How long did it take you??

[softbunnysunshine]

How long did it take you to find your daddy-mommy? It’s been 5 years and I haven’t had one  I’ve been searching but everyone wants something I don’t wanna give, I can’t do this anymore. It’s the only thing in any relationship that matters to me and yet nobody wants to give that to me all because I won’t make it sexual. I’m so done rn. Why do I try? 

[Capri]

Good things take time! I've been approached by many but haven't found mine yet because I don't want to settle easily. I know I can do better so I'm waiting for the right daddy to match me on my level instead of lowering myself down for anyone. 

 

On a side note, girl you are 19 what do you mean you've been trying for 5 years?? DDlg is an 18+ dynamic even if it's nonsexual it's still a power exchange.. and you just became an adult. Don't stress you got time! Please take care and stay safe. 

[PrincessCarmilla]

I'm 36 and it took me until recently to find a caregiver whose my best friend first and my partner second. I also went to therapy to help work on my own issues that prevented me from forming close bonds. I put in the effort and continue to put the effort in to make sure that this will work

 

With that said, what Capri and Alexibaa said is absolutely true and it can be taken 2 ways, both of which are true themselves:

•DDLG is a 18+ dynamic. Those first 4-5 years have been a wash because of being a minor. Frankly your unwillingness for sexual contact may of actually protected you from predatory creeps online and irl. *_Don't forget that!_* The whole reason why we are an 18+ forum is for this protection, both for you and for us

•You're now 19 as of writing according to your account you made, the *entire* world is just now starting to reveal itself to you. I know when we're in high school, we feel like we're adults who can start making the rules and living life like it's the most important part of our lives. But as someone who's gone through it myself, I need to tell you that one's high-school times isn't worth a cent. You're just now about to come into your life as an actual young adult and so much of life that is literally just now starting to open up! I didn't even have a real best friend until I was in college. And this isn't an uncommon story either

Hon, so much of the world is just starting to open up especially opportunities! I mean this entire forum is strictly 18+ and it's basically just now open to you! It's going to be like that in so many ways

I recommend making a Fetlife account and just using it to try to attend local munches you're interested in to start. (Fetlife is otherwise too much of a cesspool for much use. Not to mention there's plenty of bad actors on it. I only use it for events) Munches are either strictly 18+ or 21+ affairs but they meet in vanilla areas and are a chance to start making irl friends as well as vetting potential partners. Don't go alone to someone's place and it's good to keep your guard up as your getting to know people, but from this you'll actually start your journey

**EDIT:** I wanted to add:

Don't forget, you're actually still quite young. You've got so much ahead of you. Don't believe the hype of "past 25 you're old." It's flatly untrue and told by people who haven't even lived that long

Edited October 2, 2024 by PrincessCarmilla
Wanted to add something plus I suck at spelling

[Little kaiya]

I found my Wife and 28 and my Daddy/BF at 39. Finding the right person takes time, trial and error, patience and more. At 19 you still have a lot of exploring to do. If you were searching for a Daddy or Mommy at 14 it's probably best you didn't find someone as you were still not an adult yourself.

[softbunnysunshine]

1 hour ago, Capri said:

Good things take time! I've been approached by many but haven't found mine yet because I don't want to settle easily. I know I can do better so I'm waiting for the right daddy to match me on my level instead of lowering myself down for anyone. 

 

On a side note, girl you are 19 what do you mean you've been trying for 5 years?? DDlg is an 18+ dynamic even if it's nonsexual it's still a power exchange.. and you just became an adult. Don't stress you got time! Please take care and stay safe. 

I mean that I attempted to engage with my boyfriends, didn’t work of course but I’ve been into it since I was young because I was horribly treated by my family so I didn’t care that it’s “18+” I mean I can’t help it.

[softbunnysunshine]

41 minutes ago, Little kaiya said:

I found my Wife and 28 and my Daddy/BF at 39. Finding the right person takes time, trial and error, patience and more. At 19 you still have a lot of exploring to do. If you were searching for a Daddy or Mommy at 14 it's probably best you didn't find someone as you were still not an adult yourself.

