"Real" or "Fake?"

[BelladonnaTheNightWitch]

Heya. Just wanted to ask what makes someone a "Real Little?"

I've heard the term here and there along with the term "fake daddy" and I would like an understanding of what specifically makes someone a fake little or a fake sub. I also want to know this to determine whether or not I fall into that category. 

I would also like to know what makes someone submissive or dominant. Not just in a kink setting but also outside of kink. I've been doing the research but I'm still not getting it quite yet and as someone who doesn't necessarily have a little space or enters it often if at all, it's a little difficult to understand exactly what this kind of lifestyle entails. This may also help me determine whether or not I may actually be a top/domme or if I'm into this lifestyle at all. 

Links, videos, previous topics mentioned here in the forum, and more are welcome if it's in relation to my questions☺️

🎀Question 1: what is a fake sub/little?

🎀Question 2: what makes someone dominate/submissive?

 

Edited October 22, 2024 by BelladonnaTheNightWitch

[Little kaiya]

Typically when you see the terms "real" or "fake" in this context it is people trying to gatekeep others. What it really means is at least two people have different expectations and they aren't lining up so they use terms like real or fake to lash out instead of being adults and moving along to find someone with whom they are more compatible.

As for dominant or submissive it's really about your perception of yourself and what you like or don't like.

[beanbean]

10 minutes ago, Little kaiya said:

Typically when you see the terms "real" or "fake" in this context it is people trying to gatekeep others. What it really means is at least two people have different expectations and they aren't lining up so they use terms like real or fake to lash out instead of being adults and moving along to find someone with whom they are more compatible.

As for dominant or submissive it's really about your perception of yourself and what you like or don't liketh

This just communicate what you need take time to figure out what you want and if you can get it from this person, don't worry to much about labels but what you need and there needs

[Alonetogth3r]

🎀Question 1: what is a fake sub/little?

I think what Little Kaiya said is true, but I also think that sometimes people use those terms when they disagree with the way someone approaches the community because they feel it's problematic or damaging. For example, I've seen "fake daddy" used in the context of a daddy type whose little wants to have playtime outside of a sexual context and communicates this, but their daddy refuses and will only participate in the dynamic in a sexual context. They'll pretend to accept their little completely rather than be honest about only being interested in sexual acts or accepting that they could be incompatible. 

On the "fake little" side, this one is more complicated because I do feel like it's where a lot of the gatekeeping comes in. There's no proper way to be a little, but I can see how if someone has a manipulative personality with an easily influenced daddy it could just be a toxic setup for a "fake little" to take advantage of. However it's not really something I've seen or heard of much..just me giving a potential example of why someone would say that other than gatekeeping. 

🎀Question 2: what makes someone dominate/submissive?

For me a fundamental part of being submissive is have a deep-seeded need to please, and another part of it is wanting to be cared for and adored in a way that goes beyond the baseline level of care in a vanilla relationship. 

As for dominance, to me it's more about having someone to pour your care and love into, but also giving all of that care and love to someone who trusts you enough to let you lead and control them in specific ways.

[sophieR]

The only thing I will add is that I have seen people who are toxic and controlling say they are a daddy which is when it's also called fake daddy cos there's no way a daddy (or mummy) will abuse his/her little. 

 

As for Dom/sub I'm also learning (I'm also on fetish.com) and there are lots of info around to look into what you are into, there is no right or wrong way. For example, when I'm big, I'm quite independent and dominant but learnt I don't like it when I had my little tine. I just want to crawl into a blanket fort and not worry. 

 

Littles are a part of BDSM submissive culture but you could also enjoy different things within this.. that was the main part in coming to terms with as I also want to be tied up and whipped/spanked in adult time so it's all nuanced. 

 

Hope this helps.. I'm sure the daddies on here can weigh in on more the Dom side. 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

Good luck with your research!!!! 😊

🎀Question 1: what is a fake sub/little?

