Ignore my user, I wanna stay anon for now (vent)

[lalalaanon]

I need help desperately from any caregivers/littles, 

My daddy isn't giving me the proper care I want and I don't know how to bring it up to him.
I mentioned punishments before, he said that was weird and I respected that, but when I do something that's wrong to him, I get grounded.

I freak out most of the time as well, always needing him by my side when I get little. But he brushes it off, doesn't do anything. Whenever it used to be bedtime, he gave me bedtime stories and tucked me in. Now, he just says goodnight and nothing else.

I feel like daddy doesn't wanna be my caregiver even though we've been dating for 2 years. I don't get it, am I not enough for daddy? I feel so trapped in this situation, most of the time daddy tells me to put myself away? Example, we're watching TT and I'm babbling, grinning with my pacifier in and he takes it out, tells me that "Baby isn't supposed to be here right now, bring big girl out." Which stings, but I try to do it anyways and I can't, so I just go nonverbal. 

I don't know what to do, please help.

[Definitiv]

First intuition is that he likes big you, but isn't as interested in being a daddy anymore. Or that the initial flare and sparkles of the caregiving side vanished for him.

Dunno how to explain it, generally what I seen in Relationships around me is that other Man put a lot of effort in and adjust to their partner initially and once they get comfortable they let all the effort go and show to different extends their true self. Now that said I do not know how much this applies to your situation. If its the first thing I mentioned, this, a mix of both or maybe something completely different. 

What I think you should do is have a proper conversation/ confront him with your concerns, if needed write the topics/questions down. And let him show his opinion and view on them and go from there. Your needs and wants are as important as his (arguably more in a little caregiver relation). If he truly loves you he loves all sides of you and just hasn't realized he is suppressing a part of you.

 

Best of luck and hope things turn out well for you two.

Edited October 15, 2024 by Definitiv
better phrasing of some parts

[Liamo]

Communication is key. Honest communication. Either manage to have a heart to heart with him, and ask him point blank, and if you need help in doing so, couple counseling does work. And do not be afraid of discussing all aspects of your life and the dynamics of your relationship with a counselor. They have heard it all before. 

[beanbean]

1 hour ago, Liamo said:

Communication is key. Honest communication. Either manage to have a heart to heart with him, and ask him point blank, and if you need help in doing so, couple counseling does work. And do not be afraid of discussing all aspects of your life and the dynamics of your relationship with a counselor. They have heard it all before. 

This you got to talk to him and tell him how your feels and see what he is thinking and feeling you can't make any progress till you both know what going on with each other 

[Sweetcam]

Was he a daddy when you met him? or like did he became one because you were into it? Cause it feel like he loves you lot, and tried his best to be the daddy you needed at first, but seem like its not for him and since he cant change who he is, hes trying to change you. Def need to talk that out !! 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

I'm so sorry you're having trouble with your relationship. That's never an easy thing to deal with.

A romantic partner doesn't need to be interested in DDLG, in order to understand that you haven't grown out of using pacifiers. Or sucking your thumb. Or even of stuffed animals.

It's a form love that's full of compassion and empathy towards someone who's emotionally vulnerable. It certainly helps if the partner has a kink, but it isn't a prerequisite, despite common misconceptions.

And sadly, it sounds like he's no longer respectful of your needs, particularly if he's fully aware of the trauma aspect within the DDLG community.

You should definitely have a good long talk with him, while you're in bigspace. Tell him how you feel, and what you expect to be able to do in front of him. Such as using your pacifier.

I'd like to suggest that;

Maybe give him some space? And not refer to him as daddy for now? There are other cute pet names that a little can give to their big. And a compromise might help you both in the long run.

If he's no longer interested in playing the daddy role, and refuses to compromise with your pacifier usage, there isn't really anything you can do, but move on and leave him. It's going to be hard, but if he can't accept that you're a little anymore, staying in the relationship will put unnecessary stress on you.

Communication is key, but compromising can go a long way as well.

Gosh, I hope nothing but the best for you. ♡

[Juju]

Hi, First I'd like to just say how very sorry I am that you're experiencing this.  I hope you find the solution to your situation that can make both of you happy and for you two to be able to stay together. 

Secondly,  you must always just be you! Never give up aspects of yourself too please others or to make things "work". Especially not things that make up who you are.  If your little side helps you cope, relax, and is just a part of you that makes you happy, you need to hold onto that.  I've learned, the hard way, that trying to be something you're not, never works out in the long run. Changing and giving pieces of yourself, that makes you a whole person, can't be substituted for something else that doesn't belong there. 

And thirdly, and the most important thing really, is communication! First and foremost.  If he doesn't know how you feel or think about stuff, things won't get better... no matter the outcome.  If he doesn't want to be or can't be a "caregiver" anymore, then it's time to ask yourself what YOU need to do to be happy and fulfilled.  Happiness comes within ones self.  You can't rely on others to do that for you.  They surely can help, it's a part of being a couple, or just being human. But your happiness is your responsibility.  Leave, stay, compromise, change... it's all what you feel you need to do, to keep that part of yourself happy.  

I wish you much luck and happiness.  Talk to him.  And then figure out what you need to do.  

Edited October 15, 2024 by Juju
Correction

[MadamWanda]

As a caregiver, in addition to what has been said previously, one thing that comes to my mind is : how does he feel about himself at the moment ? It's not easy to care for someone else when we have our own issues and struggles. Sometimes we also need someone to care for us. And sometimes we just need a supportive partner, from an adult point of view. Of course I'm not saying you're not supportive, I wouldn't know. All I'm saying is that caregivers also need care when facing personal struggles or issues. Open communication is key, counseling as mentioned before can also be a solution.

Being dismissive of your needs isn't alright though, and even if he isn't feeling okay, he should take you into consideration. I've learnt from experience that people go into little space for many reasons, and it's often deeply rooted into their psyche, so as caregivers, we must be careful around that. I can feel from your message that it hurts you deeply to be put away and dismissed, and it's understandable. Your feelings are valid, and they need to be seen and heard. Once again, communication is the way. I suggest talking about yourself instead of pointing at him, for example "I feel like my needs aren't being met because..." rather than "You don't meet my needs because...". It centers the conversation about what you feel, rather than accusing bluntly the other person, and it often helps, as the other person can get in your shoes for a moment. 

I truly hope you'll be able to communicate with your partner on the matter, and I hope you'll find a solution ! 

 

Edited October 16, 2024 by MadamWanda