Oh I’m just more talking about this year and last, I posted 3 personals and the only replies I got was “Are you willing to make it sexual.” 😕 I mean by 5 years is that I’ve just always been about it and wanted like a bf or gf to act on it with me and when they did it was scary af 

[softbunnysunshine]

1 hour ago, PrincessCarmilla said:

I'm 36 and it took me until recently to find a caregiver whose my best friend first and my partner second. I also went to therapy to help work on my own issues that prevented me from forming close bonds. I put in the effort and continue to put the effort in to make sure that this will work

 

With that said, what Capri and Alexibaa said is absolutely true and it can be taken 2 ways, both of which are true themselves:

•DDLG is a 18+ dynamic. Those first 4-5 years have been a wash because of being a minor. Frankly your unwillingness for sexual contact may of actually protected you from predatory creeps online and irl. *_Don't forget that!_* The whole reason why we are an 18+ forum is for this protection, both for you and for us

•You're now 19 as of writing according to your account you made, the *entire* world is just now starting to reveal itself to you. I know when we're in high school, we feel like we're adults who can start making the rules and living life like it's the most important part of our lives. But as someone who's gone through it myself, I need to tell you that one's high-school times isn't worth a cent. You're just now about to come into your life as an actual young adult and so much of life that is literally just now starting to open up! I didn't even have a real best friend until I was in college. And this isn't an uncommon story either

Hon, so much of the world is just starting to open up especially opportunities! I mean this entire forum is strictly 18+ and it's basically just now open to you! It's going to be like that in so many ways

I recommend making a Fetlife account and just using it to try to attend local munches you're interested in to start. (Fetlife is otherwise too much of a cesspool for much use. Not to mention there's plenty of bad actors on it. I only use it for events) Munches are either strictly 18+ or 21+ affairs but they meet in vanilla areas and are a chance to start making irl friends as well as vetting potential partners. Don't go alone to someone's place and it's good to keep your guard up as your getting to know people, but from this you'll actually start your journey

**EDIT:** I wanted to add:

Don't forget, you're actually still quite young. You've got so much ahead of you. Don't believe the hype of "past 25 you're old." It's flatly untrue and told by people who haven't even lived that long

I’ve been through more in life than a 40 year old and my life consists of sitting in a room, far in the country with no friends wanting to die. I don’t have the time most have at my age, I got none. This is all I want and all I need, none of yall should tell me “Youre young! Have fun!” Regardless of its intent. Even if you mean well it’s a smack in the face, you don’t know me, you don’t know what I’ve been through. If you were me you’d get it, can be said for a lot but I don’t have ANYTHING on my life besides myself, I’ve been to two parties, I have one friend here. My life isn’t “lived” it’s endured, and a daddy would make it a hell of a lot easier. And fetlife? I said it’s not sexual, all them people are perverts. 

[Capri]

Hey, I totally get being frustrated and depressed about life/relationships especially recovering from a traumatic childhood and it's valid to want to vent them out somewhere.  Hope you don't take it to heart the things people say here as an attack but more as advice/concern. 

You're right we don't know you or what you've been through, but you also don't know what we have been through as well.  I think a lot of littles especially are littles to heal their inner child and have been hurt in the past.  

Genuinely wishing you well, and know you're not alone even if it feels like that rn.

[beanbean]

Don't think of how long it takes think about what you want and make sure you get that and more the journey is long and winding the end is what matters not the beginning 

[shadowrider]

That will be enough of the drama.

Stay on topic.

[PrincessCarmilla]

2 minutes ago, softbunnysunshine said:

I’ve been through more in life than a 40 year old and my life consists of sitting in a room, far in the country with no friends wanting to die. I don’t have the time most have at my age, I got none. This is all I want and all I need, none of yall should tell me “Youre young! Have fun!” Regardless of its intent. Even if you mean well it’s a smack in the face, you don’t know me, you don’t know what I’ve been through. If you were me you’d get it, can be said for a lot but I don’t have ANYTHING on my life besides myself, I’ve been to two parties, I have one friend here. My life isn’t “lived” it’s endured, and a daddy would make it a hell of a lot easier.

Would you believe me if I told you I actually at least can start to understand how you're feeling?

When I said that I didn't have a best friend until college, I really meant it. I didn't have friends from 1st grade through college. I was picked on a lot instead because I was an easy target. Hell, I got freshman homecoming princess in an attempt to pair me with the hottest guy in class. And that was like the only party I ever got invited to (and it sucked)

And my parents? I've actually cut them off in my life. They never really cared about me. They just wanted me out of the house. Or try to control me. Even with my brothers, my family is useless

And I've had a lot of suicidal ideation in my lifetime already. If nobody really cared about me, then who would miss me?

