Long-Term Partner, Very New Daddy

[DaddyNoKids]

Good morning, all. 

I'm reaching out hoping for advice on the subject of mature, long-term relationships that develop into CG/L. My wife and I are both 32, and have been together for 8 years (married for 1 year as of the 28th). Recently, she told me that she's a little, and while she was very trepidacious about telling me, I was unsurprised, and honestly thrilled to find this out. We're both very excited and doing a lot of reading and talking. Our new dynamic is developing quickly, and I'm swiftly learning about how this changes our relationship. There have been immediate positives: we both struggle with self-care, and setting down rules has already helped us to be more diligent about showering and brushing our teeth on a regular schedule. I'm learning how to care for her curly hair, so I can brush it for her (her curly hair rituals and treatments have always been an arcane mystery to me). We're planning to make a chore chart, complete with good girl stickers and tiered rewards with some of her favorite things and activities. This is a big deal, because we struggle with upkeep of our environment about as much as we do upkeep of ourselves, and chores have always been handled on an ad-hoc basis, generally not often enough. Don't ask me when we last dusted!

 

On top of these general improvements in habits, we're also having the most sex we've ever had. The whole thing has made us crazy. We've actually had to consciously pump the brakes, because we have a weekend getaway planned at the Sybaris Pool Suites for our anniversary and we don't want to be too sore to engage in activities when we get there.

 

Having said all those positives, I come to my concerns. I love my wife deeply, and I consider us equals. We've always made our decisions together, big and small. As for the big ones, we've already discussed that those will strictly be big girl conversations. We've been kicking around the idea of selling our house, for example, and I would never hit her out of the blue with "pack up your playroom babygirl, the realtor is on his way to view the house!" 😂 But for the little things, she wants to relinquish some control to me and have me make more choices for her and speak for her more often, e.g., ordering for her in restaurants. Because I've always seen her as an equal, I've always consulted on even the little things- usually, this looks like me turning my head and looking at her when we're presented with a choice, and prompting her for input. A living example: we recently went to Build-A-Bear and got her a new stuffie. When you pay, they ask if you want a plastic bag (free), a box ($1), or a special backpack ($5) to leave with the stuffie. Since this was a decision that involved my wife, I instinctively looked at her and gave her the usual head-slightly-cocked, eyebrows-slightly-raised smile that means, "what do you think, sweety pie," in my wordless communications with her. She sheepishly replied, "you decide for me?" I got her the little backpack of course, and she was downright zazzed to learn it has little arm holes for her new teddy.

 

Obviously, this is a very minor example with a happy ending, but it's emblematic of a larger shift in the paradigm of our relationship, from one wherein we are strictly equals to one wherein I am the caregiver and decision-maker in all but major matters. It's a big change and a lot of responsibility, and it's definitely going to take some re-wiring to get me to stop looking at my wife every time we're asked to make a minor decision. We're doing a lot of talking and hammering things out, and I feel I've got a pretty good handle on what she wants out of this new dynamic; my uncertainties are more internal. How to make that shift, from a highly egalitarian "Modern Man," to a more assertive...well... Daddy? And in the context of a long-established relationship? I know how to have conversations with my partner about her desires and expectations and my own, but how do I embrace and develop my new role internally, and adjust my personal habits accordingly? 

 

I know this is all a bit disjointed and far-reaching in its scope. This transition has been something of a whirlwind, and my thoughts and feelings are scattered accordingly. I'm hoping that others here have gone through this kind of transition in a relationship and would be willing to share some insight. Any advice is appreciated, big or small! 

[Sweetcam]

Its not a set of mind that can be changed overtime, it will take times and strugles. But if that can help, dont see it as the mysogynistic man that decided for its woman without concern for her, because ( and stop me if Im wrong) But I dont think thats how littles see daddies, nor how they want to be.

YOU are her care giver, and as such YOU know best whats for her. Its still a kind of power exchange, but to me its like why cats like sleeping in small box, its secure, it's comfy, no one can arm you, its the same with rules and decision, Its like your care giver is building a path for you, surounded by walls, so you can walk freely and safely on it. He decide, he make the rules, so you can just focus on enjoying the ride. It can be silly things like deciding your bedtime, ordering water for you in restaurant instead of soda, because you had too much sugar, choosing your outfit. To bigger decision.

But life changing decision should still be talked too with the big girl. 

What I mean is, don't see it as preventing her for making her own choice, but more protecting her from making the wrong one, she's your little, and you're her CG, when she's in that space, she's not in the mindset to take decision, nor does she want to. Start making small decisions for her, bit by bit, until you are more confident, and it will become natural. 

 

Hope that help, and that still reflect my own vision and thinking and is not raptor jesus words 

 

😘