Polyamorous Middle Healing After LDR with a Cheating Professor

[DaddysDemonBabygirl]

Hello. I’ve come here to vent and seek advice/insights on how to heal and move on after being unwillingly involved with a cheater. He knew that I am polyamorous and NOT open to dating any people with a spouse or partner who’s unaware of or non-consenting to their partner’s non-monogamy, because that’s cheating. Yet married men continually keep attempting to get me involved in their cheating dynamic. Even on this site, I’ve mostly gotten messages from men looking for a secret dynamic/side piece, and they only ever bring it up when I directly ask them. My last DD lied to me about being married and told me he was divorced as well as single. He told me I was the only person he was seeing at the moment. He knew that I have a long-term partner and, later, another online senior Daddy whose life circumstances are too chaotic for him to meet me at the moment. This senior Daddy also lives about 4 hours from me in another state, so we haven’t been able to meet up and be together in person.

I was unwillingly involved with a lying, cheating professor online for almost 3 years. A handsome professor sent me a friend request,m. Soon after talking, we figured out we are both into DD/lg. I realize now that I got so swept in infatuation, I didn’t get a chance to vet him with a clear head. He told me he loved me very quickly, sent me gifts (toys) often, and started paying me to write his emails. He definitely love-bombed me, and continually said he was doing his best to move to my state. No matter how much I told him I wanted to meet him BEFORE he moved to my state, he continued to say he was moving here. On at least 3 occasions, he even had me look up homes to buy in my area for him to research and consider.

Turns out, he had been married to the woman whom he claimed to be his coworker for almost 10 years. He even made me do very hard writing assignments for her that didn’t pay well. She was always rude to me whenever I had to talk to her for an assignment. Nonetheless, I decided to tell her about her cheating husband, but she didn’t believe me. I believe he’s still trying to cheat on her because he made a whole new profile and made sure to block me first this time.

I get that this is the internet and people lie to cheat all over the place, especially online. I would LOVE for an old man to just hold me, cuddle me, and comfort me more than anything else right now - I can feel this desire deep in my bones.  I’m just starting to lose hope that I’ll ever meet an old man who will be my daddy/grandpa dom who’s honest, caring, and not going to try to take advantage me. This dynamic is all about vulnerability (for me, anyway). Although I yearn for a Daddy more than words can express, I am still very hurt from being betrayed and used in such a malignant way.

If anyone has any words of wisdom, advice, or insights on how to heal and move on, I would LOVE to hear them. Thank you for reading all of that and for the future responses! 💖

 

Edited September 16, 2024 by DaddysDemonBabygirl
Spelling and grammar corrections

[Guest Divinitus]

The topic name had my instant attention and confusion , but after reading i feel very sorry that you wen through such a situation. 
All i can say is take time to find yourself and recover, you are worth so much more than this! Keep skeptic and selective to who you trust and one will eventually be the one for you. One who can actually show you the love you deserve!

Take care. 

[DaddysDemonBabygirl]

5 hours ago, Divinitus said:

The topic name had my instant attention and confusion , but after reading i feel very sorry that you wen through such a situation. 
All i can say is take time to find yourself and recover, you are worth so much more than this! Keep skeptic and selective to who you trust and one will eventually be the one for you. One who can actually show you the love you deserve!

Take care. 

Thank you so much for your kind words and good advice. 💖 I know healing takes time and effort, but my outlook and life will eventually improve. Being more selective about whom I trust and setting/reinforcing strong boundaries will help me avoid being deceived for such a significant chunk of time again. 

I’m certain I’ll be a perfect middle and a dream babygirl for an old man/Daddy Dom who thinks fat goth witches are hot. It sucks that I can’t get those years back, but moving forward with wisdom and awareness is the next best thing.

Thank you again! 💜

[NR_Daddy]

It's not  a nice thing you went through, but the story you told sent red flags immediately on reading it. The declaring love so soon, and the insistance he was going to move to your state before you'd even met, and even had you researching for him. If he was really that interested in you and moving closer to you, he would have wanted to meet first (several times), develop a bond with you, and then decided to move and done his own looking for a place, in that order.

I'd advise you to try to learn from what happened, and maybe look into the red flag detection section on the forum.

As for recovery, only time will allow you to come to terms with it and learn from it. I understand your yearning, but you're letting that cloud your judgement, and that puts you in unsafe territory and likely to fall for lies again.

Wishing you the best. Remember you have people here you can communicate with.

Edited September 17, 2024 by NR_Daddy

[DaddysDemonBabygirl]

1 hour ago, NR_Daddy said:

It's not  a nice thing you went through, but the story you told sent red flags immediately on reading it. The delcaring love so soon, and the insistance he was going to move to your state before you'd even met, and even had you researching for him. If he was really that interested in you and moving closer to you, he would have wanted to meet first (several times), develop a bond with you, and then decided to move and done his own looking for a place, in that order.

I'd advise you to try to learn from what happened, and maybe look into the red flag detection section on the forum.

As for recovery, only time will allow you to come to terms with it and learn from it. I understand your yearning, but you're letting that cloud your judgement, and that puts you in unsafe territory and likely to fall for lies again.

Wishing you the best. Remember you have people here you can communicate with.

Thank you for your kind and helpful words. You’re right - There were so many red flags and he always had answers for them, but his actions never added up or made sense. I definitely am not down for another drawn-out online “relationship” that ultimately goes nowhere. I’ll need time to myself to heal and reflect, but also properly evaluate other people’s actions, words, and how well/often they reflect their intentions.

I have been hitting up that red flag board a lot. I’ll be doing that and my own red flag research from now on.

Thanks again! 💖

[NR_Daddy]

3 hours ago, DaddysDemonBabygirl said:

Thank you for your kind and helpful words. You’re right - There were so many red flags and he always had answers for them, but his actions never added up or made sense. I definitely am not down for another drawn-out online “relationship” that ultimately goes nowhere. I’ll need time to myself to heal and reflect, but also properly evaluate other people’s actions, words, and how well/often they reflect their intentions.

I have been hitting up that red flag board a lot. I’ll be doing that and my own red flag research from now on.

Thanks again! 💖

For me a person's actions have to back up their words. Unfortunately there are so few in this world who actually do that. Just take your time to get to know people. Insist on it being friends at first so you can get to know them. Attraction can develop from that quite naturally

Edited September 17, 2024 by NR_Daddy