Am I a switch or just a little brat?

[Capri]

I've known I'm a little for the longest time now, but am starting to think I might possibly be a switch. 

The more I interact with potential daddies the more frustrated I started to become, maybe because I didn't feel like they were worthy of my submission. I started to be more bratty.. taking it up a notch and challenging the control rather than play the good girl right off the bat. I really liked the idea of being a good little girl for this nonexistent Daddy figure, but I couldn't get myself to behave like that with anyone yet. Or at least no one has earned that side of me yet. 

Found myself being turned off by the traditional-type dom masculine men. I'm just not attracted to the rough and scruffy dad bod or super muscular type of guys. I don't enjoy being degraded or looked down on as less than. And anyone older than 20 years of me just gives me the creeps. 

While I like structure, rules, and being taken care of as a little, I think some aspects of the typical DDlg relationship just don't fit me. I know I am a little, and I'm definitely not vanilla, but is it just that I am a picky brat or something more? 

Being approached by younger guys I felt that while I might be physically attracted to them, I can't see them as a daddy figure because.. well they're younger. Still I could chat and flirt a bit.  I found that teasing is quite fun.  Seeing a boy get all flustered is adorable.  I thought I was just being a brat, until I realized that I liked not just teasing to be punished, but that I enjoyed this small taste of power.  

The confusing thing is I'm still very much a little, and don't exactly see myself being a full on mommy. I'm not good at giving rules or being strict in a motherly way. The most I could be is the playful older sister type, but I still want to be taken care of like a princess, be told what to do sometimes, and need my littlespace! 

With that being said.. I'm confused about what it is I want and what exactly I am as I've come to see my preferences don't seem to fit easily in the DDlg label. 

Do I sound like a switch or just a picky brat? I'd like some more insight as I explore the dynamics and myself! 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

From a brat's perspective, I believe you're absolutely a brat, Capri! And you've struck me as one since I first saw you around the forums. ♡

Brats don't always brat just for the sake of punishment. If my mommy ever pulled punishment crap on me... 

I think it's more so a form of dominance that challenges true dominants. A big dom has to earn a brat's submission. And of course, each brat has their own separate criteria on how a big dom can do this... which is why inexperienced daddies tend to fear us, lol

Just liking to tease younger guys doesn't strike me as necessarily a switch, if only because real age means very little in ddlg. Nor does age really impact if you feel like you want to take care of someone like a cg would.

Buuuut teasing younger guys just to see daddy's reaction???? 👀

[Liamo]

Sounds to me you need to top from the bottom if your daddies are not what you want them to be. Train them. Or keep looking for that rare Daddy Dom that will know how to tame you. We are out there. I see you are 28. A man in his 50s, well established and successful is probably what you need. Not some 30 years old pup that has no clue. Also, a little is not a subservient carpet. You have a voice. it is normal to use it.

[Capri]

9 hours ago, OuO Alexibaaa said:

From a brat's perspective, I believe you're absolutely a brat, Capri! And you've struck me as one since I first saw you around the forums. ♡

Brats don't always brat just for the sake of punishment. If my mommy ever pulled punishment crap on me... 

I think it's more so a form of dominance that challenges true dominants. A big dom has to earn a brat's submission. And of course, each brat has their own separate criteria on how a big dom can do this... which is why inexperienced daddies tend to fear us, lol

Just liking to tease younger guys doesn't strike me as necessarily a switch, if only because real age means very little in ddlg. Nor does age really impact if you feel like you want to take care of someone like a cg would.

Buuuut teasing younger guys just to see daddy's reaction???? 👀

I didn't think I was a brat at first really, but the more I interacted with people here the brattier I became I guess.

Born to be a good girl forced to be a brat. 😝

[Capri]

9 hours ago, Liamo said:

Sounds to me you need to top from the bottom if your daddies are not what you want them to be. Train them. Or keep looking for that rare Daddy Dom that will know how to tame you. We are out there. I see you are 28. A man in his 50s, well established and successful is probably what you need. Not some 30 years old pup that has no clue. Also, a little is not a subservient carpet. You have a voice. it is normal to use it.

Like I said I'm not really into such a big age gap though.. do you truly think a 30 year old wouldn't have a clue? 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

@Capri I can assure you that evil princess doms exist... because here I am!!!

Some daddies just can't handle the fact that I will absolutely order them around while wearing pink and pigtails. The idea of a childlike critter being in charge really seems to hurt some rather fragile egos...

What I've noticed is; the ones who absolutely can't handle it, typically lean towards toxic masculinity. While the ones that can, seem to be soft men.

Idky the ddlg community likes to polarize dominance and littlespace, but it does. If you think of dominance more as a spectrum, finding the right partner suddenly becomes so much easier.

Littles can be dominant while caregivers can be submissive. There... I said it. lol, much taboo! Blasphemy! But brats are basically littlespace power bottoms... and there's nothing wrong with that.