There is no such thing as a fake little or sub. Anybody using this term, is trying to be a gatekeeper for the fetish/kink community. 

Which, honestly, makes no sense as we don't exactly have vanilla standards to begin with. So,  you're better off ignoring those people.

I want to also add that littles, unlike subbies, typically enjoy things traditionally aimed at actual children (or teenagers if you're a middle).  But there is absolutely no right or wrong way to do this.

🎀Question 2: what makes someone dominate/submissive?

Dominant people enjoy being in control of a situation, while submissive people prefer not being in control. This can be both in and out of the bedroom.

Those are the two extremes put simply, but you can be bits of both, as it's more of a spectrum than just on/off.

As an example;

I'm absolutely a little, but I'm mostly dominant and call a lot of the shots within my relationship.

[NR_Daddy]

Just to clarify, I used the term "Fake daddy" earlier today in a reply to a post, where I pointed the person to the red flag detection section of the forum, so they could learn to understand red flags and learn about the lifestyle online, and communicate with others in a safer way, after they shared that they had gone away from the lifestyle after bad experiences.

What that was about is people pretending to be a daddy, but perhaps only using the term to manipulate/control someone or to have desires to only use the term in a sexual manner. I've heard this happen to several people who have used this forum.

A Daddy role encompasses so much more than just a sexual kink, and the vast majority of Littles want a Daddy who will offer them love, care, support, understanding, guidance, structure, rules and enforcement with punishments, aftercare, nurturing and perhaps also a sexual kink, but not always.

Unfortunately many people in the world associate it with only a sexual kink due to having seen things on porn sites.

Edited October 22, 2024 by NR_Daddy
spelling

[Renegade91]

I tend to agree with Alonetogth3r's definitions. I think the terms get overused a lot, especially by Doms. I saw it misused on another thread here yesterday, where the poster just disagreed. So I tend to minimize use of the term "fake."

For me, the term fake daddy only applies to someone who is predatory, who try to trick women into thinking they're daddies, when they have no intention or ability to serve in that role. I'm sure many of you have experienced these first-hand, but here are two examples. First, you get a lot of guys who have difficulty dating women, but think by pursuing women in the DDLG/BDSM lifestyle, they will have an easier time finding someone. Those guys tend to get sexual very quickly in their messages or want to meet up very soon before their partner is comfortable. Second, you get a lot of guys with spanking fetishes or are sadists who want someone to punish. I heard from dozens of women that many guys will start acting like their daddies and threaten to punish them within a couple messages. In both of these scenarios, the commonality is a guy who pretends outwardly to want to satisfy whatever needs their partner might have, but actually are only concerned about satisfying their own selfish goals. And because many subs want to find the dom of their dreams, there is a bigger risk they will be hurt by this predatory guy. That's what I mean when I say fake daddy.

Fake little would be harder to envision for me. Everyone has their own unique desires and goals and needs. None of them are invalid. So I hesitate to say there's such a thing as a fake little. If I had to use the term, I would say it would apply to: (1) catfish (people pretending to be someone else); (2) girls who lie about their age on here (ie: not 18 but claim they are); and (3) someone who lies about what they're interested in as a little, pretending it's exactly what the Dom wants, but it's just a pretense to get a sugar daddy or someone to spend money on them, with no intention of ever meeting in person or having a relationship. 

 

The term dom and sub are individual and couple-specific. The only constant is power play, who's taking charge, either in the bedroom or in a 24/7 dynamic. Many subs want to be cared for, but others like to be used or degraded. Many subs are eager to please, but many others want to rebel and brat and want to do the opposite of what their dom wants, because they like the challenge or want to be punished. It's the same with Doms. That's why it's so important to talk to your partner a lot and have open communication so both partners understand the other and make sure each is willing and able to satisfy the others' needs and desires.

Edited October 22, 2024 by Renegade91

[Capri]

To put it simply, a fake person is anyone who is not being genuine or honest of their intentions with you. 