I even get the not interested in sex part. I'm Asexual myself, and sex adverse at that. It's completely valid and incredibly frustrating finding a partner when everyone (but especially guys) want nothing but a "warm body" to satisfy them

As for the wanting help from a someone who can like a daddy, well I get that too. Started getting into DDLG/power dynamics at about the same age you did. The big difference was the lack of resources at the time like this forum. So I secretly collected books on related topics (there is a surprising amount of overlap in DDLG and BDSM!)

I can understand why you wouldn't believe me but really, it's all true

 

And I'm not going to lie and say things will get immediately better either. I've had to have quite a bit of therapy to get this far. But it *can* get better! You're young, you don't have the things nailing you down to a location that a family or support network does. You can start finding friends online (like follow me if you want) and saving up to move out of where you are. Therapy also can really help (personal suggestion)

 

27 minutes ago, softbunnysunshine said:

And fetlife? I said it’s not sexual, all them people are perverts. 

LOL, well you're absolutely partially right. There are *a lot* of pervs on Fetlife.

But DDLG is actually a kink. And not all kink is sexual either. I've met a lot of kinky Ace people. Like seriously a lot. They don't do it to get their rocks off, they do it because it feels good.

As for why DDLG is a kink, well it's in how the acronym BDSM breaks down: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sado-Masochism. It's that middle part that's important: it's a power dynamic. DDLG means Daddy Dom/little girl and it's technically a form of "Soft Dominance." Basically it's a lot softer and frankly more helpful than "Hard Dominance" like a Master/slave relationship. Like my caregiver redirects me after I swear yet also will choose my clothes to wear on special days (and that's true even as I'm technically a dominant little).

And I'm not suggesting that you go to a dungeon or a play party either. I don't go to them myself because of how squicked I am about sex. But some of my closest friends I've met at munches. We don't talk about sex, we connect on being little.

So it's just a suggestion because I personally found it helpful. I DEFINITELY don't spend that much time on it because as a whole, yeah, just ick

[softbunnysunshine]

4 minutes ago, PrincessCarmilla said:

Would you believe me if I told you I actually at least can start to understand how you're feeling?

When I said that I didn't have a best friend until college, I really meant it. I didn't have friends from 1st grade through college. I was picked on a lot instead because I was an easy target. Hell, I got freshman homecoming princess in an attempt to pair me with the hottest guy in class. And that was like the only party I ever got invited to (and it sucked)

And my parents? I've actually cut them off in my life. They never really cared about me. They just wanted me out of the house. Or try to control me. Even with my brothers, my family is useless

And I've had a lot of suicidal ideation in my lifetime already. If nobody really cared about me, then who would miss me?

I even get the not interested in sex part. I'm Asexual myself, and sex adverse at that. It's completely valid and incredibly frustrating finding a partner when everyone (but especially guys) want nothing but a "warm body" to satisfy them

As for the wanting help from a someone who can like a daddy, well I get that too. Started getting into DDLG/power dynamics at about the same age you did. The big difference was the lack of resources at the time like this forum. So I secretly collected books on related topics (there is a surprising amount of overlap in DDLG and BDSM!)

I can understand why you wouldn't believe me but really, it's all true

 

And I'm not going to lie and say things will get immediately better either. I've had to have quite a bit of therapy to get this far. But it *can* get better! You're young, you don't have the things nailing you down to a location that a family or support network does. You can start finding friends online (like follow me if you want) and saving up to move out of where you are. Therapy also can really help (personal suggestion)

 

LOL, well you're absolutely partially right. There are *a lot* of pervs on Fetlife.

But DDLG is actually a kink. And not all kink is sexual either. I've met a lot of kinky Ace people. Like seriously a lot. They don't do it to get their rocks off, they do it because it feels good.

As for why DDLG is a kink, well it's in how the acronym BDSM breaks down: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sado-Masochism. It's that middle part that's important: it's a power dynamic. DDLG means Daddy Dom/little girl and it's technically a form of "Soft Dominance." Basically it's a lot softer and frankly more helpful than "Hard Dominance" like a Master/slave relationship. Like my caregiver redirects me after I swear yet also will choose my clothes to wear on special days (and that's true even as I'm technically a dominant little).