Edit: I want to elaborate a little further~

Soft men aren't necessarily submissive. But they absolutely are a bit more nurturing and endearing in nature, than the average man.

Because spectrum! ♡

 

Edited September 30, 2024 by OuO Alexibaaa

[Liamo]

Do you know the difference between American little girls and American little boys? Girls grow up to become women. Little boys grow up to become big boys. So I maintain that most American men in their 30s are clueless. You take away their sports, their cars and their beers and there is not much left. Anyway, this has been my experience living in the US for 32 years. 

[beanbean]

The good thing is you have time to figure it out . lots of smart people here but at the end of the day .its up to you to explore and see if you sre just a brat or a switch or even a dominate little its up to you at the end of the day .and i don't think there is a wrong answer if that what you want 

[Capri]

3 hours ago, OuO Alexibaaa said:

@Capri I can assure you that evil princess doms exist... because here I am!!!

Some daddies just can't handle the fact that I will absolutely order them around while wearing pink and pigtails. The idea of a childlike critter being in charge really seems to hurt some rather fragile egos...

What I've noticed is; the ones who absolutely can't handle it, typically lean towards toxic masculinity. While the ones that can, seem to be soft men.

Idky the ddlg community likes to polarize dominance and littlespace, but it does. If you think of dominance more as a spectrum, finding the right partner suddenly becomes so much easier.

Littles can be dominant while caregivers can be submissive. There... I said it. lol, much taboo! Blasphemy! But brats are basically littlespace power bottoms... and there's nothing wrong with that.

Edit: I want to elaborate a little further~

Soft men aren't necessarily submissive. But they absolutely are a bit more nurturing and endearing in nature, than the average man.

Because spectrum! ♡

 

Ohh do you identify as both a brat and a dom? 😮 I thought brats are in the submissive category haha I am curious about your kingdom! 

Yes I'm definitely more attracted to the softies than the macho guys. Toxic masculinity is such an ick. 

Woo getting controversial here I like it. What's the difference between a power bottom and a dom? 

[Capri]

1 hour ago, Liamo said:

Do you know the difference between American little girls and American little boys? Girls grow up to become women. Little boys grow up to become big boys. So I maintain that most American men in their 30s are clueless. You take away their sports, their cars and their beers and there is not much left. Anyway, this has been my experience living in the US for 32 years. 

You should widen your perspective a bit since I live very very far from the US 🤣 there is a whole world out there you know! While the majority of people here might be American, one shouldn't assume that the default location is the US. Though that is a very American way of thinking haha 

Rest assured I have no interest or anything in common with the average sports beers and cars boys out there. I mean we are on a kink forum after all. Most men couldn't handle this. 😮‍💨 

Edited September 30, 2024 by Capri

[Capri]

1 hour ago, beanbean said:

The good thing is you have time to figure it out . lots of smart people here but at the end of the day .its up to you to explore and see if you sre just a brat or a switch or even a dominate little its up to you at the end of the day .and i don't think there is a wrong answer if that what you want 

Yes that's what I'm here to do! Figuring things out loud I suppose. Of course the only person who truly knows me is me, but it is good to get insight from others too. How I perceive myself and how others perceive me might be totally different! It's interesting to learn from others point of view too.

[Guest WhiteFennec]

I'm finding this topic completely fascinating.  I'm new to the daddy role and kinks in general.  I'm learning about myself a lot and what it means to be a caregiver and daddy. 

What interests me here is that I'm learning a lot about the dynamics of both sides of the /.  I think I'm a very soft daddy and love nurturing and caring and guiding.   I think being a brat tamer wouldn't be easy for me but having a brat who would also want to take control of a situation doesn't sound bad to me either.   I don't think I'm switch just that me as a daddy needs time to be a bit submissive and empty my brain every so often and forget being a caregiver for a moment.  

 

[Capri]

2 minutes ago, WhiteFennec said:

I'm finding this topic completely fascinating.  I'm new to the daddy role and kinks in general.  I'm learning about myself a lot and what it means to be a caregiver and daddy. 

What interests me here is that I'm learning a lot about the dynamics of both sides of the /.  I think I'm a very soft daddy and love nurturing and caring and guiding.   I think being a brat tamer wouldn't be easy for me but having a brat who would also want to take control of a situation doesn't sound bad to me either.   I don't think I'm switch just that me as a daddy needs time to be a bit submissive and empty my brain every so often and forget being a caregiver for a moment.  

 

It's nice to explore these topics and learn about ourselves together!  I think no one is completely in 100% caregiver or little mode all the time. We are human and complex creatures. I guess just figuring out how much of that percentage is enough to constitute being a switch or not. 🤔

[Liamo]

Yes you are correct. When you assume, you make an ass of U and me. So where do you live?

[Capri]

2 minutes ago, Liamo said:

Yes you are correct. When you assume, you make an ass of U and me. So where do you live?

Nice dad joke 🤣 I live on the other side of the planet.

