Daddy advice needed for caring for babygirl.

[Alexdb94]

So the current dilemma I am facing is my little babygirl has times where a combination of depression/social energy is entirely drained and she just does not have the energy or or want to talk to anyone or touch her phone. What makes this harder is we are not yet made the transition to move in together and there is some literal distance between us so being able to just hold her when she gets in one of these moods I can’t do often. She does her best to atleast text some to let me know she’s okay, constantly tells me sorry and that I should not have to deal with this. I make sure to tell her she has nothing to say sorry for, and assure her I’m not going anywhere and I love her completely, the good and the bad. I’m not perfect either and she still loves me the all the same. So I am trying to figure out if there is anything more I should to try and help her when she’s in these moods where she wants to be alone? Should I completely give her space till she’s better? Or still check in kind of regularly? I would love to help her grow past having these moods of wanting to be completely alone. I’m just not sure what to do other than be patient and reassure her it’s okay.

[MissNMTX]

When she's in these moods is she actually okay? Like eating, sleeping,etc. It's one thing if she needs time to recharge ( we all need a bit of self care from time to time.) and quite another if it's actually depression.

If it's just a matter of recharging. I feel like you told totally help her prepare for it. Emergency prep if you will, snacks, blankets, sensory or comfort items. That way she's prepared and can rest and it's you as her daddy making sure of it, even from a distance.

[Alexdb94]

2 hours ago, MissNMTX said:

When she's in these moods is she actually okay? Like eating, sleeping,etc. It's one thing if she needs time to recharge ( we all need a bit of self care from time to time.) and quite another if it's actually depression.

If it's just a matter of recharging. I feel like you told totally help her prepare for it. Emergency prep if you will, snacks, blankets, sensory or comfort items. That way she's prepared and can rest and it's you as her daddy making sure of it, even from a distance.

Yea I have to remind her to eat and take medicine even more so when she gets this way, but then it’s a matter of if and when she will check her phone. Some days I might be lucky to get one or two texts back and then she will manage to get the energy to talk a little more a day or two later. As far as I can tell yea it’s just a matter of recharging, she does not say it’s necessarily depression, more like just mental and social exhaustion due to her always trying to help out others and make herself loose sleep. I know once we move in together it will be easier to manage of course because then I could actually do more for her during those times. For now actually going to try getting those long distance touch bracelets for us so then she wouldn’t have to be going on her phone and could still check in kind of and make sure she’s okay.

[babydollmira]

The touch bracelet idea is so smart, I hope you two can figure out a way to overcome this and get her the best action plan for this situation:3🤍🌸

[Aikko]

As one who sounds a lot like your little one gets at times, I’ll offer you a word of caution.  You say “i know once we move in together it will be easier to manage of course”. This behavior should be a discussion before moving in together. I obviously am not either of you, nor have you shared any other details about either of your pasts as it pertains to your relationship, but this is a def an orange flag. Depression is awful. It’s a silent killer…literally. I’m not saying that’s what she’s struggling with, but if it is? that won’t just got away when you move in together. It’s a LOT of work….for the one with it.  For the one supporting a loved one through it? I dare say worse. All that to say, don’t give up on the love of your life…they’re out there. And if it is her? I wish y’all the most blissful life. 

Edited August 27, 2024 by Aikko
Ended on a depressing note lol. Changed.

[Alexdb94]

2 hours ago, Aikko said:

As one who sounds a lot like your little one gets at times, I’ll offer you a word of caution.  You say “i know once we move in together it will be easier to manage of course”. This behavior should be a discussion before moving in together. I obviously am not either of you, nor have you shared any other details about either of your pasts as it pertains to your relationship, but this is a def an orange flag. Depression is awful. It’s a silent killer…literally. I’m not saying that’s what she’s struggling with, but if it is? that won’t just got away when you move in together. It’s a LOT of work….for the one with it.  For the one supporting a loved one through it? I dare say worse. All that to say, don’t give up on the love of your life…they’re out there. And if it is her? I wish y’all the most blissful life. 

I don’t think it will just go away, it’s more so it will be easier to help her through it because I will be able to hold her and better reassure her, because she does feel terrible about it, it has ruined lots of relationships and friendships with her I know. She does see a therapist and it helps some but she’s not always very good with actually sharing and opening up and speaking her mind. (Rough past relationships are a lot of the cause here from what I can tell.) I can say in person full time will be easier for me as well because just from how she will look at me says far more than her words could possibly say. I plan to be patient and support her the best I can. Really appreciate the advice.

[Princ3ss-Baby-Bear]

Something I used to do for myself as got blooming awful depression to the point I will shut down and starve myself is write her some letters or notes and send them to her, tell her to open them when she feels alone or down so at least then yip she refuses to answer because it’s too much sensory you know you tried

 

The letters can include a story, a don’t forget to eat and take pills message, a what we’d do kind of thing like when I see you we’ll go to the aquarium etc, or say something like do you remember seeing that really cute animal etc, it may not help but it’s something else for you to try

 

but as aikko said living together won’t help make it easier it might make it more difficult as you’ll feed off each other’s emotions, you might think now you can cope but it could become too much especially if it’s reoccurring depression like I’ve got, I mean you could make me happy and then couple hours later I’ll be back in depression which can be extremely taxing on everyone so think about if you could cope with that, Anyway good luck and good on you for at least trying 😊

[Alexdb94]

15 minutes ago, Princ3ss-Baby-Bear said:

Something I used to do for myself as got blooming awful depression to the point I will shut down and starve myself is write her some letters or notes and send them to her, tell her to open them when she feels alone or down so at least then yip she refuses to answer because it’s too much sensory you know you tried

 

The letters can include a story, a don’t forget to eat and take pills message, a what we’d do kind of thing like when I see you we’ll go to the aquarium etc, or say something like do you remember seeing that really cute animal etc, it may not help but it’s something else for you to try

 

but as aikko said living together won’t help make it easier it might make it more difficult as you’ll feed off each other’s emotions, you might think now you can cope but it could become too much especially if it’s reoccurring depression like I’ve got, I mean you could make me happy and then couple hours later I’ll be back in depression which can be extremely taxing on everyone so think about if you could cope with that, Anyway good luck and good on you for at least trying 😊

Yea I like the letters ideas definitely. And for me, the distance makes it rougher. I know even when she’s not wanting to talk much that she would still want to be held, and would help me to know I am doing the best I can to help her through it. Sadly next planned trip is a couple months away so just trying to make sure I am doing all I can for her till then. And she’s not even certain if it is depression, the way she describes it is more of a mental/social exhaustion which I do fully understand, use to get that a lot of large social outings with friends and would just burn me out. For her I think it’s like that but she never takes the time for herself  and gets in these majorly drained states.

[Huggybear]

Hey mate!

Ill chime in too! First things first, youre doing an AWESOME job reaching out and the amount of care you got in you just oozes in your writing. True daddy material, and no matter how hard or easy things get for the two of you, from a short glance id say you can be proud of yourself!

I would like to take a little less grim of a PoV. Some people just like to detach and get off the grid. I sometimes take several  days in a row just for myself. I literally dont bother even picking up my phone and just do my own thing on my own - and that is HEALTHY. We live in a world where everything needs to happen instantly, popups > check > answer and if your SO is any sort of an introvert I can tell from experience that can be exhausting and annoying. She also propably knows that she "should" be picking up the phone and answering (society's norms and all that mumbojumbo) , and the guilt piles up from the time it actually takes to do so, instead of something actually harmful like deep depression.

Id recommend to try and make breaks in your communication feel as casual and normal as humanly possible, maybe for you to distance even more once or twice to see how she reacts. People have suggested to increase the ways you two can communicate (and all great suggestions, not trying to snipe anyone), but have you considered that maybe she needs this alone time too? If theres lets say 3 days between a text, your feedback should be just as warm as if it was 30 seconds. You can ask "were you not feeling well or did you just need a few mental health days?" followed by how mental health always takes priority and how proud you are that she is taking care of herself by taking the space she needs. Youre clearly not going anywhere so that reassurance has been great, keep that going aswell!

Social battery is very limited for some people - myself included. The hardest part in intro/extro relationship is the lack of understanding how important silence and calm is for an introvert. You yourself sound a bit more of a hands - on - extrovert which has nothing bad in it, but It could be as simple as you two's energies not being fully in line. I think its atleast a worth to ask if she loves the quiet time and is mainly guilty because of social expectations, or if shes truly shutting down because of depression.

Obviously this is just brainstorming as I dont know you, but thats atleast a fresh PoV for you to consider sofar .

Edited August 27, 2024 by Huggybear

[Alexdb94]

2 hours ago, Huggybear said:

Hey mate!

Ill chime in too! First things first, youre doing an AWESOME job reaching out and the amount of care you got in you just oozes in your writing. True daddy material, and no matter how hard or easy things get for the two of you, from a short glance id say you can be proud of yourself!

I would like to take a little less grim of a PoV. Some people just like to detach and get off the grid. I sometimes take several  days in a row just for myself. I literally dont bother even picking up my phone and just do my own thing on my own - and that is HEALTHY. We live in a world where everything needs to happen instantly, popups > check > answer and if your SO is any sort of an introvert I can tell from experience that can be exhausting and annoying. She also propably knows that she "should" be picking up the phone and answering (society's norms and all that mumbojumbo) , and the guilt piles up from the time it actually takes to do so, instead of something actually harmful like deep depression.

Id recommend to try and make breaks in your communication feel as casual and normal as humanly possible, maybe for you to distance even more once or twice to see how she reacts. People have suggested to increase the ways you two can communicate (and all great suggestions, not trying to snipe anyone), but have you considered that maybe she needs this alone time too? If theres lets say 3 days between a text, your feedback should be just as warm as if it was 30 seconds. You can ask "were you not feeling well or did you just need a few mental health days?" followed by how mental health always takes priority and how proud you are that she is taking care of herself by taking the space she needs. Youre clearly not going anywhere so that reassurance has been great, keep that going aswell!

Social battery is very limited for some people - myself included. The hardest part in intro/extro relationship is the lack of understanding how important silence and calm is for an introvert. You yourself sound a bit more of a hands - on - extrovert which has nothing bad in it, but It could be as simple as you two's energies not being fully in line. I think its atleast a worth to ask if she loves the quiet time and is mainly guilty because of social expectations, or if shes truly shutting down because of depression.

Obviously this is just brainstorming as I dont know you, but thats atleast a fresh PoV for you to consider sofar .

Yea I have tried to text less and not make her feel she has to text back, not trying to make her call either. I had actually suggested to her that she should try actually taking one or both of her off days to actually focus on herself from now on, turn off phone and stop doing a ton of things to help other people, at the cost of her sleep most of the time as well. Thank you for your input on that, it helps.