyone- forcing you to acknowledge their existence constantly, traditional social media like forums have less engagement because by nature they respect our time and attention by not popping up in our face every second of every day. We get quality here, not frequency. I left for a couple of months to travel after joining, and I no doubt will again for the Christmas holidays. But that doesn't mean I'm gone for ever, or that I wouldn't personally tell people I was conversing with on here. Jm 1
PigtailPrincess Posted December 4, 2024 Author Report Posted December 4, 2024 On 12/4/2024 at 9:58 AM, Jmeurry said: Hmmm... I don't respond to forum threads without reading every single post first, boy does it suck to be last to a party haha. But that's very much as others have said about leaving big chunks of text in someone's inbox- and I am so guilty of this. It's taken a lot of effort to restrain what I wish to say and calm my excitement. For most of my life, I have been ghosted on social media, not for a lack of politeness, though sometimes due to verbosity... But I've asked many friends to read my chats (SFW, ghosted) and give me feedback only to have no greater awareness after seeking help. I even had a friend hit on me for how authentic and good natured I am over chat after she read what I sent. Society has been maladapting to technology in favour of advertisers and time seeking enterprises for two decades. Dating apps simultaneously destroy the social fabric and isolate people by eroding trust and wasting time... Simultaneously, while modern social media have notifications out the ying yang and are discussed by everyone- forcing you to acknowledge their existence constantly, traditional social media like forums have less engagement because by nature they respect our time and attention by not popping up in our face every second of every day. We get quality here, not frequency. I left for a couple of months to travel after joining, and I no doubt will again for the Christmas holidays. But that doesn't mean I'm gone for ever, or that I wouldn't personally tell people I Expand Hey we appriciate any response friend. Even if what ypu are doing in agreeing or commiserating it is still a valued add. For me personally it was interesting to hear someone who craves the deep communication but also appreciates the slow movement on the forum. I think for me the forum is more of a conversation enhancer that I use alongside daily apps for conversation but I really live the idea of you popping in here in-between ypur adventures. I wish you amazing travels over Christmas and thank you again for taking the time to read all this and give a thoughtful answer. On 12/4/2024 at 9:58 AM, Jmeurry said: Expand 1
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