[Capri]

Just remembered this scene 😂 

Me talking to potential "daddies": 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

@Capri To an extent, yes! Again with the spectrum thing.

If you have any questions that you feel might be too spicy, you can always DM me!

But if traditional domination is associated with shiny black leather, whips, and chains... I'm more pink, pigtails, ponycorns, and temper tantrums.

Well, a power bottom means they'll instagate stuff more. Whereas regular subs/bottoms just do as they're told.

That's the simplified answer, lol.

And to be very clear, DDLG is very much a part of BDSM. Think of it like a subcategory within a wider umbrella term.

[Capri]

4 minutes ago, OuO Alexibaaa said:

@Capri To an extent, yes! Again with the spectrum thing.

If you have any questions that you feel might be too spicy, you can always DM me!

But if traditional domination is associated with shiny black leather, whips, and chains... I'm more pink, pigtails, ponycorns, and temper tantrums.

Well, a power bottom means they'll instagate stuff more. Whereas regular subs/bottoms just do as they're told.

That's the simplified answer, lol.

And to be very clear, DDLG is very much a part of BDSM. Think of it like a subcategory within a wider umbrella term.

Thanks so much! I'll message you if I have any spicy questions later on 

Yay team pink pigtails! 🎀🦄✨️

Right that's what I thought 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

@Capri Of course! I don't know everything ever, but I'm willing to share my experiences. ♡

Pink = best color and pigtails = best hairstyle, lol..

I don't know why bro is over here telling you to go to a full-on BDSM si... yes I do...  He's inexperienced, imho. 

[LunaLilac]

It might not be the best advice, but I would suggest not getting too hung up on titles or labels, if you find something is or isn't working, or that you have an interest in something unexpected, try to make adjustments until you really feel like things are working for you. Maybe you're a dominant little, maybe you're a brat, maybe you're neither or both, but whatever you are be you.

 

[OuO Alexibaaa]

2 minutes ago, LunaLilac said:

It might not be the best advice, but I would suggest not getting too hung up on titles or labels, if you find something is or isn't working, or that you have an interest in something unexpected, try to make adjustments until you really feel like things are working for you. Maybe you're a dominant little, maybe you're a brat, maybe you're neither or both, but whatever you are be you.

 

No, this is amazing advice! Labels can only go so far, but they are useful stepping stones to helping understand different dynamics.

Still though, as useful as labels can be, we are not soup cans. Lol

[Capri]

7 minutes ago, LunaLilac said:

It might not be the best advice, but I would suggest not getting too hung up on titles or labels, if you find something is or isn't working, or that you have an interest in something unexpected, try to make adjustments until you really feel like things are working for you. Maybe you're a dominant little, maybe you're a brat, maybe you're neither or both, but whatever you are be you.

 

Honestly this is the best post out of the whole thread! A great reminder to have. I appreciate it thank you! 👏

[Guest WhiteFennec]

33 minutes ago, LunaLilac said:

It might not be the best advice, but I would suggest not getting too hung up on titles or labels, if you find something is or isn't working, or that you have an interest in something unexpected, try to make adjustments until you really feel like things are working for you. Maybe you're a dominant little, maybe you're a brat, maybe you're neither or both, but whatever you are be you.

 

I agree that this is good advice.   Being new and trying to fit myself into a label I became frustrated quickly.  Made me even more confused on what my relationship was and where I fit into the relationship and my girl.   Once I broke the labels and realized they are guidelines and not the hard and fast rule I understood what I could be and what I am and where I fit.  I can take different parts of being a daddy dom, or a soft dom or a loving daddy and make that my own and own it.  This allows me to be the best caregiver I can be for my babygirl. 

Labels are good for communication to express an idea but don't get confused by them when you don't fit the standard mold.  

[Capri]

4 minutes ago, WhiteFennec said:

I agree that this is good advice.   Being new and trying to fit myself into a label I became frustrated quickly.  Made me even more confused on what my relationship was and where I fit into the relationship and my girl.   Once I broke the labels and realized they are guidelines and not the hard and fast rule I understood what I could be and what I am and where I fit.  I can take different parts of being a daddy dom, or a soft dom or a loving daddy and make that my own and own it.  This allows me to be the best caregiver I can be for my babygirl. 

Labels are good for communication to express an idea but don't get confused by them when you don't fit the standard mold.  

Very true! We don't have to fit in any specific cookie-cutter mold.

[LunaLilac]

2 minutes ago, WhiteFennec said:

Labels are good for communication to express an idea but don't get confused by them when you don't fit the standard mold.  

That's it exactly, labels are good for putting across in very broad strokes what your interests and position in dynamics are, but human beings are multifaceted creatures capable of infinite complexity. 

I think everyone is constantly growing and evolving who they are, so what's more important is finding out what you are, not what label to slap on it, and just understand that your partner is probably doing the same (and to be supportive and understanding of that). We're all ultimately chaotically flailing about just trying to be ourselves.