[Little kaiya]

I keep hearing people say a Caregiver, usually a Daddy, who only wants the sexual side of DDlg is "fake", and personally I disagree. If that's what a Daddy and a little both want then in my mind it is valid as any other DDlg relationship. So long as all parties are upfront and honest I don't think that's being "fake". Now if a caregiver lied and said they want more than just a sexual relationship when they didn't or a little lied and said they were open to sexual activity and aren't, that would be an intentional misrepresentation so I could see that as being framed as "fake" because it would be an intentional manipulation. At the end of the day personally so long as people are honest about what they want, whatever that may be, I don't think the "fake" label should be thrown around.

[LunaLilac]

To me the idea of a fake would be someone who likes the title and aesthetic of being a caregiver or little without any of the responsibility that comes with it. Like someone likes to be called "Daddy" and likes to lord it over the little that he's in charge of, but doesn't want to be protective or emotionally supportive of their little. The short versions is it would be someone who heard of the idea in a book or movie, and decided it was for them, but don't want to actually care or be responsible for a safe kink beyond getting their own kicks out of it, which is at best ignorant, but at worst  manipulative, abusive, and sociopathic.

 

Perhaps I'm projecting but I've always seen this particular kink as a very personal and special, one a CG and little dynamic requires a lot of vulnerability and trust, that a little has to be safe and protected and someone like that could just actively take advantage of that vulnerability and do deep lasting pain to that  potential little. Likewise, a little that only likes the aesthetic would more or less just be actively taking advantage to someone bearing their more vulnerable side of a protector, and that too could sour their own feelings of how they are because they're built more for a nurturing role. And that could have deep lasting damage to either party, as these are how people are built, it's part of their mental makeup, and to make them scared or sensitive to embrace part of who they are deep down could cause serious long term damage.

[Gentleman_Daddy]

I don't normally reply to this kind of post - I just think it's too subjective, like asking "what makes a good painting?". However, I most often see it bandied around when one or more parties are upset that someone they connected with didn't meet their expectations.

[ExtraCurious]

The cardboard cutout stereotypical fantasy people live in is that people are straight up Daddies walking around or Littles.(or anything else pertaining to DDLG) The reality? DDLG is a lifestyle choice that people come in and out and partake in their leisure time for the most part. Mostly people probably aren't participating in that Lifestyle forever. Most people see it as it a fetish ... Look at the documentary series on IRL vampires, there are people that believe they're Psi vampires or Sanguine Vampires. There are some 'DEVOTED" people who're 60 that have been doing that stuff since 1980 and look at the Hippies. There are 85 year old men living in the Mountains, living the Lifestyle.

This he's a fake daddy, she's a fake little is really just what you want see it as. It's not a real thing it's a choice. To live a life a certain way. You could do it for a week, month, in the bedroom or for the rest of your life. I'd guess 5 people out of 100 here will be Little or a Daddy in 2050. Want to bet?

 

[Little kaiya]

I'd take that bet 😉 I think by 2050 the number would be way higher than 5. A lot of folks who are into DDlg are there for the long haul. Relationships may evolve, change and grow over time but the core desire I don't think ever fades away fully.

[ExtraCurious]

On 10/24/2024 at 4:42 PM, Little kaiya said:

I'd take that bet 😉 I think by 2050 the number would be way higher than 5. A lot of folks who are into DDlg are there for the long haul. Relationships may evolve, change and grow over time but the core desire I don't think ever fades away fully.

I asked my Older best friend who was a member of the 90s to 20012 goth graze how many people are still goths from that era. They dressed every day, they lived it every day, online was huge, offline was huge. The Content was massive and the lifestyle was also massive. It's hard to the exact number but a vast majority no longer practice. Though yes, there are those that are that to the core of their being and will always be till their death...I saw one walking around in  her late 40s at the bookstore the other day. So you could be partly right! or a lot right depends on the person.

 

I think job pressure, life pressure, kids and other issues may have gotten in the way for a lot I am told!