And I'm not suggesting that you go to a dungeon or a play party either. I don't go to them myself because of how squicked I am about sex. But some of my closest friends I've met at munches. We don't talk about sex, we connect on being little.

So it's just a suggestion because I personally found it helpful. I DEFINITELY don't spend that much time on it because as a whole, yeah, just ick

Thank you for understanding what I mean, I appreciate you not freaking out at me. I just don’t have any hope but maybe a bone will be thrown. Probably not but whatever.

[PrincessCarmilla]

Just don't give up just yet. I believe you when you've said your life has sucked this far. Mine did too when I was your age. Heck, I was feeling discouraged myself after graduation.

But please, hang in there. Post high-school is nothing like you've experienced before

[softbunnysunshine]

1 minute ago, PrincessCarmilla said:

Just don't give up just yet. I believe you when you've said your life has sucked this far. Mine did too when I was your age. Heck, I was feeling discouraged myself after graduation.

But please, hang in there. Post high-school is nothing like you've experienced before

People always say that to me about after school, what do yall mean by that? Nothings different.

[PrincessCarmilla]

28 minutes ago, softbunnysunshine said:

People always say that to me about after school, what do yall mean by that? Nothings different.

Well for Starters the social dynamics become way different. It's kinda hard to pin down but it's stuff like watching the mean popular girl marry her sweetheart and get stuck divorced with 7 kids before she was 30 (not my story but it happened to a bully who picked on a friend of mine). And the stereotype about the meathead jock getting stuck reliving his high-school glory days while at a dead end job is absolutely based on reality

College, if you choose to go (if you do, go Community. Best bang for your buck easily), feels way different from high-school too. People actually know who they are and instead of making friends who are your age, you meet a bit from all the demographics. Like my first friend whose Latino I met at college. (I grew up in a *very* white area. It was gross in retrospect.) It was also the first time I met a lesbian who I actually liked and opened myself up to being biromantic (though the signs were always there, looking back at it)

It's really like high-school was a fish tank that you grew into and then as soon as you graduated, you get dumped into a much larger lake. All the biggest fish in high-school are suddenly very, very small and there's a lot more room to explore and grow. Like how you're now exploring this forum, reaching out for help. Fetlife (for as much of a mess it is) is also now open to exploring their munches. 

All through grade school through high school, you've been locked down under your parents roof, all within about a 25 mile radius around that house. But if you save up for a car, why not drive 100 miles with your friend and stay at a Motel 6 for a night just because you can?! I've done that on a weekend I wasn't working just to get out of town

The options and opportunities are absolutely there. It's just it's all completely new and it's hard to see these new options because once we leave high-school, we're still so focused on the rails that it's given us, it's hard to see the new opportunities that it gives us. But by starting to explore as you have been doing, you'll start seeing that what once was walls are now doors you can open

[softbunnysunshine]

7 minutes ago, PrincessCarmilla said:

Well for Starters the social dynamics become way different. It's kinda hard to pin down but it's stuff like watching the mean popular girl marry her sweetheart and get stuck divorced with 7 kids before she was 30 (not my story but it happened to a bully who picked on a friend of mine). And the stereotype about the meathead jock getting stuck reliving his high-school glory days while at a dead end job is absolutely based on reality

College, if you choose to go (if you do, go Community. Best bang for your buck easily), feels way different from high-school too. People actually know who they are and instead of making friends who are your age, you meet a bit from all the demographics. Like my first friend whose Latino I met at college. (I grew up in a *very* white area. It was gross in retrospect.) It was also the first time I met a lesbian who I actually liked and opened myself up to being biromantic (though the signs were always there, looking back at it)

It's really like high-school was a fish tank that you grew into and then as soon as you graduated, you get dumped into a much larger lake. All the biggest fish in high-school are suddenly very, very small and there's a lot more room to explore and grow. Like how you're now exploring this forum, reaching out for help. Fetlife (for as much of a mess it is) is also now open to exploring their munches. 

All through grade school through high school, you've been locked down under your parents roof, all within about a 25 mile radius around that house. But if you save up for a car, why not drive 100 miles with your friend and stay at a Motel 6 for a night just because you can?! I've done that on a weekend I wasn't working just to get out of town

The options and opportunities are absolutely there. It's just it's all completely new and it's hard to see these new options because once we leave high-school, we're still so focused on the rails that it's given us, it's hard to see the new opportunities that it gives us. But by starting to explore as you have been doing, you'll start seeing that what once was walls are now doors you can open

Oh okay that makes sense, thank you for explaining.

[PrincessCarmilla]

59 minutes ago, softbunnysunshine said:

Thank you for understanding what I mean, I appreciate you not freaking out at me. I just don’t have any hope but maybe a bone will be thrown. Probably not but whatever.

14 minutes ago, softbunnysunshine said:

Oh okay that makes sense, thank you for explaining.

 

You're more than welcome hon

 

I know you're in pain and that you never meant to lash out. I've done that myself and I've regretted it every time

But I wanted to give you hope. Not hope that things will immediately improve, but hope that things will change. Because by leaving high school, things already have in ways it can take a while to really understand. I know all this because I've lived it and seen it myself

 

I want to share this with you. It's by content creator John Green (I love him so much) and it's about the nature of hope. I have been rewatching every so often since it was first posted because even i occasionally need the reminder as i continue to heal from my own old wounds

And you can consider me a forum friend at point if you want (because consent is important in all things). Just remember that I'm rooting for you hon

[LunaLilac]

Six years and counting, since I first accepted this part of me, but I'm still trying to find a partner who does myself. Since then I've been scammed, been led on, lied to, blackmailed, and rejected more times than I can count. But I also don't have anyone I've been able to feel intimate with, safe with, or accepted by for who I am my whole life, and this is something I want to change so I just keep trying, I'd be lying if I didn't feel like this was an impossible pursuit though.

Edited October 2, 2024 by LunaLilac

[LeftyGuitar]

I've been looking for a mommy for a long-time. Of course its been off and on. I'm in my mid-30s now. I probably actively started looking for a mommy in my mid-20s. So ten years, give or take. Things take time.

[Lil Baby Stoner]

It does take time I didn’t meet my husband until 3 years ago after searching awhile and trust me I didn’t have many friends it was only me and my oldest daughter I barely did anything felt so alone and even now my kids and my partner my only friends it does take time to find the right person I have been with many “daddies” that wasn’t the right fit for me but wanted to be loved so badly but met the person that loved me regardless and thankfully I did 

[Liamo]

You say that you are 19, and have been looking for a Daddy /CG for 5 years. I say, count yourself lucky you have not found anyone yet. At that age you are vulnerable and you probably do not know who you are yet. Enjoy life, keep working on bettering yourself, and you will find the right person. I think the 2 most important keys are to love yourself, and to work on yourself. The right person will be attracted to you when you do so.

[DaddyUpNorth]

I'll dip my feet into the conversation as a Daddy, will say i understand alot of your situation as i won't go into my childhood as it wouldn't sit well with many but i grew up in a small village of 87 till i was 18. I was friends with cow cause there wasnt anyone who wanted to be my friend which did make it hard but allowed me to find a inner peace of my own.

I always said that a childhood that wasn't good either makes someone a little or a CG to protect the little they care for and thats why i became a Daddy.

I'll openly admit i love the sexual side of the kink but thats cause i have a overactive drive for it but i always put my littles needs first and foremost. It is horrible that many think of the kink as only sexual as it shows they're in it for the wrong reasons. Its not easy finding a CG cause there are many fakes out there. But Fetlife was brought up and that is where i looked for a little stating i wanted long term, emotionally connected, loads of communication and monogamy. It made me a somewhat outcast on the site but it did connect me with several littles who wanted what i was offering and some didn't work out but i did find my little cause of it.

Just take your time, vet them properly and never forget you have an amazing community here to talk with anytime you need us. If you're unsure about a person we can give advice.

Just keep that wonderful little side safe and never let it go, its a very beautiful part of you.

[Liamo]

That is a great point. I never thought that the abuse I endured as a kid made me want to be a Daddy. You are right, we are here to protect our littles. Some of us get stronger under the pressure of the lived abuse, some of us lose confidence. As I was receiving the blows, I kept thinking I would never ever be that type of adult. 

[baby belle]

it can take Folks a lot of time to find a vanilla partner with how unique each of us are....add in something special like DDlg or other lifestyle-preferences and it can get even more tricky with finding compatibility!  that doesn't mean you give up though!

honestly.... if i could go back and change my early years, i would not have hopped into a DDlg dynamic so early.  it may seem really hard right now, but there are People out there looking for the same you are!  just gotta be patient- and utilize what a great community that has grown here so you have a safe place to be you!